Jury Duty: The Aisleventure: The Sequel: The Squadventure: U4G: Excessive Colon Usage

[Kíeros]

History time and time again have ingrained within us the thought that Jury Duty is a necessary evil; if we don't do it, then killers will go free. However, this idea is far from the truth. It is necessary, but evil is the least. Even in cut-and-dried situations, the juries sometimes take a long time to discuss the verdict. This, however, is explained by the secret goal of jury duty: To get some of the greatest minds together to solve problems, ranging from calculating the winners of a game, to defending the nation. However, if people try to skip, bad things can happen. This is a story of one of those times.

---

It's a lovely spring day, and outside the courthouse, the birds are singing, the sun shining, the stereotypical stuff occurring. However, inside, great turmoil has arisen-- One of the members of an important jury duty panel has not shown up. Apparently, one Suzi Roark is missing from the meeting. Now, if this was a small meeting, it would probably be fine. However, this is one of great importance. You need to get him in here, and to accomplish that, you will...

[kd7sov]

> Send a car to his house.

[supersinger472]

Call him

[MultiversalInk]

> Use the secret telepathic powers of the Jury. This is an emergency!

[Kíeros]

> Send a car to his house.

You send out your fastest and most expensive car to track him down. Eventually, the car arrives at his house and finds that he has already deserted it. Without having the head start on him, you have no clue where he is, until you receive a telegram from him saying that he's in the air on the way to Canada, and you'll never catch him in time for jury duty. Guess that spells the doom for the Earth.
**Cell phones in plane? Bad. Telegrams in plane? Good.**

Call him

"Hello, Suzi speaking."
"Come to Jury Duty this instant!"
"No."
**Could have gone better**

> Use the secret telepathic powers of the Jury. This is an emergency!

"Everyone, try to telepathically contact him!"
Everyone remains silent waiting for news until someone suddenly shouts out "I'm getting something! T-h-e n-u-m-b-e-r y-o-u h-a-v-e r-e-q-u-e-s-t-e-d i-s n-o l-o-n-g-e-r i-n s-e-r-v-i-c-e."
"That's it everyone, we're doomed."
**Hopefully, next time you can get to him first**

---

It's a lovely spring day, and outside the courthouse, the birds are singing, the sun shining, the stereotypical stuff occurring. However, inside, great turmoil has arisen-- One of the members of an important jury duty panel has not shown up. Apparently, one Suzi Roark is missing from the meeting. Now, if this was a small meeting, it would probably be fine. However, this is one of great importance. You need to get him in here, and to accomplish that, you will...

[supersinger472]

Cancel all Flights out of the state!

[PersonPerson]

Be Suzi.

[OrangeAipom]

Why do you need Suzi, anyway?

> Bomb his house.

[Wacom Guy]

Tell him why you need him, by calling again.

[MegaRock35]

>Clone him and bring that to Jury Duty

[Reecer6]

>Send a car to Canada

[OldManRupee]

Send him YET MORE LETTERS.

[Kíeros]

Cancel all Flights out of the state!

"Sir, to get him in here, we need to cancel the flights out, then search all of Greenland for him."
"But all of our flights are already grounded due to that Icelandic volcano... Eyaffittleollek? He can't be doing that."
**Eyjafjallajökull**

Be Suzi.

You can be Suzi exactly as much as he can be the sun.
**Which means Nice Try, but you need to get him**

> Bomb his house.

BOOM!
**I'd say headshot, but firstly, it hit all of him, and secondly, you're all doomed**

Tell him why you need him, by calling again.

Brreeeep Brreeeep
'Hello, you have reached the residence of SUZI ROARK. I am unable to answer the phone, so please leave a message. If you are calling to tell me I have jury duty, then you can go take a long walk off a short pier and die. Thanks, and have a nice day.'
**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP**

>Clone him and bring that to Jury Duty

Great Idea! Bring in the vats of his DNA.
What do you mean, "we don't have his DNA"?
**So close, and yet, so far**

>Send a car to Canada

What, drive it across the Atlantic?
**Does that mean we get an Amphicar?**

Send him YET MORE LETTERS.

Great thinking. Too bad that you need him here FIVE MINUTES AGO. And by five minutes ago, I mean metaphorically, because that would be stupid.
**Now if only you had a time machine...**

Why do you need Suzi, anyway?

"Sir," one of the 'jurors' asks. "Why do we need him?"
"Well," the 'bailiff' replies. "You might not notice, I might not notice, but someone somewhere has noticed that around him, time flows differently. It apparently keeps on repeating over and over again. This is resulting in a build-up of time clones. So much, that it is threatening the world as we know it."
"How does that threaten it?"
"Well, you know that comet that was up in the sky last night?"
"Yes..."
"That was an advanced warship from another galaxy; they've detected his signals. We will perish due to them if we cannot either stop his clones, or use him to fight with us."
"So, can we just kill him?"
"The thing is, we do not know if the first is enough. We need him here and on our side."

---

A new and resolved hush arises from the room. They know why he's needed, but not how to deliver him. Suddenly, one of them pipes up with the suggestion...

[Wacom Guy]

If he can't come to us, let's go to him!

[swampmist1142]

use the military

[Ouroboros]

> What about the other eleven jurors? Surely if all of them work together, they'll have the strength and skills to capture him.

[OldManRupee]

CALL TO ARMS: Juror #1 - the speed of a cheetah, the power of an elephant, the wily sexuality of a very sexy snake, he is ZOO GUY!

[Reecer6]

>"Why don't we take all of civilization... and push it somewhere else?"

[Brickman]

Break the masquerade. Reveal everything to everyone over public broadcast.

[MegaRock35]

>Call in the RCMP to intercept him

[The One Guy]

> Atempt to reason with the aliens in the warship.

[Kíeros]

If he can't come to us, let's go to him!

"So, where was he located?"
"Uh...."
**Too bad that referendum for mandatory locator chips in vaccines didn't pass jury duty review**

use the military

The entire military is called in. Yes, all 150 people. Unfortunately, that isn't big to cover everywhere. You don't know where he went, but you couldn't find him.
**Yeah, no secret ultracompitent omnipotent police force for you**

> What about the other eleven jurors? Surely if all of them work together, they'll have the strength and skills to capture him.

"We can do it ourselves!"
Cheers go up as all the scientists set out to create tools to locate him.
**About half an hour later, ninety percent of all the scientists are browsing tumblr. Way to go!**

CALL TO ARMS: Juror #1 - the speed of a cheetah, the power of an elephant, the wily sexuality of a very sexy snake, he is ZOO GUY!

Suddenly, one of the jurors stands up.
"Everyone, fear not, for I am ZOO GUY!"
Suddenly, an arc of lightning jumps from juror number six into his head.
"Well, isn't that wonderful, for I am BRACHION, evil overlord to be. And now that all the scientists are under my control, I will be able to conquer THE WORLD!"
**Seriously, why do all the overlords jump straight to "World Domination"?**

>"Why don't we take all of civilization... and push it somewhere else?"

"What's our cover-story?"
"Huh?"
"Our cover-story. People will ask if we move them all into space."
"Oh. Well, um..."
**I don't think evil aliens would go over well**

Break the masquerade. Reveal everything to everyone over public broadcast.

"ATTENTION EVERYONE, this is a broadcast from the shadow overlords of jury-duty. We are here with an important announcement that the world is being attacked by aliens."
**The laughter following that broadcast continues unabated until the aliens destroy the world**

>Call in the RCMP to intercept him

"Hey, RCMP, we have a very important person escaping "jury-duty", and we think he's flying over there"
"Okay, we'll be stationed at the airports to see if he arrives."
"Thanks," the head says while hanging up.
**Spoiler alert: He never gave name or description. WHOOPS**

> Atempt to reason with the aliens in the warship.

"Warship from the planet Gropthulon-6, we mean you no harm."
**WE DO**

---

A new and resolved hush arises from the room. They know why he's needed, but not how to deliver him. Suddenly, one of them pipes up with the suggestion...

[Reecer6]

>"Call the FBI and give his description! Tell them just to bring him here, not to jail."

[Wacom Guy]

Get your most attractive scientist and have him/her ask Suzi to go on a date or something.

[Brickman]

Call his mother and ask if she knows where her son is.