Trollslum Cafe CIX: Try Our Meat Surprise Special

[Overlard]

Welcome to the Trollslum Café!

Our Guiding Principle: We are fans of Homestuck, and of the trolls in particular. We like to make fantrolls, and we love to roleplay them. And so, once upon a time, this thread was created as a place to host new, undeveloped trolls so that players could flesh them out while interacting with other characters. This is the primary purpose of the Café.

Moderators

There are moderators to keep quality control of the Café. They will enforce rules, post new threads, and are generally around to help you if you have a problem or a question that needs answering. The current list of mods are..

Overlard
Araiss
Cliff_Racer
Blank
Ocfos
Teslamagnetic Integration

Notice to newer players: We highly encourage you to post a profile in the trollslum thread or in the critique thread before starting your roleplaying experience in the Café. Getting some feedback on your character before you start playing can help you make a better character and avoid some common pitfalls. Also if you need help with a sprite you have and think it could look better check out the Pimp My Sprite Thread

Below are some rules that we would like you to follow when you post in the Café. Please read them carefully, whether you are new or old to the Café!

1. Characters and Settings
“Keep it living, trollish, and hemospectrum aware!”

A.) Location and Species
The Café is located somewhere on Alternia (the troll homeworld populated by the young). Any troll on Alternia can access it. Mutants, aliens, and freaks overall are not accepted. This means no aliens (humans included), abominations, undead, ghosts, robots*, freaks*, and mutants*. General fandom for adult trolls starts at 10 sweeps and older, which means they would be off planet in the fleet or culled for failing to provide genetic material at that age, so trolls over 10 sweeps are strongly discouraged*.

a.) * <- The above asterisks note exceptions for good cause: if you're sending a troll of this nature in the Café, they must have a good reason to be alive (or still on the planet, in the case of adults). If your character falls into one of these categories, the moderators will ask you to justify the reason for them to be considered an exception to the rules. These exceptions must all be of Trollish origin as this is the Trollslum Cafe. Also a good rule of thumb is that it shouldn't force every single head to turn if they enter the cafe.

B.) Trolls should fit into Alternian Culture

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Please note that all characters should follow the hemospectrum as much as they can. Troll culture is centered on the blood hierarchy, and open rebellion against is cause for culling. Lowbloods would not normally attack highbloods even with provocation, and even if they did it would be incredibly rare for them to escape without fear of reprisal. On the other side to this, highbloods would not normally let lowbloods off with tiny excuses and apologies. If a highblood is attacked and puts a hit out on a troll, for example, that is completely fair.

C.) S***B
The Café is also set outside of a SGRUB or S***B continuity. No troll knows about any game information or about humans. Aspects and characters from what would be from a SGRUB or S***B session (god tier/S***B powers) are also banned, save them for a session roleplay.

2. Participating in the Café; Guidelines for Posting
“Be courteous and do not godmod!”

A.) General Guidelines
There are no prerequisites for joining the Café. Simply jump in and start a conversation with someone who is unoccupied.

a.) Indicate which character you are speaking to if you are starting a conversation. If there is no name, be as specific as possible.
b.) You can quote the previous post to enhance the clarity of responses, but use spoiler tags and do not post quote pyramids. You can be infracted for this.
c.) Before beginning a conversation, make sure the character isn't already talking to someone. Interrupting a one-on-one conversation is rude, though planned interruptions are fine. If they tell you to go away please respect that decision.
d.) When speaking OOC (out-of-character, as yourself) use (( parentheses )) or [[ brackets ]] to indicate OOC speech.
e.) Post containing only OOC chat are prohibited. Go to the Trollslum General Chat Thread or a private medium for that.
f.) Images posted here may consist of only standard sprites or AB (Alterniabound) sprites of your character. Meme/OOC images are forbidden; use common sense.
g.) If you want to roleplay something that isn't allowed (see below), there are other mediums for roleplaying: instant messengers, including the Pesterchum client; typewith.me or sync.in collaborative documents; and private messages.
h.) The café follows all rules of physics and other laws of nature. The sole exception is psychic powers, which have their own rules for working.
i.) Double posting should be avoided at all costs. If you accidentally make one, you can delete it with the use of the edit post tool.

3. Fights
“Take it outside!”

Fights are a different kind of roleplay, so they need special rules. Please read this next important section carefully.

a. Avoid fights if possible! There are usually other options besides instantly pulling out a weapon, so try the peaceful options first. Your troll may be violent or you may want to show off your character's skills, but this is a place for character development. This doesn't mean that you are prohibited from playing a mean of provocative character, just know your limits!
b. If you must engage in a fight, please contact the other players privately (PM/chat client) to plan things out. It is good to have an end result and a plan to avoid annoying one-upmanship contests.
c.Follow fighting etiquette: describe your character's actions thoroughly. Avoid godmodding. A good example of roleplaying an action is: “I aim at your character’s face and fire.” It explains the action and gives the other character a chance to respond.
An example of godmodding is: "I stab your character in the jugular vein." You don't have control over the other character's actions.
d. Do not get involved in someone else's fight! There are exceptions, such as if your troll is in a quadrant, or if they are friends with a participant. Trolls generally don't care about other trolls' problems if they don't know them.
e. If a fight goes too long a mod may ask that you wrap it up or take it outside of the Cafe. The Cafe is not a place meant for fighting

4. Romance
“Get a room!”

A.) Proper Conduct

Quadrants ARE needed for a troll to avoid culling, but the Café is a public setting. Trolls are shy about their quadrants (seen in canon), so they won't go to a public place just to make out. Relationship progress is important for character development, but sloppy makeouts are not.

*Anything above PG-13 such as fondling, groping, lewd, sexual, or questionable behavior is forbidden. Take it to a private chat.
*If you bring a character in solely to have make-outs, a moderator may ask you to leave.

5. Problems
“Here to help!”

A.) Dealing with others

Problems will happen, whether they are excessive fights, godmodding, or another player causing drama. If you have a problem with someone, contact them privately and politely, not in the thread.

B.) The Mod Team
The mod team will only contact you for legitimate reasons; we aim to create a good RP atmosphere, not to harass individuals.

a.) The mods will try to keep the peace, and if one of them sees a problem involving your character they will send you a polite PM asking for an explanation. Characters will be asked to leave if they cause constant problems, violate the rules, or need revision.

C.) Warning System
There is now a warning system in place: If you should warrant enough warnings, you CAN be banned for as long as needed. Please contact a mod should you have any questions, and remember to have fun!

a.) Explanation of Warning System.


a. Informal warnings will be given out for breaking an offense. If you break a rule, you will be issued an informal warning. On your third warning for the same offense, you will be issued an actual warning
b. Three actual warnings will lead to a cafe ban as long as need be.
c. If you feel that an issued warning is unfair the mods will review it to see if the warning will be taken away.

6. Rule Changes
“We reserve the right…”

The rules may be changed at any time without notification, so it's wise to check the rules occasionally. Remember the goal is to have fun, so be polite and enjoy yourselves!

Archives

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The First
The Second
The Third
The Fourth
The Fifth
The Sixth
The Seventh
The Eighth
The Ninth
The Tenth
The Eleventh
The Twelfth
The Thirteenth
The Fourteenth
The Fifteenth
The Sixteenth
The Seventeenth
The Eighteenth
The Nineteenth
The Twentieth!
The Twenty-first
The Twenty-second
The Twenty-third
The Twenty-fourth
The Twenty-fifth
The Twenty-sixth
The Twenty-seventh
The Twenty-eighth
The Twenty-ninth
The Thirtieth
The Thirty-first
The Thirty-second
The Thirty-third
The Thirty-fourth
The Thirty-fifth
The Thirty-sixth
The Thirty-seventh
The Thirty-eighth
The Thirty-ninth
The Fortieth!
The Forty-first
The Forty-second
The Forty-third
The Forty-fourth
The Forty-fifth
The Forty-sixth
The Forty-seventh
The Forty-eighth
The Forty-ninth
The Fiftieth
The Fifty-first
The Fifty-second
The Fifty-third
The Fifty-fourth
The Fifty-fifth
The Fifty-sixth
The Fifty-seventh
The Fifty-eighth
The Fifty-ninth
The Sixtieth
The Sixty-First
The Sixty-Second
The Sixty-Third
The Sixty-Fourth
The Sixty-Fifth
The Sixty-Sixth
The Sixty-Seventh
The Sixty-Eighth
The Sixty-Ninth
The Seventieth
The Seventy-First
The Seventy-Second
The Seventy-Third
The Seventy-Fourth
The Seventy-Fifth
The Seventy-Sixth
The Seventy-Seventh
The Seventy-Eighth
The Seventy-Ninth
The Eightieth
The Eighty-First
The Eighty-Second
The Eighty-Third
The Eighty-Fourth
The Eighty-Fifth
The Eighty-Sixth
The Eighty-Seventh (sweepiversary thread!)
The Eighty-Eighth
The Eighty-Ninth
The Ninetieth
The Ninety-First
The Ninety-Second
The Ninety-Third
The Ninety-Fourth
The Ninety-Fifth
The Ninety-Sixth
The Ninety-Seventh
The Ninety-Eighth
The Ninety-Nineth
The Hundreth
The Hundred and First
The Hundred and Second
The Hundred and Third
The Hundred and Fourth
The Hundred and Fifth
The Hundred and Sixth
The Hundred and Seventh
The Hundred and Eighth
The Precursor

[cautiousValidity]

Irinyi sits down at a table in the cafe and looks around cautiously, waiting for others.

[redRevolvers]

Well, it seems the redblood he was trying to talk to has zoned out, so he goes on over to the other redblood!

Hello dere, miss.

[cautiousValidity]

hello! what'5 your name?
Irinyi smiles politely.

[redRevolvers]

Vallox. Vallox Parseg. You?

[Rai-CH]

>Author: Spin the troll roulette.

Looks like Dismas returns to the cafe for the first time in like forever.
He takes a seat in one of the booth, orders a glass of red wine, and just idles or whatever.

[cautiousValidity]

((ah I actually have to sleep. So sorry ))

[redRevolvers]

(('S alright.))

And this one's zoned out, too. That's two in a row. LET'S GO FOR A THIRD.
He goes over to the brownblood.
'Ey.

[Rai-CH]

Alright Dismas time to make a good impression and not piss off a seadweller for a chance.
"Why hellœ there, deær."
Goddammit.
"ænd whæt brings yœu œver here, hmm?"

[redRevolvers]

He seems more amused than irritated.
Boredom, mainly. Ya call everyone "dear"?

[Rai-CH]

"Why, yes I dœ, deær. œther trœlls seem tœ dislike it, but it's æ fœrce œf hæbit."
He shrugs, taking a sip of his wine.
"Cære fœr æ drink, perhæps?"
Whether Vallox wants some or not, Dismas pours a second glass and slides it over.

[redRevolvers]

Oh, why the hell not. He takes a sip.
Hm. This is actually pretty nice. So, ah...what's yer name?

[Rai-CH]

"My næme? Thæt's cœnfidentiæl. Yœu knœw, secret things invœlving my line œf wœrk ænd whætnœt. Wœuldn't be wise tœ tell ænyœne, especiælly in æ public æreæ."
He smirks.
"Spies lurk everywhere, yœu knœw."
And cue another wine sip.
"Sœ I suppœse thæt æsking fœr yœur næme wœuldn't be fæir, huh?"

[redRevolvers]

I'm not quite as worried 'bout that sort a' thing. Name's Vallox. 'S nice t' meet ya, whoever ya are.

[CrazedWormHole]

Oh hey Sporus, haven't seen you in a while. He limps in, the usual clacking sound of his pegleg making it impossible to miss him.

Let's see...Sea scum and a fellow rustblood. Conversing. Either the "royal" is harassing the lowblood, or he is just a hemoloyal coward. Let's see which one it is.

[Rai-CH]

"Well, isn't thæt fœrtunæte, Vællœx deær? Nœt hæving tœ wœrry æbœut these... minœr incœnveniences."
He chuckles.
"Sœ, whæt's yœur gæme, then? Seeing æs whætever yœu dœ œbviœusly ællœws yœu tœ be sœ œpen æbœut everything."

[redRevolvers]

I...actually don't do much. A few odd jobs on occasion, but I got a rich friend t' back me up monetarily. It don't hurt that I got a decent sum t' my name, m'self.

[Rai-CH]

"æh, yes, œf cœurse. Hœw cœuld I hæve fœrgœtten? Yœu're æ seædweller, living œn the læp œf luxury while we scumblœœds dœ whætever we cæn tœ survive, nœ mætter hœw dirty the deed."
Dismas finishes the last of his wine.
"ænd then yœur kind, deær Vællœx, prœsecute us fœr trying tœ mæke ends meet. Why, isn't life just sœ fæir?"
He laughs.
Of course, Dismas doesn't really care about this, seeing as he's fairly well-off for a brownblood. As usual, he's overexaggerating things for his own strange entertainment, and perhaps he might learn a few more things about his conversational partner this way.

[redRevolvers]

Well if you're needin' some money t' get by on, I ain't against partin' with a bit a' my own. Long as it's reasonable.

[Rai-CH]

Oh hell yes Dismas has got him suckered iiiiiiiiin.
"Why, such æ kind gesture! But reælly, I shœuldn't be tœœ greedy, it wœuld be terrible œf me tœ æbuse yœur kindness! I'll be cœntent with whætever æmœunt, deær, nœ need tœ feel tœœ pressured tœ pært with yœur riches."
He is trying so hard to not give away the fact that he's not as helpless as he's making out to be.

[redRevolvers]

He puts 100 caegers on the table. The long-windedness and tone of voice have already tipped him off, but he doesn't particularly care that much.
Here. Don't spend it all in one place.
He slightly lowers his eyebrows.
Or better yet, give it to someone who needs it. You'd know better than I who t' give it to, I think.

[Rai-CH]

See, Dismas? This is exactly what happens when you get too overdramatic. You try too hard.
"Why, thænk yœu?"
He does consider if there's someone else ot give the money to-hahahahahaha no.

[redRevolvers]

Not a problem. So, what brings ya here?

[Rai-CH]

"œh, it's in the æreæ. Cheæp drinks, the rære chænce œf entertæinment, ænd I'm sure yœu ære well-æwære œf this plæce's reputætiœn. Trœlls æll ærœund cœme tœ this... æhem, fine estæblishment.."

[CrazedWormHole]

Hmph...Just yet another brown-noser.

Sporus orders a glass of water, which he starts sipping.