Five Hundred Things To Do When You're Bored

[optimusjamie]

This is an extremely random list that me and a friend have been writing since around September. As I said, extremely random.

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- Wax the ceiling
- Rearrange political campaign signs
- Sharpen your teeth
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings
- Braid your dog's hair
- Clean and polish your belly button
- Water your dog...see if he grows
- Wash a tree
- Knight yourself
- Name your child Edsel
- Scare Stephen King
- Give your cat a mohawk
- Purr
- Mow your carpet
- Play Pat Boone records backwards
- Vacuum your lawn
- Sleep on a bed of nails
- DON'T toss and turn
- Boil ice cream
- Run around in squares
- Think of quadruple entendres
- Speak in acronyms
- Have your pillow X-rayed
- Drink straight shots...of water
- Calmly have a nervous breakdown
- Give your goldfish a perm
- Fly a brick
- Play tag...on West 35th Street
- Exorcise a ghost
- Exercise a ghost
- Be blue
- Be red
- But don't be orange
- Plant a shoe
- Sweat
- Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
- Turn
- Write a letter to Plato
- Mail it
- Take your sofa for a walk
- Start
- Stop
- Dial 911 and breathe heavily
- Go to a funeral...tell jokes
- Play the piano...with mittens on
- Scheme
- Sit
- Stay
- Water your family room
- Cause a power failure
- Roll over
- Play dead
- Find a witch
- Burn her
- Donate your brother's body to science
- Ask why
- Wriggle
- Digress
- Regress
- Sleepwalk without sleeping
- Try to join Hell's Angels by mail
- Wonder
- Wander
- Be a square root
- Ask stupid questions
- Weld your car doors shut
- Spew
- Vacate at Three-Mile Island
- Surf Ohio
- Teach your pet rock to play dead
- Go bowling for small game
- Be a monk...for a day
- Wear a sweatband to your wedding
- Staple
- Run away
- Intimidate a piece of chalk
- Abuse the plumbing
- Bend a florescent light
- Bend a brick
- Annoy total strangers
- Let the best man win
- Believe in Santa Claus
- Throw marshmallows against the wall
- Hold an ice cube as long as possible
- Adopt strange mannerisms
- Blow up a balloon until it pops
- Sing soft and sweet and clear
- Sing loud and sour and gravely
- Open everything
- Balance a pencil on your nose
- Pour milk in your shoes
- Write graffiti under the rug
- Embarrass yourself
- Grind your teeth
- Chew ice
- Count your belly button
- Sit in a row
- Stack crumbs
- Gesture
- Save your toenail clippings
- Make a pass at your blender
- Punt
- Make up words that start with X
- Make oatmeal in the bathtub
- Search for the Lost Chord
- Chew on a sofa cushion
- Sing a duet
- Balance a pillow on your head
- Hold your breath
- Faint
- Stretch
- Flash your mailman
- Teach your TA English
- Learn to speak Farsi
- Swear in Russian
- Use an eraser until it goes away
- Disassemble your car
- Put it together inside out
- Record your walls
- Interview your feet
- Make a list of your favorite fungi
- Sell formaldehyde
- Repeat
- Ad lib
- Fade
- File your teeth - Whine
- Rake your carpet
- Re-elect Richard Nixon
- Critique "Three's Company"
- Listen to a painting
- Play with matches
- Buff your cat
- Race ferrets
- Paint your house...Day-Glow Orange
- Have a formal dinner at White Castle
- Read Homer in the original Greek
- Learn Greek
- Change your mind
- Change it back
- Watch the sun...see if it moves
- Build a pyramid
- Stand on your head
- Stand on someone else's head
- Spit shine your Nikes
- See how long you can stay awake
- See how long you can sleep
- Paint your teeth
- Wear a salad
- Speak with a forked tongue
- Paint stripes on a lake
- Ski Kansas
- Sleep in freefall
- Kill a Joule
- Test thin ice...with a pogo stick
- Apply for a unicorn hunting license
- Do a good job
- Crawl
- Invite the Mansons over for dinner
- Paint your windows
- Watch a watch until it stops
- Flash your goldfish
- Paint
- Flirt with an evergreen
- Smile
- Rotate your garden...daily
- Paint a smile
- Shoot a fire hydrant
- Apologize to it
- Pretend you're blind
- Annoy yourself
- Get mad at yourself
- Stop speaking to yourself
- Be a side effect
- Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley
- Duck
- Redecorate...your garage
- Develop a complex
- Join the Army...be someone simple
- Try harder
- Hit the deck
- Put leg-warmers on your furniture
- Cut the deck
- Crumple
- Translate Shakespeare into English
- Skydive to church
- Cheer up a potato
- Do aerobic exercises...in your head
- Play cards with your swimming pool
- Pinstripe your driveway
- Play Kick the Fire Hydrant
- Harness chipmunk power
- Build a house with ice cubes
- Call London for a cab
- Mug a stop sign
- Change your name...daily
- Go for a walk in your attic
- Challenge your neighbor to a duel
- Build a house out of toothpicks
- Howl
- Wear a lampshade on your head
- Memorize the dictionary
- Stomp grapes in the bathtub
- Find a bug and chase it
- Make yourself a pair of wings
- Be immobile
- Dance 'til you drop
- Check under chairs for chewing gum
- Squish a loaf of bread
- Moo
- Bounce a potato
- Outmaneuver your shadow
- Climb the walls
- Appreciate everything
- Challenge yourself to a duel
- Make napalm
- Tattoo your dresser
- Watch a bowling ball
- Buy some diapers
- Eat everything
- Begin
- Pour milk in the sink
- Make cottage cheese
- Tie-dye your sheets
- Carpet your ceiling
- Hold your earlobes
- Fold your earlobes
- Flap
- Squawk
- Read tea leaves
- Analyze the Koran
- Be Buddha
- Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize
- Plug in the cat
- Turn on everything
- Drop pebbles down the chimney
- Turn off your neighbor
- Kill a plant
- Buy a 1931 Almanac
- Memorize the weather section
- Think lewd thoughts about yourself
- Blow bubbles
- Send chills down your spine
- Peel grapes
- Make paper from the skins
- Bloat
- Catch them with your radiator
- Get run over by a train of thought
- Make up famous sayings
- Bite your pinkie - Get your dog braces
- Shave a shrub
- Have a proton fight
- Watch a car rust
- Quiver
- Rotate your carpet
- Learn to type...with your toes
- Set up your Christmas tree in April
- Be someone special
- Buy the Brooklyn Bridge
- Mail it to a friend
- Go back to square one
- Factor your social security number
- Take the fifth
- Memorize a series of random numbers
- Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages
- Join the Foreign Legion
- Learn Sanskrit
- Exist...existentially, of course
- Print counterfeit Confederate money
- Kick a cabbage
- Take a picture
- Put it back
- Sandpaper a mushroom
- Play solitaire...for cash
- Abuse your patio furniture
- Run for Pope
- Count to a million...fast
- Make a schematic drawing...of a rock
- Commit seppuku...with a paper knife
- Revert
- Think shallow thoughts
- Starch your shoes
- Polish your Calvin's
- Contemplate a cockroach
- Get a dog to chase your car
- Let him catch it
- Investigate the Czar
- Form a political party
- Climb a sidewalk
- Have a political party
- Get diagonal...with a good friend
- Ride a loaf of bread
- Sharpen a carrot
- Interrogate a gerbil
- Go bow hunting for Toyotas
- Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids
- Jump back
- Play to lose
- Scalp a street light
- Have your car painted...plaid
- Read a tomato
- Sharpen your sleeping skills
- Watch a game show...take notes
- Put out a fire
- If you can't find a fire, make one
- Interview a cloud
- Play tiddlywinks...go for blood
- Play basketball...in a minefield
- Don't talk to things
- Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling
- Have your cat bronzed
- Have your gerbil gilded
- Write books about writing books
- Create random equations
- Mispeel worms
- Tell your feet a joke
- Throw a tomato into a fan
- Sing the ABC song backwards
- Pretend you're a dog
- Dial-a-prayer and argue with it
- Grease the doorknobs
- String up a room
- Stack furniture
- Relive fond memories
- Tie your shoelaces together
- Gargle
- Count your teeth with your tongue
- Decay
- Find your half-life
- Design a better toilet seat
- Shred a newspaper
- Have a headache
- Scratch
- Sniff
- Hatch an egg
- Play air guitar
- Act profound
- Spill
- Spell
- Stare
- Truncate
- Slouch
- Develop hearing problems
- Put your feet behind your head
- Tie bows in everything
- Hold your hand
- Watch the minute hand move
- Grow your fingernails
- Pretend you're a telephone
- Ring
- Radiate
- Skip
- Play hopscotch...with real scotch
- Clock the velocity of your REMs
- Put your shoes on the opposite feet
- Cross your toes
- Roll your tongue
- Crystallize
- Baby oil the floor
- Hide
- Attack innocent bunnies
- Declare war
- Destroy a tree
- Hide the scrabble bag
- Seduce your stick shift
- Wink
- Memorize the periodic table
- Mummify
- Pretend you're a roadie
- Buy a Ginsu knife
- Collect electrons
- Correct typos that aren't there
- Polish your neck...use Pledge
- Recopy the Bible substituting your name for God
- Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car
- Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet
- Count the bags under Walter Mondale's eyes
- Unscrew all the lightbulbs and rearrange the furniture
- Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending
- Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk")
- Dress like Motley Crue...surprise your grandmother
- Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong
- Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
- Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire
- Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn't one before
- Walk on water...but don't get caught
- Confess to a crime...that didn't happen
- Be in the wrong place at the right time
- Plot the overthrow of your local School Board
- Request covert assistance from the CIA
- Discover the source of the Mississippi
- Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska
- Hot wax the bottom of your brother's dress shoes
- Preach the philosophy of Marx...Groucho, that is
- Drink as much prune juice as you can
- Write a book about your previous life
- Serve ping-pong balls...as hors d'oeuvres
- Jump up and down...on your alarm clock
- Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins
- Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniels
- Carve you and your girlfriend's initials...in a marshmallow
- Drive the speed limit...in your garage
- Sing the national anthem...during your calculus final
- Wear a three-piece suit...in a sauna
- Pay off the national debt...with a bad check
- Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people
- Give yourself a hernia...for Christmas
- Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
- Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster
- See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement
- Go to McDonald's and pretend you can't speak English
- Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good job they're doing...On April 1st
- Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor
- Take apart all your major kitchen appliances...mix and match them
- Turn your TV picture tube upside down
- Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy
- Put lit EXIT signs on all your closets
- Carry a tune...drop it, see if it breaks
- Be planar...but don't tell your parents
- Play hockey with your little cousin...as the puck
- Make a deal with the devil...but keep your fingers crossed
- Put instant concrete in your big brother's waterbed
- Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese
- Debate politics with a fern
- See how small you can scrunch your face
- Play nuclear chicken with a small Third World country
- Try to fail...and succeed
- Be paradoxial
- Don't be paradoxial
- Contradict yourself
- Make some anti-matter
- Eat sodium
(These ones below were written after we watched Limitless)
- Make NZT
- Take NZT
- Bake NZT
- Rake NZT
- Wake NZT
- Fake NZT
- Jump up
- Jump down
- Jump all around
- Put your left leg in
- Put your left leg out
- In
- Out
- In
- Out
- Shake it all about
- Do the hokey kokey
- Turn around
- Find out what it really is all about
- Make a black hole
- Make another black hole
- Make a white hole
- Make another white hole
- Screw the laws of physics
- Make relativity redundant
- Make the universe redundant
- Eat anti-matter
- Force-feed an idiot anti-matter
- Consume frankium
- Build a super computer in as many sandbox games as you can find
- Program them to display finger gestures when activated
- Make a puzzle game
- Set it to explode if you do something incorrect
- Jump
- Stop jumping
- Stop moving
- Stop breathing
- Stop living
- Stop existing
- Do the last five things in reverse order
- Write a list of things to do when you're bored
- Add to it
- Delete it
- Recover it
- Delete it again
- Write out the sheet music for the Star Wars saga
- Measure gravity waves
- Be a neutrino
- Be a proton
- Be inonized
- Split an atom
- Put it back together again
- Disprove the axioms of mathematics
- Disprove your disproof
- Prove that your disproof of your disproof is fundamentally flawed
- Forget that you ever tried
- Prove that the truth of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Priciple is uncertain
- Prove that there is a solution to the Schrödinger's Cat Paradox
- Catalog every atom on Earth
- Extend your catalog to encompass the visible universe
- Update your catalog every nanosecond
- Build an AI
- Program the AI
- Teach the AI
- Watch it take over the Earth
- Destroy it with the help of a scientist and a robot
- Write a book
- Publish it

[Reecer6]

No "Make and eat a [food item]?" I am disappointed.

[unbeliever536]

It's hokey pokey, not hokey kokey.
>:I

[Maltor Drey]

I have actually done quite a few of these, including translating Shakespeare into English (the entirety of Hamlet) and crossing my toes.

[SpanishMonkey]

I also purr when I'm bored.

[ArmsAreLoud]

Temptation to hang my dad's "Vet's for Romney" sign upside down on a tree branch steadily rising

[Graknorke]

This is all better if you read in the infomercial voice from that Cyanide and Happiness video.
I can't link to it right now because no suitable computer, so if you don't know what I mean, just trust me on this.

EEDUT: Here you go

[Mustavus]

Rearrange political campaign signs

I've actually started stockpiling current political campaign signs in my garage. The plan is to start sticking them in randomly selected yards in 2028.

[Nimz]

Totally should be added to the list:
- Interrupt someone's studies so she can tell you stories about yourself.

Also, is that frankium supposed to be francium? If so, spontaneous combustion ought to be a relatively simple corollary.

[Doofaeus]

I think i'd recommend not performing the call 911 and breathe heavily...

[Doofaeus]

However I fully endorse re-electing Nixon.

[Triangle Man]

How do you be Red or Blue?

Also, next person to make a post is a witch and will be burned.

Also Also, I'm surprised that 'Surf the Internet for Hours on End, then Lament Lost Time' was not mentioned in that list at all...

[Maltor Drey]

How do you be Red or Blue?

Also, next person to make a post is a witch and will be burned.
.

>Be Sollux.

Can I be the Witch of Heart?

[Tirgo]

is this the spambot thread all of a sudden

[memento vivere]

is this the spambot thread all of a sudden

Thanx for you are post
i want to tell you my friendd about great website. it is great for to playing games and fun! click here link to see fun video of happyness .
thank you friend!

[PetPeeve]

This is an extremely random list that me and a friend have been writing since around September. As I said, extremely random.

"Extremely random"ly ripped off of a list that's been running around the internet for more than a decade. Pick any of the weirder ones and search for it in quotes in google, and you'll find the same list dozens of times. Thanks for finding this and bringing it to the top, spambots!

Taking credit for other people's material is bad, m'kay? Recommending for thread lock.

[Tirgo]

oh the spambots got their posts deleted

this thread needs lock tho

[Blueberry]

we don't actually care whether OP wrote it or not, if you guys are having fun with it

e: and the best way to deal with spambots is to click the little "report" button on their posts and not pay attention to them otherwise, because you just look dumb when someone else comes to the thread after the spam is deleted.

[GiupZen]

You should add

Crack your knuckles
Turn the garden hose on and make it seem like it's raining by shooting the water at someones window
Extract random DNA
Attempt to GMO
Walk outside like a Zombie
Cover the street in front of your house with water balloons

[ICan'tGiveCredit]

You should add


Extract random DNA

Not just any DNA. Banana DNA. If you make a wet mount of it, and then put your finger beside it, then all the cells start moving towards it under the microscope.

I learned this the hard way. "How can one even learn that the hard way?" you ask?

The craziest shit happens in highschool.

[Tyrannic]

I have actually done quite a few of these, including translating Shakespeare into English (the entirety of Hamlet) and crossing my toes.

Shakespeare is already in English.

TRUE English! The real English! The language of Kings and Gods!

[2Cre@te]

I sometimes sit upside down when I am bored.

[Bohandas]

- Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk")

There's two of these on the Amazing Jekel Brothers album by ICP.
One of them tells you not to worship the devil, and the other one is very emphatic about there not being any secret message.

[Khanaro]

Set something on fire, it is amazing to watch something burn in flames, and smell the aroma of the smoke.

[Blezmo]

Here's some things to do:

brush your teeth
click on my signature
dissemble parts from electrical gadgets, and make your own electric devices. You can make an external cooling fan for your laptop using a motor from a vaccum cleaner, or a usb powered lamp.

You can make almost anything electrical knowing that, electricity flows in circuits, metal conducts & everything else insulated, redwire = negative, blackwire = positive, green wire = earth, white/grey = ground. You can connect wires by twisting them together, and you can score wires by just slightly cutting them at an angle with scissors. Be sure not to touch any metal parts on a device that is on or plugged in.