Serial Diver — HELLO DONNA

[Fwee]

>Donna, listen to me. This is your subconscious speaking to you; you now have schizophrenia.

[Malleus Inferni]

> Donna: Be someone else.

>Donna: Be someone else.

WHAT SSSHH NO SSSHH BE QUIET SSSHH DON'T MENTION THAT

You're trying to keep that a SECRET, remember? You must NEVER do it while someone else is watching. ESPECIALLY your server player.

For fuck's sake, he could be listening RIGHT NOW.



See?????

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>Hello Donna!

THAT WILL TAKE ME LIKE TWO DAYS TO WRITE but I'll do it anyway

[Fwee]

HOLY SHIT DONNA IS A TRANSFORMER
>ROLL OUT

[Wacom Guy]

Transform > Music Form

[Malleus Inferni]

> ===>

[Fwee]

HE'S SO CUTE!

>Donna: Explore house and try to find a way down...

[Absol]

The imp needs a hug, all his friends just died.

[peaf]

> congratulate server player on his SWEET AIM

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heres my macaulay culkin hairstyle edit, fashionably late as usual

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[Malleus Inferni]

> Donna: Desc... um, I mean EXPLORE.

>Donna: Explore

>Donna: Explore house and try to find a way down...

No fuck that. Your APPETITE FOR ADVENTURE has been totally spoiled by this WOLF BULLSHIT. Wolfshit. Blech!!!

Your computer is upstairs. With the game paused and your house back in the real world you can SPEND SOME TIME WORKING OUT and STOCKING UP ON AMMO. There's pretty much no way you can fight a wolf unless you're STRONG and BRISTLING WITH DEADLY WEAPONS, and right this moment you don't have much in the way of arms. Argh, even DISCUSSING it makes you feel weak! You might go slackjawed just from forming the words with your mouth.

[Siya]

> Get armed.

[Kíeros]

> Head back up to your computer.

[Bluh bluh bitch]

>Donna: Pester server player

[Fwee]

>Retrieve weapons.
>Eat arms.

[ThunderJolt]

> Donna: Retrieve weapons. Become the Wolf Hunter. Be feared by all of the wolves. ALL OF THEM.

also,

> Archagent: Report earlier than usual

[Malleus Inferni]

> ===>









You only spent a few minutes downstairs while your server player was setting up the game, but somehow it feels longer than that. Is it possible the game sent you WEEKS INTO THE FUTURE?

...Nah. Maybe half an hour tops.

> Donna: Check message.

PESTERLOG:

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18:58 HA: WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE?
18:58 HA: RUN ASSHOLE!
18:59 HA: what.
19:00 HA: oh my god i
19:03 HA: donna i'm
19:03 HA: sorry.
19:03 HA: i'm so sorry.

-- hermeticAltruist [HA] is an idle chum! --

19:17 HA: this is just tragic and... surreal kind of.
19:19 HA: i think i can bury you with the game.
19:20 HA: if i can look.
19:22 HA: i can't even look.

-- hermeticAltruist [HA] ceased pestering senselessViolins [SV] at 19:22 --

-- hermeticAltruist [HA] began pestering senselessViolins [SV] at 19:23 --

19:23 HA: HOLY SHIT
19:23 HA: YOU'RE ALIVE

Then again, if you had THIS GUY'S sense of time, you might not be able to tell the difference.

Getting you into the game seems to have made him HUGELY UPSET for some incredibly stupid reason. What a weird guy! He always freaks out about dumb stuff like that. You suspect he was CRYING HIS EYES OUT.

There's a bunch more messages after this. He's been babbling nonstop since you came out of the time warp. How does he even write so many words???

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I wrote another 150 lines of code to format pesterlogs as BBCode. Unfortunately certain characters' typing quirks will make this impossible later on. When it's about time for them to show up, I think I'll make that an "end of act" threshold, and from then on every update will just be a link to the mirror.

[ThunderJolt]

> Yell at him for writing so many words

[Fwee]

>Ask him why you wouldn't be alive.

[Malleus Inferni]

> Donna: Scroll down.

PESTERLOG:

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19:27 HA: kind of a suspicious coincidence if you ask me.
19:27 HA: oh ok.
19:27 HA: looks like you're going outside.
19:27 HA: that's cool.
19:29 HA: ok i just threw that busted machine away.
19:29 HA: real productive.
19:29 HA: but now you're entirely out of build grist meaning i can't repair this gaping hole in the wall.
19:30 HA: is there even a way to get more?
19:31 HA: dear god the help files are worthless.
19:31 HA: this game is a piece of shit.
19:32 HA: are you coming back up?
19:32 HA: hey.
19:32 HA: um i can hear you.
19:33 HA: fuck you too donna.
19:33 HA: and by the way.
19:33 HA: you're welcome.

IRONIC AS IT SOUNDS, you don't have time to read any of this. Right now you only care about ESCAPING FROM THE GAME.

(But just for shits and giggles you SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM to see the last couple things he said.)

> Donna: Pester HA.

> Contact someone. Preferably someone whom you might refer to as a friend or ally.

>Donna: Pester server player

[Fwee]

>PRESS SHIFT INSTEAD OF ENTER.

[Wacom Guy]

Stick your finger where there should be a windows/apple key.

[Malleus Inferni]

>

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>Hello Donna!

What?

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>PRESS SHIFT INSTEAD OF ENTER.

Oh. Hello!

PESTERLOG:

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19:34 HA: hey donna wait.
19:34 HA: come back.
19:34 HA: your message didn't send.
19:34 HA: i think your finger slipped or something.
19:34 HA: because you didn't actually hit enter.
19:35 HA: donna.
19:35 HA: god what are you even doing this time?
19:35 HA: come on.

Hey! You just went all day without noticing a thing, but we GREW A NEW PERSON, didn't we? Shame on us for not letting you know!

Holy shit, there's A LOT MORE OF US. We must have been BUSY. Someday we'll have to tell you a few of our secrets. Like how do we feed so many mouths??? (Get it??)

WAIT A SECOND. Does this mean it's time to INTRODUCE YOURSELF again? You'd be OK WITH THAT.

[PersonPerson]

Lick the screen.

[Absol]

Guys. Lets poke her.

[ThunderJolt]

> DONNA, DON'T BECOME THE WOLF HUNTER. DON'T DO IT.

> WAIT YES DO IT.

[Trish]

Somehow the fact that this story is both doomed and starting in media res makes it more fun, interesting, and...different than the bunch of other SBURB stories that I've sort of glanced over, maybe. 'S fun! I like it. I'll support it.