FANTROLL/FANCHARACTER CRIT THREAD 3: please read first post pretty please

[Thunder Reign]

LOOKING TO SPRITE YOUR TROLL? PLEASE USE THESE BASE SHEETS HERE!!!
SPRITES MADE WITH A GENERATOR ALWAYS LOOK TERRIBLE, TRUST US. USE THESE SHEETS.
BODY
HEAD


WELCOME TO THE FANTROLL/HUMAN/BLOODSWAPPED CANON TROLL/FANALIEN CRITDOME 2012.
What's the purpose of this thread? Simple: a collaborative effort in making fantrolls better. After all, they can be tricky things! We're here to help. Simply post your profile, and everyone else is free to critique away.

If you want critique on your fancharacter, here's what to do. Post their description, with as much detail as you feel is appropriate, and any images you have of them that show their design so we can critique it. If you have any specific concerns, outline them so people can focus on that area in particular. For instance, "I think the spritework is shoddy but I can't figure out how to fix it"/"Is the psychic power too ridiculous?"

IMPORTANT!!!!

1. If you are posting a troll which cannot normally exist on Alternia, such as a LIME BLOOD, a MUTANT BLOOD, or a HUE 330 SEADWELLER, and they exist specifically for an AU roleplay setting where limebloods weren't wiped out/Feferi doesn't exist, PLEASE SPECIFY THAT THIS IS THE CASE IN YOUR POST! Otherwise, we'll just waste time pointing out that your troll can't actually exist on Alternia.

2. Do not use a sprite generator. Don't. Don't do it. The results will look terrible. We will just tell you to make it again yourself if you post one in here.

3. No joke characters. No ironic hot pink winged trolls. You're wasting everyone's time with things that got tired in 2010.

GENERAL RULES FOR THIS THREAD (PLEASE READ THEM)

1. Be polite. Criticism must be constructive. No personal attacks.

2. Be specific. Don't say "this troll sucks"; point out what aspects need to be fixed.

3. Be decent. It's alright to ask for clarification on why someone think a certain way about a fantroll, but don't turn it into a flame war! There are always ultimately going to be disagreements. In addition, ALL OFF TOPIC CHATTER GOES IN GENCHAT THREAD.

4. Reciprocate. If you've had your fantroll critiqued, stick around and crit someone elses. It's only good to return the favour!

5. Patience. Don't repeatedly nag people to crit you if you've posted and asked. Someone might get to eventually! If they don't, don't whine or harass, just politely bring it up after time has elapsed. Perhaps post it again after a four day period.

6. THIS IS IMPORTANT. Accept criticism on your trolls. If people are telling you an aspect of your troll is flawed, ACKNOWLEDGE IT and discuss it POLITELY. If you are going to come in here and blindly defend every single aspect of your troll, why did you bother posting?

7. Arguing against canon. This thread strives to be 100% canon compliant, with the exception of the rule "trolls can only have 12 exact blood colors", and as a result we will critique your troll if it breaks any canon rules without a good reason.

8. Please do not post your troll's profile in a quote. You cannot requote a quote, and many of us use the "reblog and add our own annotations in red" form of critiquing, so it makes it harder for us. However, you are free to put it in a spoiler, as we can reblog those.

9. Please don't post a profile you wrote when you were drunk/half asleep/high on painkillers/in an altered state of mind. They're always gonna be crap, man. Please make sure you're sober and well rested before you write the profile you submit to this thread.

THINGS WHICH AREN'T RULES, BUT YOU SHOULD STILL READ :

When giving sprite critique, please give constructive criticism but let people fix their own sprites. This is not the pimp my sprite thread. We're here to let people improve, not do their work for them.

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"Is there a guide to making a fantroll?"
With this handy dandy post, of course!!
This is a guide I wrote up that's all about making your fantroll good. Please read it! :'D

"That shit is way too long. Can you condense it? What are some common things to avoid?"

Here is a list of all the things to avoid when making a fantroll! It might look a little intimidating, but trust us, it's actually really easy.

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1. Trolls who are super duper fashionable for no apparent reason.
CANON FACT: Almost all trolls prefer utilitarian (useful and practical) clothes over fashion. Kanaya was explicitly stated to be one of the few of her kind who loves fashion, and even she spends most of her time in a plain black shirt. Does this mean your troll is forbidden from liking fashion? Hell no! But at the very least, their default sprite should have a black shirt and some other article of black clothing.

2. Trolls who are above hue 329; no troll should be higher than Feferi.
CANON FACT: Feferi is the highest blood to ever exist at hue 330. Hue 329 is where you can cap your seadwellers!
EXCEPTION TO THIS: Many people play AU RPs where their troll is the Heir/Heiress, not Feferi. This is fine and dandy, but if this is the case for your seadweller, please specify it.

3. Trolls who aren't purple/pinkblooded but are seadwellers.
CANON FACT: Only trolls higher than Gamzee's hue can be seadwellers.

4. Trolls who are copies of canon trolls... just don't do this... I don't think I need to explain why.

5. Jadeblood trolls with virgin mother grub lusii.
CANON FACT: Kanaya was the only one in recorded history with a mother grub lusus!

6. Trolls with a quadrant or zodiac sign for a symbol.
CANON FACT: Trolls have an enormously vast library of symbols, to the point where it is thought that meeting a troll with the same sign as you means you are linked by fate, so having a zodiac sign is right out since the canon trolls already have them. Also, it makes no sense that the symbols for romance would also be able to be used as a caste indicator.
ADD-ON: With the advent of UU, fantrolls should no longer have Ophiucus symbols.

7. Trolls who have genuine siblings or parents.
CANON FACT: Trolls are made from a humungous mix of slurry brewing in the Mother Grub. All trolls are related, and yet they aren't: they cannot have parents or siblings unless they are ectoparents or ectosiblings. The closest thing they will ever have is an ancestor.

8. Trolls who know what humans are.
CANON FACT: Unless they're in an sgrub session, they don't know anything about aliens in different universes! If you want your troll to be influenced by alien culture, why not make up a new alien species that exists in the same universe as trolls? See: Krampine.

9. Trolls who are based around one gimmick and don't have a proper personality. These are very rarely satisfying characters to play.

10. Highbloods with a beneficial and useful psychic power.
CANON FACT: Vriska is not only a freak, but she is immensely unbalanced. She would be an overpowered fantroll, do not try and emulate her! For further clarification, see the subjugglator point below.

11. Trolls with no quirk.
CANON FACT: All trolls have quirks, even if it's just typing in all caps or no caps. All of them. Do not try and be the odd one out here.

12. As a general rule, subjugglators.
CANON FACT: Subjugglators are apparently massively scary with insane fear-based psychic powers. This makes for a seriously unbalanced fantroll! Nobody wants to RP with a highblood who can oppress their character into doing anything, ok? Stay away from subjugglators unless you are writing one who isn't meant for an RP setting.

13. Limebloods.
CANON FACT: Although it was Calliope who said it and her word isn't necessarily rule of god, we can probably assume that limebloods actually have been wiped off the face of Alternia.


However! This is not a diehard, ironcast list of what not to do. If you put a little effort in, you can subvert those common "bad fantroll" cliches and make a good fantroll. It just boils down to how you do it. :>

"Are there any good rules of thumb for making a sprite or an abound portrait?"

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For regular sprites:
1. ALWAYS LINE YOUR SPRITE UP WITH A CANON ONE. Grab Sollux's or Aradia's or whatever sprite off the wiki and line your troll up with them. If you're using photoshop or gimp or a program that lets you put in guidelines, line your troll up exactly. This is the most effective way to make sure that your eyes and mouth are in the correct position, and that the hair is tall enough.
2. Shirts are almost always black, with a grey outline. If your troll's shirt isn't black, make the rest of their clothing black! Trolls love black. Can't get enough of it.
3. Don't be afraid to use bits and pieces off the sprite sheet if you're unsure about drawing your own, but keep in mind that some stuff off the base sheet is sort of shitty. When in doubt, post here!
4. Don't make the symbol cover their entire shirt, don't draw it a pixel thin, and don't draw it in perfectly straight lines.

For alterniabounds:
1. Horns on ABs are outlined in black!
2. Don't be afraid to use a canon AB as a base.
3. They have shading.

[Absinnu]

Ooo, this is exciting!

*My troll will go in this thread before it hits page 99.

[Purnip]

Ooo I guess I'll post for critique first to get this thread broken in. I'll return the favor now that I know this forum exists, ehehehe. :3

I'm going to come off and say that I get the feeling the whole 'cop' shpeal may not make sense in Alternia. If that's the case, I'd love to hear some suggestions as to what I might change it to that is very similar--similar enough to keep his dress style the way it is. Unless that doesn't make sense either. :/ I like my criticism constructive though, so come at me brah.

==>Be the neighborhood watchman



Your name is ARAZED ALTAIR. You are a hardened officer in your overactive imagination; one worth his salt, who keeps his composure even at the worst of times. Chaos has no place here. Order is peace, and peace is perfect. Shenanigans of any kind are to be stomped out like the errant embers of an idly burning, discarded cigar. You simply don't have time for foolishness.

While it shouldn't matter to name them now, and only does due to your queue in this critique thread, you have various INTERESTS. You are passionately devoted to the pursuit of LAW and ORDER. You also enjoy MOVIES featuring HEROES IN SPANDEX or other flamboyant means of DISGUISE, though you secretly detest VIGILANTISM. You also indulge in the art of TAXIDERMY, dealing exclusively with WINGED CREATURES, yet you would never kill one yourself. You are a self-proclaimed PACIFIST and you find your materials as they are available, dead and gone by the time you've reached them. You carry a TELESCOPIC BATON on your person at all times, prepared to deliver just beatings to all those that disturb the peace, but you end up KILLING or SEVERELY INJURING most of your victims by accident. This causes you deep periodic bouts of SHAME, as you believe you are MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.

You are a COBALT-BLOODED noble, largely ignored by your peers due to your self-centered nature. While you do not possess PSYCHIC POWERS of any kind, you believe that you do and you fear them. According to SGRUB you're some kind of HEIR dealing in RAGE, but in all honesty you don't have time for silly games like these. While you don't discriminate based on the HEMOSPECTRUM, you are condescending to EVERYONE, regardless of their blood color. You always assume others have trouble understanding you. You try to take control of situations so you can keep the death tolls clean. You do have a tendency to confuse genders and forget names, so you tend to call people by the blood color or their trollslum initials.

You happen to think you KNOW EVERYTHING, or that you're ALWAYS A STEP AHEAD, but you're actually THE LAST TO FIGURE THINGS OUT or the first to COMPLETELY MISS WHAT'S GOING ON. You won't admit to being wrong easily, and you believe you play it off smoothly when you get caught contradicting yourself.

You don't have many of what human beings would consider FRIENDS, and in fact have but a single MOIRAIL to your name. She has worked with you to bring other trolls together to play a MYSTERIOUS GAME, which you fully intend to take the reigns of. That or she is playing in the same group. Honestly it depends on the situation presented to you beyond the fourth wall. Your trolltag is tenebrousTactician and you speak in a manner that is most neglectfvl of those rovnd bottomed vowels yov detest so mvch.

AB Sprite:



Additional info:
Modus: Utility Belt - simple, like array, but only carries six items of any size or weight as long as they're not anchored. Weight contributes to a fatigue percentage that can hinder movement/agility.
Lusus: Not sure. Initially it was a mutant housefly, but I wanted to go with something a little more related to a featherbeast.

[DragonSlime]

I'm not very good at giving critique, but i'll give it a try!
My notes are in red.

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==>Be the neighborhood watchman



Your name is ARAZED ALTAIR. You are a hardened officer in your overactive imagination; one worth his salt, who keeps his composure even at the worst of times. Chaos has no place here. Order is peace, and peace is perfect. Shenanigans of any kind are to be stomped out like the errant embers of an idly burning, discarded cigar. You simply don't have time for foolishness.

While it shouldn't matter to name them now, and only does due to your queue in this critique thread, you have various INTERESTS. You are passionately devoted to the pursuit of LAW and ORDER. You also enjoy MOVIES featuring HEROES IN SPANDEX or other flamboyant means of DISGUISE, though you secretly detest VIGILANTISM. You also indulge in the art of TAXIDERMY, dealing exclusively with WINGED CREATURES, yet you would never kill one yourself. You are a self-proclaimed PACIFIST and you find your materials as they are available, dead and gone by the time you've reached them. You carry a TELESCOPIC BATON on your person at all times, prepared to deliver just beatings to all those that disturb the peace, but you end up KILLING or SEVERELY INJURING most of your victims by accident. This causes you deep periodic bouts of SHAME, as you believe you are MUCH BETTER THAN THAT. Okay, this part confused me a little until i thought about it more. It says he's a self- proclaimed pacifist, but if that's just for birds you should add that bit of information in there, otherwise pacifist isn't the right word if it counts to the trolls he beats up.

You are a COBALT-BLOODED noble, largely ignored by your peers due to your self-centered nature. While you do not possess PSYCHIC POWERS of any kind, you believe that you do and you fear them. According to SGRUB you're some kind of HEIR dealing in RAGE, but in all honesty you don't have time for silly games like these. I don't think anyone knows anything about sburb/sgrub until they start playing, with the exception of prospitian clouds, but even those are vague and there's no guarantee that someone will wake up there before the game starts. While you don't discriminate based on the HEMOSPECTRUM, you are condescending to EVERYONE, regardless of their blood color. You always assume others have trouble understanding you. You try to take control of situations so you can keep the death tolls clean. You do have a tendency to confuse genders and forget names, so you tend to call people by the blood color or their trollslum initials.

You happen to think you KNOW EVERYTHING, or that you're ALWAYS A STEP AHEAD, but you're actually THE LAST TO FIGURE THINGS OUT or the first to COMPLETELY MISS WHAT'S GOING ON. You won't admit to being wrong easily, and you believe you play it off smoothly when you get caught contradicting yourself.

You don't have many of what human beings would consider FRIENDS, Trolls call people friends, too. Unless I read that wrong, it also implies that he knows about humans, so you could just change 'human beings' to trolls. and in fact have but a single MOIRAIL to your name. She has worked with you to bring other trolls together to play a MYSTERIOUS GAME, which you fully intend to take the reigns of. That or she is playing in the same group. Honestly it depends on the situation presented to you beyond the fourth wall. Your trolltag is tenebrousTactician and you speak in a manner that is most neglectfvl of those rovnd bottomed vowels yov detest so mvch.

AB Sprite:



Additional info:
Modus: Utility Belt - simple, like array, but only carries six items of any size or weight as long as they're not anchored. Weight contributes to a fatigue percentage that can hinder movement/agility.
Lusus: Not sure. Initially it was a mutant housefly, but I wanted to go with something a little more related to a featherbeast. if you need ideas for a bird lusus, a blue jay seems fitting, maybe a cockatoo? But overall I don't really see any big problems. Since he's a higherblood he could have a small bias thinking that lowbloods cause a bit more trouble that highbloods, just so he's not completely ignoring the hemospectrum.

[aspiringHelpfulness]

I made the changes to my fantroll from the previous thread now.

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Your name is ARESIA MARION, you LOVE TO FIGHT, and you are KINDA OKAY at doing just that.

You've spent most of your 9 sweep life FIGHTING, TRAINING, and occasionally FLARPING, in which you are known as CHAMPION CENTURIO. You tend to lose, even though you have the power to MANIPULATE SMALL BODILY MOVEMENTS (which is hard to use on your opponent in the heat of battle). Losing gets you down, but you know that fighting is SO MUCH MORE than winning or losing or your abilities, which is why you study as many WAR and FIGHTING movies, books, and documentaries as you can to learn the FINER ASPECTS, like strategy, health and etc. Needless to say, your training made you strong and fast, although you STILL SUCK at the FINER ASPECTS, and you're still not as physically strong as the higherbloods, but that's okay. One day, you're gonna prove that a lowblood can be just as strong without total reliance on their psychic power. You also like to RIDE your CHEETAH lusus, that you named HONOR. You love your lusus so much. He's very supportive of you, and taught you many things about one-on-one combat and honor. In return, you hunt with him, using your CLAWKIND and/or BOOTKIND ABSTRATUS. It's also one of the only times your power comes in handy. It takes a bit of concentration, but you can subtly move your lusus and/or his prey right where you want. It's good practice for your power. After hunting, you store whatever your lusus can't carry in your simple and practical ARRAY MODUS. You like all that, but above all, you REALLY LOOK FORWARD to the day you are finally DRAFTED INTO THE MILITARY. A lot of the stuff you do normally is preparation for THAT DAY, which is why you're so happy; the day is ALMOST HERE. You're almost ready to face new opponents. You wonder if it's gonna be what you imagined it to be, though.

When you're not training or hunting, you're looking for other trolls who are willing to fight you. It's easy to do that. It also helps you find black suitors when the drones come. Sometimes, there are trolls who become flushed for you after you beat up a guy. You admit you don't really know how to act around others, so you don't wanna talk to them. Especially BLUEBLOODS. You HATE them so much, and NOT IN A BLACK WAY. You hate that their "usual business" is lying and backstabbing. It'll be a miracle if you meet one that ISN'T a conniving backstabber, but you got into HUGE TROUBLE (which you don't want to talk about) for saying that once, so you don't voice your opinion.

Many have told you that your constant fighting obsession and seeming lack of empathy for others makes you a HUGE, PRIDEFUL JERK. You resent that; you just don't know what to do around others. Even your lusus has voiced concern for you regarding that, so it may be true. But you really don't wanna try to change, even though you're KINDA LONELY. The suitors don't count. You need friends. You need a moirail. Someone who can counteract your SUPPOSED HUBRIS. Someone who you can share your SECRET to without fear of ridicule. What secret? Your secret LOVE OF ROMCOMS and FIDUSPAWN. And you don't just like those things just because of the fight stuff. You love how the trolls interact with each other in romcoms. You love all the petty arguments, comic misunderstandings, drama, and tragedy so much. You wish your life could be like a romcom. You love everything about the fiduspawn. You really enjoy all that. OK, that's enough secrets. You want to clarify something.

You like fighting. However, you HATE CHEATING, and the trolls who do that to WIN. That's when it stops being a fight. It's just unfair! It goes against everything you stand for! It's NOT A FIGHT if it's ONE-SIDED! You hate this for three reasons. First and foremost: You've seen some NASTY STUFF other trolls do to win, to climb up in status, in FLARP, and you despise them for doing that! Second, you got all your scars from FLARPers who are exactly like that! For still-visible scars, there are four on your face, two on your body, and two on your legs. You had about three more, but they've fully healed already. You cannot believe you managed to survive all that, but since you did, you've learned to hate those cruel types on a more PERSONAL LEVEL. Third, your love of fighting has led other trolls to believe you're JUST LIKE the kind of FLARPer you hate so much. You also hate forcing others to fight, but Honor says that eventually, you'll have to do that, so you'll have to suck it up... ARGH! WHY!? You wish you could do to those guys what THEY DID to their victims! ...But you try to resist. You don't wanna be like them. You don't wanna prove them right. You don't wanna drive more people away from you. You can't stand it. OK, STOP. Gotta move away from this depressing topic. You don't like showing your sad feelings, not even to yourself. You never thought about this. You were... preparing for a fight! YES THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE DOING OK GOTTA FOCUS NOW. But you have a feeling you're forgetting something...

OH, RIGHT! Your trolltag is combatTestament [CT], And yOu eMphAsize COMBAT ABOve All else.

Oh, and here's my fantroll from last thread, 50 pages ago.

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Your name is Chasma Inviso. You are 7.5 sweeps old and you dislike leaving your hive in the desert. Despite this, you realize that you have to. This is kind of a long story though. For now, you’ll stick with describing yourself. You are a JADEBLOOD, but you hide it due to feelings of distrust. You know that this is kind of suspicious, but you've got REASONS about keeping it gray, and usually no one's gonna look for a jadeblood in a desert anyway. You don't like colors (whether blood colors or otherwise) that much, so you wear all gray.

You dislike seeing other trolls PERSONALLY, but you are perfectly fine online, as long as you don’t have to show your appearance. You do, however, leave your hive once a day, because, even in the desert, there are gonna be some jades wondering who's in your hive, and you don't want to attract any more suspicion. Occasionally, a troll or two would find their way into your hive. Sometimes, they would be harmless. You let them go as long as they say nothing about you. These types never show up again. Other times, they would be violent. You kill these violent trolls with either of the following: SPEAR, FLAMETHROWER, or with the help of your lusus, a BOA CONSTRICTOR. The only time you DID enjoy seeing another troll in person, SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED. You'll talk about it after everything else has been said.

You have a hard time trusting other trolls, but if they can’t kill you from where they currently are, you can stand them. You might even come to RESPECT them, if they manage to sway your opinions or feelings a LOT. You haven't yet seen one who can do so, but some came close. You set a high standard because you don't wanna respect others. Respect is a key part of the quadrants, and you're not ready to form any relationships yet.

You love CREATIVE WRITING. You've loved it ever since you were young. You love it so much, you decided to become an AUTHORECLUSIVE, a troll who spends their entire life hiding in a remote place, writing as much as they can. You write original fiction, having made many stories, but you've only posted three of them on the internet. Your stories have less focus on the hemospectrum (you don't hate it, but it's just not really focused on), and a huge focus on the importance of moirallegiance at the expense of other quadrants. Your most recent one, which is nearing its end, is a story of six troll friends from different castes, who team up and play a UNIQUE and SIMPLE GAME that will ultimately DEVELOP THEIR CHARACTER and SOLVE SOME PERSONAL PROBLEMS. You receive a few messages from trolls who both love and hate your work. None of them actually know where you live, and they don't go out of their way to actually look for you, so you're safe from them. But you try address their criticisms as much as possible. Still, you have trouble writing about other quadrants. And that is the extent of your reputation as a writer.

Speaking of which, you are known online as unseenStray [US]. /you enclose your sentences in slashes to show restraint.\

And now that everything is out of the way, you can now tell the story of
THE INCIDENT (and your life story which is required to understand why the INCIDENT is important to you) :

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As a wiggler, you only talked to a few trolls, but they were either: violent, manipulative, or thought you were weird. Anyway, because of this, you started disliking personal contact. You decided to build your hive in the most remote location you could think of: the desert. But then some other jade troll decided to build their hive next to yours. You disliked him a lot at first, but since he was there anyway, you put up with him. He seemed to be different from the other wigglers you met, since he was always friendly and kept on trying to talk to you, so you became interested in him. You eventually became MOIRAILS. You picked up each other's interests (He liked games like FLARP, you liked writing). You became a FLARP duo. You had lots of fun. Aside from that, you helped each other with your problems. He had a hard time forming an opinion, so you helped him with that. You also showed him how to properly use his stripperkind abstratus. In return, he tried to help you overcome your shyness for about a sweep. He found that it wasn't working so he suggested you talk with others via internet instead. You enjoyed it so much. You enjoyed having him there.

Then, after winning a FLARP match, the losing team snuck into your hive (both were jadebloods, and one was apparently living in the same desert area as you two) and abruptly killed your moirail. The pair managed to severely injure his (admittedly small) lusus as well, but one of them died in the process. It was just you and him. And your lusus, which managed to constrict him. He almost broke free, but you finished him off before he did. After that, you fed the two jades to your lusus, took your moirail's spare cape, spare scarf, and strife specibus. His hive is pretty much yours now, but it's kinda useless. His lusus ran away after he died. Your lusus brings you food, although that's the extent of your relationship with it. You try to cope with your moirail's death by continuing to interact with others online, and by writing stories about moirallegiance. You also decided to hide your blood color. You have very negative feelings about the color jade. It reminds you of your moirail, his death, and his killers.

[cautiousValidity]

Ah! Yay. Well, I need help with my troll.


>Be the M-
...Oh what the fucking hell. And who is this "pretty" young lady?

Your name is Irinyi Vienna, a rustblood. You are a MUTANT of 7 sweeps. What's your mutant power, you ask? Is it not obvious? Sorry. You have THERMAL VISION. This means, instead of colors, you see things in stupid THERMAL COLORS. So, the hotter or cooler something is, the more RED OR GREEN OR WHATEVER THE HELL it is. This is pretty much the most fucking USELESS mutant power known to troll kind, being IT GIVES YOU NO ADVANTAGE YOU CAN THINK OF. And, to be even MORE annoying, if you don't eat for long enough, the colors start SWITCHING AROUND and everything starts looking trippy and rainbow. That makes it ESPECIALLY HARD to see anything, which is why you have this MONOCLE-LIKE goggle in your right eye. You got this from your friend ages ago, and it lets you see NORMALLY out of that one eye. It's a bit... GLITCHY.
You are a bit SILLY. More then a BIT... you tend to say the stupidest things, and have dumb catchphrases like "HELL YES, REDBLOOD POWERS!" which you basically say ironically as YOUR POWERS WILL FOREVER SUCK. Along with this, you love to give people HIGH FIVES. It's sort of your thing. That and HUGS. You LOVE hugs. Though, most people are scared off by your freak eyes before you can ask them. Another unfortunate side effect of those things.
Your main hobby, though? You love to SET THINGS ON FIRE. Particularly with your matches, which you buy by the dozen. You have a huge collection of them which is constantly growing and shrinking due to the fact you BURN THINGS DAILY and then BUY MORE MATCHES. You mostly burn PAPER, which consists of EMBARRASSING REDROMS YOU WRITE. As well as MATCHES, your strife specibi is a FLAMETHROWER, which is fun, but, to be honest, gives you a headache. Also, you kind of SUCK WITH IT, and usually just resolve to hiding in a corner in fear of accidentally STARTING A FIRE YOU CAN'T CONTROL..
Your lusus is an OWL, which you call HOOTS for hell's sake. You never see it though, it's always busy eating worms or something.
Your trolltag is phosphoricAddict and you tend to type w1th no cap1tal5 except when you are exc1ted. but alway5 per1ods. always.

[canidaeVulpecula]

Sprite: Its not immediatly obvious what the thing on her left eye is - maybe its explained in the profile, im not sure, Ive only read like the first line so far but Id try to make it clearer as to what that is. As for the blue eyes Id SERIOUSLY recommend you change it back to yellow.

Profile: Why does the thermal vision have to be a mutation? Why cant it just be a regular lowblood power? Why do the colours start switching if she doesnt eat? Now I know that its supposed to be a monocle but Im pretty sure theres a base for a monocle right on the sprite sheet, so Id really suggest using that instead.

Her personality seems to be all over the place. You go from silly to touchy feely to BURN THINGS to writing redroms (does she write them specifically to burn them? Or does she write them because she likes to write them, then gets embarrassed for writing them or something and burns them?). Im not really seeing any internal logic to her personality, just sort of a bunch of traits. Id also like to know how her quirk fits in with the rest of her. Why the 1's and 5's? (also you missed an s on "per1ods")

[aspiringHelpfulness]

I'm not very good at this, but I think I'll try a critique. My comments are in red. Expect less critique and more questions.

Ah! Yay. Well, I need help with my troll.

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>Be the M-
...Oh what the fucking hell. And who is this "pretty" young lady?

Your name is Irinyi Vienna, a rustblood. You are a MUTANT of 7 sweeps. What's your mutant power, you ask? Is it not obvious? Sorry. You have THERMAL VISION. This means, instead of colors,(I think you should say "Instead of normal colors," because it might not be clear what kind of color you're talking about.) you see things in stupid THERMAL COLORS. So, the hotter or cooler something is, the more RED OR GREEN OR WHATEVER THE HELL it is. This is pretty much the most fucking USELESS mutant power known to troll kind, being IT GIVES YOU NO ADVANTAGE YOU CAN THINK OF. And, to be even MORE annoying, if you don't eat for long enough, the colors start SWITCHING AROUND and everything starts looking trippy and rainbow. That makes it ESPECIALLY HARD to see anything, which is why you have this MONOCLE-LIKE goggle in your right eye. You got this from your friend ages ago, and it lets you see NORMALLY out of that one eye. It's a bit... GLITCHY.(Why does she have only one? And what happens when it glitches?)
You are a bit SILLY. More then a BIT... you tend to say the stupidest things, and have dumb catchphrases like "HELL YES, REDBLOOD POWERS!" which you basically say ironically as YOUR POWERS WILL FOREVER SUCK. Along with this, you love to give people HIGH FIVES. It's sort of your thing. That and HUGS. You LOVE hugs. Though, most people are scared off by your freak eyes before you can ask them. Another unfortunate side effect of those things. (So, is she friendly, or is high-fiving and asking for hugs some weird thing she does for no reason? Also, she doesn't seem silly after all that complaining about her powers. And maybe you should add something about her normal disposition.)
Your main hobby, though? You love to SET THINGS ON FIRE. Particularly with your matches, which you buy by the dozen. You have a huge collection of them which is constantly growing and shrinking due to the fact you BURN THINGS DAILY and then BUY MORE MATCHES. You mostly burn PAPER, which consists of EMBARRASSING REDROMS YOU WRITE. As well as MATCHES, your strife specibi is a FLAMETHROWER, which is fun, but, to be honest, gives you a headache. Also, you kind of SUCK WITH IT, and usually just resolve to hiding in a corner in fear of accidentally STARTING A FIRE YOU CAN'T CONTROL.. (Suck with what? Starting fires? Using the flamethrower? The last line kind of seems contradictory to her love of starting fires. Unless you're talking about the flamethrower. In which case, the last line comes out of nowhere. I like that last line; just put it in a place where it will make more sense.)
Your lusus is an OWL, which you call HOOTS for hell's sake. You never see it though, it's always busy eating worms or something.
Your trolltag is phosphoricAddict and you tend to type w1th no cap1tal5 except when you are exc1ted. but alway5 per1ods. always.

Basically, she's pretty good. Most of my critique is just asking for clarification. I think you really need some coherency in her personality. Especially in regards to complaining and setting things on fire. The complaining kind of ruins her for me, 'cause it doesn't really seem to fit with her silliness.

[probableWizardry]

Alrighty, I made the profile for one of my main trolls, Xulark. Anyone got any pointers? I'm mostly asking for you guys to point out redundancies and repetitions that aren't needed. Some other pointers are welcome obviously like should I mention his lusus/relationship with it more?

Spoiler'd for largeness.

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>Be the scarred failure of a friend
hey, fuck you, szhithead!
>Hahaha, I'm joking. Be the spaced out survivor
closze enough.. not eXactly gratifying but whatever.



Your name is Xulark Xazchz and you have been through a WHOLE LOT OF SHIT that you DON'T REALLY REMEMBER. You are 7.4 SWEEPS OLD, one sweep of which you DON'T SEEM TO REMEMBER QUITE WELL. You live in a MODEST HIVE in a DENSE JUNGLE with your HEMODRINKER LUSUS and its swarm. Your INTERESTS encompass mostly that of MUSIC, PHILOSOPHY, TREASURE HUNTING and KEYS. HOLY SHIT do you LOVE KEYS. They are the BEST THING EVER. Your frequently SPACE OUT and START SEEING THINGS that have happened in your life, most of which make you SAD. You also tend to FLIP OUT easier than others whenever EMOTIONS are concerned, yours or even a friend's emotions. You're weird like that.

As previously mentioned, you have gone through A LOT OF SHIT, which resulted in multiple scars on your body, one of which is your FACIAL SCAR, which makes it really hard to SMILE, this PISSES YOU OFF, but you try not to show it. You don't like going into the origins of your scar, but for the sake of exposition, a MANIAC PSYCHOPATH gave you this scar as well as MURDERING YOUR QUADRANTS and SOME OF THEIRS TOO. At least as far as you know. Thats perfectly fine. You got your GLORIOUS REVENGE on him afterward. During the fight you had WEIRD FEELINGS in your arms, THE LEFT BECAME HEAVY and the RIGHT felt SLIM AND DYNAMIC. However, REMEMBERING THE DETAILS is something you CANNOT SEEM TO DO. You BLACKED OUT after you got your revenge, and woke up AN ENTIRE SWEEP LATER among some friends. You woke up with SCARS ALL OVER YOUR LEFT ARM and one BIG SCAR on your RIGHT ELBOW and obviously the SCAR ON YOUR FACE. You have NO IDEA how this happened, but you guess it had SOMETHING to do with those feelings during the fight.

You're practically FINE now, the major wounds have basically healed. You have some OTHER, LESS PROMINENT SCARS from your FREQUENT TREASURE HUNTING ESCAPADES. You have got some AWESOME LOOT from this hobby. But you prefer treasuring the KEYS used to open chests and doors. God damn you love keys. Which leads to MUSIC, you play the KEYBOARD in a band. Why? Because KEYBOARDS are the BEST INSTRUMENT because of their GREAT NAME THAT INVOLVES KEYS. Also they sound really good a lot of the time. Convenient huh? Other than that, you like PHILOSOPHY. It is pretty HELPFUL when you want to GIVE ADVICE to others. You do this a whole lot. Most of the time you are BRUTALLY HONEST about it too. Someone has to be. No sugarcoating for you. You are brutally honest MORESO to trolls that are BELOW YOU on the spectrum. Being in the middle of it, it is A FAIR AMOUNT of the populus. To anyone ABOVE YOU however, you are NICER about it, but STILL brutally honest. If said highbloods ARE NOT AS PUSHY AND HEMOCRAZY you are JUST AS MEAN TO THEM as you are to lowbloods. If they don't have the guts to attack you, then whats the harm?

Speaking of harming others, your STRIFE SPECIBUS is KEYKIND. Which is totally awesome. Telling people makes them laugh at you, but then you whip out your GIANT KEY OF JUSTICE that you have had since you were a young one. A GOOD FRIEND that is a SMITHY took your FAVORITE KEY, which was BROKEN and RECREATED IT in the form of a BLUNT WEAPON, that is of the size of an AVERAGE BLADE. Your FETCH MODUS is KEYCHAIN, which is KIND OF ANNOYING sometimes, when you FUMBLE IT a WHOLE LOT OF STUFF DROPS OUT, but if you CAREFULLY EXTRACT the wanted item, EVERYTHING IS FINE.

Whenever you have free time away from either YOUR BAND, WORK or TREASURE HUNTING and mess around on your husktop, you SOMETIMES PLAY VIDEOGAMES, it isn't a MAJOR interest, but it is something to PASS THE TIME. If you ever played a SPECIFIC COMPUTER GAME ABOUT LANDS, your title would be the BRAVE OF HEART and you would make your home in the LAND OF CASTLES AND ABYSS, your helpers would be BLACK WINGED SNAKES with YELLOW EYES.

You can usually be found with your PDA, and on trollian, you go by considerateHeartless and you remain szure to mark eXactly where the treaszuresz are! and to be szpecific about what you mean to othersz.

TLDR;

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Name: Xulark Xazchz (Zoo-Lark Zaz-ch'z)
Age: 7.4 Sweeps
Gender: Male
Height(in feet): 6'2, or 6'5 counting horns.
trollTag: considerateHeartless
Blood: Median teal (009966)
Lusus: Hemodrinker (Mosquito)
Planet: Land of CASTLES AND ABYSS. (LOCAA)
Title: Brave of Heart (Aspect is subject to change)
Strife Specii: Keykind
Fetch Modus: Keychain
Quirk: capitalizes 'X' and putsz 'z' after every 's'

NOTE: He has a 'psychic power' of sorts. All it does is increase his combat capability. But basically, what happens is his entire left arm nearly breaks open as his bones carve their way out to cover his arm in chunky white bone armor, like a giant glove. his left arm however, extends somewhat, and is also covered in the same type of thing, only thinner, moreso like a claw, his elbow becomes pointy. It really hurts for him to use it and he usually faints and comas for a bit afterwards, as the bones recede back to normal. To be totally fair, he also has next to no knowledge of it. The first time he even used it he was already nearly KO'd.

[Absinnu]

Trollfile

I appreciate some of the things you've done here. You know the formula and you followed it, but you didn't show your work and that is where you lose people.

I see that her sign is phosphorus so you've decided to go with themes of fire > heat > passion. Her heat vision is obvious, but I haven't found the reason that the colors swap when she is hungry. Does it have to do with the way burnable fuels are consumed and the output of flame color?

Then you have some general silliness and volatility which relates to the themes you have picked. Writing silly redroms fulfils the passion requirement for the theme. She has this incredibly worrying match bulimia and arson addiction and to keep on formula she has a weapon she's shitty at controlling.

She types with 1 and 5 because the atomic number of phosphorus is 15.

Not bad, kiddo. But it has detractions in it that keep people from getting the message. Change the eyes, go ahead and make that a power instead of a mutation. I understand you want to classify it as a mutation because as a power that isn't actually powerful you don't want to list it as something that conveys an advantage - but it is better to keep things simple. Don't make her complain about herself too much when it concerns the choices that she makes, that's shorthand for you not having a thought process. You have a good skeleton, streamline the muscle on it.

[Captain Whosit]

Alright. Critique in red.

Alrighty, I made the profile for one of my main trolls, Xulark. Anyone got any pointers? I'm mostly asking for you guys to point out redundancies and repetitions that aren't needed. Some other pointers are welcome obviously like should I mention his lusus/relationship with it more?

Spoiler'd for largeness.

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hide spoiler

>Be the scarred failure of a friend
hey, fuck you, szhithead!
>Hahaha, I'm joking. Be the spaced out survivor
closze enough.. not eXactly gratifying but whatever.



Your name is Xulark Xazchz (see tldr section) and you have been through a WHOLE LOT OF SHIT that you DON'T REALLY REMEMBER. If he can't remember it, why should I care? You are 7.4 SWEEPS OLD, Don't do this. People don't count their ages in these kinds of increments. I see you're trying to match 16 years, but just make it 7.5 sweeps. No one is going to say they're X.4 years/sweeps old. one sweep of which you DON'T SEEM TO REMEMBER QUITE WELL. You live in a MODEST HIVE in a DENSE JUNGLE with your HEMODRINKER LUSUS and its swarm. I'm guessing this is a mosquito, but why does it have a swarm? Your INTERESTS encompass mostly that of MUSIC, PHILOSOPHY, TREASURE HUNTING and KEYS. HOLY SHIT do you LOVE KEYS. They are the BEST THING EVER. Your frequently SPACE OUT and START SEEING THINGS that have happened in your life, most of which make you SAD. What does this even mean? He has a really good memory? He has "visions" of his own life? How is this relevant to what you were just talking about? You also tend to FLIP OUT easier than others whenever EMOTIONS are concerned, yours or even a friend's emotions. You're weird like that. Okay, so basically this entire paragraph jumps around everywhere. There's absolutely no flow or any real rhyme or reason to it. The first paragraph is your chance to hook the reader and to give a good, concise summary of your character's core concept. Instead, you try to throw everything at the reader at once and it just turns into a giant mess.

As previously mentioned, you have gone through A LOT OF SHIT, which resulted in multiple scars on your body, one of which is your FACIAL SCAR, which makes it really hard to SMILE, this PISSES YOU OFF, but you try not to show it. I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure scars don't work that way unless the underlying muscles have been damaged, in which case there are probably going to be some additional issues. You don't like going into the origins of your scar, but for the sake of exposition, a MANIAC PSYCHOPATH gave you this scar as well as MURDERING YOUR QUADRANTS and SOME OF THEIRS TOO. This is a badly written sentence. At least as far as you know. Thats perfectly fine. You got your GLORIOUS REVENGE on him afterward. During the fight you had WEIRD FEELINGS in your arms, THE LEFT BECAME HEAVY and the RIGHT felt SLIM AND DYNAMIC. However, REMEMBERING THE DETAILS is something you CANNOT SEEM TO DO. You BLACKED OUT after you got your revenge, and woke up AN ENTIRE SWEEP LATER among some friends. A whole sweep? Who would even bother taking care of him for that long? Trolls are generally dicks. Even his friends would have probably given up on him and left him for dead after a month or two. You woke up with SCARS ALL OVER YOUR LEFT ARM and one BIG SCAR on your RIGHT ELBOW and obviously the SCAR ON YOUR FACE. You have NO IDEA how this happened, but you guess it had SOMETHING to do with those feelings during the fight. This information does not require an entire paragraph, and it should probably not be the second paragraph. This contains a lot of background information that you give us before we even know who this guy is, which means I couldn't care less. It also feels kind of rambly and you could probably have gotten the important information in fewer words. Also, stuff that consists of "something really awful happened but you can't remember" is usually worth avoiding. Besides, if he can't remember it, why do we need to know? This paragraph doesn't really do anything to explain who he is as a person. It just sounds like something that would happen in the animes.

You're practically FINE now, the major wounds have basically healed. Kind of redundant here. You have some OTHER, LESS PROMINENT SCARS from your FREQUENT TREASURE HUNTING ESCAPADES. You have got some AWESOME LOOT from this hobby. But you prefer treasuring the KEYS used to open chests and doors. God damn you love keys. Pretty sure you already told us this in paragraph one. We know he has a thing for keys. Which leads to MUSIC, you play the KEYBOARD in a band. Why? Because KEYBOARDS are the BEST INSTRUMENT because of their GREAT NAME THAT INVOLVES KEYS. This is kind of a terrible pun. Also they sound really good a lot of the time. Convenient huh? Other than that, you like PHILOSOPHY. It is pretty HELPFUL when you want to GIVE ADVICE to others. This seems like a pretty random hobby to throw in here. You've shown us nothing about his personality that indicates why he'd want to give people advice, and why he'd look into philosophy to do that. You do this a whole lot. Most of the time you are BRUTALLY HONEST about it too. Someone has to be. You got that right. No sugarcoating for you. You are brutally honest MORESO to trolls that are BELOW YOU on the spectrum. Being in the middle of it, it is A FAIR AMOUNT of the populus. Awkward sentence. To anyone ABOVE YOU however, you are NICER about it, but STILL brutally honest. So... he's not nicer. If said highbloods ARE NOT AS PUSHY AND HEMOCRAZY you are JUST AS MEAN TO THEM as you are to lowbloods. If they don't have the guts to attack you, then whats the harm? Yeah, that's some contradictory information there. It sounds like he's just a dick to everyone, and is not actually nicer to highbloods. This paragraph suffers from the same problems as others in that you've crammed a lot of information in here but it flows poorly. It feels like you're just jumping around.

Speaking of harming others, your STRIFE SPECIBUS is KEYKIND. Which is totally awesome. Telling people makes them laugh at you, but then you whip out your GIANT KEY OF JUSTICE that you have had since you were a young one. How would this make them laugh less? A GOOD FRIEND that is a SMITHY took your FAVORITE KEY, which was BROKEN and RECREATED IT in the form of a BLUNT WEAPON, that is of the size of an AVERAGE BLADE. So he's a keyblade user. Wonderful. Your FETCH MODUS is KEYCHAIN, which is KIND OF ANNOYING sometimes, when you FUMBLE IT a WHOLE LOT OF STUFF DROPS OUT, but if you CAREFULLY EXTRACT the wanted item, EVERYTHING IS FINE. This doesn't actually explain how the modus works.

Whenever you have free time away from either YOUR BAND, WORK or TREASURE HUNTING and mess around on your husktop, you SOMETIMES PLAY VIDEOGAMES, it isn't a MAJOR interest, but it is something to PASS THE TIME. Why even mention video games then? Is this just supposed to be a lead-in to Sburb? If you ever played a SPECIFIC COMPUTER GAME ABOUT LANDS, your title would be the BRAVE OF HEART okay, there is technically a noun form of "brave," but this still sounds really weird. and you would make your home in the LAND OF CASTLES AND ABYSS, your helpers would be BLACK WINGED SNAKES with YELLOW EYES.

You can usually be found with your PDA, and on trollian, you go by considerateHeartless and you remain szure to mark eXactly where the treaszuresz are! and to be szpecific about what you mean to othersz.

TLDR;

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Name: Xulark Xazchz (Zoo-Lark Zaz-ch'z) Though I'm pretty sure you're not going to change the name, the last name is still a hard-to-pronounce mess.
Age: 7.4 Sweeps
Gender: Male
Height(in feet): 6'2, or 6'5 counting horns.
trollTag: considerateHeartless
Blood: Median teal (009966)
Lusus: Hemodrinker (Mosquito)
Planet: Land of CASTLES AND ABYSS. (LOCAA)
Title: Brave of Heart (Aspect is subject to change)
Strife Specii: Keykind
Fetch Modus: Keychain
Quirk: capitalizes 'X' and putsz 'z' after every 's' Okay, you kinda explain the "X" thing, but I still don't get the "Z" thing.

NOTE: He has a 'psychic power' of sorts. All it does is increase his combat capability. But basically, what happens is his entire left arm nearly breaks open as his bones carve their way out to cover his arm in chunky white bone armor, like a giant glove. his left arm however, extends somewhat, and is also covered in the same type of thing, only thinner, moreso like a claw, his elbow becomes pointy. It really hurts for him to use it and he usually faints and comas for a bit afterwards, as the bones recede back to normal. To be totally fair, he also has next to no knowledge of it. The first time he even used it he was already nearly KO'd. Okay, no. First, as a teal blood, he should not have a power. Not having knowledge of it doesn't make it better. Second, this surely doesn't count as a psychic power. As seen in the comic, a psychic power involves something like energy manipulation, mental abilities, or indirect control of matter (such as levitation). Having chunks of your body mutate into bony weapons does not count. If anything, it would be some really horrid and bizarre mutation. Seriously, though, what does this even add to his character? Does it serve a purpose besides giving him scars on his arms and allowing him to have that tragic backstory? I would just completely cut this out forever.

Summary: The profile is, in general, poorly written in that it lacks focus, has poor organization and flow, and contains a lot of information we don't really need to know. Even with all you've written, I don't have a very good sense of this guy's personality or character. The most I really get is that he's a jerk who probably likes to give people unsolicited advice. And he likes keys. Oh, yes, does he like keys. I got the point. Speaking of that, I think you really drive that into the ground. Though I haven't played the series, I'm guessing some of this stuff is related to Kingdom Hearts. Let's talk about the keys. So, he's got a keyblade weapon, his fetch modus is key related, he plays an instrument with keys, and even his symbol is a key. Why is his symbol a key? Isn't that a little much? I believe a troll's symbol should say something about their character or nature, but all I'd get out of yours is that he likes keys. You never even say why. You don't really say why he likes anything, except the keyboard, but that's related to the keys which we don't know about.

You need to cut out the psychic power, because a teal blood shouldn't have one, and this power isn't even psychic. Cut out the information that doesn't actually tell us anything about the guy, and go more into his personality, traits, and nature. Please note that I said to cut before you add. This profile would benefit a lot from being shorter and more concise. You spend a lot of words on in-profile comments, and while a few are fine, overdoing it becomes tiresome to read.

[GodlikeArrows]

You are Armena Nitrix. Your try to act like a PERFECT HUNTRESS, but some times you let things get really out of hand with bigger prey, you have also tended to fall when running on the ground, but never in the trees.

Your CAVE is littered with your glory from all the things you have to kull and when there is a trade show in the city not even with your lucis can you bring all of the things you need to sell.

your color on the hemospectrum is just slightly a jade green.. but you have never cared much for tending to the mother grubs but you have been sent out once to protect the mother grubs while they lay there eggs. you have a nice cresent shaped moon bow and arrow for your SYMBOL and you happen to love the rare times when both the moons are cresent shaped and you will refuse to go inside the cave with your lucis. on a less draged out note you have recently turned TEN SWEEPS. and your ok with that you have a lot more sweeps to go you hope. you are a verry excited huntress and will often pounce on any passing troll holding a knife to there neck.

your specibus is a BOW though you sometimes tuck a knife in your waise band when you go hunting.

you have a GIANT HOWLBEAST lucis who for what ever is his reason has been bring random trolls to your have and been trying to mate with any wild luci big enough

your trolltag is godlikeArrows and "you speak and a(t like a huntress, and sometimes you get (arried away with your hoOoOowls!"

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Name:
Armena Nixtra
Blood:
006600 pakastan green
Horns:
Cresent moon shape
Ancestor:
unknown buy has admired a lower blood male troll that egsistad long long ago
Powers:
none
Society:
a defender of the city wall working under blue bloods. her goal is to kull any murderious luci that comes across her district of defence
Relationships:
matesprit -
kismesis - deseaced yellow blood
morial - Calmis *note on the hair ribbon it was given to her by him and he has a ribbon on his troll as well
auspistice
Trolltag:
godlikeArrows
Typing quirk:
you speak and a(t like a huntress, and sometimes you get (arried away with your hoOoOowls!
weapon:
bow kind
though will use knife kid if close to close as well as prepairing the culled lucis
lucis:
giant howelbeast
Title:
splyth of doom
Land:
land of forests and purple seas
Fetch modus: cards are held in a bag lick object with always enough room for even the bigest of things.
Gender: female
*note lucis gender is male
age:
10 sweeps

[canidaeVulpecula]

Sprite: Her left horn is a little strange I assume its supposed to look like its poking through her hair but right now it just kinda looks like it was broken off. Id suggest keeping the full horn there and having the hair move around it - sort of like the horn is one big hair clip or something. The face is also far too much to the left so scooch that over. The mouth needs the be raised, as well, and the eyes probably need to be scooted down 2 or 3 pixels. he body of her sprite... looks like it was enlarged or something. Im not sure how to fix that short of getting a body from the sprite sheet and respriting it. Id also make the background transparent, if you can. Programs like photoshop, GIMP or paint.net allow you to do this.

Profile: The second sentance is a bit of a run on. The wording is also a bit strange - saying she lets things get out of hand makes it sound like she sees it happening and has the power to change it but doesnt. Also why does she fall on the ground but not in the trees? Tree hopping is quite a bit harder then running as it takes precision, coordination, balance and good depth perception - not to mention some branches arent as strong as others and landing on a weaker one can cause you to wobble and fall, or the branch might even break!

Kull should be spelled cull, lucis should be spelled Lusus. Also thats much more of a forest green then a jade green. I honestly cant say anything about the mother grub thing at this moment so heres hoping someone else can throw in an opinion on that. Dragged*. If shes ten sweeps her eyes would probably be starting to fill with colour and I think thats about fleet-aged. " and You're ok with that, you hope you have a lot more sweeps to go you hope."

If shes running around pouncing on random trolls and threatening them with a knife, why hasnt she been killed yet? I cant imagine every single troll who gets pounced just owning up to their fate then and there. Id scrap that all together. Waist*.

"You have a GIANT HOWLBEAST lusus who - for whatever reason - has been bringing random trolls to your hive and has been trying to mate with any wild lusus big enough."

I corrected that sentence but... it is still a little weird. You throw it in and dont explain why her lusus is doing that - even if she doesnt know, we would like to. Im sure trolls dont appreciate being kidnapped by a giant wolf lusus and might actually kill her for doing this. Speaking of her - your trolls lusus should always be the gender of the troll they're looking after, so it cant be a he.

We dont see anything about her personality at all. We know she tries to be a good hunter and her lusus is a wolf. Thats about it. Id work on expanding on a few things and adding in some personality traits.

[Captain Whosit]

Hi there. It looks like English may not be your primary language? You may want to have a friend look this over because there are numerous typos, misspellings, and other mistakes you'll want to have fixed. I'm just mentioning this because I'm going to try and focus on the profile's content and not the technical aspects as much. Comments are in red under spoilers.

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You are Armena Nitrix. Your try to act like a PERFECT HUNTRESS, but some times you let things get really out of hand with bigger prey, you have also tended to fall when running on the ground, but never in the trees. You lose me in the second sentence. I get that she wants to be a "perfect" huntress, but how does she let things get out of hand? What does that mean? Why would she be in the trees as opposed to the ground? This just doesn't make much sense as is and could use some elaboration. Also that's a run on sentence.

Your CAVE is littered with your glory from all the things you have to kull and when there is a trade show in the city not even with your lucis can you bring all of the things you need to sell. Okay, this is just a run on sentence. I get why she might fill her cave with trophies from her kills, but what do trade shows in the city have anything to do with her? A trade show is where an industry shows off its products for prospective buyers and investors. Do you mean some kind of marketplace? What is she selling? Heck, what creature is her lusus? You mention it, so it must be important.

your color on the hemospectrum is just slightly a jade green.. but you have never cared much for tending to the mother grubs but you have been sent out once to protect the mother grubs while they lay there eggs. Run on sentence. Also, jadebloods are no longer tasked with caring for the Mother Grubs so this would never have been a concern. That practice ended when the adults were banished from Alternia. you have a nice cresent shaped moon bow and arrow for your SYMBOL and you happen to love the rare times when both the moons are cresent shaped and you will refuse to go inside the cave with your lucis. on a less draged out note you have recently turned TEN SWEEPS. and your ok with that you have a lot more sweeps to go you hope. Nothing technically wrong here, but I just thought I'd let you know that a good number of people on this forum have adopted the fanon that 10 sweeps is when a troll is legally an adult and gets shipped off of Alternia to serve in the Fleet. you are a verry excited huntress and will often pounce on any passing troll holding a knife to there neck. Okay, this comes out of nowhere. Why does she do this? Does she murder every troll that passes by her cave? Is this her messed up way of saying "hello"? Why do you just stick this in after you've been talking about the moons? What happens when the troll she tackles fights back? Or is more agile than her?

your specibus is a BOW though you sometimes tuck a knife in your waise band when you go hunting.

you have a GIANT HOWLBEAST lucis who for what ever is his reason has been bring random trolls to your have and been trying to mate with any wild luci big enough So, this sentence barely makes any sense, but from what I can pick out it's kind of weird and creepy. I can't tell if her lusus is dragging trolls back to the hive to mate with her, or if the lusus is trying to mate with other lusii, or if your troll is doing some weird mating thing. You should not mention lusus mating at all, really. It's not appropriate content for a profile. Also the lusus should be female, like the troll.

your trolltag is godlikeArrows and "you speak and a(t like a huntress, and sometimes you get (arried away with your hoOoOowls!"

Her text color and the color on her sprite do not match! Since you listed the hex code here, I'd say you put the wrong color on the sprite.

Name:
Armena Nixtra
Blood:
006600 pakastan green
Horns:
Cresent moon shape
Ancestor:
unknown buy has admired a lower blood male troll that egsistad long long ago
Powers:
none
Society:
a defender of the city wall working under blue bloods. her goal is to kull any murderious luci that comes across her district of defence
Relationships:
matesprit -
kismesis - deseaced yellow blood
morial - Calmis *note on the hair ribbon it was given to her by him and he has a ribbon on his troll as well
auspistice
Trolltag:
godlikeArrows
Typing quirk:
you speak and a(t like a huntress, and sometimes you get (arried away with your hoOoOowls!
weapon:
bow kind
though will use knife kid if close to close as well as prepairing the culled lucis
lucis:
giant howelbeast
Title:
splyth of doom
Land:
land of forests and purple seas
Fetch modus: cards are held in a bag lick object with always enough room for even the bigest of things. This is really a dull modus. Most characters in Homestuck have amusingly complicated or inconvenient fetch modii.
Gender: female
*note lucis gender is male Lusus should be female.
age:
10 sweeps

I see that canidaeVulpecula has corrected a few of your sentences, but really, almost any word that can be misspelled has been misspelled. You should either go over this very carefully or get someone to help you with that. Besides that, there are a lot of content issues and, when it comes right down to it, there's not a lot here. I can tell that this troll is a skilled huntress but nothing beyond that. I don't know what hobbies she has, what she likes to do when she's not hunting, whether she's friendly, aggressive, mean, sweet, petty, or whatever. You need to tell us more about her as a character and as a person.

[cautiousValidity]

Thank you guys for the critique. I'll try this again


>Be the Pyromaniac

Your name is Irinyi Vienna, a rustblood. You are a troll of only 7 sweeps, a younger one. You have THERMAL VISION. This means, instead of normal colors, you see things in THERMAL COLORS. So, the hotter or cooler something is, the more red, green or such something is.. This is pretty much the most USELESS power known to troll kind, BUT IT'S STILL PRETTY DAMN AWESOME. And, to be even MORE awesome, you can control it. Well, partially control it. You have to concentrate a lot to see in REGULAR COLORS, and even sometimes then it doesn't always work as perfect as you'd like, but you know, don't kick a gift horse in the mouth!
You are a bit SILLY. More then a BIT... you tend to say the stupidest things, and have dumb catchphrases like "HELL YES, REDBLOOD POWERS!" which you basically you basically whenever you have the chance. Even so, you tend to be OVERLY PASSIONATE about everything you do, which can annoy some people. You don't really care though - you love what you do, and if they don't like it too, it's their fault!
Your main hobby, though? You love to SET THINGS ON FIRE. Particularly with your matches, which you buy by the dozen. You have a huge collection of them which is constantly growing and shrinking due to the fact you BURN THINGS DAILY and then BUY MORE MATCHES. You mostly burn PAPER, which consists of EMBARRASSING REDROMS YOU WRITE, as you LOVE RED ROMANCE. Unfortunately, your stories write, so you take a knack to BURN THE DIRECTLY AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN WROTE. As well as MATCHES, your strife specibi is a FLAMETHROWER, which is fun, but, to be honest, gives you a headache. Also, you kind of SUCK WITH USING IT, as the colors sort of DISTRACT YOU, and usually just resolve to hiding in a corner in fear of accidentally STARTING A FIRE YOU CAN'T CONTROL. You are fine with regular fires, but if you can't control it... WELL, THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA
Your lusus is an OWL, which you call HOOTS for hell's sake. You never see it though, it's always busy eating worms or something.
Your trolltag is phosphoricAddict and you tend to type w1th no cap1tal5 except when you are exc1ted. but alway5 per1ods. always.

[Blank]

I'd like to put this in for sprite and profile critique:



Your name is Hannie Baalie, a seven sweep old seadweller exiled from the ocean and currently forswearing hemotyping.

You are a BOLD uncompromising troll who would prefer to TRAMPLE problems underfoot. You feel nothing is truly earned unless TAKEN by force, preferably from the cold dead hands of your enemies while you hear the LAMENTATIONS of those who cherished them. You are also a PROUD haughty troll, never forgetting your true blood. These are not CONVENIENT traits for someone taking anonymity, and you have often struggled with holding your NATURE in when faced with opposition. You have an excellent MEMORY though, and never forget those who wronged you or friends who helped you. You disdain those who hold high positions while doing little to hold onto them.

You sometimes, if pressed or caught, claim to be going anonymous to get a FRANK and HONEST view of life outside of royalty and perform SECRET TESTS OF CHARACTER. While this has some element of truth to it, your HAND was actually forced somewhat. When you were younger you went around saying you had a claim on imperial throne as a descendant of an ancient EMPRESS, with just an old ivory crown and some MYTHICAL stories as proof. Well it was fun to pretend... until assassins came after you and friends turned against you. That's how you became disguised and EXILED on the land.

To become stronger and HARDER you often push your body to its limits. You are slowly becoming an ASCETIC, giving up worldly pleasures and restricting your food intake, even as you sell your remaining heirlooms. Suffering brings greatness, and you see your exile in this light. However you will not give up your birthright and that old stained crown that represents it: One day when you are completely self reliant and able to take on all challengers you will reclaim it. And if you get proof that you really are an HEIRESS you would be expected to challenge the reigning empress one day. You must BE PREPARED.

Tl;dr

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Name: Hannie Baalie
Tag: ivoryAscetic
Gender: Female
Symbol: Original symbol
Blood: Near tryrian purple #aa0066 hue 324 R:170 G:0 B:102
Age: 7 Sweeps
Lusus: Aquatic Elephant http://i.imgur.com/7TuXg.png
Strife: StaffKind / (pitch)ForkKind object-duality
Modus: Primogeniture: Based on hereditary laws of succession. A tree variant where new objects are assigned as the children of the object that most closely resembles it. After an object is retrieved, the next card in line to be uncaptchaloged goes to the most recently captachloged 'child' of the one just taken. If there are no children then it goes to the next most recent 'brother'. What this means is, if a towel is set to be uncaptchaloged next, the entire family of cleaning products might need to be purged first to take out an electronic item.
Quirk: Replaces 'f' with 'ph', does not use contractions

Notes:
I'm still thinking up a better/more obvious quirk

[GodlikeArrows]

You are Armena Nitrix. Your try to act like a PERFECT HUNTRESS, and many trolls that ask for your hand in a fight, well you end up in dealing with an angry lusus later.

You have tried your best at being a calmer troll but in all truth that will never happen. You as well as a buddy of yours cull murderous lusii for a group of bluebloods that are too bothered by them entering the city and causing them to be woken in the middle of the day. You have no wish to go in to the fleet or even the city and are fairly happy you have a year before you have to leave your cave.

You hive is located fairly close to a dam that enters the city where your moirail Calder lives. You have sometimes helped him feed his lusus due to your abundance of kills at the end of the day and having a lusus the size of a mewbeast {artic fox size but she is a wolf I have yet to come up with a name for her}

Your are fascinated with anything crescent shaped, so you happen to have a lot of claws, talons and teeth from the savage or wild lusii you cull. And whenever one of the moons gets crescent shaped you refuse to stay inside no matter what the weather is.

At some point in time you had found your lusus holding a leather bound book about to use the poor piece of literature as a chew toy snatching it from her who looked threw you found it was a journal of a long passed olive blood hunter who was left on planets that were once very war driven to keep reassurance to the empress that that planet would stay under her command. It even went in to detail of how he did this. And how he was rewarded by getting to meet the empress and when he died he was taken back to Alternia and laid to rest on home soil. That’s you idol, that’s who you want to be. * the troll being described in this is not her ancestor her ancestor plays a much less important part in this and is only her idols kismises who died an unfair death being culled by a boar*

Your troll tag is godlikeArrows and “you speak and a(t like a huntress, and sometimes you get (arried away with your hoOoOowls!”

i scratched everything from befor and redid her.

[CraftyJongleur]

Ok, this profile is ROUGH. Like, REALLY REALLY ROUGH. Please don't judge me by it, it's the first draft of a profile that I'm writing for a troll that I'm only just starting to understand. Still, I could use some help with it. Like, a LOT of help. I need people to pick apart the problems with this troll, tell me what needs to be cut, what needs to be added, etc. and so forth. I will be eternally grateful to anyone who does so and will probably even bake you a cake (nope).

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Your name is PRABHU SERKAN. You are 8.5 sweeps old and you are a BLUE BLOOD. You are quite proud of this fact, as being a blue blood means you have POWER over most other trolls- you would certainly hate for it to be the other way around.

Your villa-esque hive sits in the middle of a large HEDGE MAZE, which you had installed at the behest of your MINOTAUR LUSUS. Like any good minotaur, he feels most at home in the depths of a massive labyrith, and he has taught you to do the same. Specifically, he taught you to lure unsuspecting LOWBLOODS into the maze, get them completely and totally lost, and then trap them at a dead end and beat them to a pulp. You quickly became enchanted by the thrill of harming other trolls, spilling their blood and watching large WELTS and BRUISES arise upon their flesh. The feeling of having that much power over another troll was positively euphoric.

But there was one thing that your lusus did not realize, something that it did not expect; as much as you enjoyed causing pain to other trolls, you always hated the way they FEARED you, the way they LOATHED you, the way they'd RUN away after you were done. You longed for someone to enjoy the experience as much as you did, to WANT you to hurt them, to THANK you for causing them pain. In the end, you realized that because you hated how your lusus forced you into being "the perfect little HIGHBLOOD", you were not okay with forcing another to go through something they didn't want to. Your lusus may have made you enjoy inflicting PAIN on others, but PARADOXICALLY, he could not make you like their SUFFERING. Because of this, you've developed a love/hate relationship with your lusus, loving the ways he's taught you to exert your power over others, but hating the fact that he's forced you to do so.

Your conflicting interests have left you as a SERIAL DITHERER- it is very hard for you to make any sort of important decision, as you're constantly tugged in two different directions. This makes it difficult for you to be as DOMINANT as you wish to be, as a truly dominant troll would know exactly what they want and take it- whereas you have no idea what you really want or how to get it.

Still, you enjoy a good LAUGH, especially at others' expense, and have never gotten out of the habit of tricking other trolls into getting hurt- even if you do always feel a pang of SELF LOATHING when you do it, your SHAUDENFREUDE usually wins out. PRANKS and PRACTICAL JOKES are a specialty of yours. You are also a fan of ROMANCE NOVELS, particularly the SUBVERSIVELY EROTIC variety, which allow you to vicariously live out your FANTASIES of having a partner who truly enjoys your sadism.

You wield the STRIFE SPECIBUS of catlprodkind, which you chose as they ultimate pain inflicter- no true PRACTICAL APPLICATION beyond burning into the flesh of other trolls. The fact that it is technically not a WEAPON belies one of your major WEAKNESSES: you aren't much good at FIGHTING, preferring to prey on trapped and vulnerable trolls rather than facing armed trolls one on one.

Your troll tag is reluctantSavage and you Pretty Much Always capItAlIze certAIN letters from your favorite word, PAIN

[finepoint]

@ CraftyJongleur

First things first, that is a nice sprite! I think his hairline needs to be a little lower, that's a bit much forehead, but looks pretty good otherwise.

Okay, you have a diamond in the rough here. This could be a very good troll, but a few things could be changed. Everyone stand back, I'm gonna use some words here.
I noticed you mention a lot of stuff about sadomasochism. In my opinion, I don't really think mentioning anything sexual in a profile like this is necessary. It's just not subtle at all and doesn't fit with the tone. I find it hard to take it seriously, so leaving it out might be cool.
The whole violent personality thing could be done over, too. I think it would work much better if his "thing" was cannibalism. He could keep the maze and the lusus ('Cause that was a great idea) and have a bunch of bonus guilt over trapping innocent people and eating them. You could keep the tense relationship between him and his lusus, especially if his lusus encourages the behaviour. He would feel obliged to listen to a parental figure but at the same time struggles with his personal morals.

[Captain Whosit]

@GodlikeArrows: Comments in red.

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Her face is not properly aligned. Compare to a canon sprite.

You are Armena Nitrix. Your try to act like a PERFECT HUNTRESS, and many trolls that ask for your hand in a fight, well you end up in dealing with an angry lusus later. I don't know what this means. Are you saying that many trolls challenge her to a fight? Are they asking for her help in a fight? Why does her lusus get angry?

You have tried your best at being a calmer troll but in all truth that will never happen. This statement has nothing to anchor to. Is she angry all the time? Why does she need to be calmer? You as well as a buddy of yours cull murderous lusii for a group of bluebloods that are too bothered by them entering the city and causing them to be woken in the middle of the day. You have no wish to go in to the fleet or even the city and are fairly happy you have a year before you have to leave your cave. She doesn't wish to go to the city, but she goes to the city? Is she actually active during the day when she hunts these lusii?

You hive is located fairly close to a dam that enters the city where your moirail Calder lives. You have sometimes helped him feed his lusus due to your abundance of kills at the end of the day and having a lusus the size of a mewbeast {artic fox size but she is a wolf I have yet to come up with a name for her} This is a bit of a run on sentence. The information makes sense but is kind of detached from context.

Your are fascinated with anything crescent shaped, so you happen to have a lot of claws, talons and teeth from the savage or wild lusii you cull. And whenever one of the moons gets crescent shaped you refuse to stay inside no matter what the weather is.

At some point in time you had found your lusus holding a leather bound book about to use the poor piece of literature as a chew toy snatching it from her who looked threw you found it was a journal of a long passed olive blood hunter who was left on planets that were once very war driven to keep reassurance to the empress that that planet would stay under her command. It even went in to detail of how he did this. And how he was rewarded by getting to meet the empress and when he died he was taken back to Alternia and laid to rest on home soil. That’s you idol, that’s who you want to be. * the troll being described in this is not her ancestor her ancestor plays a much less important part in this and is only her idols kismises who died an unfair death being culled by a boar* This paragraph doesn't really seem relevant. Okay, she apparently idolizes some olive blood war hero, but this doesn't really provide much more insight into her character.

Your troll tag is godlikeArrows and “you speak and a(t like a huntress, and sometimes you get (arried away with your hoOoOowls!”

i scratched everything from befor and redid her.

I think this new profile tells us even less about Armena than before. There's just not much information here. The basic premise seems okay, but this profile gives us no real insight into her nature besides the fact that she hunts lusii. Is that all there is to her?

[CraftyJongleur]

@ CraftyJongleur

First things first, that is a nice sprite! I think his hairline needs to be a little lower, that's a bit much forehead, but looks pretty good otherwise.

Okay, you have a diamond in the rough here. This could be a very good troll, but a few things could be changed. Everyone stand back, I'm gonna use some words here.
I noticed you mention a lot of stuff about sadomasochism. In my opinion, I don't really think mentioning anything sexual in a profile like this is necessary. It's just not subtle at all and doesn't fit with the tone. I find it hard to take it seriously, so leaving it out might be cool.
The whole violent personality thing could be done over, too. I think it would work much better if his "thing" was cannibalism. He could keep the maze and the lusus ('Cause that was a great idea) and have a bunch of bonus guilt over trapping innocent people and eating them. You could keep the tense relationship between him and his lusus, especially if his lusus encourages the behaviour. He would feel obliged to listen to a parental figure but at the same time struggles with his personal morals.

Thank you for your input! The sadism thing is an important pillar of the character, and isn't going to be changed, but I think you're misunderstanding it? The sadism is never explicitly said to be a sexual thing, and for good reason- this troll will eventually destined for the cafe, and such a thing would have no business in there.
"Sadism" here means that the guy likes to cause pain, pure and simple. Nothing innately sexual about it, and certainly no more so than what Equius has.

EDIT: After further examination of the profile, I've seen that there ARE a few points that are a bit too blatantly sexual, small things that passed under my radar, which I will remove, yes.

[probableWizardry]

Okay, I may have cut out more than needed, but here it is currently.

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>Be the scarred failure.
oi, fuck you, dude!
>Hahaha, I'm joking. Be the key obsessed treasure hunter.
closze enough.. not eXactly gratifying but whatever.



Your name is Xulark Xazchz and you have been through a WHOLE LOT OF SHIT, but everyone has, you just like to complain somtimes. You are 7.5 SWEEPS OLD. You live in a MODEST HIVE in a DENSE JUNGLE with your HEMODRINKER LUSUS that socializes with its familial swarm quite a bit. Your INTERESTS encompass mostly that of MUSIC, PHILOSOPHY, TREASURE HUNTING and KEYS. HOLY SHIT do you LOVE KEYS. They are the BEST THING EVER. Others would tell you that this is a CHILDISH OBSESSION, but like hell if you're going to admit it!

You mainly go out hunting for treasure, and you have got some AWESOME LOOT from this hobby. You have STEADY INCOME this way, as well as getting to see lots of neat places on Alternia. You're kind of a klutz sometimes, so most of your escapades have in multiple scars on your body, one of which is your fairly recent FACIAL SCAR, which sometimes makes it really hard to SMILE, this PISSES YOU OFF, but you try not to show it. You got this scar when SOME PSYCHO tried to off you for no real valid reason, some friends of yours suffered as well. You're not too sure if any of them lived. But you're practically ready to give up hope. Thats perfectly fine though, you got REVENGE on him fairly quickly. He knows not to mess with you now.

Speaking of harming others, your STRIFE SPECIBUS is KEYKIND. Which is totally awesome. Telling people makes them laugh at you, but then you whip out your GIANT KEY OF JUSTICE that you have had since you were a young one. It usually makes them laugh more, but this makes them distracted enough for you to smack them around the head with it. A GOOD FRIEND that is a SMITHY took your FAVORITE KEY, which was BROKEN and RECREATED IT in the form of a BLUNT WEAPON, that is of the size of an AVERAGE BLADE. Your FETCH MODUS is KEYCHAIN, which is KIND OF ANNOYING sometimes, when you FUMBLE IT and break a chain, this results in some of your things falling out all over the place, but if you CAREFULLY EXTRACT the wanted item, EVERYTHING IS FINE.

You can usually be found with your PDA, and on trollian, you go by considerateHeartless and you muzst szure to mark eXactly where the treaszuresz are! and to be szpecific about what you mean to othersz, asz your luszusz hasz taught you to do.

TLDR;

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Name: Xulark Xazchz (Zoo-Lark Zaz-ch'z)
Age: 7.5 Sweeps
Gender: Male
Height(in feet): 6'2, or 6'5 counting horns.
trollTag: considerateHeartless
Blood: Median teal (009966)
Lusus: Hemodrinker (Mosquito)
Planet: Land of CASTLES AND ABYSS. (LOCAA)
Title: Brave of Heart
Strife Specii: Keykind
Fetch Modus: Keychain
Quirk: capitalizes 'X' and putsz 'z' after every 's'

Anyway, I cut out the unneeded stuff. Any pointers on what to add now, or rather where to weave in personality traits?
I want to fix that issue before going into philosophy and the other things.

[CraftyJongleur]

Updated the profile to be more forum friendly, trimmed out all of they overly blatant parts. Still needs a lot of work, so further critique would be greatly appreciated. EDIT: Have also expanded to add more detail about personality and hobbies.



Your name is PRABHU SERKAN. You are 8.5 sweeps old and you are a BLUE BLOOD. You are quite proud of this fact, as being a blue blood means you have POWER over most other trolls- you would certainly hate for it to be the other way around.

Your villa-esque hive sits in the middle of a large HEDGE MAZE, which you had installed at the behest of your MINOTAUR LUSUS. Like any good minotaur, he feels most at home in the depths of a massive labyrith, and he has taught you to do the same. Specifically, he taught you to lure unsuspecting LOWBLOODS into the maze, get them completely and totally lost, and then trap them at a dead end and beat them to a pulp. You quickly became enchanted by the thrill of harming other trolls and spilling their blood. The feeling of having that much power over another troll was intense.

But there was one thing that your lusus did not realize, something that it did not expect; as much as you enjoyed causing pain to other trolls, you always hated the way they FEARED you, the way they'd RUN away after you were done. You wanted to cause pain, but you didn't want to upset the other troll- a conflict you had trouble justifying to yourself. In the end, you realized that because you hated how your lusus forced you into being "the perfect little HIGHBLOOD", you were not okay with forcing another to go through something they didn't want to. Your lusus may have made you enjoy inflicting PAIN on others, but PARADOXICALLY, he could not make you like their SUFFERING. Because of this, you've developed a love/hate relationship with your lusus, loving the ways he's taught you to exert your power over others, but hating the fact that he's forced you to do so.

Your conflicting interests have left you as a SERIAL DITHERER- it is very hard for you to make any sort of important decision, as you're constantly tugged in two different directions. This makes it difficult for you to be as DOMINANT as you wish to be, as a truly dominant troll would know exactly what they want and take it- whereas you have no idea what you really want or how to get it. You have a tough time making up your mind about ANYTHING at all, preferring to ACT as the strong leader, but bully others into making decisions for you. No decision is ever good enough for you- in fact, nothing is ever good enough. You are a PERFECTIONIST, and are constantly changing your mind, redoing things, and starting over, because no decision is ever perfectt enough.

Still, you enjoy a good LAUGH, especially at others' expense, and have never gotten out of the habit of tricking other trolls into getting hurt- even if you do always feel a pang of SELF LOATHING when you do it, your SHAUDENFREUDE usually wins out. PRANKS and PRACTICAL JOKES are a specialty of yours. Your fun can often get out of hand, however, so you practice MEDITATION and practicing MARTIAL ARTS to calm yourself down. You have had to become very disciplined in order to keep yourself form hurting too many trolls. You also spend a lot of your time designing complex TRAPS and LURES to help catch new victims. Starting with simple SNARES you have since moved on to more complex and elaborate mechanisms, which you design and construct yourself. You can be quite HANDY with a set of tools.

You can be a bit of a SNOB about your blood status, boasting, strutting around, and lording it over others, but in truth you are a bit INSECURE. Because of your aversion to forcing trolls to do things against their will, you feel like a FRAUD, and so you overly play up your CONFIDENCE and HAUGHTINESS to seem more dominant than you actually are.

However, to people you get close to, you can be very SWEET. In the end, your desire to be dominant, to control, to be POWERFUL, stems from a desire to PROTECT the things you care about. So many trolls fear you and run from you, and very few pity you. In truth, you are a HOPELESS ROMANTIC, just desperate for someone who won't run away from your peculiarities, and when you find someone, you will hold them close and never let them go. You are a bit of a FLIRT because of this, as you actively shmooze around with trolls, searching for your SPECIAL SOMEONE.

You wield the STRIFE SPECIBUS of catlprodkind, which you chose as they ultimate pain inflicter- no true PRACTICAL APPLICATION beyond burning into the flesh of other trolls. The fact that it is technically not a WEAPON belies one of your major WEAKNESSES: you aren't much good at FIGHTING, preferring to prey on trapped and vulnerable trolls rather than facing armed trolls one on one.

Your troll tag is reluctantSavage and you Pretty much Always capItAlIze certAIN letters from your favorite word, PAIN

[Thunder Reign]

Updated the profile to be more forum friendly, trimmed out all of they overly blatant parts. Still needs a lot of work, so further critique would be greatly appreciated.



Your name is PRABHU SERKAN. You are 8.5 sweeps old and you are a BLUE BLOOD. You are quite proud of this fact, as being a blue blood means you have POWER over most other trolls- you would certainly hate for it to be the other way around.

Your villa-esque hive sits in the middle of a large HEDGE MAZE, which you had installed at the behest of your MINOTAUR LUSUS. Like any good minotaur, he feels most at home in the depths of a massive labyrith, and he has taught you to do the same. Specifically, he taught you to lure unsuspecting LOWBLOODS into the maze, get them completely and totally lost, and then trap them at a dead end and beat them to a pulp. You quickly became enchanted by the thrill of harming other trolls and spilling their blood. The feeling of having that much power over another troll was intense.

But there was one thing that your lusus did not realize, something that it did not expect; as much as you enjoyed causing pain to other trolls, you always hated the way they FEARED you, the way they'd RUN away after you were done. You wanted to cause pain, but you didn't want to upset the other troll- a conflict you had trouble justifying to yourself. In the end, you realized that because you hated how your lusus forced you into being "the perfect little HIGHBLOOD", you were not okay with forcing another to go through something they didn't want to. Your lusus may have made you enjoy inflicting PAIN on others, but PARADOXICALLY, he could not make you like their SUFFERING. Because of this, you've developed a love/hate relationship with your lusus, loving the ways he's taught you to exert your power over others, but hating the fact that he's forced you to do so.

Your conflicting interests have left you as a SERIAL DITHERER- it is very hard for you to make any sort of important decision, as you're constantly tugged in two different directions. This makes it difficult for you to be as DOMINANT as you wish to be, as a truly dominant troll would know exactly what they want and take it- whereas you have no idea what you really want or how to get it.

Still, you enjoy a good LAUGH, especially at others' expense, and have never gotten out of the habit of tricking other trolls into getting hurt- even if you do always feel a pang of SELF LOATHING when you do it, your SHAUDENFREUDE usually wins out. PRANKS and PRACTICAL JOKES are a specialty of yours.

You wield the STRIFE SPECIBUS of catlprodkind, which you chose as they ultimate pain inflicter- no true PRACTICAL APPLICATION beyond burning into the flesh of other trolls. The fact that it is technically not a WEAPON belies one of your major WEAKNESSES: you aren't much good at FIGHTING, preferring to prey on trapped and vulnerable trolls rather than facing armed trolls one on one.

Your troll tag is reluctantSavage and you Pretty much Always capItAlIze certAIN letters from your favorite word, PAIN

Don't have time to crit too deeply, but his horns are outlined and on regular sprites they shouldn't be. Looks weird!

[Kendov]

> Be the tarblooded asshole

You are now the tarblooded asshole.

Your name is KENDOV VEDSOS. You are SEVEN SWEEPS old. You are BLIND in your RIGHT EYE.

You have a number of INTERESTS. The most potent of them is FIRE. You love FIRE so much that you often burn objects lying around your hive for fun. You also have a passion for SHARP OBJECTS. As much so that there is a number of various SHARP OBJECTS embedded in your walls at all times. You also hate HIGHBLOODS. You hate them so much because of your BLOOD COLOR. You have BLACK BLOOD, the lowest of the mutant blood. You dream of being ACCEPTED into troll society, but that will never happen because if they saw your blood color you know you would be instantly shunned. It was somewhat of a miracle to have survived the grub stage without being culled. The only reason is likely because you had a lusus specially bred for you. Your QUADRANTS are generally empty, besides MOIRALLEGIANCE. You had a MATESPRIT at a time but you lit her on FIRE because she scolded you for lighting too many things on FIRE.

Also relevant to FIRE is your special powers. You can naturally CREATE AND CONTROL FIRE and are also IMMUNE TO HEAT. You have the title of KNIGHT OF RAGE and your STRIFE SPECIBI is aligned with BLADEKIND. You type in DARK RED to hide your blood color, and also type with no normal capitals and punctuation but capitalize every F. Your CHUMHANDLE is milesIram and your planet is the LAND OF FIRE AND WRATH. Your FETCH MODUS is ARRAY because you don't have time for fucking around with all the BULLSHIT other kinds provide you with.

I'm getting people say he's overpowered. I see why and can agree with that. But what I want to know is..

Is there any way to have him retain the flame creation and heat immunity but still be balanced? What I've come up with is that the flames take an incredible amount of energy to produce and sustain, and holding large fires for too long will basically deplete him of any energy. What else?