Qregon Trail: ACTUALLY FLYING

**Anomaly** · 06-25-2012, 05:38 PM

Imperatus marches into the room, glancing briefly at Commissar but remaining quiet.

In his culture it was never thought necessary to thank someone for their courtesy. Silent half-acknowledgement was usually considered polite enough. Unfortunately, as he had never bothered to figure out, this was considered impolite in most societies.

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-25-2012, 05:50 PM

"Ah, our captain candidate, welcome. I shall ask the first question. It will be a simple one. You find a derelict ship floating in space. Apparently it is owned by Neboulous Pirates. The ship is badly damaged, but the crew seems to be alive, and asking for help. What do you do?"

**Anomaly** · 06-25-2012, 06:46 PM

"That depends on the situation. If there is an imminent danger to the lives of the other crew, and if we can reasonably take them onboard and hold them without endangering my own crew, then we take them onboard and deliver them to the authorities. If the pirate crew is in no immediate danger, or there is a significant risk to my own crew or if we have matters to attend to more urgent than that of the pirate crew, then we notify the authorities and move on. If proper help cannot arrive in time, then, well, they're the ones that chose to be pirates. I can't put my own crew or other innocent lives in danger to save a bunch of criminals."

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-26-2012, 05:34 AM

"Very good. Very good. The next question goes both to the life support engineer and the biologist. There is an infestation of etherrats on the ship. How do you smoke them out if their ether charge is at Red Level?

**Paranoia** · 06-26-2012, 07:59 AM

It took a bit of doing to shake Specks from the magazine he was so intent upon - but being asked a question by a big scary plant was enough.

"Well that's rather simple, I think. A non corpeal - such as etherrats - usually has to be forced to actually take physical form. The easiest way to do so is disrupt the flow of ethenergy. As a ship doesn't generate that sort of energy naturally as would planets or hyperspace would, you would have to park in some remote corner, turn off all ethenergy generators on the ship, and go on a rat hunt. And any life suport system worth its salt should easily be able to locate any living beings on the ship and provide the pests with the 'necessary' components for a 'long' and 'fulfilling life'."

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-26-2012, 08:43 AM

"Very well. And what is your proposed solution, Mister... Steef?

Next question for the, ahem, Human Resources officer: what kind of food would you order if you would have to cater specifically for each crewmember, and what would you order if you would have to find the most general food? Bonus question: how would you rename your office so it would be more fit for the general public?

More question for the Engineer and the Pilot: what is the standard protocol if the engines stop working in hyperspace?

Communications, a very important aspect. How do you do solve a situation when some "primitive" natives accuse you of witchcraft? How do you solve it if they are right?"

**Jacquerel** · 06-26-2012, 11:29 PM

The diminutive doctor(s) spent much of the time before they were called into the interview office staring around at their new "crew mates" in no small degree of awe and babbling excitedly to themselves. Obviously the individual cells didn't actually need to speak out loud to communicate with each other but they often forgot that during periods of excitement.
One of them seemed to be made of rocks and another was mechanical, to these two they dismissively paid almost no heed at all even as one very politely held a door open for them to enter the interview room, but the others were all flesh and blood (and chitin) and species they didn't believe they had ever met before. It was all they could do to resist running off in four directions at once to shake their hands and add their genomes to the collection... but their short time among other sapients had taught them quickly that most races were not quite so appreciative of unsolicited bodily contact as theirs were and as they were likely to spend a long time together they wanted to make a good impression.

They couldn't resist the interviewer though, leaving a thin coating of slime on one of Miss Azazalia leaves following a particularly energetic handshake before they deigned to answer the question posed to them. The blob positioned in the area that could mostly be most accurately described as a head did the talking... usually. The others would interrupt it to interject their own opinion occasionally.

"Etherrats?", they were a fairly common pest around space stations and thus they'd already got their slimy mitts on more than a few. They conveniently even had a breeding cycle short enough that they could tamper with their genes and observe the results without any sort of specialised cloning equipment! They'd been slightly tempted to sneak some on board with him but the fact that they came up as a question persuaded them that this might be a bad idea.
"Establish common feeding areas. Deposit pre-prepared viral clusters [I was testing them in my hotel room!] (Instruct janitors not to clean up viral slime like they did in the hotel)!
Viruses sterilise victims and pass on via bodily contact. Ettherrats highly social creatures, conditions that either never become deadly or take a long time to develop spread quickly and easily.
Several days pass, rat population stops growing. Several weeks pass, no more rats."
The interviewer did not react to this with as much pleasure as they had hoped, so they reluctantly added.
"Could also make disease deadly, wait a week for maximum spread and then attack neural centres. Rats go away a lot faster, seems needlessly cruel though.
They are incorporeal much of the time and thus aren't known carriers of any but the most obscure of disease. (You'd have to be really annoying one to get it to bite you...)
Halting or even slowing population growth (especially if detected earlier) is enough to prevent any dangerous ether buildup. Any good scientist would know they were there before they became a problem."

Steef was more of a one for ecological balance than extermination, a question about pest control was not something they had expected to receive as it was almost the opposite of what they'd hoped to be spending their time doing.
If they could live in peace with the rats then surely that would enrich the lives of everyone on board? No?

**dragonpaul99** · 06-27-2012, 01:58 AM

Freight suddenly tenses up as soon as he hears the word "protocol"; worried about what the plant creature might say if it found out about his.... less than formal training.

"Alright let's see, engine stops working in hyperspace...... Well uh, the first thing I'd do would be to radio up to the bridge to see if they can tell me anything about the problem, or how long we have until our exit out of hyperspace comes up. Then I'd probably just have to take a quick look through the important sections of the engine room and see if the problem doesn't make itself clear in the first few minutes or so. After that... I guess it'd depend on what got broken and how. It we don't have any spare parts lying around, I could probably pull something out of one the non-essential machines and get the important bits running just long enough to get us back to the nearest civilized planet for some more serious repairs, or at least back into normal space so someone can radio in for help. Absolute worse case scenario, we have to load up the crew and anything valuable into escape pods and abandon the ship. Pilot would probably have to be the last one to go, just to make sure everyone else gets out of hyperspace at all the safe exit points. Doubt it'll come to that though; more often than not I'll probably know where all the weak areas are before they break down and make sure to keep those functioning and have the right parts on board to fix it. So as long as everyone else can keep from fucking around with stuff in the engine room, it should be metaphorical smooth sailing."

"So-"

"No wait! Check the Hyperdrive Regulator first, then the Fuel Oscillator, THEN radio in to Pilot and Life Support to see what's up, and if none of those worked you can start searching through all the important bits of the engine room while the computer runs some sort of tests.... Right?"

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-27-2012, 02:21 AM

The plants is slightly surprised by the wet handshakes, but manages to be not deterred by it. "Hmm, good, good, both of you. Now on to the next questions. This is a medical one, aimed at Speef again: what are the symptons of Space Malaria and what treatment would you use?
Another question for the roboticist: what would you do when establishing first contact with entirely robotic species.
And captain: what would you do with stowaways?"

**Palamedes** · 06-27-2012, 02:36 AM

Navers and Lisba were only partially paying attention. Lisba was the first to look at the plant-lady when she spoke to them, and almost immediately Navers turned to her as well.

"Huh, us? Oh right, why that's easy ma'am."

"Thought I suppose it depends on what the purpose of contacting the natives is," Navers and Lisba rubbed their chins. "But assuming we're not to colonize or conquer them then the answer is simple."

"We would take whatever item they believe responsible for this 'witchcraft' and then show and explain its similarities to their own particular instruments."

Without waiting for any form of recognition or approval, Navers continued on.

"If we were actually using witchcraft, or something similar enough, well then we'd just have to use their own primitive nature against them, playing to their superstitions and convincing them that what they saw was in fact something else."

"Something far more explainable."

"Precisely."

"Above all else, a show of goodwill would be important, you know, giving them access to some of our advanced tools and technology. Not only would it help them become a tolerant, knowledgeable race much sooner, but it would do wonders for helping to convince them that witchcraft certainly wasn't involved, whether or not it actually was."

"After all, if suddenly they could use the same items we had to perform 'magic', why, we would stop being magical altogether!"

The pair backed off and proceeded to look over the rest of the office, though this time they began taking short shifts to make sure they didn't almost miss their employer trying to address them again.

**Anomaly** · 06-27-2012, 02:57 AM

Imperatus glares at the engineer, wondering if he even knows what he's talking about. Definitely not well-trained, but what choice is there? The blob-thing also seemed far too enthused about keeping vermin onboard rather than exterminating the population immediately. Scientists. Never know when to quit.

"Stowaways? Simple. If the ship has a holding cell (and I will assume it does), then we simply place them there until they can be turned over to the authorities, even if said authorities are extremely far away (if necessary, we will keep them in their cell for an extended period of time). I would also order my crew (especially any engineers) to ensure that supplies are intact and that the stowaway has not tampered with any systems. If the stowaway has tampered with systems, the damage will be assessed, ship will be halted if it is safe to do so, and repairs will be carried out immediately. All damage done or supplies lost will be noted on the official record."

Obviously questions meant for amateurs. Not even anything about complicated war scenarios or maneuvers or anything. Imperatus silently wonders how much longer this is going to take.

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-27-2012, 04:06 AM

"And what if the stowaway is of a gaseous composition, extremely malicious, can make things catch on fire on contact, and has the medical crewmember hostage?
Also, to life support: how do you dispose of Hazardous Eldritch Materials if you don't have an Elder Suit on hand?"

**Anomaly** · 06-27-2012, 04:21 AM

What? What kind of a question was that?

"I would think that internal sensor sweeps would let us know of the presence of such a being before it has an opportunity to take a crewmember hostage. Nonetheless, in such a circumstance, the first step would be..."

Imperatus really didn't want to say anything that didn't involve killing such a being, if something like that even existed (he doubted they did), but impressions and all.

"...to at least attempt to reason with it first. It would likely have a reason for holding the medical officer hostage. Though unlikely, it could be possible that the malicious being desires something that we have the ability to supply it with.

"If not, however, the next course of action is immediate termination. Fire suppression systems should be activated if possible, in order to prevent its fire-starting properties from doing severe damage to the ship or to crewmembers. At this point, an attempt may be made to pull the gaseous being through the ventilation systems and route it into space. Failing that, it may be volatile - if an energy weapon were applied, it could cause the being to self-destruct. Probably not the best of ideas, as it could also damage the ship and injure or kill crew members. A final possibility, though... Route metryon emissions directly into the room occupied by the being, concentrated on its precise location. This is highly risky, as metryons cause the breakdown of most molecules, organic or otherwise, into simpler forms - in this case, the stowaway. Metryons are also difficult to generate, and can be extremely draining on the ship's power supplies. It's a last resort."

Imperatus really hoped they wouldn't ask how he knew this.

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-27-2012, 04:49 AM

"Very well captain. You have answered with much selfconfidence. You have no idea how many frightened employees have we lost to Gaseous Stowaways last year. Anyways, you are the first one to pass the exam in your group, as expected from captain candidates. Well done.

Now, back to the questions. Engineer: Tell me about a very cheap and efficient commerically avaliable fuel, and how would you replicate it using products available in a food store. Communications: is there a scenario where crop circles are valid method of attempting communication, and if yes, which crop is the best for it?
"

**Schazer** · 06-27-2012, 05:21 AM

Commissar has a look around at her prospective crew, and squints at her notes she's been taking.

"I am not knowing this crew's individual requirements, as..." she frowns for a bit, then grins a huge terrifying grin as inspiration strikes.

"As the ship's Personnel Management Personnel, it would be best catering to crew's feeding needs by recruiting expert in catering. Requesting said Master of Provisions consider compromise, between highest cuisine of their possible capabilities, and ability to store supplies in space of ship. Assuming Master of Provisions unavailable upon roster..."

The Selachim ponders for long enough that the plant grows impatient, then picks up her drill-sergeanty bark as if there were no weird pause in the middle.

"Standard management practices on the whole agree with good courtesy and common sense. Making no assumptions about diet preferentiality in the interest of no crew discomfort. I for example would eat the very most several live mackerel while my sister would eschew such for Celestwurst. Preferentialities differ amongst the same species even. Some do not even eat and may offending by the haranguings to dine with crew!"

She laughs at that for some reason, while Specks probably glares at her for talking about snacking on aquatics. Or something.

"My apologies, cannot satisfying answer question without consult the crew. Will to proceed crew consulting in order to answer question."

Commissar spins around, and starts with the captain.

"Sir, interviewer requesting I suggest food orderings to cater to crew. What are your dieting needs?"

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-27-2012, 05:39 AM

"Excellent! You are true management material, miss. If you ever need a recomendation for a management job, feel free to list me in your references. Anyways, you have passed, but I have to ask at least one more question from you. Some managers like to take their group on paintball matches or white water rafting. What kind of team building exercize would you take your team on?"

**SuperChocobo** · 06-27-2012, 06:32 AM

Not noticing beforehand that one of her ship-mates happened to be almost entirely robotic, Farlone sits staring in awe at the Selachim known as Commissar. Having lived a mostly sheltered life and indeed only ever working on various robotic limbs for her own and other races, she has not come across a large number of cybernetic species. Upon realising she has actually been asked a question, Farlone slowly turns her head to the large plant-interviewer with almost a look of astonishment on her face, slowly wiping the dripping wet blob mess from one of her spider-like limbs.

"Oh my! Sorry about that...I seemed to have phased out a little bit"

The rather large Nidarach shakes her head as if to snap out of her inattentive behaviour, and yet again scratches the back of her neck despite not having an itch.

"An entirely robotic species?" The roboticist has barely seen many cyborgs, let alone an entirely robotic species. In fact her current display in the presence of Commissar suggests that she might not do much other than stare in excitement at whatever the robots were. She stumbles on her next few words, honestly having very little idea on what she would actually do.
"I-I suppose I would make sure they don't want to kill us...somehow? ...maybe? If I could establish that they were neutral then we could stand to learn a lot from them" Her eyes light up as she thinks of all the things one could learn from a species that is entirely robotic.
"I could befriend one of their kind, study them and learn new things! Together with the medical department it could increase our chances of surviving major injuries by a rather large margin, oh my it would be wonderful!"
Unfortunately Farlone seems to have perhaps taken the question in slightly the wrong way, as studying a species might not be the best thing to do on first contact!

The Nidarach fidgets uncomfortably in her chair, while she isn't the best at reading the emotions of talking plants (It is doubtful many could claim to be experts) Farlone doesn't think she made the best impression. So as not to get even more embarassed, she lowers her various eye-sight aids so that she can avoid seeing the stares she might get from her shipmates.

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-27-2012, 07:47 AM

"Hmm. Alright, I guess. One more question: would you be able to automatize two quite different menial tasks with a single machine? Could you give an example? Bonus question: what about three?"

**dragonpaul99** · 06-27-2012, 08:44 AM

After hearing the next question, Freight's mouth twists into a weird shape that looks vaguely like the alien version of some sort of grin.

"Well, the obvious textbook answer here would have to be hydrogen and alcohol fuels, but getting enough of those to refine and put in a reactor and power a ship enough to travel from one system to the next would be incredibly labor-intensive and take basically forever. Better to just stick with the regular stuff and save all the other ones for emergencies. Sometimes things are mainstream for a reason you know.

And if you're needing fuel for something a bit more low-tech, you just need some aluminum, ammonia, and perchloric acid. Aluminum you can find in anything from cans to foil to paint, Ammonia you can find in cleaning products (or the waste of many different species if it comes to that). I doubt you could find Perchloric Acid in an average food store, but definitely in any decent repair shop. Or you could just siphon some from the system's Anti-Dimensional Catatonicizer, provided it has any to spare. Throw all that through a refiner and you.... well, wouldn't have nearly enough for a ship, but maybe for a small escape pod or some pretty cool fireworks or something.

But out of all of them, my favorite would have to be those off-brand Nuribrigese energy drinks. Sometimes hard to find a store that sells 'em but I always buy in bulk. What you do is pour 'em into a distiller and set it to Non-Newtonian. It separates it into two different liquids. The smokey-black stuff you can use as all sorts of things: Insanely effective fuel additive, machine grease, makeshift wound suturing, hell it could probably keep the ship running by itself if I could ever get my hands on enough of it. And the other liquid, the clear stuff, adds a really nice kick to your morning coffee, booze, or whatever other drink you could ever want. I like the Grape kind best, but I get in arguments all the time about which flavor's most fuel efficient.

And that's just a few of the recipes I know. I could easily cook up some light explosives, thermite, or just about any other kind of fuel you can imagine for dirt cheap. Especially the thermite. I make a mean thermite."

He briefly considers telling her about the many uses of plant matter as fuel but thinks better of it.

__________________________________

When Commissar Shark comes around to ask about food related stuffs: "Oh, most anything I guess. Preferably dead things or... (*looks around, not-so-subtlety points towards the plant creatures*) ...but junk food's good too. As long as it isn't something poisonous. Wait... we're not expected to pick just one food for the entire time we're travelling, right?"

**~ATH** · 06-27-2012, 09:41 AM

Originally Posted by ProfessorLizzard

More question for the Engineer and the Pilot: what is the standard protocol if the engines stop working in hyperspace?

"nrigiya has organized a list of procedures, but one must be warned that there are many variables.

Step 1: when stranded in hyperspace, it is best to cut off all links with the atmosphere, so as to prevent N-space contamination.

Step 2a: if backup thrusters are located and operational, nrigiya will bring up a map to the nearest egress portal.

Step 3a: once out of hyperspace, it is now safe to resume external links. a communication line will be brought up, requesting rescue.

Step 2b: if backup thrusters are not located, and we have no method of propulsion, a single communication link will be brought up, broadcasting an SOS to those in hyperspace.

Step 3b: comm link must be shut down right away, and resumed in 30 minute intervals.

Step 4b: the ship will be set to minimum survival mode. this means no weapons, no propulsion systems, low light usage, rationed food and water.

nrigiya apologizes for lack of further information, but the rest depends on the ship itself, and nrigiya has not been informed as to the layout of the ship."

**ProfessorLizzard** · 06-27-2012, 10:00 AM

"Excellent, you have fully convinced me that you could convince someone that you know what to do, Mister Rotedor. You have passed.

Thank you, Nrigiya. The next question: What do you have to do in the following weather conditions: raining stones, screeching tornado and ...uh, cloudquake. Definitely couldquake."

**SuperChocobo** · 06-27-2012, 10:35 AM

Farlone takes joy in being able to show off her robot arms as well as recall stories from her past, this question allows her to pretty much do both. Her usual inexperience and worried demeanour vanishes.

"Menial to you and I is rather different when trying to replicate with a robot! Regardless of this fact however, providing each task isn't too complicated, I should easily be able to make a machine perform three rather different tasks, nevermind two!" Her two arms raise up and twiddle their fingers (this is her usual display for showing off the arms, though most tend not to find it impressive - robot arms are pretty common in space)
"Back in the day before these arms were automated by our thoughts, I used to have to program a set of tasks they could perform. Without these tasks the owners would be unable to carry out even the most (what you and me would call) basic of every day actions.

I'm fairly experienced in working with both inverse and forward kinematics, so any manipulation of objects with some form of arm comes almost naturally to me! You may snort and say 'well the tasks can't be that different', but I can assure you that they are. From picking something up to shaking somebody's hand, the speed, position and angle that your arm is in is very important and almost completely different for each task"

She nods her head with a sort of grin on her face (though this would be hard to tell for a non-Nidarach) convinced she has answered the question well.

**Palamedes** · 06-27-2012, 10:48 AM

Navers and Lisba stared at the plant for a couple of seconds. After several false starts and a half-minute or so of thinking, Navers finally stepped forward.

"That is most certainly a tough question ma'am."

With that comment, Lisba halted her examination of the office and her crewmembers and just stared at some poster.

"Crop circles are a somewhat effective mode of communication if you need to leave a message quickly before moving on, as each individual edge, line, and curve represents a different message. That being said, it requires one of who has sufficient training to decipher such messages, and one of even greater mastery to create one without any errors, as each mistake can drastically change the tone of the message. If we remember correctly one of the Bantrawn-Akrepi wars fought for five years over a mistranslation of a small half-circle, our captain will of course correct us if we're incorrect."

Navers now looked directly at his employer.

"Now, a much more important issue arises from the use of crop circles. Seventeen different sentient races and a single highly intelligent species of rabbits, 9 of which are space-faring, find the growth and purging of plant matter simply to communicate as insulting, sacrilegious, and even treasonous. Your species included, ma'am, hence our initial confusion at you bringing up this question."

Navers paused in thought. It was noticeably the first time the Charol had spent more then a half-second silent before they were finished talking.

"However, the mielie people of the Nucopian Empire only speak through crop circles. Hence it cannot simply be dropped as a form of communication. Now, while digital circles are alright for communicating with the common worker, they can only contain single sentence messages, which is highly inefficient. Furthermore, their nobles, royalty, and generals demand the use of actual crops to speak with them and usually refuse to even read electronic messages. Corn is normally a preferred crop to use, due to its tall but sturdy nature, but it is obviously not a choice here, and all forms of maize are similarly excluded. Wheat is the usual substitute, due to its adequately short growth time and abundance. Blue wheat from Indigol is several times better, as it will stand out against common crops and land and therefore be easier to see from a far distance, enabling the creator of the message to make a significantly smaller, and less wasteful, circle."

With a breath, Lisba suddenly snapped to attention.

"Are there any further inquiries ma'am?"

**Schazer** · 06-28-2012, 03:46 AM

"Very obliging," defers the Selachim, still doing the rounds about her crew and taking notes for the sake of it.

"Traditional Xintianic diplomatic practices are excelling motif in modern personnel management. Ensure such team-building efforts are not causing embarassings, resentments. Granted, the excursion may be the one managerial method to fin such resents if nature of crew and the crew's dynamics was inherently not compatible.

If so, excursion may tailor to minimised-stakes competition, exempling the arcades or other arena where exceedingly competing, aggrandised, failing passively employees may be recognised by the Personnel Manager."

"Otherwise, a less-risk scenario that replicated possibly crisis in ship would inform of the crew capable in the same crisis."

**Jacquerel** · 06-28-2012, 11:01 AM

"Space Malaria is very bad, yes. Victim turns a very dark blue, covered with white spots (Like space!) [Hence the name]. Fortunately spread only through blood contact, requires caution rather than quarantine.
Sufferer becomes dehydrated and dies of blood poisoning, symptoms develop rapidly once skin colouration has changed and must be caught quickly.
Disease reacts poorly to high temperatures so patient also develops a fever, though this unhelpfully contributes to faster dehydration. Provide with plentiful fluids and place in high temperature environment until skin returns to usual pigmentation.

Also important to discover source. Usually spread through blood-drinking parasites, occasionally through contact with wounds and rusty surfaces. (And between patients through Proteotrope skin contact!)
{Why did you have to go and say that?!} (It was part of the question!)"

The heads took turns to glare at eachother, before turning back to the interviewer.

"Very little risk of self as disease carrier. [We are very clean!]
Wash limbs regularly with potent antibiotic excretions, especially between appointments with patients.
<They are a natural byproduct of the digestive process!> (It is very convenient)"

Questions dealt with, they turned to properly address their catering requirements, the first time they had even bothered to make eye contact with Commissar Shark.

"We like algae, slime moulds. Some fungus.
Can photosynthesise if required but takes a lot of time spent motionless, else there is little nutritional gain.
Also lots of water. Much more humid at home, hard to stay hydrated."

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