No More Eros

[Dalmationer]

>You are adorable.

[DairunCates]

>Chemist: Receive a communication from your MYSTERIOUS SPONSOR!

Scientist: HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Intercom: Employee #6022. What are you doing?

>The next step in evolution is tentacle pandas, right?

Scientist: Huh? Oh. It's you. What does it look like?
Intercom: It sounded like you were laughing maniacally.
Scientist: So? Can't a girl enjoy her work?
Intercom: Just as long as you're working?
Scientist: So does the head office check up on everyone this much or am I just special?
Intercom: Standard procedure.
Scientist: Fine. If you must know, I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. A new step in evolution for ma-err... Panda-kind.

> If you're a chemist, then why are you studying evolution?

Intercom: Evolution? I thought you were a Chemist.
Scientist: Ugh. I've had to explain this to you idiots up in HR so often. Fine. Just listen. First, it's not actual evolution. It's a chemically-induced genetic boost. Actual evolution takes place over generations. This takes place in a short period in one sample. Secondly, just because I'm a Chemist doesn't mean I haven't studied outside my field. Once you get good enough in a field, there's bound to be overlap with other fields. Atomic Physics is the basis of Chemistry, after all, and Chemistry is the basis for Biology. If you must know, I'm probably more competent in both fields than most of the yokels around this joint.
Intercom: Rather mouthy for just an intern.

>Chemist: Create an element that has not been discovered yet. FOR SCIENCE!

Scientist: Yeah. Silly me. It's not like I discovered a new element for you guys or anything...
Intercom: Don't forget why you're here. It's not like you can find the materials to continue your research by yourself. You can be removed off this project at any time, and I doubt you could find any other work with your... unique resume.


>Wait... WHY ARE HER MUGS PANDAS?!?!?!?

Scientist: I'd like to see you try. Get rid of me, and what do you have left? That crazy Panda guy you have me working under? The one that's more accomplished as best-seller in the COMEDY section the local bookstore than in actual science? Yeah. That's a real ace in the hole there. I swear. Men with glasses just constantly make my life a living hell.
Intercom: Mr. Muraso gets results.
Scientist: Results without logic is just parlor tricks and luck. It's not science. He'll slip up eventually.
Intercom: Until then, he is your superior.
Scientist: Yes yes. Fine. I'll be a good little girl. Is that all you needed then?
Intercom: Just make sure you send in your weekly reports.
Scientist: Yeah. I'll get right on that.
Intercom: Very well. Have a nice day.

>That fool, so much moe celebrated in the field of panda science.. you'll show him!

Scientist: You too, buddy. You too.

>You do realize that we just saw you withering on the ground in pain because of your so called next step right?

Scientist: Ugh... I hate that guy.
???: Are you all right?
Scientist: I'm fine.


>Was...it always like this?

???: It's just... You looked like you were in pain a minute ago, and I was wondering if I could help.
Scientist: Nothing I haven't handled before. My research is too important to worry about small things like that.


>Chemist: Monologue about those FOOLS who laughed at your theories.

???: But you're hurting right? Can't you get someone to help you?
Scientist: Why? So they can laugh at my pain? So they can run in fear of me? Everyone laughs at my theories, at my life's work, but when they need it, they just take it. They're all filth. I've opened up dozens of them, and I still can't find that one bit that makes them so vile.

>Monologue: Somehow turn into gushing about Takeshi.

???: But everyone needs someone, right? Surely there's someone that's different.
Scientist: Well, maybe there is one person...

>Takeshi: For some reason feel a cold chill run down your spine...

Takeshi: Brrrrr.... What's up with the unseasonal draft tonight?

>Takeshi: ...then realize you're standing under an air conditioner vent.

Takeshi: Oh... That's makes sense then.

[Sparrowsmith]

Intercom, be listening in, exposit on your identity.

Also, the scientist is clearly mad. Be okay with this.

[98714123340]

>Call for pizza, you must be hungry.

[PersonPerson]

Move away from it.
Somehow end up bumping into someone.

[Grug]

> Tiny science child: "Mimi Yuinaa"

> Larger science lady: "Sukiyo Hosha"

[DairunCates]

>Takeshi: Move away from it.

Takeshi: I'll just move a bit away from it for now. I'm sure they won't...

>Takeshi: Somehow end up bumping into someone.

Takeshi: ...mind?
Thief: Ah good. You got my note.


Takeshi: AH! FORMAL BATMAN!
Thief: Your reflexes will need some work.

[Pharmacy]

>Takeshi: You wants that hat. You wants it.

>Theif: You wants to jump down Takeshi's pants. You wants it.

[Solaris]

Well, introduce yourself Theif.

[Grug]

> Thief: Cut a bitch.

> Takeshi: Turn out to be a Really fast runner.

[Zolen]

Takeshi: Forever call this guy formal batman, ignore any and all other animal themes that might be attached to him while you keep asking about all his bat gear.

[suomynonAyletamitlU]

> Thief and Takeshi: build unintentional and maddeningly ambiguous homoerotic tension without realizing it

[Bloddyredcommie]

Thief: Declare that Takeshi is your new Sidekick! His training must begin IMMEDIATELY!

[Neopie]

Thief: Be aware of the game, and try to warn Takeshi..

Thief: But you're the sexy suave guy to his bishonen prettyboyness. You're the RIVAL, and you will steal his chicks.

Thief: But then again, so sexy...

Takeshi: Be confused.

[Shadow Phoenix]

Thief, really this one is a disappointment. How in the sixtynine cicles of love could he trigger such a ruckus among the love interests lately?

[Sparrowsmith]

Formal Batman: Rise, but in a sophisticated manner.

Takeshi: Be the Robin, it's you.

[Vauron]

Thief: Be the mentor, it is you

[DairunCates]

Takeshi: Uh... Look Batman. There's no need to get violent or anything. I promise I'll use the crosswalks from now on.
Thief: I'm not here to arrest you for Jaywalking.
Takeshi: Alright. I promise we'll get permission for putting up our band fliers from now on.
Thief: What? No. I'm not here to-


Thief: -arrest you...
Takeshi: I'M TOO PRETTY FOR PRISON! THEY'LL EAT ME ALIVE!

> Takeshi: Turn out to be a really fast runner.

Takeshi: Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god...

> Thief: Cut a bishonen.

Takeshi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

>Thief: Really? This one is a disappointment.

Thief: It's. Just. My. Calling Card. Relax.
Takeshi: Huh?
Thief: ... But hey. We know you can run quickly and yell for help. That'll be useful... Even if you do both like a girl.
Takeshi: Hummina What?
Thief: The card... Just take it...


Thief: Yes. Like that. See? I'm not here to arrest you or hurt you. Just relax. I'm here to protect you.


Takeshi: Oh... Why didn't you say so?
Thief: I tried to. You just kinda freaked out.
Takeshi: In my defense, white is VERY intimidating.
Thief: Uhh... If you say so.

>Thief: Introduce yourself.

Takeshi: Okay. So then. What's up, Batman?
Thief: Okay. First of all. I'm not Batman.
Takeshi: Then who are you?
Thief: I'm a local cat burglar known as the Thief of Love.
Takeshi: Well, I'm not too interested in a life of crime, sorry.
Thief: Actually, I'm here to protect you... Well, that's not exactly true. I'm here to train you.
Takeshi: What?
Thief: Thanks to some very special circumstances, you've come under the attention of some very strong enemies recently. You, your friends, and your family could be in danger. I've been tasked with your protection in the meantime.
Takeshi: What kind of enemies?
Thief: I'm unsure of the details myself, but they are coming. I caught a blue-haired ninja following you around. She might be one of their scouts. Unfortunately, I can't always be there to protect you. So...

>Thief: Be the mentor, it's you.

Takeshi: Thus, the comment about training. Right. I'll need to be able to protect myself.
Thief: Look. I know it all sounds absurd, but you'll have to trust me.
Takeshi: It does seem farfetched... Hmm... Can I have your top hat if I agree?
Thief: What? No.
Takeshi: Why not?
Thief: It hides my secret identity.
Takeshi: How?
Thief: If I told you that, it'd give away my identity.
Takeshi: Fair enough... Still, if I'm going to train with you, I'll need my own cool outfit.
Thief: *sigh* I suppose we could get you your own Top Hat too.
Takeshi: Can I also have a cape?
Thief: Fine.

>Takeshi: Be the Robin, it's you.

Takeshi: Alright. I am 100% on board with this idea. When do we start training?
Thief: We can start now if you want.

>Thief and Takeshi: Build unintentional and maddeningly ambiguous homoerotic tension without realizing it.

Takeshi: I am ready.
Thief: Are you sure? Training is gonna be very intense. You're going to have to prepare your body, mind, and soul for a great amount of strain. I understand if you need some time to rest first. I don't want you hurting yourself.

>Thief: Declare that Takeshi is your new Sidekick! His training must begin IMMEDIATELY!

Takeshi: My mind is ready. My soul is ready. My body is ready.
Thief: Good. We're going to have to work in perfect harmony if we're gonna get you strong enough in time and we'll be need to be perfectly in sync. We'll practically have to be partners for the next few weeks. It's going to be absolutely exhausting.


Takeshi: What kind of training?
Thief: Well, we'll definitely have to work on your stamina, but that's just a matter of some hard work and extra practice. I can definitely teach you a little bit of technique too. You might have to do a little bit of crawling on your knees and squeezing into tight spaces though. Nothing I'm sure you can't handle.


Takeshi: You were right. This does sound like it'll be intense.
Thief: You'll be absolutely soaked. Your body absolutely glistening in your sweat. Your heart beating like a raging beast in your chest in time with mine. Our faces flush red as the heat and passion just radiates off our young bodies. The two of us gasping to catch our breath. It'll be intense alright, but you'll never feel more alive than when I've had my way with you. Every inch of your body will course and quiver with pleasure.

>Formal Batman: Rise, but in a sophisticated manner.

Takeshi: I think I'll need a bath after all that...
Thief: It's okay. You can use mine. Should be room for both of us...

[Solaris]

but no homo right

[Pharmacy]

but no homo right

NO HOMO

[Zolen]

Thief: Puke rainbows.

[Dalmationer]

>Takeshi: Sudden realisation.
>Ew Ew Ew.

[Bropocalypse]

>More homo

[Sparrowsmith]

Takeshi: "Is that a magical diamond pimp cane in your pocket, or..."

[98714123340]

> Have a identity crisis