No More Eros

[DairunCates]

>Kiyoshi: She is a ROBOT MAID, yes? Most likely, the restrictions on that role involve having trouble comprehending emotions or logic traps. Saying something like 'This statement is false' could cause her robo-brain to lock up if you are lucky.

Kiyoshi: This statement... is... false.
Maid: This unit's logic core is protected against paradoxes.
Kiyoshi: Uhhh... "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"
Maid: This unit's logic core is also protected against Zen Koans.
Kiyoshi: You're fat?
Maid: This unit's logic core is DEFINITELY protected against weak insults. Also, this unit has maintained it's gravitational exertion within a 10% margin of error. Everyone puts on 10 pounds around the holidays.
Kiyoshi: Did I mention Takeshi really like robots? Like... A LOT?
Maid: Oh, come on. No girl would fall for that line.


>Kiyoshi: Pssh. She might be the literal computer, but you have an NPC role! What do you know about the non-players in fighting games? They can often break the rules. Like attack cooldown. Spam Kiyo-ken!

Maid: This unit also senses that that magical spell you have been charging while attempting to distract it is nowhere near the proper danger level to cosmetically effect this unit.
Kiyoshi: Oh this? Just warming my hands. They turn the A/C WAY up in this place.

>Kiyoshi: Appeal to her raitonal and logical nature to prove she has emotions.

Kiyoshi: Look. It's obvious, I've angered you, but I mean it. A crazy monster chemist and a ninja are hunting down my friend, and your creator will get caught in the cross-fire. It's this crazy curse that's effecting everyone's minds. I'm just trying to protect my friend as you are trying to protect yours. Maybe I'm lying, but it's at least worth checking out, right? Is it worth the sadness that her getting hurt would bring?
Maid: I told you, this unit is incapable of emotion.
Kiyoshi: What about the unnecessary violence then? The one-liners? Did your creator order that? Did she program you with that? Would she really order a level of violence that would attract the attentions of the police and get her arrested? Would she really order you to beat up the best friend of the guy she's trying to seduce, reducing her chances of getting on his good side? These are not things a thoughtless automaton would do.
Maid: The creator tried to give this unit emotions, but the experiment was a failure. You are merely incapable of understanding this unit's superior thought process. This unit has its reasons. Its actions are in perfect line with its goals and its orders.
Kiyoshi: I understand it just fine. It's called blind anger.


>Kiyoshi: Ask her if she's angry because her mistress is paying more attention to somebody other than her.

Maid: THIS UNIT CANNOT FEEL ANGER!
Kiyoshi: Wait... Are you jealous that your creator is paying attention to someone else?


Maid: This unit must protect the creator from ANY and ALL threats. No matter what force is necessary. These are this units priorities.
Kiyoshi: Can't... breathe...
Maid: This unit will not hesitate to do anything to protect its creator from any potential threat, even ones the creator has inflicted on herself.

>Kiyoshi: Angst.

You could've sworn that would work. So much for attempting to abuse the restrictions of roles. Maybe that witch was wrong. You may be nigh immortal, but this is hurting, and you can feel yourself blacking out from the Robo-maid's cold grip restricting your air pipe. There's no way you'll get to Takeshi in time. You're so useless. Stupid curse. Stupid harem of crazy girls. Stupid "BIG SIS" ROBO-MAID...


WAIT A SECOND!

She's a maid too. Her protective sub-routines guard her from your rational attacks, but maybe you can trigger one of her other sub-routines.


Kiyoshi: Damn it. Where'd I put it?
Maid: This unit recommends giving in and ceasing breathing functions. Your demise will be less painful that way.


Kiyoshi: Got... it...
Maid: What is the meaning of this?

>Kiyoshi: She's a robot maid. Somehow, make a mess.

Kiyoshi: Aren't you going to clean that up? It'll get blood all over the tile floor.
Maid: This unit sees what you are doing. Do not think it will work.


Maid: Now. Cease any movement. This unit will quickly remedy this situation.
Kiyoshi: Oh. Okay.


Maid: Now. Where did I put those cleaning supplies?

This is it! This is your only chance to get back to Takeshi. There's no way that will cause a long enough distraction to make a run for it, but maybe it's enough time for a different kind of distraction...

>Kiyoshi: Kiss her?






>Kiyoshi: Yeah just kiss her. KISS HER IN A MANLY FASHION.



Maid: Why?
Kiyoshi: See? You do have a heart.
Maid: But this unit... I... I'm just a robot. I don't have a soul. No one could... Why? How can you-?


Kiyoshi: Look. I don't want to harm you. I don't want to harm anyone if I have to. We're all being used as pawns in this curse. We're being controlled. Even then, the game chooses roles for their compatibility. The game must have chosen your role because of who you really are; Girl or Robot. You want to protect your master. I understand that. I want to protect my friend. Please. Let me talk to your creator, and I'll see if I can explain this all.
Maid: But my orders were... and the mistress...


Kiyoshi: Whoa. Are you okay?
Maid: I'm sorry. I just didn't want to lose her... She's all I had... I tried to... I almost... I'm a horrible servant. But you. You're... It's too much. I can't...


Maid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kiyoshi: What? What's wrong? Stay with me!

Maybe you shouldn't have done that.

[Pharmacy]

>Maid: Beam Spam

[98714123340]

Save her!

[siguard]

>Calll Takeshi, tell him that you need the nerd's (put it more politely then that) help badly. once he hands the phone over let the nerd know the situation with the robot. make sure to phrase kissing the robot part as "she had a existential crisis" instead of "and then i kissed your robot". we're trying to save the girl here.

[Whimbrel]

Maid> Explode

[PersonPerson]

This^

[Anthano Zasalla]

You need a manual or something.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[Jacquerel]

Now that you've overloaded your main personality drive, swap to the emergency backup drive storing the "KILL ALL HUMANS" protocol

[Neopie]

> Fuck exploding, Shoot love beams at everything in sight. Instant harem. Also, inexplicably be a robot even miles away from Takeshi.

> You are now in love with Kiyoshi.

[Grug]

Let me guess. Kiyoshi is actually the protagonist and Takeshi is the best friend. The goal of the game is to seduce people away from Takeshi.

No, Kiyoshi, you ARE the animes.
And then Kiyoshi was a bishi.

[Kiroth6]

>Keep her grounded.

[Vancho1]

Wait. I think this is what happens when someone violates a role.

>Kiyoshi: Realize that, because she broke the rules of her role, the game is trying to kill her. Use your glitch powers to save her life.

[ProfessorLizzard]

>Quick! Save her personality core!

[Galloglasses]

>You're night immortal right? TIME TO BE AWESOME. Hug her and let the excess energy discharge through you and into the videgame behind you, hoping it'll fry it instead. Sure you'll get horribly horribly injured but you'll get better, one of the things this curse is actually good for. Then you can use the then saved Robo-Maid as BATTLE BOT ALLY

[DairunCates]

>Kiyoshi: You're night immortal right? TIME TO BE AWESOME. Hug her and let the excess energy discharge through you and into the videgame behind you, hoping it'll fry it instead. Sure you'll get horribly horribly injured but you'll get better, one of the things this curse is actually good for. Then you can use the then saved Robo-Maid as BATTLE BOT ALLY.

Maid: Nngh... What... are you... doing? Hugs... won't... fix me...
Kiyoshi: Look. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm kinda immortal right now. I'm gonna try to absorb some of the excess electricity into my body and channel it into the arcade machine. It'll hurt like hell, but maybe it'll save you.
Maid: Oh... I suppose that could work... A bit brute force... but it could work... Just curious... How were you planning on dealing with the explosion?

>Maid: Explode

Kiyoshi EXPLOSION!?
Maid: Uhh... Yeah... I'm kinda going critical... If we can't get it under control... I'll probably take out this arcade at least.
Kiyoshi: Crap. What do I do?
Maid: Call my master... she knows...
Kiyoshi: I don't have her number.
Maid: What about... your friend...?

>Kiyoshi: Call Takeshi, tell him that you need the nerd's (put it more politely then that) help badly.

Kiyoshi: Right. Good point. They should be together. Just hold in there.
Maid: Uhh... I'll try?
Takeshi: Y'ello.
Kiyoshi: Takeshi. Where are you?
Takeshi: Grizzly Grilled Chicken. I didn't get to pick up dinner, so the girl I introduced you to offer to get us both dinner. That's not important though. You won't believe this.
Kiyoshi: What?



Takeshi: Someone kidnapped Kenta Kuma. Looks like they just chopped him out of the ground with a machete. Did a shoddy job of it too. They left behind half of his right leg.
Kiyoshi: That's... uh... weird. Look. This is important. I need to talk with that girl you're with. Like RIGHT NOW. Is she with you?
Takeshi: Oh yeah. Sure.

>Kiyoshi: Once he hands the phone over, let the nerd know the situation with the robot.

Nerd: You're REALLY desperate to keep me away from him, aren't you?
Kiyoshi: No. Well, kinda... That's not important at the moment. Your robot is shooting lightning everywhere and is about to explode and blow the entire arcade sky high.
Takeshi: Oh Kenta Kuma... Who would do this to you, you poor noble beast?


>Kiyoshi: Make sure to phrase kissing the robot part as "she had a existential crisis" instead of "and then i kissed your robot".

Nerd: WHAT!? HOW!? What did you do? I built her to deal with ANYTHING.
Kiyoshi: She uh... she's experiencing a uhh... existential crisis?
Nerd: A WHAT!?
Kiyoshi: Look. She was threatening my life. So, I uhh... I had to do some desperate things to get her to stop her from hurting me. I thought it actually helped for a second, but then she kinda started breaking down.
Nerd: What EXACTLY did you do?
Kiyoshi: Uhhh... I kinda don't want to say. It's embarrassing.
Nerd: So what? You cried like a little girl and begged or something?
Kiyoshi: Uhhh... Not that kind of embarrassing.
Nerd: WHAT KIND!?
Kiyoshi: Uhh... The romantic kind?


Nerd: What...?
Kiyoshi: It was the heat of the moment, and I was desperate. I thought it might confuse her or at least calm her down. I swear. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry. It'll never happen again.
Nerd: ... D-d-d


Nerd: DID YOU FUCK MY ROBOT!?


Nerd: That's my big sister, you sick bastard. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?
Kiyoshi: W-what? No! GOD NO! Look. I just kissed her okay. I can explain, but we really don't have the time right now. I need ideas right now.


Nerd: But I... *sigh* Fine. You're off the hook for now, but we're discussing this later.

>Kiyoshi: Keep her grounded.

Nerd: Alright. You're gonna want to get her grounded... No, you idiot. I don't mean comforting her. I mean a grounding wire. It's like... *sigh* Yeah. Of course, you wouldn't know. Okay. Alternate plan. Do you have an arcade cabinet near by? Good. Okay. So, we're going to try to calm her down by letting her vent her excess energy with it. What? No, you don't need to hug her again. W-why would you even...? Just unplug it. We're going to plug it into her.

>Kiyoshi: Save her!

Nerd: Alright. I'm gonna need you to open the back of her dress. There should be a... Yeah. Exactly. Well, yeah. Obviously you can't get to it with the bra in the way. Well, I'm not exactly used to boys doing maintenance on her. I didn't build her for tha- YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS!? Well, maybe you should've thought about before getting handsy with my Sister, you ever think of that? Wh-What? No. I know you didn't. I just... Look anyway... Did you get it open? Yeah. So, you found it. It's not going to be a very clean fit. I didn't make it for one that big, but you're just gonna have to stick it in. That should calm her down a bit. Did it work? Well, at least we stopped the deadly bolts of electricity. We should be able to take our time with this now. Thankfully, I built an emergency system just for such an occasion. Just open the developer's console and enter the password. It should be-


Nerd: Huh? Hello?


Nerd: Huh?


Nerd: Dammit.


Nerd: Phone's out of charge, Takeshi. We'll have to put a hold on dinner. I need to run back to the arcade, right now.



Kiyoshi: Hello? What do I do next? What's the password?
Maid: Is something wrong?
Kiyoshi: Phone's dead. You wouldn't happen to know the password would you?
Maid: No. She doesn't tell me it. I do hear hear mentioning it's some kind of famous code though.
Kiyoshi: There's TONS of those, how could I possibly...

>Kiyoshi: Try entering the code in the maid-bot, then the game. The code is, of course, "up up down down left right left right b a b a", Then ~ to open the console.

Kiyoshi: No, wait. Yeah. I've got it. Of course she'd pick that one. Man. That witch was right. You guys DO play your roles.
Maid: What does that mean?
Kiyoshi: I'll explain when we're not dying. Uhh... The only thing I've find is something under these emergency precautions called "H-mode". It seems to be some kind of venting sub-rountine...
Maid: Well, what are you waiting for?
Kiyoshi: It says that enabling this could severely shorten your lifespan. It might even kill you.
Maid: Ah...
Kiyoshi: Look. Maybe she's on her way.
Maid: Do it.
Kiyoshi: What?
Maid: If it has a chance of saving you, I'll do it. Just enable it.
Kiyoshi: Are you sure?
Maid: My mind is made up. We don't have enough time. Push it now.


Maid: Oh, and thanks.
Kiyoshi: Here goes nothing.


Kiyoshi: Did it work?
Maid: Well, I've regained my mobility, but I still feel like I have a lot of energy going through me. My systems are running a lot faster than usual too. What does the reading say on my core temperature?
Kiyoshi: It says it's running just a little above average.


Kiyoshi: Well, looks like we at least bought ourselves some time.
Maid: Yeah. Let's just wait for my master to show up.
Kiyoshi: Looks like we're all safe.
Scientist: Oh. I wouldn't be so sure about that.

[Anthano Zasalla]

Aw come on

> Screw this, just punch her in the face

[98714123340]

Maid > Protect your boyfriend!

[Bropocalypse]

>Kiss her?

[Zolen]

>Kiss her?

If that does not work, tell her that her lab is on fire while pointing in a random direction, while she is no looking, run away!

(Kissing seems to make them suddenly not want to kill you, so it might just work!)

[McBatman]

>Apologize profusely while complimenting her superior intellect, say you were intimidated by genius and panicked. Make sure you cry too.

[Beatrice_the_Golden]

Clearly the game allows you to invoke cosmic irony; abuse it.

[siguard]

Kiyoshi> "what is your beef with me now? You've already pummeled me today. also would you know what happened to Kenta Kuma? some vandals up and stole him"

[Shadow Phoenix]

She's far from the HERO! She should be able to regain her senses provided you nudge her in the right direction. Hasn't she some work to do? Doesn't she experience some back pain, lately?

[Godbot]

> Wild Jinx appeared!

[Cresent]

> Maid: Remember that H stands for Hypermode. Protect your new boyfriend by beating this scientist skank until she can no longer stand