Sex Ed Thread Six (Sex, Gender, and Relationship Q&A)

[Blueberry]

So, I asked out that guy I mentioned.

i'd been agonizing over exactly what to say, and in the end went with “hey, do you want to maybe hang out sometime, get coffee or something?” and he was like “yeah, sure, like today?” and i said “NOT TODAY I HAVE CLASS but here’s my number hit me up” and then ran the fuck away

so my question here is: does this sound like i was asking him on a date, or just to hang out in a friendly sense? I suppose it doesn't really matter how he interpreted it (as long as he calls me haha) since the goal is to get to know him better, but I'm wondering how other people see that phrasing.

[Freack]

YOu mentioned food.

Totally at least kind of a date.

[StarZeph]

I don't know if I would assume from that "this person is totes into me" but I would probably at the least assume a person who did such a thing had some sort of romantic intrest.

Probably in me but you never know, could be going out to coffee with me in a elaborate xanatos gambit to figure out how to get with one of my friends.

[Blueberry]

Also, how long do I wait for him to call/text/email/facebook before giving up and assuming he's not interested? (I'll see him in class on Tuesday, but there's obviously the entire weekend before that...)

[Freack]

Probably in me but you never know, could be going out to coffee with me in a elaborate xanatos gambit to figure out how to get with one of my friends.

That sounds really paranoid. I would just assume they were into me, but then again I am a tad self-entered.

And I would call Saturday or Friday evening. Good "just hangin' out with buds and more-than-buds" time.

Source: I have no idea what so ever.

[StarZeph]

(I was kidding. My sense of humor really doesn't transfer well over the Internet :|)

I would wait until that class on Tuesday. If he hasn't called you by then and doesn't approach you in class to either invite you somewhere or explain why he hadn't contacted you yet he's probably not interested. But if you're capable do hang around for a minute or two to give him that time to approach you.

[Milskidasith]

It all depends on how dense the guy is. In general, most of the things that happen between guys and girls in college can be assumed to have at least some romantic subtext to them; if you combine that with the fact that girls approaching guys is (socially) considered rarer, it's a pretty big hint but he still might be too dense to get it.

As for waiting: If he hasn't contacted you by the weekend, then you can try contacting him. You could also wait until class. It's your choice and both have pros and cons; contacting him early may make him realize you are interested and set up a date, but it also might make you seem clingy. Waiting might lead to him losing some interest by Tuesday (he's got three whole days of classes with other girls and a weekend, after all), and might lead to nothing happening on the weekend, but it also doesn't pressure him any. So... whatever you choose.

[ArmsAreLoud]

So, I asked out that guy I mentioned.

i'd been agonizing over exactly what to say, and in the end went with “hey, do you want to maybe hang out sometime, get coffee or something?” and he was like “yeah, sure, like today?” and i said “NOT TODAY I HAVE CLASS but here’s my number hit me up” and then ran the fuck away

so my question here is: does this sound like i was asking him on a date, or just to hang out in a friendly sense? I suppose it doesn't really matter how he interpreted it (as long as he calls me haha) since the goal is to get to know him better, but I'm wondering how other people see that phrasing.

As one who was a particularly dense male before being a particularly dense female, I probably would just assume you wanted to be friends. I mean, depending on how you approached it/how awkward you were about it I would probably question it but disregard it under the "nah we just met" pretense. If he does call you you should probably clarify your intentions at some point.

There's always a chance that he's smarter in this kind of thing than I am but if you're not sure he knows then you should change that as soon as possible.

[Graknorke]

Do you have his number or something?
If he doesn't say anything, ask again over whatever available medium if he still wants to go at some point. If you get stonewalled again then it's very likely a lack of interest.

[Blueberry]

I don't have his number. I sent him a friend request on facebook today after our conversation, so if/when he accepts that there'll be a method of communication there. I can also find his email through the university but that seems kinda creepy/clingy.

[User 18]

Okay, there are a couple of topics I want to respond to.

On friendship and relationships:

It might be just because I don't really feel physical attraction, but I have a hard time even seeing a potential for a relationship with someone before I'm friends with them. I need to start forming an emotional connection of that type before I'd consider a romantic relationship, and at this point, wouldn't consider sex at all outside of a committed relationship. But I already know that I'm a little weird about that.

On 'acquiring' someone's contact info:

I can't speak for everyone but my initial reaction would be 'wtf,' then 'creepy creepy creepy' after it sank in. It might depend a bit on the message and context - i.e. I wouldn't be quite so perturbed if there was a legitimate important reason that a person had to get in contact with me.

[deltron zero]

I can't speak for everyone but my initial reaction would be 'wtf,' then 'creepy creepy creepy' after it sank in. It might depend a bit on the message and context - i.e. I wouldn't be quite so perturbed if there was a legitimate important reason that a person had to get in contact with me.

Well, normally that would be the case. But I don't think he as a dude, would feel threatened at all if he knew you wanted his contact info (at least I wouldn't, but then again, I've never experienced that), not in the sense that he would fear any sort of physical harm (Unless you're like a jujitsu blackbelt or something). At the very least you get his number, and he gets a little affirmation that you're digging him.

Although, just as it's legally required that I say that I'm not a medical expert when giving my 2 cents on medical concerns, I am just as much socially obligated to tell you that I have never had any experience with dating, and I wouldn't commit my words to heart.

[ArmsAreLoud]

If you're going to get his contact info, get it from him. If you contact him in a way that he does not expect you to be able to contact him that will come off as REALLY creepy.

[Hatman Hatmyth Hatlegend]

Also, how long do I wait for him to call/text/email/facebook before giving up and assuming he's not interested? (I'll see him in class on Tuesday, but there's obviously the entire weekend before that...)

Don't assume, don't wait, move on with your life and be pleasantly surprised?

[MythicalWashrag]

If you're going to get his contact info, get it from him. If you contact him in a way that he does not expect you to be able to contact him that will come off as REALLY creepy.

This happened to me before. A girl I went to middle school with contacted me through E-mail a couple years ago (So last year of college for me). She had done some digging and looked it up (it was my school e-mail).
It was quite unsettling. But then I thought okay, well, maybe she just wanted to get in touch again, we were friends sort of.
But it turned out the reason for contact was because she had a sex dream about me and she wanted to hook up.
It was really unsettling.

[User 18]

...But I don't think he as a dude, would feel threatened at all...

I just want to point out that I am a dude. My statement still stands.

[Wade Wilson]

I have a hard time making relationships at all friend or otherwise. My only real relationship was a girl I went out with a few times. Her friend gave me her number and I thought it was a joke because who would want to date me. But it wasnt a joke and we went out a few times. I asked her to be my girlfriend, but then I havent seen her since that date over a year ago because of a number of conditions like lack of transportation, and her having a hurt leg. I did still chat with her over text till my phone broke, and then over skype but havent talked to her in like 2 months now.

[Miraculous]

Fun sex facts update; shower sex is wonderful. Especially if your partner is strong enough to lift you up so you can wrap your legs around their waist and arms around your neck. 10/10 would do again.

[Diffractor]

The name of the next thread should be "Getting Lucky: Sex Ed Thread Seven (Sex, Gender, and Relationship Q&A)", or something like that. That pun must be made.

[Ace of Dark-Hearts]

yes yes yes I support that 100% forever.

[Bandages]

Here's a .gif I made

[Blueberry]

"heteronormative" doesn't appear on the internet before 2011? really??


e: also, since no one else has suggested a title and this thread is about to end, i'll take it

[SkaianRedeemer]

Depends on the y-axis, I guess.

[Drillgorg]

e: also, since no one else has suggested a title and this thread is about to end, i'll take it

Oh are you doing the new thread? *shrug*. I wouldn't do a silly title though, I never have since it seems to promote a silly atmosphere in the thread.

[Milskidasith]

Here's a .gif I made

Well that's almost exactly what I'd expect, since 99% of everything I hear on those topics is because somebody linked to Tumblr. I'm not sure what the causality/correlation factor is there, but there's definitely a strong relationship between the tumblr atmosphere and people talking about those things.