Dice And Such (Text Adventure)

[BucketOfHappen]

Welcome to 'Dice and Such'!

This adventure varies from the others that I have seen in that I will choose from your suggestions by rolling a die using This device, which changes size with the number of suggestions that you supply me with. Each thing you post will correspond with a number on the die, and once I roll it, I must incorporate it into the story. If a thing is suggested more than once, it occupies more than one number on the die, and is thus more likely to occur. One person may suggest as many things as they wish to determine an outcome. All will be placed as faces on the die, to be decided at random. Simple rules, no? I am going into this entirely blind, with no real story concept to speak of yet, mostly due to the many possibilities that I leave in your hands. I hope this is as fun as it seems like it will be!

Rules update- 4/11/12
In cases where there are many options, I will assign each option to a face on the die, and then all of the possible pairs of options to more faces, and then in some cases I will extend this to all possible groups of three or more options, so that there is probability of two outcomes or more occurring in tandem. And example-

Three options are suggested, labeled A, B, and C.
I would draw this chart.
1. A
2. B
3. C
4. AB
5. AC
6. BC
7. ABC

I would then create a 7 sided die, roll it, and assuming I rolled a 7, incorporate all three suggestions into the story, no matter how frivolous or terrible.



Dice and Such

The past few moments and those preceding them to a degree are rather a vast grey area- a lapse in your recent memory. You are now in a place that you do not recall previously being, and are generally confused. I don't mean to be rude, I try not to dictate the lives of others as a certainty in most cases, and soon I will return to you your free will. But first, some things must be made known that I am afraid you will have no control over. Where are you? Are you male or female? What is your name? I know the answer to none of these questions, and neither do you. So I suppose we should leave it to our audience, and these oddly shaped dice.

[Limzee]

Names:
Katherine
Lorelei
Katrina

Female!

SPACE SHE IS IN SPACE

[PersonPerson]

Mibbs
Cheesewheel
Princessmanwoman
Derpledoff
Bob
Harry
_Female
_In a microwave

[BucketOfHappen]

Before I roll them, I will tell you that the possible outcomes are potentially terrible for you. You vaguely remeber your friends calling you Princessmanwoman, and you realize that you much prefer this to any other name. You adopt it as your new moniker, and are momentarily happy. You are irrefutably a female, as a princess should be. Boy are you glad that die only had one side, princess. What are you doing in that microwave, anyway? Get out of there, you look asinine. I have all of the tools I need now to switch to a different perspective and return your free will. My time being the second person is over. And seriously, how did you fit in there?


Princessmanwoman steps daintily out of her giant microwave. Ever since the TERRIBLE ACCIDENT, she prefers it to her old bed. What happened there was... well, unsavory, to say the least. But it's all well and good, because now she's cooking with a dream powered microwave fit for a princess of her stature. She begins milling about on the kitchen. To her left is an ENORMOUS REFRIGERATOR, stocked with everything and then some. Next to it are the CUPBOARDS, and a TINY OVEN close to those. There are TWO DOORS, one leading to the LIVING ROOM, and another to the HALLWAY. Both are ajar. On the counter sits a set of KEYS, which is large, and a FAMOUS MARSHALL'S GUIDE TO SELF DEFENSE TATTOOING. What does she do?

[PersonPerson]

Do a little dance.

[Aetrop]

Do a little dance.

Make a little love

[BucketOfHappen]

Fun comes in many different forms. Some prefer to play with their COMPLETE COLLECTION OF ALL THE VIDEO GAMES, or their FLAMING ROLLER DERBY SET. Maybe brush up on their DEFENSIVE TATTOOS. But Princessmanwoman's favorite thing to do is listen to small snippets of songs, pick one phrase, and create a fantasy novel based around that phrase. It's a habit she picked up after the TERRIBLE ACCIDENT to drown out those tiny screams. She sits in her kitchen and composes her newest romantic fantasy, 'Make a Little Love', in which two very tiny people meet, fall in love, and grow very old together. Nothing of note happens in this novel. There is no rising or falling action, or climax. Just one very vanilla story about tiny lovers, thank you very much. Days later, she completes this tale, and again finds herself in the middle of her kitchen, faced with the same daunting question, 'What does she do?' Only in her head it's, 'What do I do'. Or, 'What will I do', or something.

[Aetrop]

Find a random hobo in a dark alley, tear his intestines out, and strangle him with them.

[PersonPerson]

thissssssssss^ but you have to wear your go go boots and bright green cape while you do so.

[BucketOfHappen]

(I'm going to give it a bit, and see if more people will reply so I can make those dice relevant! But feel free to come back and suggest more things if you get bored. I'll update tomorrow. Also, I'm counting those as separate things, so she's either doing it with the boots and cape, or without so far. Fate is cruel.)

[Askia]

also bring a butcher knife

[BucketOfHappen]

Our lovely princess is cooking up a plan, it seems. Maybe she'll finally get on with the defensive tattoos she's been neglecting, or possibly explore the rest of her home. Who knows what she's... going to... Alright, so she's just walking past everything. Her LIVING ROOM is full of RATHER LARGE FURNITURE, and ALL KINDS OF INTERESTING THINGS that are just ripe for the examining, but she seems to have a goal in mind. She passes her HAPHAZARD PILE OF COOL SHIT, but pauses, and returns to it. All the rifling through the HAPHAZARD PILE is making the area rather more cluttered than it was before. From the pile she pulls her TRUSTY GOGO BOOTS and her BRIGHT GREEN CAPE. She dons them, and then exits her abode.

Outside it is bright and sunny. There are bees buzzing about, and other bright and happy things occurring all around this place. It appears to be some sort of forest clearing, in which our fair Princess is in possession of the only piece of real estate. Her journey will be long and perilous, but isn't it just a wonderful day for a spot of gruesome hobo murder? She thinks so at the very least, and so she begins walking toward the nearest city, which is miles and miles from here and through a thick and foreboding field of dense forestry. After the TERRIBLE ACCIDENT, she makes this journey at least once a year.


And so, for a time, we will leave her. Fear not, we will again return to our Princess right where she is now. But first, you need to tell me a few things about yourself, friend. It appears this Die has something to say about your fate! Answer each question as many times as you'd like, new adventurer! So who are you? Where are you? Are you a boy, or a girl? What were you doing when I stopped you? You have no idea? Well, neither do I! I suppose it's up to our random little rolly friend here.

[PersonPerson]

_I am a pineapple.
_At a fancy party.
_Pineapples don't have genders.
_Fighting off a hoard of giant ninja pirate cyborgs with an old boot.

[Aetrop]

1.A sentient suit of armor, with a katana
2.A factory
3."Male"
4.Killing the corrupt factory owner

[Limzee]

1. Sentient suit of armour, holy shit
2. A steam punk city, A burned-down forest, A cave
3. Male
4. Break-dancing for money, Planting trees, Running from Dwarves

[BucketOfHappen]

Well, that's interesting. This almost makes a lot of sense. Indeed, it stops just shy of actually doing that. The sense making thing. Life as a walking, clanking suit of armor is probably remarkably interesting, I would assume. And I am sure the denizens of this STEAM PUNK CITY have interesting lives as well, with their crazy contraptions and whatnot. I bet there's even a steam-powered wizard or something similar. In fact, I have decided that there definitely is. But enough of that, you are a gender-neutral amalgam of badassery, with a shield that is also a clock, and a sword that shoots out a small dagger using steam pressure. There are other things about you to know, such as the fact that you prefer to think of yourself as a male, but we will learn them later on. You try to remember what you were doing... and succeed! So I'll let you take the reigns while I irritatingly spell out your every move as it happens.

Our new friend was just heading toward the STEAMWORKS COMPANY MANUFACTURING CENTER to commit some serious murder, collect a lifetime supply of robotics equipment, and flee to make a colony of BATTLE ROBOTS in the forest. He also hopes to free the STEAMWORKS EMPLOYEES from the tyranny of their hellish, evil master, THE CHAIRMAN. He has agents on the inside of the factory feeding him all of the information that he needs to bring it down. A lot has changed since his time working there as one of the drones- they wouldn't recognize him now with all the additions to his body- but he used to spend his days manufacturing nothing but robotic left pinky fingers. He knows them as well as his own, because his left pinky had the same blueprints.

Before he leaves, he surveys his surroundings to make sure everything that needed doing is done. He is in a SMALL SHACK with piles of DISCARDED PARTS and BLUEPRINTS everywhere. There is a CHEST full of his personal belongings in the corner opposite him, and a COMPLICATED TECHNICAL ARRAY he uses to monitor the factory, and also to peruse his favorite websites. There is a RACK OF STEAMWEAPONS on the wall next to the CHEST, which is right next to the DOOR. What should he do before he embarks?

[Limzee]

Build a SMALL ROBOTIC DOG that runs on steam, but also his HOPES AND DREAMS
Examine RACK OF STEAMWEAPONS
Rummage through CHEST

[Aetrop]

Create a long, obnoxious catchphrase, which you will say every time you fight someone.

[PersonPerson]

Find stuffed animals in chest.

[cryptidWrangler]

>Polish your brass balls.

[BucketOfHappen]

In a situation like this, one must maintain a proper amount of hope in order to fulfill their ambitious dreams. Our friend has one more project to complete, and it will transcend the art of robotics in a way that was never imagined by a sentient, gender-neutral suit of armor. At least, that seems like a safe assumption to make. Regardless, he begins rummaging through his CHEST, tossing aside small SPRINGS, SPROCKETS, FIGURINES, and other miscellaneous items. At the bottom of it he finds his prized stuffed animals, which he has been harboring in hopes of one day being able to feel their delicious fluffy exteriors for himself. They are also his symbols of good luck, even though he knows that the universe is nothing but a mass of cold numbers being crunched constantly to determine a series of pointless outcomes with an inevitable end that cares nothing for the little things that happen before that point. But damn, that was pretty pessimistic, and now is not the time for that shit! He places the STUFFED ANIMALS- three GREEN BEARS- into the storage compartment on his chest, and begins gathering all of the items he will need to begin creating.

As he exits his home, his elegant helmet turned toward the sun, plumage billowing in the wind; his hopes are high. Which is a grand thing in itself, but much more important now that his small friend has come to be. This nameless robotic dog, fashioned from spare parts left over from his modification process is his new armored ally. Aside from steam, the feelings of his creator are what drives him. What should his name be? He'll have to think about it on the way.

The forest looms ahead of Princessmanwoman as it will our armored hero much later. She enters it with long strides that carry her quickly, and she is bound and determined to fuck up some hobos. At least one, after what they did. But it appears that there is an issue that will require more immediate attention. Branches around her are cracking, and multiple shapes in green traveling cloaks begin to emerge from the woods. THE WOLVES are giving it another try, and there are more of them this year. The princess doesn't think they will be very reasonable after how she handled this in the past, but perhaps she should try to parley with them before anything else. With her hand on the handle of the butcher's knife in her belt, she allows them to draw near. The seven figures approach her as she weighs her options.

[Askia]

violence, fill the ground with blood, bloodrage

KILL!

[PersonPerson]

this^

or have a dance-off

[Aetrop]

You will smite them with righteous fire!

[Reecer6]

>Dance-off
>Throw the knife into a helicopter above you so that it crashes into the Wolves