New Arrivals [text] (Actually updating regularly this time, I swear to god)

[Whimbrel]

Rummage for a bit, then check out the other mystery door~

[Sparks]

((OH HEY WE'RE OUT OF THE CRADLE HELL YES
Thanks for everyone who posted commands. Regular progress will resume now.))

[Sparks]

Rummage for a bit, then check out the other mystery door~

You rummage around the wreckage for a while, but you can't find anything useful. The glass is it unusable shards and the scrap metal isn't in a good enough shape to use effectively without gloves. So much for this basement then. Maybe it'll be useful if you have to dispose of something. Considering the only thing you have to dispose of is that jar of toothpaste in your pocket, you decide that the best course of action is to just leave and go check the other mystery door.

You head back up the stairs and open the final door, to find...
A living room. Not exactly an unpleasant surprise, but not much of a surprise either. You take a look around the room, seeing a huge arm chair next to a fireplace, currently unlit, and an also unlit lantern on a table next to it on a pile of books, presumably for reading. The floor is carpeted, and there are two doors, one with light coming out from the bottom that you presume to be the front door, judging by the design of it. The other door probably leads to a kitchen or something, and the room is fairly bare apart from that.

What will you do?

[Whimbrel]

Try the lit door

[mysticCharlatan]

>Pick up the most interesting looking book; if they are in a language you don't understand, then find the biggest one and head to the unlit door, ready to throw it at anyone you might run into.

[Sparks]

>Pick up the most interesting looking book; if they are in a language you don't understand, then find the biggest one and head to the unlit door, ready to throw it at anyone you might run into.

You have a look through the books, and find that most of them are the same alchemy books, big, thick, and in a language you can't understand. You pick up one of the meatier ones, a huge almanac of formulas, and head up to the unlit door. If there's anyone on the other side of that door, then you'll demonstrate a understanding of general formulas involving mass and momentum using this here book.

You slowly open the door, turning the handle until you're able to push the door open. A quick glance it shows that there doesn't appear to be anyone in there. You head in, revealing the place to be what you suspected, a room connected to a kitchen. There's a table big enough to house a few people, and a fully equipped kitchen on the other side of the room, behind a sliding door. You head into the kitchen, finding most of the things in it already put away, apart from a few plates and bowls lying around.

What will you do?

[ardentApathy]

>Obtain SPATULA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.

This shall be your weapon henceforth.

It might also serve to pry open that damn toilet.

[Sparks]

>Obtain SPATULA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.

This shall be your weapon henceforth.

It might also serve to pry open that damn toilet.

You search through the drawers to see what you can find. Let's see... Tongs, spoon, wait, what's this? Is that...

You obtain the SPATULA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. Its glory radiates from its finely honed sheen, casting aside all who are not worthy.

There is no doubt in your mind, this shall serve as your weapon for the time being. And it shall be your companion in finally dismantling that cursed toilet.

Is there anything you should do now, or should you go directly to that toilet?

[ardentApathy]

>Nah. Grab a bite to eat first. Surely there's SOMETHING edible in here.

[mysticCharlatan]

>Rearrange the contents of the cupboards. That'll show whoever it is that may or may not have kidnapped you! They will never find what they are looking for again!

[Sparks]

>Rearrange the contents of the cupboards. That'll show whoever it is that may or may not have kidnapped you! They will never find what they are looking for again!

Of course! Your most idiotic ingenious plan yet! Ok, let's see, plates, bowls, more bowls, seven types of spoons...
A few minutes later, and you've completely rearranged things. Some of them better hidden than others, but who cares if they'll be able to find the forks when the pots have been swapped out for the plates?
God this was a waste of time This was clearly the most productive use of your time.

You have mildly inconvenienced Crushed the spirit of your foe. What will you do?

[Whimbrel]

Procure a fork to go along with the knife you grabbed earlier!

[Sparks]

Procure a fork to go along with the knife you grabbed earlier!

You decide that you should get another piece of cutlery to match your knife, and go to the fork drawer to pick one out oh god damn it where'd you move the forks to.
You spend a minute looking for forks, and settle on the pointiest one you can find. With your combination of your knife, your new fork, and your SPATULA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, none shall stand in your way. You put the fork in the same pocket as your knife, as your other pocket is taken up by that jar of toothpaste you decided to grab for some reason. Stealth can now be thrown out the window, as you're going to jingle as you move with a setup like this.

A few steps later, and there's a distinct lack of jingling coming from your cutlery pocket. Hmm. Looks like stealth is back in.

What will you do now?

[Whimbrel]

Back to the room with the useful-looking lantern inside! We're going to explore....THE LIT ROOM!!!

[Sparks]

Back to the room with the useful-looking lantern inside! We're going to explore....THE LIT ROOM!!!

You walk back into the living room, and approach the lit room. Judging by the light coming out and the general design, it just might be the front door, and your ticket out. You can't put this off any longer. It's time to bust out of this place. You turn the handle, and prepare to

It's locked.

SON OF A BITCH.

[Whimbrel]

time to go all spatula of justice on that door

[Sparks]

time to go all spatula of justice on that door

That's SPATULA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS to you, Mr abstract concepts and ideas man, and while your weapon may be mighty, it can't exactly open the door. You can't even attempt to pick the lock or stick it between the hinges and use it crowbar style, which means so much for that idea.

What will you do now?

[Whimbrel]

Okay, UNLIT LANTERN GET!

Then go to the alchemy lab place and see if you can't find some matches.

[Sparks]

Okay, UNLIT LANTERN GET!

Then go to the alchemy lab place and see if you can't find some matches.

Ok, unlit LANTERN get. It takes up your right hand, leaving your dominant left hand free for general use. It's too big for your pockets anyway, so you're going to have to put this thing down if you want to use both hands.

You head back into the alchemy lab, and take a look around the place for some matches. You find a box next to some weird looking burners, and pick them up, depositing them between your fingers and the handle of the lantern, keeping your hand free.

What will you do now?

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Well, that's the last time I leave the thing unupdated for a day. Not that anyone cares, since there's a grand total of about three people who read this thing. I feel like I should just give up on this whole thing, but I might as well try to at least get out of the first house before I abandon this wreck.

[mysticCharlatan]

Oh don't say that, I'm really interested in this!

>Examine mysterious lack of metalic noises in your pocket.

[Sparks]

Oh don't say that, I'm really interested in this!

>Examine mysterious lack of metalic noises in your pocket.

After all the walking you've been doing with the cutlery in your pocket, the fact that you don't seem to be making much noise is something you decide you should check out. You stick your hand into your pocket to check on your knife, and oh god your KNIFE isn't there. Ok, ok, don't panic, we can work this out, just get out the oh god your FORK and SPATULA aren't there either. No amount of fishing about yields any success, and you are not taking this turn of events well. All you can find in your pocket is that keyring from earlier, and that isn't particularly good for stabbing either, even with a couple of pointy protrusions you could have sworn weren't there before.

Well, you're short all three of your armory of cutlery. What will you do now?

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Sorry for going off and whining before there. Kind of stupid and whiny. Also, I decided that I might as well start on the ITEM capitalization. I meant to do it earlier, but I wasn't quite sure what to do with generic items. So, items that can be collected are now listed in ALL CAPS, following most adventures.

[ardentApathy]

>You..

you LOST

the SPATULA

of RIGHTEOUSNESS?

...

For shame.

You MUST atone.

Find the KNIFE, and plunge it into the nearest available electrical outlet. Make sure you properly insulate yourself first, though. Don't want to get TOO carried away.

[Sparks]

>You..

you LOST

the SPATULA

of RIGHTEOUSNESS?

...

For shame.

You MUST atone.

Find the KNIFE, and plunge it into the nearest available electrical outlet. Make sure you properly insulate yourself first, though. Don't want to get TOO carried away.

Your subconscious is right, you must atone for your sins. You go for your KNIFE to oh wait you lost that too. Crap. Next you won't be able to find any electrical outlets of for the love of god, screw this alchemy tech house and its lack of sources of electrocution.

You're still wondering just how the hell you managed to lose your SPATULA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. The handle was sticking out of your pocket, and you sure as hell would have heard it fall out.

What will you do now?

[ardentApathy]

>...THE THIEF.

That rotten BASTARD.

You saw him. You're SURE of it. He was hiding. Somewhere in the kitchen. You could HEAR him breathing. And then suddenly, and somewhat CONVENIENTLY I might add, your set of CUTLERY suddenly vanishes without reason. The clever prick even cut a hole in your pocket, to make you think they had fallen out! Well, you won't fall for it.

Return to the kitchen, seal the door behind you, and prepare for the FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.

[Sparks]

>...THE THIEF.

That rotten BASTARD.

You saw him. You're SURE of it. He was hiding. Somewhere in the kitchen. You could HEAR him breathing. And then suddenly, and somewhat CONVENIENTLY I might add, your set of CUTLERY suddenly vanishes without reason. The clever prick even cut a hole in your pocket, to make you think they had fallen out! Well, you won't fall for it.

Return to the kitchen, seal the door behind you, and prepare for the FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.

Of course... The THIEF, it was him! You knew it had to be him, it's his fault for all of this, to try to catch you off-guard and defenseless! No way in hell that's going to work, Mr. THIEF, it's time for a showdown.

You head back into the kitchen, iron lantern in your hand, and close the door behind you, planting a chair in front of the door. If he wants to get out, then he's going to have to fight his way out. You walk into the kitchen, surrounded by cupboards, and you can just hear him, his breathing getting heavier, trying to get the best moment to strike I'VE GOT YOU NOW YOU SON OF A oh god this is stupid.

You attempt to calm right the fuck down, not doing very well. It's now clearly apparent that you're completely batshit insane. There's no THIEF, he didn't attack you, you're just apparently crazy. Since you got here, you've made nothing but crazy decisions, and this is just the pinnacle of it. You once again attempt to calm down, doing more successfully this time. Ok, let's just take this one step at a time. If you at least know that you're crazy, you can do something about it, let's just walk out of the kitchen and attempt to restore sanity.

A minute later, and ok, you think you're good. You'll just have to not do every crazy thing you think of. Besides, you don't even have a hole in your pocket, just this stupid keyring. Let's not even get into the toothpaste in your other one. Ok, maybe you're not crazy, maybe you just make weird decisions. But you're not going back into that kitchen. You know, just to be safe. You're not letting your guard down just yet.

You are in the living room. What will you do?

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Does this mean there's any restriction on commands? Of course not, that'd be stupid. Continue as usual.