New Arrivals [text] (Actually updating regularly this time, I swear to god)

[Sparks]

Okay use the Duplication Elixir to simultaneously open doors # 3 and 5 to solve the door puzzl- what do you mean you don't have the Duplication Elixir, the FAQ said you were supposed to have that by now. Oh my god you dun fucked up already just open the door right across from you.

You know, the doors are unlocked, you could go through them any time you want. You can't see why there'd be any kind of puzzle. The door across from you seems to be the best option. Always move directly forward, the strategy of champions, you say. You walk over and open the door, to find some kind of lab inside. You've go rows of vials and equipment everywhere, ranging from knives and other sharp looking things, to instruments for applying chemicals slowly and in certain amounts at a time. You have absolutely no idea how any of this works, which means it's time to go start poking things like an idiot. God this is a terrible idea.

Over to your right is the equipment, and to your left is a row of already finished potions, all carefully labeled with symbols you don't recognise. Next to the equipment are raw materials, mostly liquids in a variety of colours. Because it just wouldn't be science if it wasn't in technicolour.

What will you do?

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Page two! I'm glad I made it this far.

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[Sparks]

You stand there for a minute, taking in the glory of SCIENCE. OR ALCHEMY. OR WHATEVER. Then you realise that you should probably get around to doing something.

What will you do?

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Most certainly not a bump. Come on, I need commands here.

[Whimbrel]

Grab a handy-dandy knife, and check out another room. How abouuut across the hall and to the right of this door

[Sparks]

Grab a handy-dandy knife, and check out another room. How abouuut across the hall and to the right of this door

You search through the utensils and grab the sharpest knife you can find. It's single edged, but it's sharp and pointy as hell, and stabbing's the fun part anyway, really. You stick it into your pocket, sharp edge away from your leg. If you get jumped, maintaining innocence until either an agreement can be met or you can distract him enough to stab is important. It occurs to you that stabbing the first person you meet might not be the best idea. Ok, the knife is back to the backup. Damn morality.

With a weapon secured, you walk out of the lab, with the knife surprisingly not stabbing you in the leg anyway. Feels like it almost isn't there. You walk across the room to the original door and turn right, opening the door.

On the other side is a bathroom. A fairly normal one, that somehow manages to look old fashioned and modern at the same time. You've got a tiled floor, and a large copper tub at the end, fairly well polished. You've got this big old fashioned well-pump at the end, presumably to fill up the tub. Interestingly, there seems to be what appears to be a showerhead at the top, and a red switch below it, currently set to the off position. Having a shower probably wouldn't be much fun if you had to keep pumping that thing though. No toilet, so that's probably in another room. There's a sink and a toothbrush, a glass handle rather than a plastic one. Theres another small jar next to it with some gel in it, presumably the toothpaste.

The resulting look of the whole thing turns out weirdly anachronistic. But that's what you get from the house of some alchemist, you guess.

You are in a bathroom. What will you do?

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Oh god, why did I give so much description to a bathroom. Also, If you're reading this, I don't want to beg, but please leave a command. I really want to keep this going, I just need commands.

[Whimbrel]

>Back to the first room, go down the ladder

[Sparks]

>Back to the first room, go down the ladder

You would attempt to, but cannot! You locked the door on your way out, remember? To hide the fact that you ruined someone's room? Either way...

You are still in a bathroom. What will you do?

[For No Reason]

>While you're in the bathroom, you might as well use it.

[Sparks]

>While you're in the bathroom, you might as well use it.

It occurs to you that having a shower in someone else's house may not be the best idea. Oh well, might as well do it anyway. So, what part to use first?

[Whimbrel]

Brush your teeth!

[For No Reason]

>toilet.

[Conro101]

groom hair

[Sparks]

groom hair

You look under the sink and find a hairbrush underneath. After brushing your hair, you realize that this was a complete waste of time. But your NEATNESS stat raised by five percent, so maybe not. If you want to increase that stat any higher in your current apparel, you'll need to find an iron or something.

>toilet.

Unfortunately, as noted before, there is no toilet in this room. You'll have to find the correct room to use it.

You are in a bathroom. What will you do?

[Whimbrel]

Take the gel-jar and check another room. The one across the hall from this bathroom!

[Sparks]

Take the gel-jar and check another room. The one across the hall from this bathroom!

You take the toothpaste, because that is clearly the key to unlocking the secrets of this place. Or it's just toothpaste. Either way, it counts as loot, so you're taking it. For some reason. You put it in your other pocket, because your knife needs its personal space.

Then, you walk out of the bathroom and through the door across from you. Inside is the secrets of the universe. Or just the toilet. You really need to start picking the fun doors.

You are in a small, narrow room with a toilet. What will you do?

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I need more commands. I can't get more commands without more interest. I can't get more interest without more commands. And I can't get more interest otherwise without making it out of the cradle. And to make it out of the cradle I need more commands... I really want to do this, I just wish more people would enter something so I can get somewhere with this. Sorry for wasting your time with my whining rant.

[Whimbrel]

>Check the two rooms to the LEFT of the starting room

[mysticCharlatan]

>Flush the toilet and giggle.
>Boldly enter the room immediately to the left of where you started

Don't give up yet, sir! We'll get this thing out of the Cradle yet!

[Sparks]

>Flush the toilet and giggle.

You flush the toilet, watching the empty thing's water funnel down. You're about to leave when you see something. Is that steam? Why is there steam coming from the toilet?

You take another look at the toilet, which indeed seems to be steaming up. The steam smells fairly bland with the hint of some scenting of something. You crouch down and flush the thing again, which fails to do so. You stand back up and see a blue button on the side of the toilet's water holding tank back thing, and press it. The sound of water flowing briefly fills the room, before quickly dying back down. You crouch once again and flush the thing, looking at the pipe where it leads to when you flush it. By the looks of it, as far as you can see, it appears to drop down into some pit or tank or something, and by the fact that steam comes out, you guess that it gets burned or something. That seems pointlessly elaborate, and explains the need for the scenting.
Alchemist toilets sure are weird.

>Boldly enter the room immediately to the left of where you started.

You boldly stride forward, directly into the bathroom from whence you came. You need to find some more interesting directions to go.

You are in a bathroom. Again. What will you do?

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Oh god this isn't a particularly interesting way to end that entry, considering it achieved nothing, but consistancy on the house is something I suppose I have to keep. Also, expect to hear a lot of apologising in these end of entry spoiler tags. God I'm not confident at the moment. Sorry if I'm not getting anywhere, hopefully I can get things rolling soon.

[ardentApathy]

>Get the HELL out of that bathroom, mister! You have more pressing concerns than hygiene, at the moment!

Return to the toilet room, and attempt to dismantle that toilet AT ONCE!

[Sparks]

>Get the HELL out of that bathroom, mister! You have more pressing concerns than hygiene, at the moment!

Return to the toilet room, and attempt to dismantle that toilet AT ONCE!

You rush out of that bathroom and right back into the toilet room.
YOU MUST KNOW ITS SECRETS.
You attempt to wrench it from the walls, but alas, it's cemented to it. This displeases you. The only other option seems to be to remove the top of the toilet back thing and get at the flushing system in order to plumb the depths of its knowledge and pipes. You attempt to pry it off with your fingers, but you can't get under it enough to get any lift. You might need some leverage...

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You know, when I set out on this thing, I meant to portray our hero as incredibly sarcastic about the whole thing. Instead, he appears to have gone slightly insane. Hopefully I can maintain a mixture of those things when we get to dialogue and other characters.

[ardentApathy]

...

>Shout at it.

[Sparks]

...

>Shout at it.

You begin to yell at the toilet. Amongst other things you call it a coward, a cur, and imply that it's parental figure of a maternal disposition had been used as a septic system. After your verbal onslaught, the toilet remains unmoved. Also, if there is anyone else in the building, your cover was completely blown.
You glare at the toilet. Nice going, asshole. You attempt brute force on the lid again, but the same problem with leverage persists.

What will you do?

[Conro101]

tear wall down behind toilet

[Sparks]

tear wall down behind toilet

You attempt to tear down the wall behind it, sending your fist flying at- ohgodwhyisitmadeofstone
Ok, the fist isn't going to work, and unless you have boots made of titanium or something, your foot isn't going to do the job. Wall tearing isn't going to work on this crafty son of a bitch.

What will you do?

[ardentApathy]

>Blasted toilet. There MUST be a crowbar or something like that around here. Exit toilet room, enter the room immediately to the right ((really hoping I've got the layout correct))

[Sparks]

>Blasted toilet. There MUST be a crowbar or something like that around here. Exit toilet room, enter the room immediately to the right ((really hoping I've got the layout correct))

((Layout is correct. Current map of the place is, Starting doors, doors directly to the left and right are bathroom and toilet, then two mystery doors, then the alchemy lab. Just for convenience.))

As you leave the room, you glare at the toilet. You'll be back, you son of a bitch. You turn right and open the door, revealing some stairs leading to a basement. You walk down them, the way being lit by a couple of small lanterns hanging from the walls. They're bolted, so you can't take them, but you can't help but notice that some dust gets on your hand when you try, meaning that nobody's touched this thing for a while. How long does lantern oil last, anyway?

You make it down the stairs, and god is it a wreck down here. There's heaps of broken equipment, bits of scrap metal and shattered beakers lying around this place, and some pits with mild fumes coming out, probably from failed potions. You're careful to walk around some of the sharper stuff, since while your boots are comfortable as hell, the heels isn't particularly tough, and metal in your foot is definitely something you don't need.

You could probably find something suitable for whacking down here if you tried. Shall you rummage, or do something else?