New Arrivals [text] (Actually updating regularly this time, I swear to god)

[ardentApathy]

>There is only one way to decide. Take out your keyring, throw it in the air, and go in whichever direction the SPATULA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS ends up pointing.

[Sparks]

>There is only one way to decide. Take out your keyring, throw it in the air, and go in whichever direction the SPATULA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS ends up pointing.

You take out your keyring and throw it skywards, letting fate decide your direction. The SPATULA lands face down into the dirt. What was the point of that again?

>Take the stream path. At least you'll have something to drink if it's a long way to go. It's probably a good idea to keep moving farther away from the house anyway.

Probably should have just done that in the first place. You wipe the dirt of your keyring before stashing it again, and begin to walk right, coming to the stream in a few minutes. It's a fairly small stream, but it seems to be getting wider as you go along, the stream running right next to the path, occasionally winding slightly, but still remaining close.

After the first hour, you're bored as hell, but at least you seem to be making progress along the road. The stream has widened into a creek, then into a small river, and it seems to be getting wider. You think you see a bridge off in the distance, but it's still about ten minutes of walking away.

What will you do?

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I've noticed recently that you guys come out and post in a group only while I'm asleep. I'm not sure if that's good timing or not.

[Whimbrel]

((Probably something about schedules or timezones))

TO THE BRIDGE, MY GOOD FELLOW!

[Sparks]

TO THE BRIDGE, MY GOOD FELLOW!

A quest then! To the bridge, or dishonour and shame! You take the ten or so minutes it takes to get to the bridge, and boy is it bigger than you expected. The river ran diagonally over it, and the bridge was built seemingly several metres longer than it needed to be, as well as much wider. Maybe shipments or something came through here, or maybe the river gets much bigger. You don't know, you can't tell what season it is through the trees other than "bloody humid".

You walk onto the flat wooden planks of the bridge, and you think you see the trees get thinner off in the distance. Finally, you hopefully get the hell out of this forest, and figure out just what the hell is going on. Nothing is going to get in your way this time.

"What're you doing here? You're under arrest!"

Oh you just HAD TO FUCKING SAY IT DIDN'T YOU

[Xindaris]

>Retort that they can't arrest you until you've answered the question. Then pointedly do not answer the question.

>Ask your own question instead, why is being here an immediate cause for arrest?

[Sparks]

>Retort that they can't arrest you until you've answered the question. Then pointedly do not answer the question.

"You can't arrest me yet, sir."

"And why not, criminal?"

"You can't arrest me until I've answered your first question, when you asked me what I was doing here."

"And just where in the law does it state that, criminal?"

"Section 14, subsection 6, paragraph B, line 4."

You hear some paper shuffling. You're not quite sure this guy quite gets smart-ass.

You hear a book slamming shut.

"Looks like you just got misdirecting the law added to your charges, punk!"

Oh, great, just what you needed, dealing with this guy.

What now?

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Oh god my dialogue is terrible, I need to improve, and fast. I apologise for it being terrible, repeatedly. I have shamed my ancestors with this and any further terrible dialogue.

Anyway, this is how decided to handle talking. Instead of colours and quirks like most people, I had a terrible idea to use different fonts to distinguish characters. Hopefully it'll turn out ok.

[Xindaris]

>Ask all of the following questions, rapid-fire, before he can answer any single one of them:

>What are YOU doing here?
>Why is being here a crime?
>Can you arrest someone ignorant of the law?
>Can you arrest a non-citizen?
>What country am I even in?
>Where am I?
>Who are you?
>What is the square root of a swallow's velocity while it is carrying an extremely ripe coconut over the Pacific ocean in 90-mile-an-hour winds?

[Sparks]

>Ask all of the following questions, rapid-fire, before he can answer any single one of them:

>What are YOU doing here?
>Why is being here a crime?
>Can you arrest someone ignorant of the law?
>Can you arrest a non-citizen?
>What country am I even in?
>Where am I?
>Who are you?
>What is the square root of a swallow's velocity while it is carrying an extremely ripe coconut over the Pacific ocean in 90-mile-an-hour winds?

"What are YOU doing here?

"I'm here on-

"Why is being here a crime?"

"It's because-"

"Can you arrest someone ignorant of the law?"

"Well technically-"

"Can you arrest a non-citizen?"

"That depends on-

"What country am I even in?"

"You're in-"

"Where am I"

"Just let me-"

"Who are you?"

"My name is-"

"What is the square root of a swallow's velocity while it is carrying an extremely ripe coconut over the Pacific ocean in 90-mile-an-hour winds?"

"What?"

You give him a second to attempt to answer them. He fails to provide a coherent answer. Ok, you think you successfully broke him.
What now?

[Whomobile]

>Deck him in the shins and leg it.

[Sparks]

>Deck him in the shins and leg it.

You would be more than happy to do so, apart from the fact that you haven't actually seen him yet. He's standing behind some trees on the other side of the bridge, and you walk over a bit closer and to the side to actually get a look at him. And god is he huge. He's a tall, beefy guy in a light suit of armour, with a full cuirass, some arm guards, gloves and leg armour, with some plain brown leather underneath the metal. He's got his head uncovered, and from what you can see, he's clean shaven, got a crew cut with light brown hair and had the squarest jaw you've ever seen. Technically it's the second jaw you've seen, but still. Back to the huge thing, he's about a foot taller than you, and while you wouldn't call yourself too tall, he's big enough to tower over you, and he looks like he has the muscle to back himself up whatever action he decides to get himself into, as well as a big-ass claymore. Hopefully he doesn't live up to the dumb muscle stereotype, because the last thing you need is a big, dumb, angry guy coming at you with a huge sword.

Currently he's still looking broken, and it looks like the shin plan won't work with those greaves. The legging it part still seems pretty appealing to you though. Shall you proceed, or should you do something different?

[Whimbrel]

Leg it as far as you possibly can, good sir.

[mysticCharlatan]

>Wave a hand in front of his face, see if you actually broke his brain.

[Sparks]

>Wave a hand in front of his face, see if you actually broke his brain.

You walk up to the guy and wave your hand in front of his still somewhat confused face, just to see if he's really broken. After the second wave, he grabs your arm, and he's not looking particularly happy. Crap.

What now?

[Xindaris]

>Why didn't you answer any of my questions, sir? I thought you were an honest and helpful upholder of the law!

(This is actually really good if we do end up captured and with a fair trial. We did not attempt to escape arrest, just asked clarifying questions!)

[Sparks]

>Why didn't you answer any of my questions, sir? I thought you were an honest and helpful upholder of the law!

(This is actually really good if we do end up captured and with a fair trial. We did not attempt to escape arrest, just asked clarifying questions!)

He seems to get a little less angry at the sound of this, but you don't think he's gotten over the fact that you were being a smart-ass at him. He doesn't let go of your arm, but he does respond to your question.

"I would have answered your questions criminal, except for the fact that you were clearly attempting to agitate this "honest and helpful upholder of the law" in the process."

Crap, you think he's caught on to you. Good news, he's not as dumb as a rock. Bad news, he's not as dumb as a rock. He continues.

"Until further notice, you're under arrest. You can ask any questions you want now, criminal."

Ok, what now?

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oh god terrible dialogue why can't i do this well i'll try to get better goddamn it

[Xindaris]

>If I were trying to agitate you I surely wouldn't have walked up just to let you grab my arm like this! I'm just a very confused person with no memory earlier than this morning. Also, innocent until proven guilty by court of law--or am I in one of those non-free countries?

(I hope I'm not making things worse here. Maybe I should shut up and let other people handle suggestions for a while...)

[Sparks]

(I hope I'm not making things worse here. Maybe I should shut up and let other people handle suggestions for a while...)

((Commands are always good. I'll just see if anyone else has any commands first. Variation is key. I still appreciate any and all commands.))

[mysticCharlatan]

Xin, making things worse is the only reason we're here, isn't it?

Kidding! I think...

>Ask "what's up doc?"

Alternatively, if we don't want to confuse him/make him mad...

>Ask where you are right now.

[Sparks]

>Ask "what's up doc?"

Alternatively, if we don't want to confuse him/make him mad...

>Ask where you are right now.

You decide to go with the safe option. Besides, you can't even remember what you'd be quoting with the first option. Stupid memory.

"So, can you tell me where exactly I am, anyway?"

You don't think he believes you.

"Playing dumb isn't going to work, criminal."

Again with the criminal thing. And we were making so much progress too. Might as well try again, see if he does it anyway.

"No, seriously, I have no idea where I am right now. Can you just tell me?"

He's still looking extremely suspicious. You're going to need to either try something better or get the hell out of here soon.

"Alright criminal, I'll humour you on this. You're in the Carsil Greenwoods. Anything else you want to be told, criminal?"

You don't think you should take him up on his offer too much. You can't possibly imagine how you reached this conclusion, but you don't think he likes you very much.

What will you do now?

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Of course you're here to ruin things, why else do you think you're here?

[Xindaris]

>Yeah. What's a carsill greenwood. You have to realize that without context a name like that is totally meaningless.

[ardentApathy]

>Tell him about the house you woke up in. Leave out the ransacking part, though.

[Sparks]

>Tell him about the house you woke up in. Leave out the ransacking part, though.

"Look, I just woke up in some house in the middle of this forest, with no idea how I got here, ok?"

He's still not believing you, but he's listening.

"Go on. What kind of house was this?"

"It was some kind of alchemists house. They had a lab in it and everything, so..."

You're not really sure how to continue without mentioning you generally rifling through and breaking everything in your path. But he does seem to recognise the place.

"Thaegans house? That would match the description you're going, however vague it may be..."

"I just woke up there, I don't know anything about it, or where I am. Look, I'm telling the truth, I just can't remember anything."

Ok, first of all, the amnesia defence never works. Ever. Especially when you're actually telling the truth. And it's showing. He raises an eyebrow.

"Of course. And if I go to her house right now and she says that somebody ransacked her home, what then?"

...Crap.

What now?

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I've finally figure out how to respond to some of you in a timely fashion! Staying up until 2:30am to answer this! Who needs sleep anyway?
Also, I'm terrible at making up names for places. XINDARIS IS THAT A COMMAND OR A CRITICISM BECAUSE IT COULD GO EITHER WAY

[Xindaris]

>Tell me.

>What would you, sir, do if you woke up in a locked house with no memories?

>What would your first assumption be?

>Perhaps, that you were captured? Had your memories taken so you wouldn't know how to get out?

>If you find the house ransacked in a manner consistent with knowing nothing about what's going on or why, that only corroborates my story.

[Sparks]

>Tell me.

>What would you, sir, do if you woke up in a locked house with no memories?

>What would your first assumption be?

>Perhaps, that you were captured? Had your memories taken so you wouldn't know how to get out?

>If you find the house ransacked in a manner consistent with knowing nothing about what's going on or why, that only corroborates my story.

It occurs to you that telling the truth isn't exactly going to work. You don't think this guy is going to believe you. You're going to need to come up with something better or get the hell out of here, and fast.

What now?

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Well, that's the last time I leave this thing for a while to see if anyone else leaves a command.

[ardentApathy]

>Tell him Thaegan was keeping you as a guinea pig for her experiments, and you only barely managed to escape with your life, dignity, and sanity (heh) intact.