SPACEJAMMED

[AgentPaper]

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a - HOLY FUCK a rocket just crashed into your room!

uh, What will you do?

[PersonPerson]

SCREEEEEEAAAM
... Or you could just stay calm and see what happens...

[trueBug]

> Prepare to defeat approaching alien menace with your rad basketball skills

[AgentPaper]

> Defeat alien menace with your rad basketball skills.

Your quickly YOUTH ROLL towards your BALL BIN. Now is the time to put all of your hard-earned SPORTS-RELATED SKILLS to the test! Those aliens won't know what hit them!

Unfortunately you immediately fall flat on your face, due to your incredible lack of SPORTS-RELATED SKILLS. Fortunately there also doesn't seem to be any aliens, so instead you just feel a bit silly.

[TheChaosPoint]

Throw a potato and see what happens.

[Sparky Young Upstart]

Kick the rocket in the shins.

[Grug]

> Check the rocket for Guns.

[AgentPaper]

> Throw a potato and see what happens.

You grab a nearby potato off it's vine and lob it at the rocket. Wait, couldn't this be extremely dangerous? I mean, it's a rocket, and rockets are usually filled with deadly deadly explosives set to a hair trigger, right?

Fortunately, none of these logical things seems to be true, and the potato bounces off with no effect. Well, that was decidedly less exciting than you would have expected, and now you feel even sillier than you did previously.

[OrangeAipom]

Greet the rocket. Ask what's up.

[AgentPaper]

> Greet the rocket. Ask what's up.

Well, if it isn't deadly, maybe it's friendly? You greet the rocket in your general nervous, friendly manner.

The rocket mysteriously does not respond to your awkward greeting. You somehow feel even sillier than you did previously, a feat of no small accomplishment.

[PersonPerson]

It must be shy... Yell at it and scare it.

[AgentPaper]

> It must be shy... Yell at it and scare it.

You take in a deep breath, and let out a nice, loud....wait, what are you doing? This is a rocket, not a person, what the heck would yelling at it do? You resist the urge to yell at it.

You're not usually this awkward and silly. Well, ok, you're usually exactly this awkward and silly, but no more!

Now that you're done with being a loon, you realize that it's very strange for a rocket to have gotten this deep underground. What's the point of living in a super-secure bunker if a rocket can just come crashing in without so much as a warning? You would complain, but the only person to complain to is your SIS, and you'd rather not have a confrontation with her right now. Or ever.

[Misceo]

Try to get inside the rocket.

[AgentPaper]

> Try to get inside the rocket.

Upon further inspection, you decide that the rocket it far too small to get inside of. There aren't any hatches you can see, anyways. Just a weird twisty circle line thing on the side that seems vaguely familiar to you.

Actually, this rocket is completely different from any rocket you've seen before, and you've studied just about every rocket that's ever been produced, despite your best efforts. It must be a new prototype build by the government! That would explain how it got way down here, though not why it was launched at your room specifically. Hm, this will require further investigation...

[PersonPerson]

Further investigate it.

[AgentPaper]

> Further investigate it.

To do that, you'll need to get the ROCKET INSPECTION KIT that your SIS uses...which of course is on the bottom level of the bunker, making it almost certain that you'll need to have an encounter with your SIS to get to it. You suppose there's no avoiding it, but you'd still like to avoid that for as long as possible.

[Kíeros]

> Ride on rocket like famous scene in Doctor Strangelove

[AgentPaper]

> Ride on rocket like famous scene in Doctor Strangelove

Throwing caution to the wind, you leap atop the rocket and begin to ride it like a mechanical bull. You're not sure what this is supposed to accomplish, but it's too much fun for you to care.

[AgentPaper]

> ==>

As you continue to ride the rocket for much longer than you care to admit, you notice your computer has started beeping and flashing. It seems that one of your friends is trying to get in contact with you.

[PersonPerson]

Talk to friend.

[Kíeros]

Talk to friend.

> Walk the rocket over to the computer; still riding it, and answer your friend.

[AgentPaper]

> Walk the rocket over to the computer, still riding it, and answer your friend.

The rocket must weigh at least 300 pounds, making it difficult to move, but you manage to slide it over to the computer and use it as a chair.

You're feeling pretty awesome right now, and also incredibly silly.

It looks like you have three people trying to reach you right now! You can't help but wonder at the unexpected popularity, especially since you don't even recognize two of the people trying to contact you. Oh well, friends come first, you'll find out who those guys are later.

Chat Log:

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UU: Hey what's up?
UU: I'm totally Doctor Strangelove right now.
UU: Or wait, no I guess I'm that texan guy, I don't remember what his name was.
NU: it was major kong i just looked it up.
NU: but thats besides the point.
NU: have they contacted you yet?
UU: Has who contacted me yet?
NU: you'd know if they had, so I guess thats a no.
UU: Well, there are two people trying to talk to me, but I haven't gotten around to them yet.
UU: I responded to you first, since we're best buds and all!
NU: how nice of you.
NU: Anyways thats good to hear that you haven't responded yet.
NU: that means you can still record their message and send it to me.
UU: Record? What are you talking about?
NU: just copy the whole chat and send it to me
NU: Theres some weird people that have been contacting all of us
NU: im trying to find out what they're up to.
UU: That seems a bit unecessary. But then again, I guess that's to be expected from you!
UU: I'll send you a copy of the chat if you're that curious. You can count on me!
NU: thanks i already have copies from UN.
NU: I think there's something strange going on
NU: and damn if Im not going to get to the bottom of it!
UU: Haha, well let me know what you figure out, it should be interesting.

[PersonPerson]

Respond to one of the two other people.

[AgentPaper]

> Respond to one of the two other people.

Chat Log

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NI: Hello.
UU: Hello!
NI: Well aren't you cheerful.
UU: Why not? I like meeting new people.
NI: How appropriate.
UU: What do you mean?
NI: Nevermind. You wouldn't understand yet anyways.
NI: Now then, will you stop fooling around and get on with it?
UU: That's a very strange thing to say, especially for someone you just met!
UU: Are you pretending to be a psycho mind reader? Because I will not fall for your tricks!
NI: I don't care what you fall for or think. Just get on with it already.
UU: Hmm, and what am I supposed to be doing?
UU: Share your wisdom, wise psycho person!!
NI: I don't think that word means what you think it means.
NI: It doesn't seem like my interference here will produce any results.
NI: I suppose I'll just leave you with a bit of advice.
UU: Oooh, spooky psycho voodoo advice!
UU: Am I going to fall in love with the next person I meet?
UU: Because jokes on you, nobody ever comes around here except for my sister!
NI: Wow, too much information.
UU: Wait, no, I didn't mean it like that.
UU: I mean, it doesn't count since I already have met her.
NI: ...
UU: I mean, you're the one who immediately assumed that I meant something gross.
UU: So that means you're the one with the sick mind, sister-lover!
UU: See I can use psycho mind tricks too!
NI: Just stay out of the shadows, OK?
UU: What?

[AgentPaper]

> ==>

As if you needed another reason to be afraid of the dark...

It looks like the other person that was pestering you is gone now, so you just copy the chat you just had and send it to NU.

You're quickly running out of new things to do to delay your inevitable confrontation with SIS.