Forumite Romance XII: A Crackship. Shaken, Not Stirred.

[Namboto]

I do believe that I was the first to punt him, unless I'm sorely mistaken.

Evidence:


Other types of bodily harm are free reign though.

[The Illusive Man]

Read your fic, Phy. Enjoyed it.

[Reality Glitch]

Changed my avatar, so there's only one of me now.

[Phynicxs]

@ TIM Thanks!

and I can't draw kisses, or people from the side or upside-down kisses. so why did I try?
Also is Odie still around? I have plans. The most evil of plans.

[Crimson Lunar]

Woah! A new person. An Heir of Heart and has fangs!? Well then...



Hi there~

[typoAdventure]

Wait before you kiss him, you pimp of hearts, you. He's not officially on the list yet.

Page 69! I propose various Karkat related shenanigans:

Past-Present rants
Selfcest
Tributes to our friendleader (Kraine this thread)
Angry rants about romance and its intricacies (the funnier and more ridiculous the better)
Crabsonas
POSTS IN ALL CAPS SHOULD BE A THING NOW.

OKAY I'M OFF TO FIC YOUR BULGESUCKING DESIRES, YOU SAD EXCUSES FOR FORUMITES. HAPPY PAILING I GUESS

[Reality Glitch]

SHUT UP YOU STUPID EXCUSE FOR MY DESCENDANT.

SIGNED, THE SUFFERER

[dialecticBlight]

POST WILL BE AMENDED WITH A CHATLOG IN A BIT. IMPATIENT PUKESTAINS, SETTLE YOUR CHITINOUS WINDHOLES AND GIVE ME SOME TIME.

OH YEAH, I FORGOT. FUTURE ME IS A DUMBASS AND NEVER ISN'T GOING TO INCLUDE ANYTHING HERE. I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I AM HIM! YESSS!

I FUCKING HATE FUTURE ME. HE'S ONLY SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN PAST ME.

[Milksweet]

Page 69 is suddenly me because of selfcest.

[kraine]

CL. I missed you. And your crackships. BD

I feel like it's a good idea to post more trollkraine.

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I also drew the backside of dia, but that might be an image for another time.

[Coasterman29]

HAHA I'M BACK MOTHERFUCKERS! OH SWEET THE NEW GUY VICTIM HAS JOINE! TIME TO DO SHIT TO HI-

WAIT
WAIT WHAT
NO WAIT TYPO YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME JUST BECAUSE YOUR MATESPRIT'S A BITCH DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN HELP HER I DON'T WANT SOME SORTA WEIRD BLACK TWO ON ONE THING AS MUCH AS THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING

AND COME ON I LOVE RANTING AND CAPSLOCK


good times, namboto; good times, ya prick. we should make an ectokid who is an amazing soccer player.

[kholhaus]

Holy SHIT. I haven't posted on the Forums in a while! I just up and disappeared, leaving you guys wondering what the hell my fic idea for Typo (UNKNOWN) was! Tumblr completely swallowed me up and all of my time, so I apologize, good fellows. I also happen to have become mutually smitten with a girl, and we are internet 'dating' I suppose you could say. She's really quite wonderful and has been taking up almost all of my attention as of late.

I hope you do understand that I still care for you guys as you really all are great friends and interesting people. It's just hard for me to spread such intense care across so many web-mediums.

However, I promise to you, that I will post the next installment of Typo(UNKNOWN) fic by the next weekend!

[Phynicxs]

Khol, your mission is to get this girl into homestuck if she isn't already. Then get her into this thread if at all possible. this kinda mucks up my crack ship for your quadrant but eh. THIS TAPE WILL EXPLODE IN 10 SECONDS-

bluh bluh Anyway good job Casanova, it seems like only yesterday when you were panicking about girls and rolling around under tables.
Alright I shall anxiously await your Typo fic! good luck with your girlfriend dude.

[typoAdventure]

WAIT WHAT?
WHAT THE FUCK.
WHAT THE EVER LOVING ACID BILE, COAST.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT BY STOPPING PEOPLE FROM RAMMING THEIR BIPEDAL APPENDAGES IN YOUR NOOK GAPER I'M GOING BLACK FOR YOU?
JEGUS. PHY WAS RIGHT, YOU ARE A MASOCHIST.
AS MUCH AS I LOVE SHENANIGANS
NO COAST, IT WAS NOT A COME-ON.
I LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND MY MATESPRIT EXACTLY HOW IT IS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
NO, I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING AN ACROBATIC FLIP OFF THE FUCKING HANDLE
BECAUSE IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, I ALSO ENJOY BEING FLUSHED FOR PHY AND HAVE NO FUCKING INTEREST IN SWITCHING QUADRANTS ANY TIME SOON.
SO JUST SET YOUR FLUFFY RED ASS DOWN AND ACCEPT THAT I'M NOT BLACK FOR YOU.
TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT, BULGE FOR PANS.
OKAY, NOW ON TO SHIT THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS.
I BELIEVE I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US WHEN I SAY CONGRATULATIONS, KHOLHAUS.
WE'RE ALL MUTUALLY SUPPORTIVE OF YOU.
AND IF YOU DON'T GET THROUGH THAT FIC WITH ME, IT WON'T ACTUALLY BE THE END OF THE WORLD.
I'M SORRY FOR ENDING THE OBVIOUS CANDIDATE LIKE A HOOFBEAST LED TO THE SLAUGHTER.
ALL THE SAME, IT IS RATHER EXCITING TO BE FEATURED BY SOMEONE WHO ISN'T YOURSELF.
OR ONESELF.
CRAP
WHAT I MEAN IS THAT
IT'S NICE TO SEE PEOPLE DO THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE, REGARDLESS OF WHO YOU ARE.
YEAH.
AND ON THAT NOTE, WE HAVE A NEW WIGGLER ON BOARD.
WELCOME TO THE THREAD, REALITY GLITCH.
YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY ABOARD THE USS QUADRANT FUCKERY, FIRST DESTINATION: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
YOU MAY NOW EXCHANGE FLUIDS WITH THE PIMP.
YOU HAVE MY BLESSING.
LAST AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, PHY, I'M GOING TO NEED YOU IN MY OFFICE LATER. AND NOW. YOU KNOW WHAT, BETTER JUST CLEAR OUT THE WHOLE DAY.
NONE OF YOU FUCKWITS BETTER COME IN BECAUSE WE'RE DISCUSSING STRATEGY.
OF QUADRANTS.
QUADRANT STRATEGY IS A THING.
SHUT UP.

[The Illusive Man]

...
...
...
...
Welp, my day's already fucked. Mostly because my JungleSticks stuff in League of Legends was disastrous. I hate screwing up my favorite Fiddlesticks build, especially when I tell my RANKED allies that I'm going to build JungleSticks and their teamcomp is so terrible for it. Sometimes I wonder if Ranked Solo is even a remotely fathomable idea.

When I get in a better headspace, I will consider the notion of Quadrant Strategy. Until then, I'm afraid I will not take part in that. Mostly because I'm not a person who wishes to assume direct control of relationships, under the grounds that I have no relationship experience to work with IRL. :I

[Reality Glitch]

Woah! A new person. An Heir of Heart and has fangs!? Well then...

Hi there~

(( I was going to have pictures for this, but I'm posting from my phone. ))

At the sudden and unexpected display of unresippecated emotion, you try to explain that you have no interest in such relationships, do to the reason such emotions usually arise. Asexual, as humans call such opinions. He ignores you, and continues w/ his display. You retalliate by ejecting the spare bucket you keep in your sylledex for such occations as a distraction, landing it on his head. You then imediately abscond.

[typoAdventure]

MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS TIM, I WAS MAKING A EUPHEMISM.
WE'RE GOING TO BE HAVING SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.

CLOSE THE DOOR ON YOUR WAY OUT, PLEASE.

[Verscilith]

what is even going on....
I can't conceive this right now my brain is too full of robots

[GenetiXientist]

"I can't conceive this right now my brain is too full of robots"

That phrasing is a bit suspect, Ver. Are you certain you mean that, due to nanotechnology, you are about to place yourself in a situation wherein you will eventually give birth to some horrible monstrosity? (The connotations of "this" are such that the object in question is referred to with disdain.)

[Crimson Lunar]

I'm not sure I'm ready for this. o///o

And oh Kraine you missed me eh?
Maybe I should get to know troll!Kraine a bit more

[Coasterman29]

OH MY GOD THE TWO OF YOU TAKE ME SO SERIOUSLY
LIKE, SHIT DO YA' EVEN KNOW ME

[The Illusive Man]

/closes door

I guess I shall return to League of Legends until the Karkat-based shenanigans have ceased. He's still my least favorite troll in all of Homestuck, after all. That, and I can probably farm some IP until I get a LoL champ similar to him.

[Phynicxs]

this has been on my computer for ages and I don't feel like finishing it.

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WHATS THAT? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PAGE 69? WELL SHUT YOUR GAPING PROTEIN VALVES I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
AND RG IT OCCURS TO ME THAT YOU MAY BE AROMANTIC INSTEAD OF ASEXUAL. WHILE ASEXUAL MEANS YOU DON'T CARE FOR GETTING YOUR BONEBULGE UP AND SLATHERING ALONG THE CONFINES OF ANY DARK PATCH OF LADY/MAN LAND BECAUSE YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK AND CAN'T FEEL SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE (YOU CAN STILL GET YOUR GENETIC SLURRY HOLDER ALL PUMPED UP AND READY BECAUSE IT'S NOT BROKEN, YOU'D JUST RATHER NOT RIDE THE TANDEM BIKE OF BUCKETS WITH ANY MODERATELY SEXY FUCKASS WHO COMES ALONG) AROMANTIC MEANS YOU CAN'T FEEL ROMANTIC DESIRE TOWARDS SOMEONE, YOU CAN BUMP BULGES AND SPOON ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU'LL NEVER FEEL THE FEELINGS OF ROMANTICISM TOWARDS THEM.

IN THAT CASE YOUR PERFECTLY FINE AND WELL WITHIN YOUR RIGHTS TO DROP THE FUCKING SUBJECT AND KICK IT HERE TO "LEAVE THIS SUBJECT THE FUCK ALONE" VALLY. YOU CAN HAVE AND WITHOUT SEXUAL ATTRACTION, BUT YOU CAN'T REALLY HAVE IT WITHOUT THE EXPRESS DESIRE FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. WELL I GUESS YOU CAN BUT FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK I'LL SHIP YOUR HALFHEARTED CRACKED AT THE SEAMS WATERLOGGED UNSATISFYING NOOK-SNIFFING RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT KICKING THAT SHIT TO THE CURB AND BREAKING THAT SHIP TO FORGE A NEW ONE OUT OF THE TEARS OF ALL THOSE STUPID VASCULAR WORSHIPPING FOOLS WHO LIKED THE DAMN THING. NOT TO MENTION WE HAVE LIKE A BAZILLION MADE UP QUADRANTS NOW, I REMADE VER'S HOUSE OUT OF FANGUSH BECAUSE SHE CALLED HER ECTOKID SVEN, AND CALLED IT WHOTHEFUCK GIVES A SHIT IT'S MY GOG DAMNED QUADRANTS I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I LIKE WITH IT EVEN MAKE ONE JUST FOR THE SHEER SAKE OF ADMIRATION IN A ONE SIDED FORM. YOU SEE THIS HERE SYMBOL (<:~:>) THIS IS NOW THE SYMBOL THAT DIGNIFIES FEELINGS OF INTENSE MUTUAL NOT GIVING A FUCK AND PUNS, IT IS NOW THE BEST FUCKING THING YOU EVER LAID EYES ONE, YES EVEN YOU DIA. YOU GREW ANOTHER EYE JUST SO YOU COULD LAY EYES ON IT. IN FACT EVERYONE GROWS A NEW PAIR OF EYES, YOUR LAYING YOUR FRESH NEW EYES ON THIS THING, IT'S THE FIRST THING YOU'VE SEEN WITH THOSE EYES. THOSE EYES WERE MADE TO LOOK AT THIS QUADRANT. YOU CRY TEARS OF JOY, ECSTASY, AND FEAR. AND YOU LOVE IT.

-FUTURE Phynicxs-2 hours from now responded-

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FP: NO- NO YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.
CP: WAIT WHAT? THE FUCK?
FP: GET RID OF THAT THING RIGHT NOW
CP: ALRIGHT WHO IS THIS? COAST?
FP: NO IT'S MICKEY MOUSE- WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT IS!? IT'S YOU FROM THE FUTURE DUMB-ASS!!
CP: YING? I SWEAR IF THIS IS ANOTHER FUCKING PRANK TO GET UP YOUR GAMBIT
FP: NO IT'S YOU, FROM 2 HOURS IN THE FUTURE. YOU NEED TO THROW THE DAMN SYMBOL AWAY RIGHT NOW.
CP: YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, I JUST FOUND THIS THING AND IT'S FUCKING GLORIOUS.
FP: IN 2 HOURS YOU WON'T THINK SO. JUST GO AND TOSS IT OUT THE WINDOW RIGHT NOW, JUST GET IT AWAY FROM EVERYONE.
CP: NOPE I THINK I LIKE IT RIGHT WHERE IT IS.
FP: LOOK HERE FUCK ASS. THAT THING IS BAD BUSINESS.
CP: OH MAN COAST, WHAT ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY NICE AND PRETTY BIT OF BLING? GO FUCK YOURSELF. IT'S MINE AND IT AIN'T LEAVING MY PRETTY LITTLE PAWS.
FP: WHAT? NO LOOK JUST THROW THE DAMN THING AWAY ALRIGHT. I DON'T WANT IT. I'M YOU, FROM THE FUTURE. AND I AM TELLING YOU TO THROW THAT PIECE OF SHIT OUT.
CP: NICE TRY DOUCHE-MOUSE. I HAVE TO ADMIT COMPARED TO WHAT YOU USUALLY DO TO ATTRACT MY ATTENTION THIS IS MUCH MORE SUBTLE AND MIND-SCREWY, I WOULD SAY YOU STOLE THIS IDEA FROM A TERRIBLE BOOK BUT WE BOTH KNOW YOU DON'T READ. YOU AREN'T GETTING THIS SYMBOL UNTIL YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD DEAD CLUTCHES.
FP: FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK I TOLD YOU, I DON'T WANT THAT SHITTY LITTLE TRINKET! IT CAN GO DIE IN THE FIRES OF HELL FOR ALL I CARE!
CP: WHAT ARE YOU PISSED I'M STEALING YOU GIMMICK OF ALL CAPS? JEGUS ARE YOU REALLY THAT SHALLOW RAT-BRAIN? AND HERE I THOUGH YOU COULDN'T SINK ANY LOWER.
FP: FOR THE LOVE OF HELL PAST ME CAN'T BE THIS STUPID, I AM CRYING OVER HERE.
CP: COME HERE COAST I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT >3
FP: WHAT? EW GOG NO THAT'S DISGUSTING. YOU ARE NOT HATE FLIRTING WITH ME.
CP: AWWW GETTING COLD FEET NOW MOUSEY? COME ON, I'LL HURT YOU REAL GOOD >3
FP: YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK THIS, THIS IS GROSS AND DISGUSTING AND YOU ARE A SICK SICK PERSON PAST ME. JUST GO DIE IN A FIRE OR SOMETHING AND RID THE EARTH OF YOUR ROTTEN CORPSE WHILE YOUR AT IT.
CP: I AM ALLLLL KINDS OF HOT RIGHT NOW, A FIRE JUST MIGHT BE JUST THE THING TO COOL ME DOWN
FP: UGG YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T EVEN CARE. I'M GLAD THAT SYMBOL GIVES YOUR UNIVERSE CANCER NOW, YOU DESERVE IT.
-Future Phynicxs has stopped pestering Current Phynicxs-

CP: ...WHAT?!

[The Illusive Man]

CURRENT TheIllusiveMan has joined the chat.

CTIM: Oh, gog. Phynicxs stated "Fuckass" when it wasn't Karkat who originally said it.
CTIM: ...should I tell him?

FUTURE TheIllusiveman has joined the chat.

CTIM: Oh hell no.
FTIM: No, leave Phynicxs be.
CTIM: Okay. But first, why the hell did you show up? Wouldn't you be the me regretting the joining of this chat?
FTIM: Nah, I just wanted to cause a paradox.
CTIM: Eh, sounds about right.
FTIM: I'd tell you to finish Mass Effect 1, but I wager you'll probably still want to collect all the DLC.
CTIM: Yep. That'll be easier said than done.
FTIM: Eh, I guess we can worry about it in the future.
CTIM: So...
FTIM: Would you mind slapping some sense into Phynicxs?
CTIM: I couldn't.
FTIM: Why not?
CTIM: ...because she already has a matesprit? And a kismesis?
FTIM: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU-
CTIM: No. We're not butchering the Matrix. The films were thoroughly average to me, and I see no point in partially-quoting Morpheus.
FTIM: ...dude, you're no fun.
CTIM: I'm past you! Of course I'm not going to be fun, ya idjit!
FTIM: /siggggggggnnnnnnnn
CTIM: Look, just tell me how to create a better timeline and I'll do it. No questions asked.
FTIM: You're going to have to sleep with Phynicxs.
CTIM: *ahem* No.

CURRENT TheIllusiveMan has stopped pestering FUTURE TheIllusiveMan

FTIM: Score zero for Cerberus. Like fuggin' usual.

[easykill]

Hello I am exploring. I'll just drop this here for now.

I give permission to ship me with anyone regardless of how disturbingly cute, sexual, awesome or horrible the art is.

Signed,
Easykill

EDIT: I am only really active on heartstuck, but i have seen a few of you.