Ballad of Barbarism (gif heavy)

[Lawface]

You are Brutarr. In some circles you are Brutarr the Bold, in others, Brutarr the Brave. But the most suiting, and your personal favorite, is Brutarr the Barbaric. It is simple and effective, much like yourself.

It’s been a long, dangerous trip, filled to the brim with hazards and trials. It was the kind of trip few men survive, and fewer return from, a “suicide mission” as many call it, though you prefer to call it a Barbarian’s Vacation.

At long last you find yourself at the entrance of an ancient ruin, the rumored hiding place of Malig the Malignant. As you approach the entrance, you find three Minions of the Malignant barring your progress…







…but only momentarily.

Malig’s Minions are really no match for you or your mighty blade, Gorehack. In fact, you’re almost offended that he sent any less than twelve of his lackeys to greet you! Maybe he’s running out, what with the mountains of them you have left in your wake. Wouldn’t that be a laugh? Hah!

You carry on, hardening your already rock hard resolve for whatever so called dangers that lie within this ruined fortress. Your powerful footsteps echo through the hallways ahead, a thundering alert that you have arrived and that Malig’s days are numb- OH CONFOUND IT! CURSES AND DAMNATIONS!!





You have landed in a pit. Traps were never your specialty. Gorehack rests against a wall, looking far better off than you right now.

What do you do?

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[Cipher]

>>Get up and survey surroundings.

[Whimbrel]

Look through the hole in the wall

[PersonPerson]

Examine the skeleton and the green thing on it's hand.

[hypersheep]

>Consider how much of your body you can compress into a small hole. Otherwise, how high can you jump?

[feralFantom]

> Take pretty green thing from dead guy.
> Get head stuck in hole.

[Kíeros]

> Poke sword through hole in wall.

[Brickman]

Punch or kick the wall hard enough to make a dent that can be used as a hand/foothold. Repeat as necessary until you can scale the pit.

[Elianabeth]

Climb up the wall with your new-found spider powers.

[Blizz98]

>Plunge Gorehack into that Hole without considering who or what might be on the other side.

[Sonic_Boom]

>Fashion skeleton's skull into a most delightful hat!

[Lawface]

You stand to survey your surroundings. Yep, this surely is a pit trap. Complete with obligatory skeleton, a small hole, and… hey, what’s that?



Looks like this poor sap tried to keep track of how many days he was down here. One, two, three, three, three, three, yep. He was definitely down here for three days. There is no chance that you don’t know how to count, that would be laughable. Hah!

Now, onto more important things!

Like this ring, for instance. It’s green and on a skeleton, it is therefore magical or otherwise useful.




You attempt to pry it off, but wind up pulling the whole skeletal hand with it! CONFOUND IT! What good’s a ring if it’s stuck to a bony skeleton hand? The nerve of this object, taunting you like this, it just makes you so very AAAAAAAA!!



Your rage leaves yet another unfortunate skull smashed to bits. Well, now that your company has vacated the premises, you decide to check out that little hole. Maybe if you just twist your self turnways, you can… AUGH!

[feralFantom]

> Throw sword at hole angrily and stomp around a bit.

[hypersheep]

>Jab sword into hole. Over and over.

[Blizz98]

>Plunge Gorehack into that hole having fully considered whos in it.

[der]

>BE A COMPLETELY AWESOME ADVENTURE

oh wait you already are doing that

>Poke head into hole again, surely you won't get poked again!

[Kíeros]

>Jab sword into hole. Over and over.

And over and over and over. Three times ought to do it.

[Brickman]

Probably too high IQ a solution, but...

Stick the ring in front of the hole, then hide to one side and kill the thing when it comes out to grab the ring.

(Also, there must be some source of food down here for that skeleton to have lasted that long. Maybe he ate the imp-things?)

[Solaris]

Great idea!
Stick your head near the hole and EAT THE IMP WHOLE

[Mibbs]

Break down that wall the imp is hiding in

[Anthano Zasalla]

Stabbitystab-stab

[Whimbrel]

Throw the skeleton at the imp

[Lawface]

That rapscallion has just poked you in the eye! This sleight will not be stood for, that ruffian must be dealt with! Permanently!





Blast and damnations! Try as you might, you find it difficult to effectively jab the little cretin. He deftly dodges your fumbled strikes, giggling and taunting all the while. Blast!

Time to use your barbarian cunning. You decide you will lure the creature out with that useless ring you found earlier. A flawless plan from a brilliant mind! You step back into position, thoroughly trampling the bones behind you. Steady… steaaaady… NOW!



Hah! You sure showed that little devil what for! Wait… what the deuce?

[Kíeros]

> Keep on slicing. Remember, if it doesn't go down in one stroke, it wasn't a good stroke.

[Brickman]

Crap, you just wasted a Ring Of Life Saving didn't you. Because an item that powerful clearly can only work once. Kill him again out of spite.