Aligned With Stupid

[KoalaCola]

Climb back up the ladder and examine the sword above the fireplace mantel.

[destinysWalrus]

=> Stealthily sneak into the cave and surprise the demon.

Demon’s over there, dude.

Climb back up the ladder and examine the sword above the fireplace mantel.

Hate to break it to you, but that’s not actually a sword.









Sure is a cold period of time in Berowra right now.





That’s the ugliest goddamn frog you’ve ever seen. Look at those eyes. That’s not camouflage, that’s just bullshit!

You suppose you could take it home, but it would probably be hard taking care of two pets at once, especially since you can hardly imagine this frog killing anything.



Oh. Well. That solves that.



You should probably give this frog a name. What will you name it?

[Naristar]

Skittles!!!

[destinysWalrus]

Skittles!!!

Skittles it is. Your frog deserves the proud name of a great English variant of bowling, but since you don’t know what England is you just name it after some candy.

You return to your basement, home of your ANCESTRAL ASHES, the BLAST DOORS keeping in the invincible green demon, and some weird bullshit that wasn’t there before.



No, seriously, what is this.



Something is different and WRONG. Time to complain to someone.

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-- negativeEnergy [NE] began trolling chaoticNinja [CN] --

NE: print “Iketsumi?”
NE: print “CN?”
NE: print “Run off again, huh?”
NE: print “I’m going to wait two minutes, and then I’m going to have your computer hacked.”
NE: print “Because SOMEONE didn’t actually connect to me using their client program.”
NE: print “Alright then.”
CN: (ne, i'm gonna have to put a hold on this game of yours, there's a bunch of weird shit in my hive.)
NE: print “That was me.”
CN: (what did you do to my hive?)
NE: print “I cleaned it.”
CN: (that is NOT what i meant.)
CN: (ne, what were you doing in here?)
NE: print "Don't panic. An associate of mine gave me access to your computer."
NE: print "I did this because you weren't responding, as usual. It was for your own good. Time is of the essence."
CN: (what do you mean "for my own good"? And who was this "associate" of yours?)
NE: print "You'll see the answer to your first question shortly after I find out how to open that machine in the basement."
NE: print "And my 'associate' is none of your business. You'd hate him."
CN: (stop playing matchmaker and get out of my computer.)
NE: print “Negative.”
CN: (so, what’s with all the machines then?)
NE: print “I’ve deployed several machines given to me free by the game. Sort of.”
CN: (you better remove these things once we’re done with this stupid game)
NE: print “Don’t worry, that won’t be a problem.”
NE: print “Regardless, we better figure out what these machines do.”
CN: (wait. you filled my hive with random game crap and you DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT DOES?)
NE: print “Relax, none of the machines by themselves will directly kill you.”
NE: print “Probably.”
CN: (what?)
NE: print “How about I try and crack open that thing in your basement, while you mess with that shit I put in your living room.”
CN: (you’re not the boss of me)
NE: print “It would save you a trip down the ladder.”
CN: (alright, fine)
NE: print “I’ll just throw something at you if I need you for anything.”
CN: (ugh)

-- negativeEnergy [NE] ceased trolling chaoticNinja [CN] --

Well, time to look at this thing. It has captchalogue cards in it, and it has a keypad for captchalogue codes. Looks like this thing requires captchalogue cards to work!



It’s a good a time as any to actually set a sylladex modus or whatever it’s called.

You have the choice between the Shuffle modus, which just gives you something random whenever you want an item, and the Shonen modus, which requires you to shout things.

Those are your only two choices because everything is awful.

[cryptidWrangler]

>shonen

[Naristar]

your a ninja so shouting isn't your style.....
shuffle

[Strider]

>shonen

[ScabbedAngel]

> we're going shonen

[destinysWalrus]

>shonen

>shonen

> we're going shonen

You choose the Shonen Modus!

You can pick up items just fine, but to get something out you need to announce it. Shout out a three-word phrase in the form of a special attack that describes the object, and there you go! Not very stealthy, but easy to weaponize. The louder you shout, the more harshly you eject garbage out of your sylladex.

Okay, you have a sylladex with 7 blank cards, 20 units of grist you aren’t aware of, and some big machine thingy. What do you do?

[Naristar]

well if this makes stuff
lets make more cards!!!

[cryptidWrangler]

>Have a look at the cards already in there.
>If there's stuff on them already put them back in and try fiddling with the controls.
>If not then captchalogue the nearest objects (Frog? Scarf? Other bits of outfit? Training dummy?) Put the cards back in the slots and try fiddling with the controls.

[Why]

Pick up nearest item, destroy training dummy using epic shout attack of item... or you could try putting the shonen modus back next to the shuffle modus and hitting random buttons on the machine.

[Strider]

>Take skittles out of your hood. Poor thing is going to die from heat stroke if you don't

[destinysWalrus]

Finally you can actually get a good look at what’s going on.

Pick up nearest item, destroy training dummy using epic shout attack of item...

.... What?





Rusty starts barking stuff to type down at you. Lousy animal always giving you orders.

Pick up nearest item, destroy training dummy using epic shout attack of item...

You select your sword-shaped ornamental TOOTHPICK CONTAINER as your weapon of choice.

You have plagued the living room for decades, cursed samurai, but NO LONGER. Your end is nigh, evil one!

NEEDLE DEATH STORM!

>Take skittles out of your hood. Poor thing is going to die from heat stroke if you don't

Good thinking. Blech, the little guy made your hair all slimy.

>Have a look at the cards already in there.
>If there's stuff on them already put them back in and try fiddling with the controls.

Just a blank, punched card, and not controls to “fiddle” with. Man, why would anyone even put holes in captchalogue cards, anyway? That just destroys wha-






You have no idea what the fuck just happened.

You put the card back into one of the shunts to de-fuck-up the alchemiter.

>If not then captchalogue the nearest objects (Frog? Scarf? Other bits of outfit? Training dummy?) Put the cards back in the slots and try fiddling with the controls.

The dummy’s too large to captchalogue and you don’t feel like taking off your clothes. Looks like Skittles gets to prove his worth as a pet by being your guinea pig.

It’s a good thing you know what guinea pigs are for some reason.

The cards on that end of the alchemiter you just drew from don’t even HAVE corresponding controls. Also, you’d have to be crazy to mess with those again. Time to experiment with the other part of the machine.

well if this makes stuff
lets make more cards!!!

Wait, this machine makes stuff?







This game is so dumb, and totally useless. It’s sure as hell not getting you any closer to getting out of this damn place.

Rusty says to go look around, and try and bring back some grub. He can just sit on his fuzzy butt while you do all the goddamned work for all you care.

What do you (by which we mean the exile) do?

[Naristar]

Just dance!!

[Wacom Guy]

Do you need somebody to Mirror this?

[destinysWalrus]

Do you need somebody to Mirror this?

Thanks for offering, but Xar and I'll do it. There are a few specific things we'd prefer to do personally, like picture links and stuff.
Also thanks for reminding me, though, I was planning to mirror this once it cradlebroke but I'd almost completely forgotten.


Edit: Didn't wanna put this in a new post and fakeout you guys into thinking I'd updated, so I'm just editing this one. Aligned With Stupid now has a mirror here.

[Wacom Guy]

Thanks for offering, but Xar and I'll do it. There are a few specific things we'd prefer to do personally, like picture links and stuff.

Also thanks for reminding me, though, I was planning to mirror this once it cradlebroke but I'd almost completely forgotten.

Alright, but if you ever need any help, just ask.

[Armok]

> seadweller: explain device on wrist.

[Isamual]

> VC: Run about in the rooms

[cryinglaughter]

>VC: Strike fashion pose at chic duds.

[mr_y_not]

Examine toaster. Perhaps there's some burnt toast still in there?

[Why]

walk around the room exploring every part you can get to

[Xartarin]

((If you didn’t see DW’s edit above, we have a mirror here.))

Examine toaster. Perhaps there's some burnt toast still in there?

Any toast that was in this toaster rotted away a long, long time ago. It’s just stale crumbs now.

Just dance!!

What do you take you for, some kind of lady? Besides, there’s too many vines lying about. You’d trip.

> seadweller: explain device on wrist.

It’s not a device, it’s just your BAR CODE TATTOO. All carapacians have them, except for the kings and queens.

It was originally used to keep track of you during your initial cloning. Nowadays it’s used for more mundane identification.

Oh, also, you don’t live underwater. These are vines, not seaweed or something. Here, there’s proof right outside this room.





See? No water, just bright sunligaaaAAAAAAAAAUGH.



NOT A SMART IDEA

> VC: Run about in the rooms

This machine looks boring. Not so much a machine as a screen, really.





This is the only other room in the vessel, some kind of weird machine. Well, time to experiment.

>VC: Strike fashion pose at chic duds.

You have just the thing. No Vestige Courier like yourself should be caught dead without carrier pigeon food. Remember, the only thing better than a job well done is a job well done by a bird that you still get credit for!



You toss the guinea dud up there for a test fire.



The DISAPPEARIFIER attempts to rid you of the bird food, but to no avail. It appears you’re fated to use this ONE SPECIFIC CHICK DUD at some point in the future!

Instead, the CHICK DUD’s paradox ghost imprint was disappeared to a random point in spacetime. Well, somewhere on Eos, anyway.





Well, that was a bust. Do you (the EXILE, the VESTIGE COURIER, and not any of the trolls, or Rusty, or any other cognizant being anywhere in Paradox Space) want to give it another try with something else?

[Sandvich King]

> Send the toaster. Some troll, somewhere, has access to a power outlet and is in desperate need for their bread to be toasted!