You are a HELLSPAWN DAY LABORER, one of the many members of the workforce of Hell. More specifically, you are in a position that could best be described as MIDDLE MANAGEMENT, and, even more specifically, you are one of a number of employees in charge of PROCESSING OF THE DAMNED. You were fairly recently promoted to this position from the much less favorable job of FINANCES. Finances in Hell are confusing for everyone, and you're not quite sure exactly what the currency in Hell even is. No one knows.
Your position mostly involves monitoring the souls of the damned as they enter Hell and sorting them out into the proper IRONIC PUNISHMENTS for eternity. Fairly par for the course. Though you hope to one day be promoted to the elite position of EXECUTIVE HELLSPAWN, such a position is not very easy to attain. Besides, the job you have right now isn't without its perks. For example, that PITCHFORK you're holding. Though it primarily acts as a sharp, pointy implement of pain (or agriculture), it can also perform a number of secondary functions that you frequently make use of. Your position also grants you the ability to SHAPESHIFT, albeit with a number of restrictions which are probably there to keep you from taking over Hell or something. You've heard that Executives have much fewer restrictions on their abilities, though.
But perhaps you're getting off-topic. You stand in your DIMINUTIVE OFFICE, not much larger than your previous cubicle, but carved out of authentic Hellstone rather than that particle board stuff they use for the cubicles. Your COMPUTER lies on your desk, as do a great number of DOCUMENTS.
But before we get into any of that, what is your name?