!!!BEAR CHALLENGE!!! (GRIZZLED VETERANS WELCOME)

[Triangle Man]

Log 4

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My optimism from my previous entry has been replaced with what I can only describe as the deepest, most piecing terror I have ever felt in my entire life. My honey tactics where coming along just fine and then, out of nowhere...

MECHANIZED BEARS!!!

Why would this be allowed to happen?!?!

I spent most of today trying to evade them at every turn, their steel claws and iron jaws threatening to tear me to shreads at the drop of a hat. At one point, one of the beasts spotted me, and our eyes locked for several seconds. During that time, I felt nothing except for pure killing intent emminating from those blood-red orbs.

Then I realized that it was starting to lumber towards me and I jumped off a cliff to get away. I seemed to have sustained little injury from the fall, but I am feeling somewhat bruised and beaten by this point and have decided to get as much rest in the space underneith an overhead cliff (if that makes sense). I probably need it, seeing how it's a struggle for me to even write this entry with any kind of coherency.

I hope none of those robo-bear-things show up while I'm here...

[P_equals_NP]

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Bear Log 4

OMGGG SO Jse was tlike a total loser! I CAUGHT HIM CHEATING WITH ANOTHER OWMEN

SO IKILLED BOTH OF THEM. HE DESERVED IT. im was gonna take a swim in the hot tubs to cool off but then i remember d there ARE NO HOT TUBS HERe.

worst day ever!!!!! so i just went into lake grizzlenooga. but then this octopus bear thingy thingy came out. GROSSS. so I left. (nad poisoned the lake because he was eyeing me kind of creepy. like ewwww creep) what as limbeall (literally)

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((before i jump the shark here (nyuk nyuk) id like to mention that these are based off of traumaatizng experiences i had as a kid. yup definitely. and they were what led to me conifminent to a wheelchair 2 ))

[Cucurbita]

Lord Swedish Personal Notebook

The Bear Challenge

Entry #03

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The brainless beast didn't know what hit him. I lit some marijuana on fire at the entrance of his burrow and fanned the smoke into it. Once I had been at it for a little while, I grudgingly ripped a part of my shirt sleeve off and wrapped it around my mouth and nose. I descended into the pit and just as I had expected, the bear was slouching rigth in front off me, eyes glazed, the whole body wagging rythmically from side to side. It was almost as hypnotic as it was pathetic. I edged closer to the creature and calmly got my writing utensil out. With a smile on my face, I plunged it deep into the bears throat. Even if it hadn't been drugged out of it's already feeble mind, it couldn't have done anything to stop the doom delivered from my hands.

I sit here now in my newly conquered abode, atop the previous owners carcass. I've carved out pieces of meat and roasted it, a feast that tastes almost as fine as the meals I used to have back home, the taste of victory a nearly unbeatable spice. I've also become quite fond of the effect this little spectacle has had on my writing. I can feel the inklings of a dangerous habit creeping up on me, and I think I'll be embracing them whole heartedly.

[genteelGunslinger]

Though it would appear that I'm EXTREMELY late to the party, I'd like to enter the fray AND WIN ME SOME SALMONS

Is it also possible for me to take along my cane? It is absolutely not a concealed fire-arm in anyway. I promise. It is purely for 'ze drubbing'.

[Gilo000]

Robo-log #3:

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Not a good day. A battalion of robo-bears ambushed me. They severed the wires connecting the servos on the entire right side of my body and ripped my left arm off. I am immobile, near a large puddle. Apparently they call it "lake Grizzalooga". My battery supply's dying, and my tools are out of reach. I wonder why the bears left me here instead of destroying me. I hope someone nearby will help. If I continue to exist and repair myself, I'm going to KILL each and every bear I can find in this forest. Every single one.
I'd rather not witness my (Probable) death, so I'll just shut down for a while.

[Iamthebigman]

Bear log #5

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I really need to stop this thing, I've grown tired of watching this thing blast away helpless runners trying to cross the river.

The most dangerous thing is that water cannon, it has pinpoint precision and is fatal to anything that doesn't have a foot of concrete around it.

I wrestle the cannon out of the its holding place, I pull it away just in time for it to fire out to the side, it pierces the metal of the bear I am in and a robot bear outside, the rusted ursine tips over to one side, I must have damaged a leg.

Suddenly it rears up, I am set tumbling backwards, severing a number of pipes, water spills out everywhere and I fall from the bottom hatch, water and tubes pour out with me. It looked like some kind of absurd birthing. I find the release lever on the cannon and fire a shot directly into the side of another bear, without waiting I make a sprint for the woods, I turn around to see the intimidating monolith of rust, its mouth open as if it still had a weapon to use.

I turn to see mechanical beast has latched its jaws on my prosthetic arm, I yank back and the arm tears at the elbow joint, I have only a moment to reflect on the irony of how similar the closing of their metallic maws is to that of a bear trap's, I run deeper and veer off behind a tree, the bears gallop past me like they were dogs tricked into chasing a ball that was never thrown.

All except one, which nearly tears my head off as its steel claws tear through the trunk of the tree, I turn around and aim the cannon, I remember that the tank would refill every six or so shots, before I can count how many shots since the last refill I've already pumped two into the robot. Its glowing red eyes dim as it topples over.

I come out to the river to see the largest of the mechanical monsters slumped forward on its last three legs.
I press the gun up to its head and say

"Can I get you a drink?"

The fading of its eyes signal the end of one of the many nightmares to be found in this place.

[Rosello]

Rosellog #3

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On the way to that Lake or whatever. Fuck, I'm tired. I found a river, so I'm following that to the lake. Every so often, I stop to gnaw down a branch off a tree to try to make a knife or something from it, but nothing gives good material so I just end up with sticks. Maybe if I can find something to tie to the end...

[Triangle Man]

Bear Log #5

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I...I just took some of the pot. Never even had the stuff in my life but...but it seems kind of right right now, you know? Especially after I wandered into that lake. I just wanted a bath cause I was getting kind of dirty from the days out in the woods, nothing special, and then suddenly this thing with the head of a bear and too many tentacles just latches onto me and won't fucking let go of my leg. I think I hit it with the rock a ton of times while running through the woods screaming, but it's kind of hard to remember anything right now.

Do you think that there's a God at all? I mean, that's the only reason why a place this fucked up would exist, right? Because some cruel and callous God decided to troll me and through all of this crazy shit at me for the fun of it or something. That has to be it.

...Man, I'm on top of the world right about now. The fact that that Octo-Bear-Thing's carcass is still clinging to my leg doesn't really bother me at all. I can still get out of this thing alive, right?

Right?

right right right right right right right

[Kyntello]

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Bearlog 6:
Lol Dead.

The bears, I mean. I'm not dead.

... Well, I did die, I think, but something happened with the rock I was sleeping on, and there was an explosion, and next thing I know I'm floating twenty feet in the air. My arm didn't grow back, but my existing hand now has claws, and my pajamas have switched with light brown, hooded... pajamas, with a cloud on the front.

Is this some sort of weird power-up? Have I made an ascent to bearhood? Am I a carebear now?

Who cares, I can fucking fly.

Among the dead bears below me (to my terror the mounted head seems to have escaped the explosion) lay two bears, grizzly and polar respectively, the size of semi-trucks. A friendly armadillo told me a ways back that these bears are sorts of "Bosses", whatever that means, and that there are six in total. Adding these two to the robobear, the ninjpanda, and the cannibalistic koala (still pretending that makes sense), that makes five dead bosses.

I guess by some strange means- oh, hey! Octobears!

(Fifty-three octobears later)

Wow, loving the bear-tier.

Annyways, I guess by some strange means I've stumbled my way to the final boss without directly killing a single mob (octobears excluded).

This should be fun.

[Karhs12]

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It's been a while since I last reported in. Shortly after my last entry, I encountered a giant water bear. Water bear as in tardigrades, as in those indestructable microscopic animals. He was a total bro and I've been riding him. I lost my lever in a bear somewhere, so I've been forced to use eth switch I pulled out of the robot bear. Food has been surprisingly plentiful, berries are all over the fucking place. Smish (the tardigrade) hasn't needed to eat yet. He probably won't for a long time. Today I encountered another robot bear, this one much larger than the last. He spotted me first, and would have killed me, were it not for Smish and his nigh-invulnerability. Some deft work with the switch allowed me to knock over a weakened tree and crush the mechanized ursine. Some inspection revealed a panel on his back. Some opening of panels revealed a large off switch. Some pulling, kicking, and cussing revealed a perfectly suitable new weapon.

I have a defense in the heftiest lever I've seen, I have companionship in a macromicroscopic organism, and I have a goal in gettign the fuck out of here and/or killing some sort of bear overlord. I am ready.

[Kyntello]

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Bearlog 7:
Searching.

[Dentrala]

Bearlog 1.

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Here I am. Standing on the edge of the thicket.

Nothing with me but jeans, a pair of converse, and a swiss army knife. Bears don't need shirts, so I don't need shirts either. The swiss army knife is to compensate for the claws.

I am feeling like I can take on the world. I kick the nearest rotting stump in exuberance.

The stump shatters underneath my incredffdjh-----



[ink spill]





safe at last
oh god the bees

why did there have to be a hive

now i have honey all over me and my
and

my head feels funny?

i cant see very well because my eyes are so puffy
sweet baby jesus why bees



Two hours later. Swelling has gone down. No bears to report. Setting up camp to nurse wounds. Still have not entered the forest.

[Triangle Man]

Log #6

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I think...I'm surviving at this point...Feel great, things are doing fine...

Weed's almost gone, but I'm fine, I don't feel anymore fear, no more fear, just the feeling of being driven so much energy.

Gotta get away, gotta get away, gotta KILL THEM, gotta get away...

I killed one of those things the other day. I sunk up behind the bear while it was eating and just hit it and hit it and hit it hit it hit it hit it until it stopped moving.

I'm WEARING IT'S SKULL AS A HAT so the other BEARS know not to MESS with me.

They'll see...

They'll ALL see!

I'M THE KING OF THIS FUCKING FOREST, AND I'LL MAKE ALL OF THEM SEE HOW GREAT I REALLY AM!!!

HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Fish]

Bearlog 1

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Glubglubglub. It's time to breed. As I swim upstream, I feel my flesh rotting away, leaving only my reproductive organs intact. I hate it.

What's that smell? Is - is that saltwater? I follow the tastescent upstream. Maybe if I can get into saltwater I won't die.

Here's a new stream. The salty scent is strongest here. I make my way up.

There's a weird sort of metal forest here, but flat like one of the moving walls I saw in the ocean. I wedge my head in and shove my tail with all my strength, tearing off the skin around my dorsal fin and stomach. After almost a minute of feverish tail-wagging, I squeeze through and pass into the shade.

The water is very salty. More than the ocean, if I remember right. Or perhaps I'm merely forgetting the true taste. No matter. I come out into a lighted area where the water streams over algae-covered rocks. I continue.

It's getting really salty. I'm not sure how much more I can take. Perhaps I'll take a breather in the shade where leaves keep falling on the water.

I rest a bit.

When the light is getting less, I start swimming again. I see a bug, but it does not interest me. It seems the mating sickness is still upon me.

I come to a very fast place where the surface is very close and the water is very white. The salt here is not so bad, I think.

I am ripped out of the water by a massive haired spiked thing. I try to escape, wriggling as much as my feeble muscles allow. But it is too late. The spiked thing lifts me up and into a cavernous mouth. I see golden light streaming down on dark, dark green kelp-like plants and beautiful things like bundles of the finest white octopus eggs on a tapestry of blue. Then the iron jaws bite me in two.

My head falls to the water, and I suck in one last painful gulp of water before I lose consciousness.

Fucking bears.

[Rosello]

Rosellog 4

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Was woken up by maniacal laughter. Damn, that was loud. Managed to get to the lake, found what appeared to be a fang of those mechabears. Now I have a knife! Well, it's more like a sword, but close enough. Those octobears are kinda hard to deal with, but I managed to deal with them. Damn this sword is strong.

[Fish]

Bearlog 2

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GHRAGHGRAGGHHHH

I find myself with long, powerful limbs, a massive head with sharp teeth, and HUGE. I am the bears.

The last thing I remember, I finished eating that kinda gross fish and returned to my den. It's this totelly awesome plaice with like dirt and it's under a tree root thing. Everyone's so cramped in this pen that I -

WHOA

I'm not a fish. I'm a bear.

I feel my guts writhing. I'm not sure what's going on.

SUDDENLY, I am fish in bear body.

I can remember being a bear. I was shipped from the far northern forests of the Everglades to this small enclosure. The men hit me with darts and guns. I woke up in a pile with a bunch of other bears. Everyone started beating the shit out of each other, but I was disoriented so I ran. I came across a 50-foot-high cement steel bearproof wall with bearspikes. I saw this stream, so I followed it up a bit and discovered a nifty hole under a redwood tree. There was a little black and white warm thing that I ate. Then I went to sleep, and dreamt about being a free bear, and woke up. I went to the stream to get a drink, but when I put my paw in it stung. I saw a weird fish so I grabbed it and ate it. Then I went back to the hole, and slept, and now I have a weird mind-merging thing.

My thoughts are really disjointed. I decide to go back to sleep and hope this feeling goes away.

[Gilo000]

Robo-log #4

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Wait. I'm alive? Kind of, I guess. I am a robot after all. But that's otherwise the point. Somebody appears to have done some hasty repairs, and decided to help themselves to some of the loot. I don't mind that very much, since it was mostly garbage, but still. Perhaps some human in this forest isn't as moronically expendable as the rest. Battery power's at 100%. That's... Weird, to say the least. Arm's back, servos are functional, signal range is good. I feel like a new robot! Time to go on the hunt. I hope no-one minds some dead bears, because I've got a saw, 1/4 inch thick steel armor and I'M MAD AS HELL.
(Several hours later)
Those mechanical bears will be their own downfall. I've assembled a light rack out of mechanical eyes and steel frames, a hydraulic crushing claw out of some pistons and stacked metal, and replaced my own circular green eyes with meaner-looking half-circle red eyes. I think I look kind of angry now. Neat. Hopefully, nothing will go horribly wrong.

[P_equals_NP]

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BEAR LOG 5

A GIANT MUTANT PEAR CAME AND EXPLODED THE ENTIRE AREA AND KILLED ME.


THE END.

After that I had some tacos.

[Nokob]

YOUR PRIZE FOR COMPLETION OF THE CHALLENGE WILL BE […] ONE OF THE FEW SAMMY THE GIANT TEDDY BEARS EVER MADE, BEFORE THEY WERE RECALLED FOR SUFFOCATING SMALL CHILDREN, AND CRUSHING BEDS UNDER THEIR MASSIVE WEIGHT.

A giant teddy bear? YESSSSSSSSS. Count me in.
It's a pity we're supposed to kill bears, though. They're so cute!!!

Bearlog #1:

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Well, here I am in the bear forest. I wonder when I'll see some bears? I can't wait! Bears are so soft and furry and lovable!
Here is a picture that I drew of me and a bear (or maybe two? I'm not sure if the head at the bottom is the same bear as the bear on the right or not):

Also, apparently there are robotic bears too? That's pretty awesome. Bears are awesome, and robots are awesome. Bears + robots? So much awesome!!!

[Kyntello]

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Bearlog 12 or so (lost the others in flight, forgot to count.)

I got my arm back!

Fucking badger tore the damn thing right off me. He still had it in his mouth when I found him! Fucker must've thought it was a trophy!

I painted a tree with him. The tree seemed okay with that.

Well, all the bears are dead now, not sure what happens next, but I'm bored of this place. I'm a god now; there's no point to fight something when you already know you've won. Where's the thrill without uncertainty?

I'll just return to my life in Oceania until people start trying to kill me, at which point I'll just destroy my opposition.

Maybe then I'll take up knitting.

-FIN-

[HighwayWizard]

Oh hell no, I missed out on this shit like I did the bees? Bummer, man. Bummer.

[Rosello]

Rosellog 5

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Odd, the robobear sword is glowing. The glowing gets brighter when it points north, so I'm heading there.

[Nokob]

Varracorp Bearcam 5082B
Artist's rendition (Actual footage unavailable to the public.)

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[P_equals_NP]

wait i maybe have made a typo in my last log....

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PEARHAPS THEY WERE GIANT MUTANT LASER BEARS?????


that might make more sense. i mean pears arent even all that deadly wait yes they are.

[Kyumorph]

Sorry to interrupt, but can I copy this thread on another forum please? :P