I made a Table of Contents in the OP. It will probably become more useful when this story becomes gargantuan (read: multiple threads).
> Um...should kings be able to do that?
No. No they should not! Kings mostly specialize in abjuratory magic and illusions. You've never seen anyone but a Dual Promoted Rider or a Charger use anything like that.
Hmm... this raises your suspicions a bit more.
> Take a bite of the Ultomato.
Right, time to get the fuck out of here!
Ugh, it tastes so bitter. You suddenly begin to wonder if All Powerful fruit can go sour.
Regardless, it looks like it's working. Just one small bite is all it takes. The legends say the user can use the power of the Ultomato to transport them anywhere they have in mind. You don't know where you want to go, just as long as it's not here!
How about just outside the castle? With any luck, you can catch the White King.
Here we go!
Last edited by psychapprentice; 06-04-2012 at 10:39 AM.
>Burn the land and boil the sea with wild fireballs
From the sky shall rain the tempest of your rage. The ground shall forever be scorched with the death of your foes. Their blood will feed the flames of their destruction. You will become an entity of pure force, a vehicle for purging those who stand in your way.
Just kidding! You sure like to mess around sometimes. Besides, it's not like there's even anyone around to rend asunder or anything.
Nope. No one at all. You're absolutely sure there's no--
Thorn: Oh, you startled me, Drake
Drake: (\ Once again, I find myself requesting that you address me by my full title. /)
Thorn: And once again I find myself reminding you that "High Lord Draconis Patura of Rosen Skies" is not only unwieldy in conversation, but also unbelievably pretentious
Thorn: What kind of video game even allows remotely enough characters that would be necessary to create such a pompous handle?
Drake: (\ I do not believe such a limit should be imposed on such matters. /)
Drake: (\ Just as there is no upper limit on the degree to which I am entitled to such a regal title. /)
Thorn: You have really got some issues, you know that, right?
Thorn: I mean, who holds themselves in such high regard, then makes their avatar look as goofy as yours does?
Drake: (\ Are you attempting to disparage my royal wings!? /)
Thorn: Actually, the wings I admit are kind of cool-looking
Thorn: Although they don't serve any in-game function
Thorn: I was more referring to your horns
Thorn: And your horrendous skin
Drake: (\ Excuse me, I have the most luxurious skin of all persons of all races. /)
Thorn: Wow, I cannot believe you can even be racist when you have grey skin
Thorn: And of course your horns speak volumes
Thorn: You are clearly the trolliest troll ever, and you're proud of it
Drake: (\ Thank you. /)
Drake: (\ Even though such compliments are essentially worthless coming from someone of your status. /)
Drake: (\ And while we are on the subject, how did your skin ever get so bright? /)
Drake: (\ Is it just a pathetic lower class ideal of some sort? /)
Drake: (\ Because you cannot be nearly green enough to endure the sun's lurid glare. /)
Thorn: I suppose I didn't really expect a troll like you to get much sunlight
Thorn: I myself try to balance gaming and enjoying the tropical weather with my boyfriend
Drake: (\ Pardon my lack of understanding of the base vernacular; your what? /)
Thorn: OK you have to be joking at this point, otherwise it's just sad
Thorn: You need to get out more, bud
Thorn: How old are you, that you don't know what a boyfriend is?
Drake: (\ I am around 7. /)
Thorn: No way
Thorn: How can someone who's 7 speak like a particularly literate adult?
Drake: (\ Well, in addition to my sacred goose, I was raised to accept my nobility by my millenia-old ancestor. /)
Thorn: You know, sometimes the things you say sound completely serious, even when I know they can't be
Drake: (\ I was not speaking in jest. /)
Thorn: Yeah, like that
Thorn: I guess it's not really surprising, considering how you look
Thorn: I mean, "don't judge a book by its cover" doesn't really apply when the book chooses its cover
Drake: (\ I hardly think your comment has much weight. /)
Drake: (\ Not only am I the peak of physical beauty, but your visage is decidedly repulsive. /)
Drake: (\ What cause could you have for crafting an avatar that looks like yours does? /)
Thorn: Excuse me, I chose this avatar because I saw the complexity of the character design feature as an opportunity
Thorn: I essentially created a self-portrait using this frankly overwhelming technology
Thorn: And I appreciate the meticulous work put into its design by its programmers
Thorn: Every time I log into this game, I'm reminded of how much power computers hold
Thorn: And how the ideal in programming is to imitate reality so completely that you can create a new reality
Drake: (\ Wait, you actually look like that? /)
Drake: (\ Pale skin, dull teeth, white eyes and no discernible horns? /)
Drake: (\ What kind of mutations has the rest of the species undergone? /)
Thorn: OK seriously dude!
Thorn: Enough's enough!
Thorn: Just cool it with the weirdo routine
Drake: (\ I have no idea what you are talking about. /)
Thorn: I mean, just act like a normal human for once!
Drake: (\ Wait... /)
Drake: (\ Act like a what? /)
Last edited by psychapprentice; 07-04-2012 at 06:50 PM.
> Stab him through the heart while he is distracted by the conversation. You play to WIN, not to be nice.
You couldn't do that even if you wanted to. In an effort to promote diplomacy, the game makes it impossible to attack someone while you are in a chat with them. You don't have to accept the invitation to talk, but once you do, you cannot attack or be attacked by them or anyone else in the chat. After one player ends a chat, all involved parties are invulnerable to attacks from each other for five seconds to prevent sneak attacks.
Besides, as his armor implies, he's on the Red team. Red and Black are allies (for now, at least). You don't think it would much help the alliance if you killed one of their own.
Plus, you don't have a stabbing weapon.
Thorn: You know what, I'm done talking to you
Thorn: You're obviously pushing my buttons, and I have better things to do than talk to you all day
Drake: (\ Wait, I am really confused. /)
Drake: (\ What is a human? /)
Thorn: Oh, give it up already
Thorn: How did you think this would play out, huh?
Drake: (\ How did I think what would play out? /)
Thorn: This whole alien shtick
Thorn: I'd have to be a complete idiot for it to work on me
Thorn: And you'd have to be a complete idiot to think I'm a complete idiot
Drake: (\ Wait, alien? /)
Drake: (\ You think I am an alien? /)
Thorn: No, I'm saying that's what you would have me believe
Drake: (\ Now hold on a second. /)
Thorn: No, you hold on
Thorn: We're done here
Drake: (\ I said cease your prattling lowblood! /)
Thorn: What did you just say to me?
Drake: (\ I tried speaking politely with a lower class life form, and you refused to show me due deference. /)
Drake: (\ So now I am displeased. /)
Drake: (\ Unlike you, I actually understand what is happening. /)
Drake: (\ And if you would listen for just one second, I think I can explain in such a way that even your feeble, unsophisticated mind can grasp./)
Thorn: What the fuck is wrong with you!?
Drake: (\ Listen to me! /)
Drake: (\ You are obviously an alien race that mine has not yet encountered. /)
Drake: (\ If I had to guess, I would say your reluctance to accept the presence of an alien life form means your piddling species has yet to develop space travel. /)
Thorn: You mean...
Thorn: You mean we can travel... in space?
Thorn: Oh goodness, my feeble human mind is incapable of comprehending such wonders!
Thorn: I think I might faint!
Thorn: I will report this idea of "space travel" to my tribal chieftain at once
Thorn: Thank you, kind troll
Thorn: It is thanks solely to you and your species that we humans can finally lift ourselves out of this era of technological darkness
Thorn: We are at your mercy, as the subjugate species
Drake: (\ Yes, everything you have said is completely true. /)
Drake: (\ Perhaps one day, Trollkind will deign to come to your world, and instead of slaughtering you, we will accept your offer of subjugation. /)
Thorn: Dude, I was being sarcastic
Thorn: Of course we have space travel
Thorn: We've sent people many light years away
Thorn: Guess we're just far away from any other life
Drake: (\ What does "sarcastic" mean? /)
Thorn: You know, maybe you are 7 years old
Thorn: I've heard that kids can't grasp sarcasm until they're 8 or 9 years old
Drake: (\ What? /)
Drake: (\ How long is a "year"? /)
Thorn: 365 days, give or take
Drake: (\ 365 days of what planet? Obviously that count means nothing to me. /)
Thorn: It's called "Earth," dude, look it up
Thorn: Where are you from? Hidden somewhere on Mars?
Drake: (\ I live on Alternia. /)
Drake: (\ I don't think you are entirely convinced I am an alien. /)
Thorn: Uh, no duh
Thorn: Still not an idiot
Thorn: Are you?
Drake: (\ No, I am not. /)
Drake: (\ In fact, I am so far from idiocy that I have an idea for how to prove I am an alien. /)
Drake: (\ I don't suppose you humans have lusii, do you? /)
Thorn: Come on, you're making up alien-sounding words now?
Drake: (\ That is a no then. /)
Drake: (\ Then add me on Badgerpal. /)
Thorn: On what the fuck now?
Drake: (\ Please watch your vulgarity. /)
Drake: (\ And look, it is obvious we are sharing an internet server by the fact that we're playing this game together. /)
Drake: (\ So I am willing to bet that we have some shared ethernet. /)
Drake: (\ Do you have a chat client? /)
Thorn: Yeah, it's called Pesterchum, not Badgerpal
Drake: (\ Try to add me, so I can send you something. /)
Drake: (\ My foetag is patrimonialOlympian. /)
Thorn: Yeah, like I'm going to just give you my username
Thorn: Whatever you plan to send me is probably just a virus
Drake: (\ You know what? Fine. /)
Drake: (\ Live your miserable human life in the dark, shielded by the clouds. /)
Drake: (\ Is your pathetic human mind too scared to see what the sky holds? /)
Thorn: Yeah, pretty much!
>Continue not giving any more information on the location of earth to the obviously violent alien species. I mean come on, he flat out admitted that they would try to kill everyone once they got to earth during that conversation.
Of course you're sure you want to log out. Stupid useless pop-up...
Fairly sterile login screen. You could try another channel, where this asshole won't follow you. Unfortunately, you have to know the exact code for that channel, and none of the intuitive phrases you've tried have yielded any results. Your channel's name was printed on the inside of the box when you got it. You guess that design feature must be to prevent server lag.
You'll just minimize the window. Maybe you'll log back on later, when the troll is gone.
Good idea. You think you should break the news to Grant that you won't be able to go to the holiday dance. He was really looking forward to it.
Stupid pyrophobic school rules.
Oh, but it looks like he's not even online. It's not that surprising; he's almost never online.
But it looks like Luke's online. Good. You have something you should talk about with him.
And then this happened.
You had a conversation that started like this...
-esotericEngineer [EE] began pestering chromaticInfiltrator [CI]-
EE: Hey Luke
CI: hey sexy
EE: Ugh, can you please stop with those kinds of comments?
EE: You know I'm not on the market
CI: aw come on
CI: you know im just messing with you
EE: Yes, but I wish you would stop
EE: It's really getting old
CI: so whats up?
EE: Well, I have a little problem
And ended like this...
EE: I thought you were going to ask out your friend
CI: yeah i was...
CI: then you started spewing gibberish at me!
EE: What on Earth are you talking about?
CI: are you trying to mess with me?
CI: did gwen put you up to this?
CI: is this one of her acting exercises?
EE: I honestly have no clue what you're going on about
CI: im talking about this
CI: EE: Themasondreamtindarknesswhilearoundhertreacheryunf oldedatrustedofficialandactingmonarchwerelockedina nageoldfeudarivalryolderthantimeitselfpatientlythe officialwaitedforanopportunityandthenitfinallycame ashimmerofgoldaflashofsteelandthewarmflowofbloodth emonarchwasfelledandhertreasureplundered