Dreamswapped: We are totally not qualified to deal with that problem.

[Nameless1]

Yup,




Introduction: Happen

Boy you're jumping the gun. I haven't even introduced the first character yet. What would you think if I suddenly started going on about the escapades of some young boy you know absolutely nothing about? You'd be really confused and blame me, that's what you'd do.




Author: Introduce first character.

I'm getting there!

*sigh*

A young boy stands in his room, or is it a young girl. No, most definitely a young boy, not that he looks like a girl or anything, it's just difficult to tell without any visuals. This boy had his 13th birthday a few months ago but still doesn't have a name. I guess everyone forgot about that important event, how sad.

---

Wow, everything just became a lot more dreary than it has any right to be. Lets give this boy a name, that should lighten the mood.

What will his name be:

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Author: EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!

Who the hell are you and what is this thing?:

Hey all, it's me, that guy you've never heard of before because as far as this forum is concerned I didn't exist till today. Anyways, this is my homestuck fan adventure. Potential question answered.

What's going on?:

So this is set almost exactly the same time as homestuck because clearly other people played the beta as well (with the hype the game supposedly generated I refuse to believe otherwise, deal with it). So in answer to the question, a different group of kids plays the game, plain and simple.

Where are the pictures?:

There are none. Why? Because I'm a horrible, horrible artist. This will be a text adventure only (unless of course some really awesome person who knows how to draw offered to take up that responsibility...please?)

Other things of note I want to tell you all:

I have a general idea in my head for how this will work out but for the most part I will be running off of suggestions from you guys, just...try to pace your safe on the suggestions that a character should defecate on various articles of furniture and make animal noises.

With that, I do believe I'm done. Look forward to working with ya'll (yes I just said ya'll, no I'm not ashamed about it...not a bit)

[Mister Man]

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oh boy

Doug Maybury

[Vyro P. Dragon III]

Jeff.

No last name. Just Jeff.

[Naristar]

Ivanna Dollie!!

How about Hollace smith

[psychapprentice]

James Cooper.

Also, I discovered that art isn't that hard. It's easy to use simple lines and shapes in ms paint. And though it may look crappy, and it may be slow-going for some, any art at all is usually more entertaining.

At least, I think so, which is why my new forum adventure is probably going to have at least some (crappy) art.

Good luck to us both.

EDIT: It is rude to post a link to my adventure? I think it might be. Let me know if you want me to bugger off. By the way, you can post your story in mine if you want. Your premise sounds like a good idea, one that I was considering for mine, before I changed my mind fifty times.

[tippertot]

>Louis Dawson

[Nameless1]

Hmm? Oh, don't worry about it, it's fine. Well, it's probably frowned upon but I don't really mind.

Anways

Enter name: Oh Boy

Wait, what? What the hell kind of a first name is Oh? No! This boys name is absolutely NOT Oh Boy. I said LIGHTEN the mood, not make the situation ridiculously pathetic! Try again, dumb-ass.


Enter Name: James Cooper

There we go! You are James Cooper. Your father is unfortunately not Bradley Cooper. Oh man, that would have been so cool if you were the son of the famous actor! You aren't though, you are the son of your loving mother and father, which is...fine, you guess. You have several friends and a number of interests...

Well?




Extra: Woah, we have extras?

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No, we have one extra, singular.

Alternate entries: The following are what would have been my responses to the other names suggested. I only wanted to reject one, otherwise it felt like I was stretching the joke to far. Without further ado, enjoy this completely non-canon entry. Think of these as personal thank yous to all four of you that decided this might not be a complete piece of shit.

---

James: Tremble as you look back on the monstrosities in your name entry box history.

You decide to look through through the recent entries of your name entry box, let's take a look at the horrible names you almost received.

---

Enter name: Doug Maybury

Haha! That's funny, nothing like a good joke to lighten the mood. Wait...you were being serious weren't you? Yeah, this boy's name is not Doug Maybury, try again.

---

Enter Name: Jeff

What, no last name? You are not simply Jeff, that's ridiculous. You must have a last name. If you don't your dad would be Mister J, isn't that what Harley (Quinn, not Jade) calls the joker? As awesome as that sounds, your dad is most definitely not the joker. Next time, add a last name like normal people do.

---

Enter Name: Ivanna Dollie

*ahem* Did I or did I not make myself clear that this is a BOY we're talking about, I'll bet if you could actually see him that mistake would be harder to make. Lousy, stupid, goddam non-existent artwork.



Author: This is only your second update! why make such a big deal out of it?

Why make such a big deal? Because names are serious shit and for some reason I feel like I've actually gotten the ball rolling on this project. Were doing this man, were making this happen.

[djinn]

> Toomuch Meta

> Smith Torrez

[Naristar]

Well?

They tend to be deep and dark and damp; not good placese for you to be so lets move the story someplace else!
Talk about your interests
(I like the extra's)

[Nameless1]

They tend to be deep and dark and damp; not good placese for you to be so lets move the story someplace else!

Indeed, the well is no place for you at this moment in time, you will go to the well later.


James: Talk about your interests

You contemplate talking about your interests, but no one is around, meaning you would be talking to yourself, you are not insane. You will however exposit on said interests.

As was recently decided, you are James Cooper. You are a huge THEATRE BUFF as is reflected by the numerous posters advertising famous plays that you have hung on the walls. You aspire to be an actor one day and believe your self to be quite good. As an actor you have become quite proficient in STAGE COMBAT, which is kind of useless when you realize that stage combat is about NOT HURTING PEOPLE. You are however a rookie FENCER as per your dads request and have taken a few DANCE LESSONS from your mother, you're no professional but you know a few moves. You also enjoy playing THEATRE GAMES with some of your other actor friends. Oh, you play VIDEO GAMES as well.

What will you do?


A note from the author (and questions):
So I decided to do the James introduction similar to how the first four kids were introduced. It's fairly simple and at the moment I'm ok with simple, but I'm open to suggestions. Should I stick with this or would you prefer I do it similar to how the alpha kids were introduced, with hints as to what heroes they are and all that?

[Nameless1]

Author: Forgetting something?

But of course I'm forgetting something. You can't see this young mans BEDROOM. I shall draw it post haste...no, thats a very bad idea, whenever I put pen to paper in the way of artists bad things happen, the sharpie incident still haunts my dreams...Lets-lets just forget all about art for now. How about if I describe the room for you? Yes, I think I will do that.

Room: Be described

You attempt to be James' room for purposes of description, you fail and return to being James, you can examine the room better this way anyways. Your room is of DECENT SIZE and SQUARE IN SHAPE. In one corner of your room lies your TWIN SIZE BED and directly across from it is your WINDOW. It is a nondescript window with absolutely no PECULIAR QUALITIES. At the end of your bed lies the DESK where you keep your COMPUTER. For some reason there is also a PROTEIN SHAKE on your desk. two walls of your room display various POSTERS advertising THEATRICAL PRODUCTIONS. You decide to stop examining your room as the rest of the furnishings are fairly unimportant except for VARIOUS OBJECTS strewn about your room, the most recent addition of these is a BOOK you received from a PECULIAR FRIEND and it rests on you NIGHTSTAND.

NOW what will you do?

[Naristar]

Start writing the greatest stage show ever!!
Battle Dance!!
It will be like riverdance with swords!

[Nameless1]

You will TOTALLY contemplate doing that later.

For now you can't help but get the feeling you have a series of RITUALISTIC ACTIONS that all recently introduced character need to perform.

[psychapprentice]

> Quickly retrieve arras from wall.

[Naristar]

I like how your doing it
the surprise is the fun part and you get to figure out other ways to drop hints like bricks on us the unsuspecting readers


Contemplate the newest coolest video game

[Nameless1]

James: Quickly retrieve arras?

You guess that arras is a misspelling of ARMS maybe? You act accordingly on this assumption.


James: Quickly retrieve arms

You figure you might as well get these RITUALISTIC ACTIONS out of the way. Unfortunately, not only have you already allocated the ?SMLARMKIND ABSTRATUS to your STRIFE SPECIBUS, you have also filled all of your STRIFE SLOTS, you weren't aware even aware that there was a FINITE NUMBER of slots but it's a ridiculously large number of no consequence. It's a miracle you even managed to fill it really. This feat roughly translates into you being ARMED TO THE TEETH. Oh, wait, there seems to be one more slot open. You should probably fill it before it openly acknowledges its existence, there is QUITE A STORY behind this particular STRIFE SPECIBUS that you have the UNEXPLAINABLE URGE to tell. But first, gotta take care of that empty slot.

What will you put here?

Contents of James room (for viewer aid and a few subtle jokes to make things entertaining):

(1) PROTEIN SHAKE
(1) WOODEN CHAIR
(X) THEATRICAL POSTERS
(1) MATTRESS
(1) PAIR OF SHEETS
(1) CHAIR
(1) DESK
(1) DESKTOP COMPUTER
(1) SHITTY NETBOOK COMPUTER
(1) BEANBAG
(1) BOOK
(4) SCRIPTS
(3) EMPTY DRINK BOTTLES
(1) HALF EMPTY DRINK BOTTLE
(1) HALF FULL DRINK BOTTLE
(1) DECORATIVE DISPLAY SWORD
(X) VARIOUS OTHER SHIT A 13 YEAR OLD WOULD HAVE IN HIS ROOM, YOU KNOW, TOYS AND STUFF.
(HOWEVER MANY HE FUCKING NEEDS) ESSENTIALS: CLOTHES AND SHIT LIKE THAT

NOTES(AND MORE QUESTIONS)!!!!!!!

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This list may be subject to change it is simply a small visual aid to assist with the next command. The next command (despite what you may think) is not character changing/determining, I'm just setting up more gags. Also, while I'm trying not to directly take command of the story (at least not for now) I am not above SHOVING COMMANDS DOWN YOU THROAT and will do so as frequently as I need to in order to carry out my ideas. You guys are still the primary influence for this but, it actually has a general PLOT (shocking, I know) that may require me to take the wheel from time to time. Last question. About that list, put it in spoilers?

[psychapprentice]

Arras is basically a synonym for tapestry. Hence "from the wall." It's also a theatrical device, used to symbolize walls, curtains, etc.

[Naristar]

((Yes))

I say we pick up the matress never know when you'll need a nap!

[Nameless1]

Arras is basically a synonym for tapestry. Hence "from the wall." It's also a theatrical device, used to symbolize walls, curtains, etc.

Oh, of course it is. The description was right there. That's what you get for ignoring the FLAVORTEXT.


James: Allocate MATTRESS

Um, sure, you suppose it can't hurt. Though why you wouldn't CAPTCHALOGUE it in your SYLLADEX is anyone's guess. You allocate the MATTRESS. Well you try, unfortunately the MATTRESS is in DIRECT CONFLICT with your STRIFE SPECIBUS. The MATTRESS...disappears? It appears to have been allocated, but the empty slot remains well, empty. Goddam do you hate this BROKEN PIECE OF SHIT. If only you would READ THE FLAVORTEXT you might not be down a MATTRESS.

For no reason whatsoever you swipe the ARRAS down from your wall. Oh shit, you just allocated that too! READ THE FUCKING FLAVORTEXT next time!

[Naristar]

CAPTCHALOGUE the computer!

[Nameless1]

James: CAPTCHALOGUE the computer!

You cannot CAPTCHALOGUE the DESKTOP COMPUTER!

[Naristar]

why not!

[Nameless1]

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Realizing that I can't get away with "NO" in a text adventure, sorry bout that.

Excuse me, but I don't see why not, I mean you allocated the MATTRESS just fine and that is certainly larger than your DESKTOP COMPUTER. *fine then*


Author: EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ?SMLARMS

No, James can do that, it's all there in fact, all you had to do was READ THE MOTHERFUCKING FLAVORTEXT! Fine, I will exercise absolute power to alter James actions to explain, you're welcome!


James: read the FLAVORTEXT

You have absolutely no idea what FLAVORTEXT the mysterious omnipotent force is talking about, but you will however think about the origin of your STRIFE SPECIBUS. You received the MYSTERIOUS SPECIBUS from one of your FEMALE FRIENDS, apparently it's a HACKED SPECIBUS, you're fairly sure it's illegal to use but it's just so nice to be be able to pick up RANDOM SMALL OBJECTS and STRIFE with them. On the negative side it is RIDICULOUSLY UNSTABLE and glitches out a lot. You use it in place of a SYLLADEX, you're probably insane but what else can you do? You have no FETCH MODUS! You're friend gave this to you so you wouldn't be INVENTORILY CHALLENGED, it was kinda pathetic actually.


James: Realization

Hmm, that's odd, it looks like the ARAS actually allocated to your SPECIBUS properly, but where'd the mattress gooooo-OOOOH SHIIIIIT!

You stop being James and become a spectator of these ANTICS. You see a boy dive for cover as his MATTRESS is launched from his SPECIBUS into the wall where the ARAS once was. It appears to be imbedded in said wall and won't be coming out anytime soon. Wasn't that fun? Back to James now.

Goddam you hate this piece of shit SPECIBUS.

What the hell are you going to do now?

[Naristar]

contact the friend who gave you this
Ask their advice!

Or spin around in your desk chair using some empty drink bottles as goggles

[Nameless1]

Or spin around in your desk chair using some empty drink bottles as goggles

No! Why would you do that? Your CHAIR doesn't even spin! You are NEVER doing this...but the CHAIR, it wants to spin, you can feel it...maybe later, MAYBE.


James: Contact the friend who gave you this, ask for advice.

She's not online right now. You probably won't be able to solve the MATTRESS-in-wall problem by pestering her anyways. Speaking of pestering, another chum just came online. You'll answer them in a bit. God damn you are thirsty. Hmm, you sense another RITUALISTIC ACTION coming on, you thought you had a bit more time before you received one of these strange impulses.

How shall you quench this INSATIABLE THIRST?