EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (SEX SEX SEX)

[Mibbs]

Sprite: be prophesied as a great murderer of consorts

[Weather Report]

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Sprite: be prophesied as a great murderer of consorts

Ohohoh that goes so well with something I've got saved up. I hope you don't mind if I hold onto this one for a LIIIIITLE while...

Like until LOQAM.

Not exactly spoilers though.

Also, everyone, I want to thank you all for getting us all the way to page 12. I'm truly appreciative that people enjoy our storytelling. Once we hit 10,000 views (right around the corner!), I'll upload something nice.

Special shout-out to the two people who viewed this page 4,500 times each (one of them was me).

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Oh wow, you sure got swept-up in that NES-quality adventure plot. But you feel so bad about the plight of these lizards that you don't care how foolish it seems. No matter how dumb this story is you HAVE to help them in your spare time between getting out of here and stopping Andrew Hussie! Also giving someone a robot!

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CHAMELEON4: don't get killed by Bowman

Wwwwwaiiiiit.

Did he just call the Denizen "Bowman"?

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A few friends begin chatting you up. You have reason to believe somebody recalls this name, besides someone named Equius. And his name could be John.

[OrangeAipom]

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[Mibbs]

answer gamzee

[Kaynato]

Answer person.

Well, that's kinda unasked for.

Ignore person to ignore plot, therefore ignoring Andrew Hussie.

[siguard]

Robodaridasprite> follow in the footsteps of your ancestor: the answering machine

Equius> Question origin of Bowman

I just realized, since Equius prototyped the Ariadiabot. all of the royalty are going to be in love with him. or maybe try to kill him on sight, one of the two.

[Weather Report]

Thank you guys for 10,000 views. So naturally we decided to pull an INTERMISSION ON YOU BIPTCHES.

This one is dedicated to Mibbs. Keep on passin' past those hoes, Fuck You Troll.

10,000 VIEW SPECTACULOAR: [EQA6I1]













Okay time for Equiquest.

> Equius: Do nothing. Don't advance the plot at all. Make Andrew Hussie pay!!!!



You do nothing. You stand there, motionless. You don't even think about how stupid this is. The caves are quiet. Your sprite looks at you sadly, with robotic tears in her eyes. Why won't you move? WHY? With your eyes you respond, "TO SAVE MY FRIENDSESES", but you actually don't because that counts as a thing.

You quickly become the least favorite Homestuck character, which is so terrible you feel like dying.

The universe explodes because your friends kept advancing the plot though, because in Paradox Space, you can't eat your pudding if you don't fucking do shit.

GAME OVER. GO BACK TO START, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200, YOU'VE FAILED A ONE-PATH STORY. GO. HOOOOOOOME.

You skip to the next panel.

> Equius: Abominable Contestant #4!



Here goes the wild card: Capricorn Kid. A troll who is terminally capricious. Doesn't sound fun, but you'll shoot. And anyway, you're hoping Cappy here can cooperate, maybe give you some useful information.

> Equius: Thank your lovely assistant for the assistance.



Lovely Aradiabotsprite, we have no idea where you were holding that computer or when you took it with you, but we thank you. Group thanks from the readers of Equiquest: 2010.

She seems to enjoy the attention!

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terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT].

TC: wHaT iS uP mY bLuE-bLoOdEd MoThErFuCkIn' BrO? :o)
CT: D--> Hi
CT: D--> My apologies, I have been busy
CT: D--> This w001d be Mr...
TC: hAhA yOu KiDdInG mE? iT's AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN' gAmZeE iN hErE, bRo!
TC: yOu DoN't GoTtA wOrRy AbOuT tHeM, lIkE, fOrMaLiTiEs?
CT: D--> Oh why thank you
CT: D--> I mean
CT: D--> Hey Gamzee my brother
CT: D--> If I may ask, why are you messaging me right now

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TC: nOtHiN' mUcH, mAn. i JuSt Up 'N fElT aLl LiKe, "WoNdEr HoW mY bLuE-bLoOdEd BrOtHeR wAs AlL uP aT," aNd ThEn,
TC: i WaS jUsT tYpInG...
TC: lIkE a MiRaClE.
CT: D--> I see, just some chit-chat
CT: D--> I could go for that
CT: D--> You're in the game now, right
TC: yEaH, lAnD oF tEnTs AnD mIrTh, BrO!
CT: D--> I got the Land of Caves and Silence
CT: D--> Now I'm curious
CT: D--> Does your land have clowns and stuff
TC: yOu GoT iT, tHiS pLaCe Is A mOtHeRfUcKiN' cLoWnMaN wOnDeRlAnD!
TC: aLl HoNk HoNk N' sHiT
CT: D--> Sorry, did that by chance sound like an insult
TC: NaW mAn It's AlL cOoL! :oD
CT: D--> Oh
CT: D--> C00l then
TC: ........
CT: D--> You okay over there
CT: D--> The number of dots there is terrifying
TC: mOtHeRfUcKeR,
CT: D--> That's rude Gamzee don't call a friend a fucker of mothers
TC: nO mAn, I sAy ThAt In ThE mOsT sInCeRe WaY pOsSiBlE,
TC: i'M aLl ShOcKeD yOu AiN't BeEn LoOkIn' Up To Me Or AnYtHiNg LiKe ThAt!
TC: It mAkEs A cLoWn LiKe Me FeEl ReAlLy FuCkIn' GoOd To SeE a TrOlL sUcH aS yOu TaLk So LoOsE.
TC: 'cAuSe UsUaLlY yOu'Re AlL lIkE,
TC: 'nO gAmZeE, fUcK iS a BaD wOrD fOr PuRpLe PeOpLe'.
TC: iT's LiKe We CaN bE oN aN eVeN pLaYiNg FiElD jUsT lIkE rEaL bRoS wErE aLwAyS mEaNt To Be!
TC: iT's ReAl GoOd To SeE yOu So ReLaXeD, y'kNoW.
CT: D--> Am I usually not rela%ed
CT: D--> Today's been very weird, but past all the stress I have to say...
CT: D--> I feel motherfucking excited
CT: D--> But not for screwing moms, because that's terrible, unless you marry a woman who was in wedlock, since then it's okay
TC: bRo.
TC: i GoT nO iDeA wHaT yOu JuSt sAiD bUt I lIkE iT ;oD
CT: D--> Heh heh
TC: eQuIuS.
TC: pLaY tHaT mIrAcLe AlChEmY sHiT
TC: sLaM a FaYgO wItH mE
TC: tHaT iS, iF yOu AiN't AfRaId To StEp OuTsIdE tHaT pRoPeR hIgH-bLoOd StIgMa Or WhAtEvEr!
CT: D--> Oh, I guess Faygo still e%ists for some unknown reason
TC: a MoThErFuCkIn' FrIdGe FuLl!
TC: oH wAiT, No, i DrAnK iT aNd PuT tHe BoTtLeS bAcK rIgHt WhErE tHeY cAmE fRoM. :o(
CT: D--> Sorry, but Faygo is literally the worst soda in e%istence
CT: D--> It's like soap but with bubbles

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CT: D--> Go "slam" it with Vriska or something
TC: yOuR'e GoNnA mAkE tHiS oLd ClOwN sAd! :O(
TC: mAyBe We CoUlD sLaM a PiE, bRoThEr?
TC: iT'S aLl I'm DoIn' OvEr HeRe, SlAmMiN' sOmE cHoIcE pIeS wItH dUdEs AnD sHiT.
CT: D--> What type of pie
CT: D--> These guys already gave me five pies
TC: NiCe BrO wE cAn ToTaLlY tRaDe PiEs.
CT: D--> I think mine might be made of moss or something
CT: D--> When I put the pies in my mouth they regenerate my health
TC: wOaH, tHaT sOuNdS lIkE sOmE pRiMe MiRaClE mAtErIaL! wHo MiGhT bE yOuR pErSoNaL pIe HoOk-Up?
CT: D--> The chameleon villagers in my land
CT: D--> I can send it to you a bit later if you want it
TC: sWeEeEeEt
CT: D--> DO you have any fruit pies
TC: nAw, MaN, yOu KnOw iT's SoPoR aLl ThE wAy!
CT: D--> And what's sopor
TC: aRe YoU fEeLiN' oKaY bRo?
TC: gOt AmNeSiA?
TC: eItHeR tHaT oR yOu JuSt GoT sPrAyEd In ThE fAcE wItH sOmE mIrAcLe MoOn MiSt...
TC: oR tOoK a SwEeT cHoMp Of SoPoR sLiMe.
CT: D--> Slime, ew
CT: D--> So you mean sopor slime is drugs
TC: iF tHaT's WhAt YoU wAnNa Up AnD cAlL iT, mAn
CT: D--> ...I should've known
CT: D--> I might need another moment Gamzee
TC: eQuIuS hIgH uP oN tHe MoSs CaVe MiRaClEs?
TC: tHaT iS a MoThErFuCkIn' MiRaClE iF i EvEr SaW oNe!
TC: bUt WhEn ThE MaGiC rUnS oUt I gUeSs YoU'lL bE aLl LoOkIn' Up To Me AgAiN 'n ShIt. :O(
CT: D--> Well that'd be t00 bad
CT: D--> Did anyone even like this enigmatic "Past Equius" anyway
TC: dOn'T bE mIsUnDeRsTaNdIn' Me NeW eQuIuS, bUt Oh, BrOtHeR, tHaT oLd BrOtHeR cOuLdN't ReLaX.
TC: hE's A gOoD lIl' FuCkEr, BuT jUsT dIdN't KnOw HiMsElF lIkE yOu Do, BeInG sO % AnD sTuFf.
CT: D--> %?
TC: cRoSs, BrOtHeR. CrOsS.
CT: D--> Yeah, I guess I am the drugged-up personality
CT: D--> Not like a real actual Equius or whatever
TC: tHaT aIn'T a ReAl FuCkIn ShAmE, sEeInG aS tAlKiNg To YoU iS lIkE tAlKiNg To HiM tOo.
TC: lIkE hE's InSiDe Of AlL oF uS, kInDa.
TC: hE nEvEr MeAnT iT wHeN hE sAiD hE hAtEd My GuTs, RiGhT?
CT: D--> By the way, aren't we on different planets or something
CT: D--> So we couldn't slam even if we wanted to
TC: nOtHiN' sAyS tWo BrOs CaN't SlAm AcRoSs AlL oF tImE aNd SpAcE!
TC: bUt ChIlLaX, kArKaT's GoT sHiT fIgUrEd oUt.
TC: sAyS hE's GoNnA dRoP bY sOoN.
TC: hAvE a MoThErFuCkIn' MeEt-Up.
TC: sO i PaRkEd MySeLf NeXt To ThIs FuCkIn' PoRtAl ThInG tHaT's AlL gRaY 'n ShIt, RiGhT?
CT: D--> So they're color-coded
TC: OoOoOoH, yEaH bRo!
TC: yOu DoN't KnOw HoW iT wOrKs?
TC: yOu JuSt HaFtA jUmP iN sOmE fUcKiN' bLoOd CoLoR gAtEs AnD...
TC: fUcK i FoRgOt. :o(
CT: D--> No it's fine, don't be a sad clown, I'll just ask Aradia later, thank you
CT: D--> Would you happen to know where she is anyway
TC: wHiCh OnE's ShE aGaIn?
CT: D--> Aries troll kid
CT: D--> I'm bringing her a robot I prototyped on accident who also loves me for some reason
TC: wAiT, yOu MeAn ThE dEaD cHiCk, I mOtHeRfUcKiN' gOtChA
TC: yOu SaId YoU gOt HeR rIdIn' YoUr FiLiAl DiSpEnSeR cOmPaRtMeNtAlIzAtIoN sYsTeM?
CT: D--> That's what you call a troll dick, right
TC: tHaT's A mOtHeRfUcKiN' rIoT, dAwG! XoD
TC: wOw, ThIs NiGhT iS jUsT a MeTeOr ShOwEr Of OnE mIrAcLe AfTeR aNoThEr.
TC: rObOtS fAlLiN' iN lOvE aNd ShIt
CT: D--> There's a microchip or something in there.
TC: nO eQuIuS.
TC: iT's JuSt MiRaClEs.
CT: D--> Sure, alright

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CT: D--> So let's talk lands
CT: D--> I think it w001d be a good idea if we e%changed information
CT: D--> I have the most peculiar feeling that y00'1 get bad amnesia at some point
CT: D--> Or perhaps a once-friendly ally will poison-spike your Faygo
TC: wOaH wHaT?
CT: D--> I'm saying you might need some a%istance, like if I suddenly appeared in your land via a b100-color gate
TC: oH, i SeE!
TC: bUt AiN't We On TeAmS bRo?
CT: D--> Oh yeah, forgot about that
TC: i GuEsS yOu Be WanTiN' aLl ThE lOtAm SeCrEtS fOr YoUrSeLf.
TC: wOuLd ThAt GiVe YoU lIkE sOmE sOrTa AdVaNtAgE iF i HeLpEd YoU?
CT: D--> It would, to my drugged-up alternate persona
TC: wHaTeVeR yOu WaNnA kNoW, bRo! i DoN't EvEn CaRe AnYmOrE, tHaT's HoW cOoL wE aRe.
TC: sO lIkE i SaId, ClOwNs N' sHiT.
TC: aLl ThEsE dUcK gUyS eVeRyWhErE.
TC: aNd ThEyR'e JuSt RiDiN' tHe RiDeS lIkE tHeY dOn'T fUcKiN' cArE.
TC: aLl LiKe SoMe KiNd Of MiRtHfUl PaRaDiSe.
TC: aRe YoU gEtTiNg Me?
CT: D--> Go on
CT: D--> Please tell me everything you can
TC: aNd I aM hOnK-hOnKiN' iT aT fUlL-sPeEd HiGh-OcTaNe HeRe.
TC: bUt I hEaRd ThEsE dUcKs HaVe A hUgE-aSs PrIsOn ThInG sOmEwHeRe.
TC: i ThInK tHaT's WhErE tHeY hOlD tHeIr BiG-aSs GlAdIaToR gAmEzIeS.
TC: iT sOuNdS lIkE sOmEtHiNg ThE bArD's GoTtA mOtHeRfUcKiN' cHeCk OuT!
TC: cAn ThErE bE a RaP-fIlLeD fAyGo-SlAmMiN' pArAdIsE wItH a PrIsOn?
TC: sEeMs WeIrD tO mE, hOw 'BoUt YoU bRoThEr?
CT: D--> I think there must be some trouble in everyone's land
CT: D--> We just need to find the Denizen that's causing it and destroy them
CT: D--> To all the readers out there I hope that's e%tremely clear
TC: wHo MiGhT yOu Be LeAkIn' ThIs InFoRmAtIoN oUt To?
CT: D--> Uh
CT: D--> Trolls n' kids I guess
CT: D--> Everyone you know plus a guy named John
CT: D--> E%cuse my druggedness?
TC: fAiR eNoUgH, bLuE-bRo.

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CT: D--> I think you have a good lead on where your Denizen might be
CT: D--> Any idea when it would be time to do something about it
TC: i WiLl StArT iNvEsTiGaTiN' wHeN tHiS gReAt-AsS pArTy StArTs To Up AnD sToP.
CT: D--> Here's an honest question
CT: D--> What would happen if you decided not to eat the sopor pie once or twice
TC: i DoN't FuCkIn' KnOw BuT...
TC: iT jUsT tAsTeS sO gOoD, aNd PlUs It CaLmS aLl My FuCkIng hArShWhImSeYs, If YoU kNoW wHaT i'M tAlKiN' aBoUt.
CT: D--> Sure, okay
CT: D--> Now I'm gonna spill it out to you, bro
TC: sHoOt! :O)
CT: D--> Apparently my Denizen is called the Bowman or something
CT: D--> He's been killing the underground chameleon guys
CT: D--> It looks like I might be the only hero who can stop it
CT: D--> Well, scratch that, it's definitely me
TC: i BeLiEvE yOu JuSt GoT yOuR qUeSt HaNdEd To YoU oN a SiLvEr MoThErFuCkIn' PlAtTeR!
TC: gOoD lUcK bRo.
CT: D--> Thanks, I'll try and keep you caught up to speed with the BowmanQuest 2010
CT: D--> And call me up again the ne%t time you find out anything new about your land brother
TC: i WiLl RiNg YoU aLl ThE wAy Up AnD sIdEwAyS! ;O)
TC: yOu'D bEsT bE rEaDy FoR tHiS bLuEbErRy AnD jAm BoNaNzA ThAt'S gOnNa Be CoOkIn'!
CT: D--> One last thing before I go
CT: D--> Bard must be your character class
CT: D--> In that case, what is your element
CT: D--> Are you still at the computer
TC: oH yEaH, bAcK
TC: jUsT aPpEaSiN' mY mOtHeRfUcKiN' oLdGoAtSpRiTe 'N sHiT.
CT: D--> What'd he do
TC: jUsT bEiN', i DuNnO...
TC: nOt MuCh Of A mIrAcLe. :o(
CT: D--> Why's that
TC: 'cAuSe AlL hE dOeS iS nAp AnD yElL aT mE.
TC: hE dOeSn'T eVeN wAnNa Go On An AdVeNtUrE wItH mE oR aNyThInG...
CT: D--> That's too bad, I'm sorry about that
CT: D--> Can't you prototype him twice, I heard that was a thing
TC: i JuSt DoN't FeEl RiGhT aBoUt, FuCk, ReWrItIn' HiS wHoLe PeRsOnAlItY aNd AlL tHaT sHiT.
TCL tHaT's WhO hE iS.
CT: D--> He raised you, right
CT: D--> He sh001d love yoiu more than that
CT: D--> The unwritten r001s of parenthood say you gotta love the kid
TC: bUt ReMeMbEr, He WaS aLwAyS oUt In ThE fUcKiN' oCeAn Or SoMe ShIt.
TC: i GuEsS sInCe I nEvEr ReAlLy KnEw HiM i DiDn'T kNoW hE dIdN't FuCkIn' LoVe Me.
CT: D--> Then fuck that guy
CT: D--> Ditch him for all I care, tell him 'fuck you you're gonna help me or I'll let the monsters get you'
TC: bUt ThAt'S hElLa RuDe, DuDe!
CT: D--> Don't care
CT: D--> That old goat's a no-account lazy-ass and if he doesn't care about you then forget him
TC: eQuIuS, wHeN wE aLl LiKe, GeT tOgEtHeR aNd ShIt, I'm GoNnA gIvE yOu ThAt vErY lAsT mOtHeRfUcKin FaYgO aNyWaY. :oD
TC: tHaNkS fOr ThE mOrAl SuPpOrT, rEaLzIeS aNd WhAtEvEr.
CT: D--> Anytime friend, anytime
CT: D--> But seriously, if you give me that Faygo I won't accept it

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

> Gamzee: Stand up for your rights as a child!



DAD IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN--

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> Gamzee: Faygo?



You guess so.

So who talks next? A mystery character, or John? Place your numbers, people!

I just realized, since Equius prototyped the Ariadiabot. all of the royalty are going to be in love with him. or maybe try to kill him on sight, one of the two.

Also that makes no sense.

[Mibbs]

the most mysterious one

[OrangeAipom]

Gamzee: Hug your old goat. (prototyping yourself)

[wolftamer9]

> Talk to John, get the chumhandles of the Homestuck kids. It's time to break continuity.

[siguard]

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I'm talking about how Jack Noir kept following Jade around because he was prototyped with Bec in the regular comic, but fuck if i know how that works.

>Ill vote for Mysterious Contact.

[OrangeAipom]

Mirror updated. Still not up-to-date, however.

[Weather Report]

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I'm talking about how Jack Noir kept following Jade around because he was prototyped with Bec in the regular comic, but fuck if i know how that works.

ERIDANXARADIA: INCIDENTSHIPPING


Was this what you were talking about last night, Mr. siguard? I hope this pic made up for the misunderstanding.

Also OrangeAipom thanks for the updatts. I will personally appreciate it.

> Robotaradiasprite: Answer to your anscestral calling: Answering Machine.



You give Equius his phone in an excessively helpful manner. You should probably add in something cute.

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ROBOTARADIASPRITE: ZA NUMBAH AYOU HAVU REACHU ISU RIGHT HEA
EQUIUS: Oh Japanese robot you crack me up
EQUIUS: You are learning to speak
EQUIUS: And you are learning to love
EQUIUS: That...last part is disconcerting

You will love him forever. You should probably learn more things to make him appreciate you more!

> Equius: Answer the most mysterious one.





You have two mystery contestants: Patti Mayonaise and... Tavros. Patty's skin is a sienna brand of sweet potato, which is pretty slick. Nice one Doug. She gets a few mystery points on Tavros. Plus she's a cool person in real life who's been to college. Who KNOWS what schenanigans SHE was up to?

> Equius: Talk to PM.

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equiusZahhak [EZ] begun chatting with pattiMayornaise [PM]

PM: Hey, its 'been a while and i Thought it would be fun tao chayt you up.
PM: Halloooo?

You figure it's not the time or place to insinuate that you're trapped in an alternate universe, so you'd better not talk about your crazy, unbelievable situation.

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EZ: Sorry I was busy
EZ: With, like
EZ: School
PM: There you are! I was getting so bored of running away from my parents.
EZ: Wait, woah
EZ: That's more suprising than the number of dumb typos you made up there
PM: Shut awep I don't care about tsose.
PM: I just keep on running like a chaump.
EZ: So what's all this about running away
PM: Yeah, so my aunt Snaffy's satting myself up with a police job, since I've een through police training at the local precinct, in Massachusestts, and I;,m tired of beinag with my parents , so I'll be coming up to Texas!
PM: Wcan totally hang out if you want <3
PM: But not' romantically, that's just flirting, because I'm like =24 now.
EZ: Heh heh old ew
PM: Hey, I don't give a fuck@!
PM: You Dont know what you jailbaits are missing!
EZ: This is actually a surprise though
EZ: Like when did you decide all this
PM: Yesterdday
EZ: Polecat on a stick that's hasty
PM: Well, hey, dad 's bald and he keeps througwing wild college parties and mom just won't stop drinking smoothies.
PM: FOR TEWNETY FOUR YEARS.
EZ: I take that back what took you so long
PM: Also your friend Rose who is also my friend, sent me this thing: http://s19.postimage.org/lqysbzk37/H...se_Son_Son.png
PM: It's that posteer of the bald hguy with the moustache that looks so freepy.
EZ: Freepy
PM: Fuckin creepy I jyst made that up thanks to typus.
PM: But it looks like your dad, right? Not like I'd forget his face.
EZ: That's some other dad I think, my dad has a different moustache
EZ: I'm not missing or being held hostage currently, so there'd be no need at all for those strange posters
PM: K. They've been maiing the roundws online lately, people've posyed them up in ENgland. For some reason.
PM: But hey it;s funny.
EZ: So you kept up with Rose too
PM: Yeah she found me on a tech forum I requent and she askedn me to set sometjhing up for her, mentioned you a few times.
PM: She's a kindsa odd kid, but hey, I got me $200 worth of rent money over Paypal!
EZ: I see
EZ: I'll ask her about that later...
PM: Well, anything up? Like non-boring things?
EZ: Um
EZ: Gotta go

equiusZahhak [EZ] has stopped chatting with pattiMayornaise [PM]

PM: ...Suuuuuuure.
PM: I got it.
PM: YOU TOTALLY DIG ROSE IS THAT IT
PM: Wait, he won't even read this/
PM: Dumb.

> Equius: Tavros Time (tm)!



Fiiiiiiiiiiine...

Oh good gosh. Time to talk to "The Real Mr. Toreador". You really don't want to do this, and yet...you must.

Look! The guy's sent you like fifty messages. Friend or not, he has issues. Tavros is really, really, excessively worried about you right now, and quite honestly, that disturbs you.

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firefireFire [FF] began chatting with equiusZahhak [EZ].
FF: eQUIUS, aRE YOU, uHH, sTILL ALIVE,
FF: i FEEL SO LONELY WITHOUT YOU,
FF: tHE FLAMES ARE JUST NO SUBSTITUTE,
FF: sO PLEASE, MESSAGE ME BACK,
FF: iF YOU'RE THERE,
FF: uHH, eQUIUS,
FF: aRE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE,
FF: uHH,,,
FF: cAN YOU AT LEAST PICK UP, pLEASE,
FF: uHH, eQUIUS,
FF: sERIOUSLY, aRE YOU STILL THERE,
FF: cOULD YOU STOP FIGHTING IMPS A MOMENT TO, uHH,
FF: yOU KNOW, uHH,
FF: lOOK AT THE PHONE,
FF: bECAUSE I'M, uHH, wORRIED AND STUFF,
FF: uHH,,,
FF: eQUIUS,
FF: rEALLY CAN YOU JUST PICK UP,
FF: jUST KINDA,,,pICK UP,
FF: yEAH, iF YOU'RE THERE,
FF: iF YOU'RE NOT ALREADY DEAD OR SOMETHING,
FF: eQUIUS, aRE YOU, uHH, sTILL ALIVE,
FF: pLEASE, cAN YOU AT LEAST PICK UP, pLEASE,
FF: wITH YOUR DYING STRENGTH,
FF: pICK, uHH, pICK UP THE PHONE,
FF: aND JUST KIND OF TYPE,
FF: wITH, uHH,
FF: yOUR TEETH,
FF: i MEAN UHH,
FF: iF YOU CAN,
FF: nO PRESSURE OF COURSE,
FF: aLSO, uHH, nO OFFENSE BUT,
FF: iT ALMOST SEEMS LIKE, uHH,
FF: yOU COULD BE, uHH,
FF: aLMOST IGNORING SOMEONE,
FF: lIKE MAYBE, uHH, mE,
FF: bE HONEST WITH ME EQUIUS,
FF: cOULD IT BE, uHH, aLL THE FIRE,
FF: rEALLY CAN YOU TELL ME,
FF: iF POSSIBLE TELL ME NOW,
FF: jUST SERIOUSLY TELL ME NOW,
FF: uHH,,,
FF: uHH, eQUIUS,
FF: aRE YOU EVEN ALIVE STILL,
FF: bECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE NOT AND ALL,
FF: hEY, uHH, rOBO-rADIA,
FF: cOULD YOU JUST KINDA,,,pICK UP
FF: pRETEND TO BE EQUIUS, mAYBE,
FF: bUT ONLY IF YOU, uHH, wANT TO
FF: oF COURSE,
FF: iT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL A BIT BETTER,
FF: tHEN AT LEAST, uHH,
FF: i'D KNOW THE TRUTH AND STUFF,
FF: aBOUT A THEORETICAL DEAD EQUIUS,
FF: eQUIUS,
FF: uHH, pLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE,
FF: pLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE,
FF: i AM NOT STOPPING UNTIL YOU OR ANYONE ELSE JUST PICKS UP THIS PHONE,
EZ: Well calm the fuck down 'cause I'm here
FF: tHANK YOU rOBO-rADIA,
FF: i HAVE CALMED, sOMEWHAT,
EZ: No, this is really Equius
FF: oH, uHH, i GET IT, bUT YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO,
EZ: Are you serious Nitram
EZ: I don't think she's even literate
EZ: The very notion of a keypad might enrage her
FF: oH, uHH, uMM,,,
FF: lOL?
EZ: And please turn off the caps lock, and use commas only when grammatically a%eptable
EZ: Your textual gimmick is giving me a bit of a headache
FF: wHAT DO YOU,
FF: Oh, Never mind, I guess that's what you meant,
FF: Uhhhh,
FF: Wow, I feel like my whole perspective on life has suddenly changed,
FF: It's, Uhh, Just not the same,
EZ: Is this all you wanted me to do
EZ: Tell you I'm alive
FF: Yes,
EZ: Whe, as you pointed out, I could have been trying to fight imps
FF: Uhh, That is true,
EZ: You sent me like fifty messages in one big string
EZ: If I had taken a single break from fighting those implied imps
EZ: And taken as much time as is necessary to actually read the whole thing...
EZ: I'd be dead
FF: Oh, That sounds terrible,
FF: Believe me, Uhh, I didn't want that at all,
FF: I'm really sorry about that entirely possible alternate universe,
EZ: The more you say it like that, the less I believe it
EZ: 100k, Tav, you've always sort of creeped me out
EZ: And yes, most of it IS the freaky obsession with fire
FF: ]:0
EZ: No stop that
EZ: For goodness sake you don't have horns
EZ: Can you at least not use any Homestuck-y emoticons
EZ: Sorry but it's like you actually enjoy Hussie's work
FF: But i, Uhh,,,
FF: ,,, :0
EZ: That's much better
EZ: Be a rebel, Tavros
FF: >:0
EZ: Are those still horns
FF: Of course not, Who do you take me for,
EZ: Well, I wish I'd skipped over so much of that horribly long conversation
EZ: I could have been saving lives in the Challenge Caves
EZ: In fact I think thanks to my sprite we just LOST more lives
EZ: So ne%t time you want to talk, make it IMPORTANT Nitram
EZ: And for all intents and purposes, always assume that I'm alive
FF: You got it, Uhh, Boss,
FF: Sorry for what was surenly a gigantic waste of our collective time,
EZ: Not your boss Tav
EZ: And it's okay
EZ: You're learning
EZ: See you soon

equiusZahhak [EZ] has left the chat.

He might make you uncomfortable, but there's a reason you two are buds.

[That Didn't Stop]

I think siguard is saying that the 12x prototyped Black King will both inherit the effects of Aradiabot's programming, and will develop flushed feelings toward our Equius, since Bec Noir seemingly inherited Becquerel's loyalty toward Jade.

If this is the case, Vriska touching Kanaya's boob will be considered tame by comparison. Have you SEEN the tentacles on that guy?


Anyway, >Doc Scratch: Contact Equius.

Or, alternatively, >Doc Sratch: Fail to contact Equius, due to his Voidy powers.

[wolftamer9]

I still say Equius: Try to mess with the rules by getting in contact with the Homestuck human kids. But maybe that's for later.
For now, get the lowdown on everyone else from John.

[OrangeAipom]

I still say Equius: Try to mess with the rules by getting in contact with the Homestuck human kids. But maybe that's for later.
For now, get the lowdown on everyone else from John.

People would just chalk it up to weird plot shit if you wait.

[Trish]

> Equius: Get the kids' chumhandles off John. Let's wreck canon.



But, even if you were to get them hooked up over Trollian to your CT account, then they would need to exist, and that doesn't happen until the end of the act, and if you talked to them they would exist, and your adventure would have ended, which you are on right now--KASPLOIDEY



> Equius: Talk to John.

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PS: hi again, equius! how are you doing?
EZ: Alright, I think
EZ: I just met some orange chameleons and set out on a quest
PS: ooh, a quest! an equius quest, even! sounds exciting.
PS: but to be honest, I already read the new updates and got up to speed to the part before you start talking to everyone.
EZ: I feel
EZ: Defiled
EZ: How are you feeling
PS: good. gamzee's back, so it's like, nine o'clock over here.
EZ: Nice
EZ: Give him my regards
EZ: No wait don't do that
EZ: Also, Bowman
EZ: Does that ring a bell
PS: how do i live without you...
EZ: John snap out of it
PS: i wanna know
PS: how do i evah... EVAH SURVIIIIVE!!!
PS: mouth guitar solo!
EZ: You will stop that at once and go back to being useful
PS: but bowman totally wrote that.
EZ: Please John that song is like from the seventies or something
PS: well how do you explain how michael j. bowman performed it at the end of homestuck act four?
EZ: Michael J. isn't a singer, he's an actor
EZ: But Bowman makes songs, huh...
PS: yeah, a member of the HOMESTUCK MUSIC TEAM! why do you ask?
EZ: Fudgecicles kid
PS: tee hee fudgecicles.
EZ: Were you even reading these last few minutes
PS: the part where aradiabotsprite killed the elder made me cry so hard i sorta blanked out at the rest of it. sorry dude
EZ: Bowman is the name of my Denizen, John
EZ: This is very relevant
PS: eh, it's probably just another self-referential in-joke.
PS: but this dumb thing brings me to my next point
EZ: No no this has to be important kid why aren't you listening
PS: but this thing is about you and nep.

========>

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EZ: Aw come on this again
PS: geez i wasn't even finished talking!
EZ: You posted it so it's not interrupting
PS: way to ruin the joke! but seriously folks, you can't keep being a jerk to her anymore. it's been, what, five whole years of being dumb to each other?
EZ: But she is lame
EZ: And dumb
EZ: I don't like her
EZ: That's it
PS: don't worry, i've had this convo with her just a minute ago. she's willing to make up with you and be your friend.
PS: everyone's dumb in second grade, you were too, etc. so apologize so you can work together and stuff.
EZ: Now wait just a John-picking minute here
EZ: Work together
PS: aw nutzoids.
PS: i may have skipped kindergarten but boy am i dumb.
EZ: Don't try and be funny now
PS: you didn't know, did you?
EZ: Tell me now please
EZ: Tell me how many people have been pulled into this shit because of what I've done
PS: one nep, who's fighting a bear... and one sol, who's currently...
EZ: Awwww no...

========>

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EZ: I can't believe it
PS: dude don't worry, you're okay.
EZ: No I am not
EZ: All because I can't take a furry joke I went out and got us all in danger
PS: you see, sollux came in when he was mad about what andrew did to you, and then nepeta went in for sollux's sake.
PS: so really, it's just your fault he's dead, not that nepeta's, like, in a burning forest with meteors!
EZ: Oh my lord

Aradiabotsprite: Prototype self with hat.



NO, ROBO-RADIA! This is not the time for such levity! Shit's going down, dawdah.

========>

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EZ: Everything here is my fault
EZ: Everyone's in danger
EZ: I'm a terrible friend
EZ: I wish Time-Travelling God Tier Aradia had told me to kill myself instead of telling me not to
PS: equius, shut up.
EZ: Okay
PS: listen to me now, for true and stuff.
PS: you are not a terrible person.
EZ: Wrong
PS: double wrong and i'm right! andrew hussie has been secretly ruling over our lives for over a year now! but now, you've shown yourself as the only person to directly stand up to him.
PS: you are brave.
PS: nep is going to save sollux and bring him back to life (by kissing him, mf'ing lol) and you'll adventure together, then get out of homestuck, hivebent, whatever you'd call it.
PS: and you'll bring andrew down with it, even though i really love to read homestuck. it's the best story. better than the bible. unless you're christian, and in that case i am sorry.
PS: the truth will be revealed when you return, and he will be ruined so much he won't have enough money to buy a computer.
PS: all thanks to you.
EZ: I see
PS: though aradia and sollux would get poor too, but hey, they can get adopted!
EZ: Heh
EZ: Let's just go with that for now
EZ: Thanks for saying this
PS: gonna go adventurin' now?
EZ: Yeah
PS: then get to it, maggot! and be careful, maggot! atenSHUN!
EZ: HUT HUT HIKE
EZ: And tell Nepeta I'm willing to work with her if she'll stop being a bitch
PS: i'll phrase it nicer.

> Aradiabotsprite: Continue to be helpful.



Only the most.

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PS: so i will research bowman a bit more, i guess.
EZ: HALLO
EZ: ZA NUMBA YOU HAVE REACHU ISU CURRENTULY UNAVAIRABU
EZ: U
PS: this is aradiabot, right?
EZ: SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI DESU NEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~
EZ: ?????????????????????
PS: uh, i hope you're not malfunctioning or anything!
EZ: DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU
PS: oookay, bye!
prettycoolSepulcherdude has fearfully stopped chatting with equiusZahhak.

Heh heh heh, that rascally robot, what's she gonna do ne-



WHY IS SHE JAPANESE

========>

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EQUIUS: Gimme that phone
ARADIABOTSPRITE: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

========>

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ARADIABOTSPRITE: E
ARADIABOTSPRITE: E-E-E
ARADIABOTSPRITE: EQUISU
ARADIABOTSPRITE: EQUIS
ARADIABOTSPRITE: A-A-RAAAAAAADIAAAAAAA
ARADIABOTSPRITE: ARADIA N-NO EQUISU
ARADIABOTSPRITE: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIFUUUUUUUUUU
EQUIUS: No, no no no
EQUIUS: Why would anyone want this ever
EQUIUS: My name is Equius, not Equis
ARADIABOTSPRITE: EQUIS EQUIS
ARADIABOTSPRITE: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU AAAARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
ARADIABOTSPRITE: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOE MOE MOE MOE MOE MOE MOEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EQUIUS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

> Equius: Fly into a sweaty panic.

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EQUIUS: I don't want this
EQUIUS: Who would want this
EQUIUS: Why would original Equius want this
EQUIUS: NOBODY WOULD WANT THIS
EQUIUS: Ghost troll Aradia is going to hate me for this
EQUIUS: I don't even wanna think about alive human Aradia
ARADIABOTSPRITE: KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DES NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE??????
EQUIUS: Aradiabotsprite, go...
EQUIUS: Go away and...
EQUIUS: Fetch me a dry towel
ARADIABOTSPRITE: 0u0
EQUIUS: I
EQUIUS: Don't
EQUIUS: Want
EQUIUS: To
EQUIUS: Become
EQUIUS: Hiiiiiiiiiim

> LOVELY TOWEL SHOT~!

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ARADIABOTSPRITE: KYUUUN~
ARADIABOTSPRITE: HEERU WEU GOOOOOO~
EQUIUS: Th...thank you Aradiabotsprite
ARADIABOTSPRITE: ww
EQUIUS: Andrew
EQUIUS: You couldn't possibly be proud of what you've done

> Equius: Why are you wearing your shades and how did you even get them?



You don't know.

Elsewhere, near Clownman Wonderland...



A troll clown guy just got a motherfuckin' idea.

Troll Gamzee: Fuse with Goatdadsprite.



Somehow this story looks even more shoddily drawn than it was before.

Hug your old goat.



A BIG MOTHERFUCKIN' EXPLOSION TOTALLY HAPPENS AS YOU FUSE TOGETHER AND START HUGGIN' LIKE A REAL FUCKIN' FATHER AND SON

========>



AND DON'T YOU EVER TRY TO FUSE YERSELF WITH ME AGAIN! NOT WHILE I'M NAPPIN'!

MoThErFuCkIn' OuCh, DaD.

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I think it's quite nice that even in a story which basically doesn't include the original Equius at all, yet is still called Equiquest, we can still manage to blatantly force moments like this sweat thing in.

And GUYS DID YOU LIKE MY THREE PICTURES THAT I DID ON ADOBE FIREWOOOOOOOOORK?!?!

Also, to siguard and That Didn't Stop: OOPS YO. When we think "royalty", apparently we think of the seadwellers. If and when the Black King or anyone with a fancy ring/scepter appears...that is quite a good thought to keep in mind. In fact, thanks for that. We could have a lot of fun toying with the whole prototyping thing.

I ALSO thank OrangeAipom for the updates, by the way.

[wolftamer9]

> Equius: Get the kids' chumhandles off John. Let's wreck canon.

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But, even if you were to get them hooked up over Trollian to your CT account, then they would need to exist, and that doesn't happen until the end of the act, and if you talked to them they would exist, and your adventure would have ended, which you are on right now--KASPLOIDEY

I thought that was accounted for by the fact that the two universes exist in completely different realms of time and space. Also by admitting to knowing something that hasn't been revealed yet to you or the characters, you just broke it anyway. MWAHAHAHAHA

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I'm not going to make this request over and over or anything, don't worry. I know how annoying and rude that can be.

> Accidentally prototype the sunglasses, reviving canon Equius in the most horrifying way possible.

[Weather Report]

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I thought that was accounted for by the fact that the two universes exist in completely different realms of time and space. Also by admitting to knowing something that hasn't been revealed yet to you or the characters, you just broke it anyway. MWAHAHAHAHA

Well, I thought that the way the Trollslum guys were able to even contact the kids was by having Sollux use his impossibly l33t haxor skills to hack between universes and time, even though time in paradox space is nil. But then again, even if they COULD talk to the canon kids, it would likely just be them appearing in like 2008 and getting blocked by a kid in a room. Then, even if they could speak to them during the point in time where they believe in their alienosity, there's not much info you could get through a kid from a 1-day session...

> Accidentally prototype the sunglasses, reviving canon Equius in the most horrifying way possible.

We'll do that tomorrow. We promise.

> Equius: Get to some adventurin'.



You're all ready to set off and all of a sudden some jerk suddenly decides to pull some teleknesis on you. What are the odds.

Oh hey, it's the boss. Better talk to her.

========>

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apocalypseArisen [AA] has begun trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AA: equius i need t0 talk t0 y0u right n0w ribbit
AA: s0rry
AA: ab0ut the ribbit but n0t the 0ther thing because i am y0ur b0ss remember
CT: D--> Yes ma'am
AA: ive decided that i need t0 take this leadership thing as seri0usly as a dead pers0n can
AA: th0ugh h0nestly its the spirits repeatedly asking me t0 d0 this
AA: nevertheless ive asked y0u several times already
AA: as y0ur leader mind y0u
AA: t0 fix this r0b0t
CT: D--> You see, Ms. Aradia, your robot is...
CT: D--> Pretty damn sentient now
AA: what d0 y0u mean by pretty
AA: are y0u hitting 0n me
AA: thats what the spirits are saying
CT: D--> No, of course not
CT: D--> If you want me to e%tract some sort of love chip from her
CT: D--> It'll probably hurt her
AA: but its just a r0b0t
AA: n0t even a real girl ribbit
AA: y0u qu0tes f0r technicality "kill" r0b0ts alm0st every day f0r fun
CT: D--> Well to be honest with you ma'am I'm not the Equius you used to know
CT: D--> That Equius is 100ng gone
AA: 0_0?
AA: y0u are seri0usly hitting 0n me i kn0w it
CT: D--> No that's not it
CT: D--> You see, the old Equius was brash, angry, petty, stupid, domineering and had a sick thing for hooved animals
CT: D--> All I want is for us to progress through this game safely to the end
AA: 0_0!!
CT: D--> As a whole group because I'm not hitting on you
CT: D--> You can ask Nepeta or Sollu% and they'll say the same thing
CT: D--> Well if Sollu% is okay at least
CT: D--> But I'm not about to rip open this robot girl and probably give her great pain, even if you order me to
CT: D--> That's just the kind of guy I am
AA: 0_0!!
AA: seri0usly wh0 are y0u
AA: y0u cant be equius
AA: wh0 d0 y0u think y0u are

========>

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CT: D--> Baby
CT: D--> I am

========>

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CT: D--> Equius

========>

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CT: D--> Motherfucking

========>

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CT: D--> Zahhak
CT: D--> Sorry was that too much

> Aradia: Emote

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AA: its 0kay
CT: D--> Thanks
CT: D--> You know, Vriska has a robot too
CT: D--> Though it's gonna be different from mine
AA: thats 0kay t00
AA: in fact if y0ud like
AA: y0u can just leave the chip inside the s0ulb0t
AA: id l0ve t0 use it n0w
CT: D-_ Huh now
AA: ill be waiting -~u~-

> Equius: Emote.



(Waaaa! Sugoi desu ne!)

> Equius: Go on, adventure, kid!



Okay guys let's goAWWWWWWWWWWWW WHO'S THIS DOUCHEBAG?!?!?!?! WHY WON'T THEY ALL JUST LEAF YOU ALOOOOOUNE

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Yeah that's Doc Scratch just to verify

[siguard]

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Thank you "That Didn't Stop" for translating my drunken ramblings in to a coherent thesis. and sorry about being vague, I have a bad habit of only saying the end of a thought process while leaving out where it came from and other crucial facts. don't drink and post kids!

Equius> answer random douchebag, when he apparently doesn't reply go on your way.

[Destruction Dragon 360]

Wow.
This.
Just wow.
Loving this new development here.
Doc Scratch: Lose your cool in this conversation as you have absolutely 0 bearing on this fellow.
God damn Void Heroes, always bringing the obfuscation down on your omniscience.

[OrangeAipom]

pon pon pon

I ALSO thank OrangeAipom for the updates, by the way.

i had nothing to do with anything argh

[Catstorm]

This is my favorite forum adventure right now.

[Kaynato]

> OH WELL MIGHT AS ANSWER WHATEVER WHAT WEVER.

> BRASHLY AND IN A TERRIBLE MOOD AND IGNORE EVERYTHING SAID

> INSULTS EVERYWHERE AND RANT ABOUT QUANTUM PROBABILITY

> THUS MEANING THAT OMNISCIENCE IS IMPOSSIBLE

> (even knowing all the paths)

> REVEL IN YOUR NEWFOUND GLORY

[Weather Report]

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siguard: Thanks for the more detailed explanation, I think now we've got some pretty creepy ideas for the future... which is perfect because that's what this story runs on!

DD360: I hope this is totally to your liking.

OrangeAipom: MIRROR updates, kid! Whata you take us for? Turkeys on your feet?

Catstorm: Thank you. I mean that sincerely. Now we can go forward with the knowledge that people actually really like our stuff. I also hope that this next update is likable.

Kaynato: One of those

> Accidentally prototype the sunglasses, reviving canon Equius in the most horrifying way possible.



It happened.

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EQUIUS: Hey
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: Sup

========>

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EQUIUS: Who are you
EQUIUS: Are you like
EQUIUS The original Equius that everyone hates combined with Aradia or something
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: HELL FUCKING YES I AM
EQUIUS: Wow, how strange and magical is this
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: Sweated my personality out into my shades my man
EQUIUS: I am flattered
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: How about we make out a little behind the shed
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: You are getting me pretty hot and bothered
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: And after all I am your b100-b100ded waifu
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: Certain obligations I have to uphold
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: You understand don't you

========>

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EQUIUS: Oh, oh my goodness what, oh
EQUIUS: Oh man, you still love me don't you
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: ABSOLUTAFUCKINGYES I GODDAMN DO.
EQUIUS: I have an adventure I need to go on
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: NO
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: No
ARADIABOTEQUIUSSHADESPRITE: You are getting behind the shed with me pronto
EQUIUS: I
EQUIUS: I have never felt affections like this ever before in all of my years
EQUIUS: LET'S DO IT MAN

Stop thinking.

> Equius: OH WELL MIGHT AS ANSWER WHATEVER WHAT WEVER.



FFFFFFFINEEEEEE!! Ugh. Let's go get this over with.

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CT: D--> Okay now who is this
Mister Zahhak, I assure you that I do not often trouble myself with young men such as you.
But this matter takes great precedence.
CT: D--> Are you even saying things
CT: D--> My computer makes the little message 'bleep' but I see nothing
Boy.
Can you just.

CT: D--> This is a dumb joke
I am not here to joke. I am here to request that you stop whatever it is you are doing.
CT: D--> Are you Karkat
Your Void elemental powers are leaking.
Whether or not you realize this is not my concern. What is, however, is that your mere existance is clouding my infinite vision.
I can't stand for this and you will stop.
CT: D--> Karkat stop and tell me why you hate me
CT: D--> This way we can come to an understanding and be friends across the universe or something

========>

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Oh, terribly sorry there. I didn't mean to lose my temper like that.
It's just that suddenly being blinded can really disgruntle a person. I should know. I've seen it happen twice.
Plus, what with you being the culprit, Equius, there's no reason why I have to be civil with you.
I already know your true identity. You are not the real Zahhak of this universe.
Yes, I felt a tiny disturbance around an hour ago for you, maybe ten seconds ago for me.
I've become a little loose with time admittedly.
But I already know what the root of this problem is. The original Equius Zahhak, normally undetectable due to an invisible psychic void around his body, and quite, excuse me, "high-leveled in the Mangrit stat", was exchanged with yourself. I collected this information just as you switched bodies and your, shall I say, "attributes" were restarted from "level zero"?
Apologies for the crass explanation, I had to simplify it just a tad.
But somewhere along the way, your "growth ratios" were switched around. Your strength is lackluster, but your obscuring abilities are starting to drive me insane. Turn it off somehow.
If you do not I assure you that I will track you down with my teleportation powers and kill you with green flames.
I don't give a damn about you or your eleven allies s long as my master gets summoned.
And he will be. Par for the course, of course.
Oh.
Don't tell me you've left already.
You know I can't tell.
Oh bugger all.

[o]



This is going to be quite the problem.

Meanwhile...







Fuck yeah. This is happening. Nepeta is fighting a bear. Because Nepeta just doesn't give a fuck.