EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (SEX SEX SEX)

[OrangeAipom]

Does Sollux have vision twofold? The symbolism isn't always clear.

[Weather Report]

Does Sollux have vision twofold? The symbolism isn't always clear.

No, the Sollux Hussie in this story isn't gifted with such powers; if Equius is super weak but can use voidy stuff, then Sollux can't see into the future but can ???. Also his psychic power output is shit. Aradia and Nep, we'll learn about later.

[Weather Report]

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Realizing I don't know how to properly write for DD has left me feeling weird. Let's all just call him Piamonds Proog from now on. Or, y'know, Dogged Drifter.

> Red Thing no.4: Exposit on your character. Where do you come from? How do you live? What motivates you to do the things you do?



Oh, yeah, well I lived in Space Conneticut til college when I came to Derse, yeah, and then I got bored of that and went into the, uh, armed services, erm, I uh like video games and nachos, and cheese is like the best food, and I like the lady imps but they don't know how to appreciate my sweet abs yet, yeah. My life goal is to play every Xbox 360 game ever, except for the crappy ones.

> Red Thing no. 3: Cut him off. You're not nearly important enough for this exposition bullshit!



THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN?! WE SHOULDA GONE AFTER THE KID! WE GON DIE MAN! WE GON DIE!



AW FUCK

> DD: Stab stab.



> DD: Stab stab stab.



> DD: Walk stab walk.



Shut it asshat. You're busy killing a god damn army. A stupid, bumbling, useless, $2 army, but still.

First time in your god damn life you've gotten so much god damn attention. You were a little used to the whole second-fiddle schtick for a while there, but these aren't the kind of guys you want to be admired by.

God damn! The god damn helicopter's here. God dammit!

[Flairina]

Derse Helicopter Pilot (wait, Derse has Helicopters now?): Stare stupidly because this thing isn't equipped with any weapons.

[WalkingToaster]

Derse Helicopter pilot: Do a barrel roll!

[Weather Report]

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I hope this counts as a barrel roll, sir.

> Derse Helicopter Pilot: Stare stupidly because the thing isn't equipped with weapons.



You do so with gusto, seeing as you have people to hold weapons for you.

> Dersian Gun Troops: Let loose the bullets of war!!!



RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

> DD: Disappear.





You throw the boy first.

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> Dersian Gun Troop: AAAAAAAAH

NOOOOOOOO! THE HEIR IS DEAD! I CAN'T BREATHE!!

> Other Dersian Gun Troop: Make him let go!!

TAKE YOUR DIRTY MITTS OFFA THAT PRINCE! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!!

> Derse Helicopter Pilot: Stop that idiot from shooting Equius!



YOU CAN'T SHOOT AT EQUIUS STUPID YOU'LL KILL HIM!!

Sadly you, the pilot, will crash your chopper and die, and it is all your fault. What a maroon!

> DD: Escape.



Too easy. You may be the only real soldier still left around here. Sad, really.

[Weather Report]

> Back to Sollux.









Argh! You have been captured by a loathsome CRAB BERYL OGRE! What can you do?!?!

If you're gonna break free, you're gonna need to do something big. This guy's tough. HE ATE CLUBS' HAT. HE'S PLAYING FOR KEEPSIES.

[wolftamer9]

> ...Optiic Bla2t?

[OrangeAipom]

> ...Optiic Bla2t?

i'm confused i thought he didn't have vision twofold.

> piss yourself and hope the ogre is disgusted by this

[wolftamer9]

i'm confused i thought he didn't have vision twofold.

> piss yourself and hope the ogre is disgusted by this

Well he does have those neato psychic powers, right? He doesn't have to see to shoot beams out of his eyes.

[Flairina]

Wait, how are enemies from the planets now on Derse? It's kind of far removed from them.

> Clubs: He ate your hat. Make him pay.

[OrangeAipom]

Well he does have those neato psychic powers, right? He doesn't have to see to shoot beams out of his eyes.

his pupils are yellow?

[Weather Report]

i'm confused i thought he didn't have vision twofold.

That's true. His eyes are yellow, he can't see the future, and he looks way worse in those shades than the other Sollux. However, he does still have those psychic powers, and he can use little psychicky attacks. But Sollux's powers stem from his brain, I guess, so eye beamz are entirely possible? Like he can do what Sollux original flavor can do but way, way worse?

Our story is stupid. I apologize. I don't even know how it works.

Also they have Sollux enemies because if Homestuck Derse can have Crude Imps or whatever, THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!! No I just wanted to use the pink guys from the flashes...

[Weather Report]

> Sollux: Piss yourself and hope the ogre is disgusted by this.



You are doing it. You are pissing your face as we speak. You're doing it so hard.



AW DUDE GROSS NO DON'T EAT FACE PISS

> Clubs: He ate your hat. Make him pay.

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CD: Hey you big jerk.
CD: I just got that hat for free!

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CD: YOU BETTER PAY ME FOR THAT HAT!!

> Sollux: ...Optiic Bla2t?



Hey. That manhole. Maybe if it conducts an energy attack, it could get bigger and blow this fool away!

> Sollux: Then JUS DO IUT!!



HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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> Sollux: Any last ditch ideas?

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SOLLUX: um, hey. guy.
SOLLUX: you want 2ome equiu2 horn2?

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EVERYONE WINS!!

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2hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

[volnrok]

> Sollux: Dodge into the sewer. At least the big guys can't follow you there.

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This adventure... I can't put my finger on it, but something about this adventure draws me in day after day. Really cool adventure, interesting premise.

[Flairina]

Sollux: Politely ask them to leave you alone. When this inevitably fails, dive into the manhole. Please remember to take the cover OFF first.

[Weather Report]

Reference of the day. It's pink so you can't sue. I respect it anyways. Also the hat in today's update is fake. Don't believe in its existence and plague Trish with hatemail for her laziness. That'll learn 'er... *spits into a spittoon*

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This adventure... I can't put my finger on it, but something about this adventure draws me in day after day. Really cool adventure, interesting premise.

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Oh, it's not so much interesting as a sure, why not-fueled stupid festa! Thank you so much for enjoying it so far, though. Comments like this always make me feel warm. Trish too I guess. She gets secret-warm.

> MAGE: MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK THEM TO KINDLY LEAVE



Sorry but fuck you for being stupid.

> MAGE: THEN JUST DODGE INTO THE SEWER OR SOMETHING. THEY CAN'T GO THERE.



Uh, actually that's a good idea.

PLEASE REMEMBER TO TAKE THE COVER OFF FIRST.



UGH, fine. What are you man, a MOM? Hm. Wonder whatever happened to Mrs. Hussie anyways. Or Mr. Hussie. The Hussie living arrangement is really confusing. Maybe we'll learn that someday?

> MAGE: JUST DON'T LAND WRONG OKAY?



You fall and slip on your ass in a dark, dank tunnel which you think is a catacomb of some sort.

No what're you thinking it's just a goddamn sewer.

OH MY GOODNESS, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU FELL IN SOME SLUDGE. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET THAT LITTLEBOY SHIRT OFF.

Ugh are you serious.

DO YOU WANT A THE FLU OR NOT GET TO STRIPPIN.

YOU BARD QUESTERS ARE ALL THE SAME!! EVERYONE IS DISALLUSIONED WITH YOU AND YOU SHOULD ALL DIE!!

> Sollux: Look around a little bit.





OUCH, your head is taking a major pounding from your NOSTRILS TWOFOLD. Who knew sewers would smell like a sick combination of diapers of vomit and grape jelly?

Taking a few steps, you see there's an embarrassingly small river nearby.

JUMP THE RIVER, MAGE. THAT IS THE WAY TO THE CASTLE.

Oh, really? That's actually useful. Thanks sicko.

YOU'RE WELCOME BUT WATCH OUT FOR THE CRAZY OCEANBEAST OKAY.

Wait, oceanbeast?

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AAAAAAAAAAAHHH IT'S A, um, we don't know what it's called...

IT'S AN OCTONAUT!! Just made that up right now. Cool rite? Now how shall you agress?

[wolftamer9]

> Damn, this would be easier to explain if it were 2012 and Kid Icarus: Uprising were out. Basically to fight the Kraken you attack each of the freakishly weak and surprisingly immobile tentacles, then go after the head, making sure to dodge the giant laser beams it spits out of its mouth. So this is how that applies in this less-convenient reality: Go for the head. Bat any incoming tentacles out of the way with your CLUB (wink wink), assuming you're not attacked by tentacles DEUCEFOLD (wink wink). Take pretty much every chance you get to bash that monstrosity in the head until it's knocked out or dead, got it?

EDIT: Why did you have to link to an adventure that's already over? I thought it would be more fun than that! (It was pretty fun though.)

[Weather Report]

EDIT: Why did you have to link to an adventure that's already over? I thought it would be more fun than that! (It was pretty fun though.)

But Quizzle's planning on a continuation at some point! Though right now he's doing another story with an overly similar name.

> Damn, this would be easier to explain if it were 2012 and Kid Icarus: Uprising were out. Basically to fight the Kraken you attack each of the freakishly weak and surprisingly immobile tentacles...



...then go after the head, making sure to dodge the giant laser beams it spits out of its mouth. So this is how that applies in this less-convenient reality: Go for the head.



...Bat any incoming tentacles out of the way with your CLUB (wink wink), assuming you're not attacked by tentacles DEUCEFOLD (wink wink).



...Take pretty much every chance you get to bash that monstrosity in the head until it's knocked out or dead, got it?



Easier solution: ELECTRIC IS SUPER-EFFECTIVE ON WATER TYPES.

You are now free to advance!

> MAGEY BOY: KEEP GOING TO THE OTHER END OF THE TUNNEL.



Well if you can't go up back to the surface, you can at least find your way to a safe place down here. Fine idea!

DID YOU FIND ANYTHING? THERE SHOULD BE A LADDER.



Ladder to where? Clubs is getting a little flustered now!

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SOLLUX: hey club2 what'2 up?
CD: This is the right way! We are almost to the castle.
SOLLUX: you memoriized every route?
CD: The Dignitary made me study them every night. He wouldn't even let me watch television until I was done reciting the fifty floors.
SOLLUX: fifty? 2eriiou2ly?! aw no that can't be real.
CD: We're on the Raunchy Florida floor. Next up is Big Alaska.
SOLLUX: iif we wanna get that riing wiill we have to cliimb all fiifty? plea2e 2ay no.
CD: I don't remember. I only know the cool names.
SOLLUX: fancy head-voiice guy, any iinfo?
NO,

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BUT I HAVE LOTS OF HONEY,

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AND IT TASTES SO GOOD.
SOLLUX: ii don't care about that! ii just need to make 2ure ii won't diie by cliimbiing tho2e 2taiir2!!
YOU WON'T DIE. I'D KNOW.
SOLLUX: good. now ii feel better about thii2.
SOLLUX: deucy, let'2 be moviin' on up.
CD: To the east side?
SOLLUX: no.

> Both of you: Climb like you want to win!



Welcome to BIG ALASKA, the FROZEN TORTURE CHAMBER BASEMENT FLOOR. Conglaturation!

[Catstorm]

> Complete a great game and go rest our heroes in that wonderful closet over yonder.

[Flairina]

Random Three Armed Carapace: Follow them!

(Aww, I never got to comment on the binary Octopus thing. )

[Weather Report]

> Random Three Armed Carapace: Follow them!



It is too late. The curtain's already closed... on your life.

> Complete a great game and go rest our heroes in that wonderful closet over yonder.



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OKAY NO DON'T DO THAT. I SAID YOU DON'T DIE. GO BACK TWO COMMANDS.

> CD: Lead the way.



Courtyard Droll, you know where to go? Right? Maybe not? Well, at least you can name some names. Get this boy to Wonderful Massachusetts or Texas Massacre or something.

> Sollux: Okay, buddy?



Nnnnnoooooo, it feels really... slimy down here. Perhaps evil. Hope there's an elevator or something soon.

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Oh, oh no, it feels so not-right, we gotta get the hell outta Alaska. It's too warm to be Alaska.

> Liches: Enter.



OH NO

> Something Bigger: Enter.

[Flairina]

Giant Thing: Fall.

Your HUGE-ASS Head cannot be supported by your lower body! You plummet to the ground and crush the liches. How did you even make it here without keeling over?

[Weather Report]

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Again, there are really rare times where I wish I could draw with a mouse. Today and yesterday are some of those times. Because whenever I try to make you say "oh crap" I make you say "oh tee hee those two guys he's pulling her down with him"...

Wait, no, she does that too. Can't trust a Trish.

> Sollux: Fight these things off!



GET THESE GODDAMN LICHES OFF THE GODDAMN ELEVATOR! WE AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THEIR SHIT! THAT LADY IS A PLATINUM LICH QUEEN!!!!

> Lich Queen: Aggress.







> Lich Queen: DOOMTECH LV. 34





DOOM SIGNATURE.

> Sollux: Get out of there!!



Y-you can't... you're frozen in pl-place! IT, IT'S SEEPING INTO YOU... BURNING ON THE INSIDE, FEELS SO SLIMY

EVERYTHING BURNS

SUCH A COLD BURN

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SERIOUS

> CD: Heroic Sacrifice.





We can't have children dying in this cartoon. That would raise the rating! Mister Jack always said "the key to the money's heart is through marketing", and nobody's gonna buy the dead boy doll.

See everyone, he isn't just saving Sollux. He's saving the fandom, the fandom.

> Sollux: Save him.



HADOUKEN!

Shoot! Your attack is still too weak! You have to charge up more!

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UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGG

> Lich Queen: DOOMTECH LV. 89: DARKBELLOW HARKEN



GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

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A LITTLE MORE AND...?! Strange.

Something just clicked. Literally.

> Sollux: TRANSFORMATION UNLOCKED.

[Flairina]

Nice drawings today! (But what is Sollux throwing at them?)

No commands from me today, I'll wait to see what you had in mind anyways. Assuming you had anything in mind, but surely you can think of something even if you didn't... ^^;