EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (Ha ha, don't ever be a Tavros, be a tactful human)

[Destruction Dragon 360]

Eridan: Do something uncharacteristically intelligent.

[Nexev]

Eridan: Be the only person smart enough to realize that someone should actually help the crippled guy get up.

I mean satan-fucking-christ everyone are DICKS, did Hussie simply choose to photoshop all the characters with morals or something?

[Trish]

========>

Your name is...

...and you fabricated your previous introduction page to make it MORE LIKE FEFERI'S. Because yes, Feferi is your love. You love King of the Hill because she loves King of the Hill, and one of these days she's gonna be the Peggy to your Hank. (But really, you hate King of the Hill. It's just a "good ol' all-'Merican pro-pane boy" who acts like he's better than everyone else just so that he can trap them in a corner and kick their asses.)

You are the KNIVES CHAU.

Your real interests include JOKES, especially the corny KNOCK-KNOCK type ones. Unfortunately that means EVERYONE MAKES FUN OF YOU for it, INCLUDING YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS. But really, who doesn't appreciate a good knock-knock joke once in a while? They're lying to themselves. They just don't understand the craft.

Your favorite CARTOON NETWORK shows are, without a doubt, CHOWDER and TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW GREAT JOB.

Chowder? That show's okay, but Tim and Eric? Seriously? You have bad taste.

Your chathandle is hankHill and yyou tend to stutter and type rreally slowly.

What will you do?

> Eridan: Do something uncharacteristically intelligent.





> Eridan: Show your shirt to the people.



> Eridan: Now lets HAM it up (GET IT ITS A JOKE(AHAHAH))



*ERIDANS HAMMING IT UP FOLKS*

> Eridan: MAKE A PRETTY VAST JOKE IF YOU DO SAY SO YOURSELF

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ERIDAN: SPAGETT!!
ERIDAN: It's...TINY DANCIN MAN
ERIDAN: Whaddaya wwant me to do put TURKEYS on my FEET?!??
ERIDAN: SpaGETTY AND meatballs
ERIDAN: Don't gget the bite
ERIDAN: FOR YOUR HEALTH
ERIDAN: The Only Married News Team
ERIDAN: Now llet's think about your dad
ERIDAN: I wanna MEET that dad
ERIDAN: Rremember some dads are not YOUR dad
ERIDAN: The Pilgrumms! Ccoming this fall
ERIDAN: 100 years of JJackie Chan
ERIDAN: H'AMB D'UMP T'IRD
ERIDAN: FFFROM CCINCO
ERIDAN: The...the Ccinco Phone
ERIDAN: WHOOPsie goldberg
ERIDAN: David liebe hhart
ERIDAN: Weird al yankovic is Uncle Mmuscles
ERIDAN: CASEY COME BACK
ERIDAN: LOVE YA CASEY
ERIDAN: I AM THE SNUGGLER
ERIDAN: ...and tthat's it

Now that is what I call...HAMMING IT UP.

> Eridan: YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSING THE PEOPLE.



What? Huh?

Nobody's laughing?

You're getting desperate. The joke is failing.

> Eridan: Chat it up, hope they get it in time.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ERIDAN: Hey Karkat, wwhat happened to them legs?
ERIDAN: Must hurt sso bad you can't laugh at my jokes.
KARKAT: Well one of them BROKE and almost NOBODY is trying to console me.
ERIDAN: Tthat it outrageous
ERIDAN: But that's all iin the past, I guess
ERIDAN: Ii mean it's already kkinda broke now
ERIDAN: Did yyou know that tthe bones always grow back sstronger
KARKAT: Thanks for TRYING to help me.
KARKAT: Just look at all these other kids around here!
KARKAT: I mean satan-fucking-christ everyone are DICKS
KARKAT: *SNIFF*
ERIDAN: Bbut somethin ELSE is upsettin ME now
ERIDAN: Isn't anyone ssein' my sshirt?
FEFERI: Was it meant to be funny?
ERIDAN: Oh yes
FEFERI: HA HA!
ERIDAN: That wwasn't real
ERIDAN: I'm disappointed
ERIDAN: But yyou tried and I'm proud of you ffor it
FEFERI: Thanks, FRI-END!
ERIDAN: Hahaha, aw.
KARKAT: ...Look at that. You can practically see the tears in his eyes! What the heck, Fef?
FEFERI: Oh, he's okay with staying friends! Remember, we straightened THAT out LAST NIGHT!
KARKAT: This is so funny and horrible in ways that you could never comprehend.
KARKAT: I just wanna go hooooooome.

> Eridan: Keep trying your luck.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ERIDAN: Come on Kkanaya you SSAW this episode with me even
KANAYA: Not Now Eridan Seriously, We Are Discussing Something Impor-
ERIDAN: TOM GGOES TO THE MAYOR
ERIDAN: WAHAHAHA
ERIDAN: RRRATS OFF TO YOU, SIR!
KANAYA: You...You Actually Bought The Shirt.
ERIDAN: No, they ddon't sell em
ERIDAN: I made it
KANAYA: You Are Either The Best Jokester On The Planet Or The Worst.
ERIDAN: B^D
KANAYA: And, Well, You Could Never Usurp Me, So That Means You're The Worst.
ERIDAN: I ttake this as a ccompliment?
KANAYA: But Seriously, Go Away.
KANAYA: We're Discussing A Secret Plan, And There Are No Eridans Allowed!
ERIDAN: Bbut what's wrong wwith a little mid-plan joke?
KANAYA: EEEEEEEEVERYTHIIIIIIIING!
ERIDAN: Hear me out here
ERIDAN: You know Ssanta Claus
ERIDAN: Well get this
ERIDAN: I came up wwith this just last nnight
ERIDAN: S-S-S-S
ERIDAN: S-S-S-SANTA CLOTHES
KANAYA: No Shut Up And Get Out Of Here That Was Terrible

[Weather Report]

Eridan: Be the only person smart enough to realize that someone should actually help the crippled guy get up.

I mean satan-fucking-christ everyone are DICKS, did Hussie simply choose to photoshop all the characters with morals or something?

Well, Karkat WAS helped up by the only person who cared in the whole classroom, and that's one person, right? And then Aradia is too scared to not have morals, so there's two good persons for ya...

Also did anybody like the "10,000 view spectacular" comic on the meteor earlier? Because if y'all want, I can make a habit of doing them every 10,000 views. I'm already doing a second one which is 3 pages long...?

[Nexev]

Yes, everything with cannabilism is cool.

[Weather Report]

Thanks, and remember: It ain't vore if it's wildly hilarious.

Vore is creepy and I'm sorry.

[Trish]

> Eridan: Continue your journey to comedy it up in the hizzy.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ERIDAN: Wwhere's my Chippy?
ARADIA: andy what where whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
ERIDAN: Gotta keep it trimmed and wwet
KANAYA: Eridan Ew Never Say That Again
ERIDAN: Whadda you wwant me tto do put tturkeys on my fffeet?
TAVROS: bUT THAT WOULD BE SILLY,
KANAYA: Eridan Shut Up
ERIDAN: Vriska you came out good...
VRISKA: D'aw, thanks--
ERIDAN: Even though you were a mmistake
VRISKA: Well that didn't make me feel good at all.
KANAYA: Eridan Go Shut Up You're Not Funny
KANAYA: You're Just Stupid
TEREZI: Pffffft!
ERIDAN: No see I'm funny
KANAYA: You Aren't! She Was Laughing AT You, Not WITH You
ERIDAN: But if I wasn't ffunny she wouldn't laugh
ERIDAN: CHECK MATE
TEREZI: H4 H4 H4!
TEREZI: SOOOO FUNNY!
TEREZI: 1'm just s4y1ng th1s to b3 pol1t3 though!
ERIDAN: Close enough!

========>



You are one hella funny dude.

Now what do you do?

No, don't answer that one. The answer is NOTHING. You sit until some minutes pass because you have successfully comedied up the classroom and nobody wants to talk to you anymore.

Let's be somebody else now.

> Eridan: Be Dave.



You are now Dave Strider. You're a bit disappointed because Feferi is a two-timing jerk. She just up and left you to talk to some other guy for a few minutes, meaning she is totally uninterested in you. For the time being.

Well, no one's buying any merch. Might as well abandon your post and go dame hunting or whatever you do.

Oh, wait...!

> Dave: Answer - *gasp* - the WHITE QUEEN



All of those icons are really just the same person.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

s$madKash$s [MK] began chatting with wiQdonald's [WQ].
WQ: Hello Dave@
MK: what
WQ: ]II[ just got in a car crash@
WQ: Also ]II[ flew through the Windshield@
MK: and
WQ: ]II[ guess that's all there is to say@
WQ: On the matter of me being horribly injured@
MK: what the heck your highness
WQ: ]II[ must inQuire@
WQ: Where do you live and Who is this hairy fat man Who just bumped into my foot@-+?o
MK: oh man the question mark staff again
MK: i seriously missed that wiq
WQ: You're Quite flattering@
MK: so what does this mean youre in houston
WQ: Qrecisely@
MK: the only hairy fat man i know is mr egbert so
WQ: It hurts to type @ you@
WQ: Could you call 911 for me@-+?o
MK: no way first of all if it hurts to type why the hell are you typing at me right now just stop friggin typing
WQ: But@@@]II[ have to@@@
MK: and besides call them yourself
MK: do you even know how 911 works
MK: you cant just tell the medics hello sir i am in new york city and they can go pick yo ass up
MK: do you know about street addresses
WQ: Yes@ but my neck hurts and ]II['d rather not poke around@ y'know@-+?o
MK: try harder
MK: or you could even
MK: get this
MK: ask the fat egbert man for some motherfuckin help
WQ: No@
MK: well ok then
MK: so wtf you doing in houston lady
WQ: My daughter ran aWay to her aunt Snaffy in order to join the local police@ so ]II[ came down from Massachusetts to try and beat her flight and bring her back@
MK: shit how do you outdrive a plane
WQ: ]II[ think my car said 700 mph@ but that could just be the liQuor talking@@@
MK: well thats great
MK: but why are we still talking
WQ: My philosophy is@ Why not@-+?o
WQ: Because ]II[ have so much to gossip With you about@
MK: ok wow you must be serious about punching in with your stupid aching fingers
WQ: ]II[ got neW shoes yesterday @ K-Mart@
WQ: They are pretty red rainboots@
WQ: You should have seen me in them@@@
WQ: ]II[ left my neW shoes at homeW@@@
WQ: WaaaaAAA@@@@@ugh@@@@@@
MK: oh
MK: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WQ: Wait@@@
WQ: Here comes some ugly guy@
WQ: ]II['m gonna go run over to him or something@@@for help@
MK: ask the nice ugly man if he can call 911 okay
s$madKash$s has left the chat.

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ROSE: Boo.
DAVE: hey rose
DAVE: so when are you gonna quit readin clippings and buy some of my merch
ROSE: Probably never.
ROSE: Who are you chatting with?

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: i could ask you the same question.
ROSE: Ohoho.
ROSE: It's kind of a dumb story. I bet you wouldn't believe it.
DAVE: well the way the queen and i met is really unbelievably stupid
DAVE: i guess ill go first and show you how its done

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: i used to play an mmo called maplestory
DAVE: man that was years ago
DAVE: i used to think that game was pretty hardcore shit
DAVE: go around killing happy slimes and mushrooms
DAVE: basically bustin heads for sweet loot and new hairstyles
DAVE: but now its all about homestuck
DAVE: heres the part youre not gonne believe rose
DAVE: i keep telling andrew hussie to make a homestuck mmo
DAVE: he never even comments
DAVE: im telling you hussie does not know how to run a business
ROSE: Well, cripes.
DAVE: i swear when the old man eventually dies and i get my hands on the mspa enterprise i will force homestuckstory the mmo into production
ROSE: That's...that's never happening, Dave.
DAVE: a motherfucker can dream
ROSE: I thought we had a story going.
DAVE: oh right the queen
DAVE: so i was hanging back in the awesome rocky warrior town where everyone is tough as shit and nobody fucking gives a damn
DAVE: sitting on a bench like a low-level boss thinkin id done a pretty sweet job gathering sticks for some stupid fetch quest
DAVE: and get this
DAVE: someone named turntechgodhead came by
DAVE: and sat that ass right next to mine
ROSE: Pre-Homestuck? Interesting.
DAVE: and imagine we both happened to be level 16
DAVE: so i said hey
DAVE: and then the queen said sup@
ROSE: Sup at what?
DAVE: the white queens stupid textual gimmick
ROSE: Making her the original Homestuck troll?
DAVE: if you wanna put it that way
DAVE: but the point is that we hit it off

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: five months later we had all but forgotten about each other
DAVE: id gone down to the archery town thing called henesys
ROSE: Nerd.
DAVE: shush
DAVE: so then turntechgodhead just strolled on into my choice bench
DAVE: this time we kind of talked to each other
DAVE: then we went shopping at the big henessey market where all the paying members get to set up their uber-expensive shops
DAVE: and it turned out the queen had sold her moon ticket or whatever for like billions of mapley coins
ROSE: Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerd.
DAVE: um
ROSE: Nerd.
DAVE: really rose
DAVE: rose stop being a jerk
ROSE: But I was having fun!
DAVE: let me finish
DAVE: the white queen then asked if i wanted her chathandle
ROSE: And, of course, you accepted.
DAVE: hell yes
DAVE: next day we exchanged photographs and all that cool stuff
DAVE: it was fuckin amazing
ROSE: That doesn't sound very amazing to me.
ROSE: Quite honestly, that sounds like the way child predators operate.
DAVE: relax
DAVE: i didnt give her my
DAVE: um
DAVE: address
DAVE: .
ROSE: ...
DAVE: i might have
DAVE: but rose you dont even know this gal
DAVE: she is way cooler than you give her credit for
DAVE: here read the phone chat
ROSE: So she's racing after you. At break-neck speed.
DAVE: have you even finished comprehending it yet
ROSE: ...Yeah. Okay. Now I get it. I don't know who this 'niece' is, but all I can say it that it's about time we got a creepy AUNT character in this place.
DAVE: seriously rose just
DAVE: oh
DAVE: oh hey that was a homestuck joke
DAVE: hahaha but seriously shes not doc scratch
DAVE: if anyones the girl doc scratch its you
DAVE: because youre just rude sister
ROSE: I know you are but what am I.
DAVE: just tell me what youre doing with that phone over there
ROSE: Sorry. This chat over is getting kind of heated.
ROSE: Give me a moment.

> Rose: Chat.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

handMaidia [HM] has begun chatting with proirotInvestigator [PI].

HM: hello
PI: Oh nooooo.
HM: shut up bitch
HM: i'm just here to talk at you some, again
PI: Well I, again, am not interested in the "Homestuck Troll Shit".
PI: Quoted for you're infuriatingly immature.
HM: you fuckin' take that back. i'm not immature, i'm just feeling incredulously droll is all
PI: You're boring?
HM: shutupshutupshutup you don't even know how long i've been mastering the pompous-ass victorian english shit
HM: whereas you waste your time on smutty detective cuntbooks
PI: I will have you know, Ms. Bitchface, that the Agatha Proirot books are of the highest quality and nowhere near smut.
PI: Just setting the record straight!
HM: just a minute
HM: your name is proirotInvestigator
HM: who is this:
HM:
HM: what does it say there
PI: Should I really answer that?
HM: your name is proirotInvestigator, but the "real" man was Poirot, blued for infuriatingly obvious. do you even know how to spell his damn name, or are you and your books, in actuality, shit filled with grahical representations of cocks
PI: I will *also* have you know that these books are not shit, they are *the* shit, which is to say step off homefry, check yourself before you wreck yo'self Jonah, bitches, hos and pimpcups, etcetera.
HM: then explain the name, pink monkey shit-for-brains
HM: which one's wrong
HM: they can't both be right
PI: Well, of course I'm right, right? But that's only because I'm a connoiseur of the Agatha Proirot series, not the original Hercule Poirot adventure stories.
PI: This story is 80% different.
HM: yeah right faggot
PI: In the Agatha Proirot adventure books, everything takes place in an alternate universe where Agatha Christie, famed UK mystery novelist wrote a character called Hercule Proirot who sprung to life one Christmas Eve when she wished on a shooting star.
PI: And they had a daughter.
HM: this is complete bullshit. and you actually read it?
HM: lol at the f'ing ignoramus
PI: How dare you?
HM: BECAUSE YOU HAVE SHITTY COMPOSITIONAL TASTES
PI: Well
PI: Your face is a vagina.
HM: alright fine, i'll just show it to you when i see you later today
HM: then we'll see whose face is what genital
PI: BS.
HM: oh yeah, i'm gonna see you sooner than you would believe
HM: and i am going to wreck
HM: your
HM: shitty
HM: shit
HM: shit
PI: You really love shit don't you.
HM: well tough shit, i hope you've enjoyed our previous... twelve conversations i presume?
HM: it's been fun going systematically through time to talk with you again
HM: and again
HM: and again
HM: yet you never get as smart as you act. that's been pretty damn irritating
HM: or more depressing really
HM: but at least there's always been some victuals laying nearby
HM: your principal though is surprisingly okay with it all, thee poor motherfucker
PI: You always talk about this why do you always talk about this?

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

PI: Last month!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

PI: Last year!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

PI: Elementary school!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

PI: You just keep bullying me and doing the whole cryptic "Homestuck Troll Shit" at me!
PI: You even taught me all the curse words!
PI: But I know your game! You're one of Hussie's pawns! But if time shit really is involved in this as much as you say, then at some point my old newspapers are going to tell me how bad you tripped up. Then I will use that against him for endangering or killing minors, you will go to juvie, and I will laugh.
HM: you're a real twat you know that
HM: a hairy one
PI: Leave me alone!
HM: how could i just leave you be
HM: if i am already here
HM: no don't turn around like some paranoid ass, i don't mean it literally
HM: yet
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:
HM:

handMaidia has left the chat.

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ROSE: RRRRRAAAAAGH!!
VRISKA: Ow!!!!!!!!
DAVE: dude uh
DAVE: or dudine or whatever
DAVE: youd better go pick up that phone
ROSE: Maybe later.
DAVE: are you even going to apologize
ROSE: Maybe later.
DAVE: wow
DAVE: your fictional self is the only you with morals
DAVE: i guess youd be saying that the big andrew hussie actually photoshopped you better
DAVE: but seriously who was that and why
DAVE: never seen you explode like that since kindergarten
ROSE: I told you, it's a dumb story.
ROSE: Perhaps it's a story for another time.
DAVE: kay fine i respect your privacy its cool
ROSE: Here. Let me show you something else.

> Vriska: Save.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: HEY
DAVE: NOT COOL
ROSE: Vriskaaaaa!
VRISKA: Get away from that dame, Daniel Dave!
ROSE: But I went to him!
VRISKA: What? Man! I thought he must've 8een doing something evil again.
VRISKA: You're just as weird as Fef.
VRISKA: Sorry, no-fun phone-throwing investigator! I'm goin'.
DAVE: yeah well FUCK YOU TOO vris
ROSE: I'd...forgotten what your eyes looked like, Dave.
ROSE: They're a little unnerving.
DAVE: WELL THATS WHY I WEAR SHADES

Fuck THAT kid. She ain't no dame. She's a dume, pronounced as dumb. Also John's girlfriend, and you respect that privacy too. But that doesn't mean you have to, what, RESPECT THAT NOISE. What a bitch. Okay, so what's Rose got?

> Rose: Show him the site.

[Nexev]

OH SHIT PLOT TWIS-

[Weather Report]

> Dave: Get the lowdown on this clusterfuck.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: whats this fuckin clusterfuck
ROSE: This is a website I hired somebody to make yesterday.
ROSE: I want to get the word out about what's happening to our friends.
DAVE: so youre wasting all your time on this huh
ROSE: Even though I don't look actively involved, I'm up to more than it looks.
DAVE: fine go ahead and do what you want
DAVE: but then youll realize that the mspa ruse
DAVE: was just a distaction
ROSE: Oh well, I'll manage.
DAVE: no wait this is seriously the mspa forums
ROSE: Look at that logo. It's completely different!
DAVE: equiquest
ROSE: A quest for Equius. And Nepeta. But first Equius.
DAVE: why are there even forum adventures
ROSE: Er, that wasn't intentional.
DAVE: let me see that phone

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: aw man this is too friggin hillarious
ROSE: My god what have they done?
ROSE: Why would they do this?
DAVE: because it was there
ROSE: All I want is some extra info to use in our "quest"! How are there thousands and thousands of posts about nothing?!
DAVE: we are reading these right now
ROSE: No, Dave, don't waste my time too.
DAVE: nuh uh we are going down together
DAVE: lets see here what to read

Let's take a look at five or six of these babies. But which ones to choose?

[siguard]

>Eqiuest: 2010. lets do some Questception afterwards sunnie the best troll and ask Kanaya if she is the Kanaya who made it.

[wolftamer9]

> Also read Gamzee's adventure, and the Mr. Magoo one.

[Mibbs]

Trol Seasson

[Destruction Dragon 360]

Trol Seasson

That's not an option. QUIT YO' TROLLIN' HOMIE

[Weather Report]

Everybody, thanks for participating! We have our suggestions, and we're gonna post the results tomorrow! Good luck!

Trol Seasson

SHUT UP YOU! YOU WILL GET YOURS.

[Nexev]

Jonas
Leisure Suit
Comedy

We're done here.

[Trish]

> Dave: Start with Equiquest: 2010. lets do some Questception


HELL YEAH

wait...

INCEPTION HASNT EVEN COME OUT YET ITS 2010

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: rose
DAVE: did you make this
ROSE: No, actually.
ROSE: Uncanny, isn't it?
DAVE: bet this weather report guy is just one of andrews sock puppets
DAVE: thats my man
DAVE: he sure has played you like a fiddler
ROSE: But oh hey look down here.
ROSE: Evidently Kanaya got to this forum last night too. Maybe one of our closest friends and allies did this.
DAVE: oh my fuckin god

> Dave: Read "sunnie the best troll by kanaya" and ask Kanaya if she is the Kanaya who made it.



You are SUNNIE BLAKES and you think you are THE BEST TROLL because you have SUPERCOOLBLUOD and it's KIND OF LIKE A GOLD COLOR and you are also a TOUGH TROLL FORMER STREET URCHIN who really LIKES DO PLAY IT TOUGH and ALSO LIKES TO DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES. Because of TROLL BIOLOGY your MONEY GOLD BLUOD gives you COOL PSYCHIC POWERS and THE ABILITY TO FARM GOOD.

It's a hard life. You are currently spending your days FARMING the TROLL FARM with your ADULT TROLL FRIENDS who ADORE YOU named TAVROS NITRAM and SOLLUX BLAKES.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ROSE: Hmm. It could be ironic but I'm still not sure.
ROSE: Let's go ask Kanaya.
DAVE: wait

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: this is definitely our kanaya
KANAYA: Hey What Are You Two Cats Doing
DAVE: hey its the real kanaya
ROSE: Hey Kanaya! How are you?
KANAYA: Fine
ROSE: Hey, did you make this?
KANAYA: YES I DID MAKE THIS HOW DID YOU KNOW
DAVE: aha
DAVE: ol kanaya tosh at the comedy big wheel again
KANAYA: Tell Me How Did You Like It So Far
DAVE: its not your best work tosh
DAVE: not ridiculous enough or grammatically bad enough to even illicit a chuckle
ROSE: I myself think the whole thing falls apart without a solid, gripping plot.
KANAYA: Oh, You Have To Get To Act Two Then
ROSE: I'm not reading that far.
DAVE: how the flying fuck did you post more than one act in one night
KANAYA: It Was A Very Very Busy Night Dave And Rose
KANAYA: That Place Is Basically Troller's Paradise
KANAYA: Mixed In With About Ninety Percent Actual Crappy Idiot Writers
KANAYA: But Did You See Gamzee's Deathstucky Piece Of Work Down There
DAVE: he has an adventure
KANAYA: Yes And Don't Read It
KANAYA: Kanaya Out

> Dave: Read Gamzee's adventure.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ROSE: A topic that links straight back to MSPA, with a whopping nine pages of discussion.
ROSE: How many of us actually knew Gamzee even had his own adventure?
KANAYA: I Sure Did
ROSE: I thought you were back at your desk.
KANAYA: Still Moving Towards It, But You Were Literally Asking For That Response

> Dave: Skip about two pages of arguing moderators.



> Dave: Skip ten more pages of meandering.



> Dave: Skip innumerable pages until the next character is introduced.



> Dave: Skip to topic 2 and pass by twenty-seven more pages until SERIOUSLY ANYTHING HAPPENS IN THE STORY.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: well if that wasnt a boring pile of shit
ROSE: Different people, different tastes.
ROSE: I believe that the original Deathstuck, which centered around Problem Sleuth-styled characters Light and L trying to outwit each other over the computer while trapped in their offices, was very well-received, most likely because of its short length and...undeniable charm.
ROSE: That adventure was eighteen pages.
ROSE: Gamzee's really going out of control.
DAVE: motherfuck
ROSE: What's next?
DAVE: oh rose whats this one over here
ROSE: Sounds like that bad 90's sitcom.
DAVE: thats my favorite bad 90s sitcom to you
DAVE: were checking this one
ROSE: Fine, just don't come crying to me.
DAVE: but man this ones gonna be tough
DAVE: should i read saved by the homestuck or homestuck by the bell
DAVE: one of these things is crazy long
ROSE: What's the difference? Go long.
DAVE: if anything goes horribly wrong its on you

> Dave: Read "Saved by the Homestuck" for the hell of it.



JOHN: Pills? You mean you really are taking drugs?
JADE: I need them!



JOHN: Jade give me those!
JADE: But John I have to sing!



JOHN: Jade you can't sing tonight!
JADE: Yes I can!



JADE: I'm so excited!



JADE: I'm so excited!



JADE: I'm so...



JADE: Scared!



JADE: sobs

This is incredibly sad. Who would go through the trouble of watching Saved by the Bell just to use the exact same script?



And THIS GUY RIGHT HERE. WHAT AN IDIOT, AMIRITE.

> Dave: Read "TEPETI LEIOPE VERSUS".



you are TEPETI LeIOPE you are ta troll with CANDY COLORED BLOOD it is LAL THE COLORS like a BIG FAT LOLLIPOP that you CANT FIT IN TYOUR MOUTH.some of your friends HATE YOU because your blod colors DONT MIX TOGETHER LIKE NORMAL, but you could care less becase your blodo is also the HIGHEST TIER so that your eblood is even higeher than FEFERIS and yoiur already the next EMPRESS whihc gives you a lot to think about as for the future and everythng.

youre planet is CONSTANTL Y UNDER ATTACK so its alway s OYUR jiob to do: TEPETI LEIOPE VERSUS

========>



you are Being ACCOSTED ON THE COMPUTER by one fo yoiur TWO RIVALS whose names are TEREZI PYROPE Aand NEPETA LEIJON so you have to GET BACK AT THEM,

NEPETA: :33< u r teh wurst truuol!!! get outa my liefu!!!
TEPETI: B33< W0w, wh47 4n 1d107 y0u mu27 83.
TEPETI: B33< Y0u 4nd 73r3z1 w1ll pr0848ly 7ry 70 k1ll 3v3ry0n3 wh1l3 w3 4r3 pl4y1ng 28ur8.
TEPETI: B33< Wh3n w1ll y0u f00l2 l34rn?
NEPETA: :33< pr parer fur teh stifeessssss!!!!!!!!

That NEPETA sure is ANNOYINGand so is TEREZI.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

DAVE: this has to be terezi
ROSE: It does?
DAVE: yeah didnt you ever see her fanfiction.net account
DAVE: its jonas jonas jonas all the way
ROSE: Oh yeah! She showed me that thing last year. She's still updating?
DAVE: yep and this just has to be more of her work
ROSE: Why does everyone I know suddenly log onto the Equiquest website only to post horrible fan-ventures!?
ROSE: Didn't anyone read my home page?
ROSE: Also, don't answer that.
DAVE: we should have read the jonas fanfic thing at the top
DAVE: itd probably be better than this
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: sunnie gets a gold medal compared to this
DAVE: get it
DAVE: um...gold
ROSE: Welp, you know Terezi.
ROSE: She spends hours writing and enjoying her own horrible stories.
ROSE: I believe we're done here, so gimme my phone back Strider.
DAVE: ohhh no we arent

> Dave: You've been saving the best for last: read "Mr. Magoo Plays Homestuck; But He's Blind!".

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ROSE: I think this one's just a troll, but I can't be sure.
DAVE: heh heh i see what he did there
DAVE: challie
ROSE: You're an asshole.

But what DIDN'T they read, man?



LEISURE SUIT JADE

Your name is JADE. Time to go get FEDORAFREAK so you two can go pick up some LADIES, me---ow!

Instead Dave and Rose read Terezi's Jonas Brothers Fanfiction next, with sick and loving fascination.

[Mibbs]

Send letters of admiration to that Daffy Duck guy, he seems cool.

[OrangeAipom]

I wanted to read about kids having sex.

[Nexev]

I am just going to sit here confused okay?

Okay.

[OrangeAipom]

Send letters of admiration to that Daffy Duck guy, he seems cool.

How did he join in the future?

I think he's a hacker.

[Trish]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Alright we're gonna be Equius again and stuff so there.

One Jonas Brothers fan fiction later.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ROSE: TEREZIIIIII!
TEREZI: Y333333s?
ROSE: What is this? What am I even looking at over here?
TEREZI: Oh, th4t's my story! Do you l1k3 1t?
DAVE: this story is
DAVE: how do you explain it
ROSE: A waste of everyone's space and my time!
DAVE: i was gonna say something positive
ROSE: Why would you go onto my website, MY website, and post this shite?
TEREZI: W3ll, why w4s th3r3 4 forum 4dv3ntur3s s3ct1on 1n th3 f1rst pl4c3?
ROSE: It was a tactical misstep.
ROSE: But what you did was neither MSPA, nor an adventure.
TEREZI: 1t w4s a JON4S 4dv3ntur3!
TEREZI: 1t 1s l1t3r4lly 3v3ry Jon4s story 1'v3 3v3r wr1tt3n up to th1s po1nt!
ROSE: IT IS A FAN FICTION AND NOBODY LIKES THOSE.
TEREZI: But th3 Jon4s3s 4r3 th3 b3st 3v3r! My story w1ll g4th3r popul4r1ty 1n th3 oppos1t3 w4y of how 4 roll1ng ston3 g4th3rs no moss!
KARKAT: I beg to differ.

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

KARKAT: Nobody would EVER fawn over YOUR worthless prose.
TEREZI: BOOOOOYYYY, 1 got M3 some 747 v13ws! W444y mor3 th4n your 0!
ROSE: That isn't my point. You're just ignoring the purpose of the website.
KARKAT: But the MAIN ISSUE is that there are MUCH, MUCH BETTER BANDS OUT THERE.
ROSE: Uuuuugh.
TEREZI: N4m3 on3 "good" b4nd, pl34s3!
KARKAT: FALL-OUT BOY.
ROSE: Oh god.
DAVE: keep it going
KARKAT: Think about about Terezi! A band full of bold, full-bodied men who put their souls into their music. And Patrick? Lordy, that Patrick.
TEREZI: Who?
KARKAT: He has a vocal range THREE TIMES THAT OF A NORMAL BEAUTIFUL MAN.
DAVE: did you just call him beautiful
KARKAT: I bet all three of the "Joe Jonases" have a vocal range of NORMAL. Sheer amateurity.
TEREZI: Th3 F4ll Out-Boys 4r3 ugly!
KARKAT: No they aren't!
DAVE: yeah stand up for those hunks
TEREZI: 1f 4nyon3's 4 hunk 1t's 4ll thr33 Jon4s Broth3rs!
KARKAT: OH YEAH? IN FIVE YEARS I BET YOU THEY WILL LOOK LIKE SEAHAGS.
TEREZI: Th3 Jon4s3s m4y b3com3 ugly, but th3 F4ll Out-Boys w1ll 4lw4ys look l1k3 th3 s4m3 old vom1t out of my mouth >;]

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

KARKAT: Well here's something else you forgot to notice: there's FOUR Out Boys in the band, while you only have THREE Jonases!
DAVE: are they really called out boys respectively
KARKAT: Yes, yes they are in my circle.
DAVE: dude i didnt even know that before
DAVE: your circle needs to fight the number one fall out-boys circle so you can increase awareness for your beliefs--
TEREZI: TL;DR; don't c4r3 D4v3!
KARKAT: Either way, if the Out Boys and the Joe-Boys went head-to-head, the Joe-Boys would DIE.
TEREZI: Puh-l3334s3 K4rk4t, w3 4ll know th4t 1f th3 b4nds m3t, th3y would 4ll h4v3 d3l1c1ous, to4sty group-s3x!
KARKAT: AUGH MY MIND
TEREZI: 4nd cunn1l1ngus!
KARKAT: AW WHAT OH GOD
TEREZI: Wow, you 4r3 SO 34sy to trump 4nd outw1t, DOCTOR DUMB CLUTCH K4RK44444T!
ROSE: This. Is. Stupid.
TEREZI: Plus, th3r3's som3th1ng 3LS3 1'd l1k3 to br1ng to your 4tt3nt1on h3r3...

========>

show spoiler

hide spoiler

TEREZI: TH3R3'S L1K3 4 M1LL1ON JON4S3S!
KARKAT: I don't believe that for a second!
TEREZI: You know th3 boy 1n Ponyo?
TEREZI: 4 JON4S
KARKAT: WHAT?!
KARKAT: NOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN NEVER WATCH THAT ONE AGAIN NO NO NO
ROSE: THIS IS STUPID WHY DID I EVER START THIS WEBSITE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
DAVE: tee hee

[Weather Report]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Fun fact: Our Equiquest was originally planned like one of Terezi's nasty fanfictions. Good think we didn't go with THAT idea.

Also @ Orange Aipom the duck is a hacker who hacks.

========>



Okay, we're about done here.

========>



========>



========>



That is the GIANT GUARD, the ROBOGOAT BULL GI-GICLOPS.

========>



There is your target, the entrance to the Challenge Caves. You could PROBABLY make a run for it and sneak inside, buuut...

========>



She looks really excited to see you fight. You can't bear to disappoint her, because you fear her.

> Equius: Go ahead. Make my day.



Time to fight.

Also, you don't even need to pull the string on this baby! Neat, huh?

Something: Get in the way!



Aw nuts.

> Equius: Employ Robotaradiasprite's expertise.



She can handle this. She is a tried and true ROBOSECRETARY. Or something. Either way, you sure didn't hire her for her admitedly good looks.

> Equius: Converse and fight ad hoc.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

HH: Hhello Equius
HH: How's it hangin' in the b-b-b-bone zone
HH: You watch Delocated right
EZ: I am fighting a monster whilst screaming my answers to Robo-Raidia as she screams your replies
EZ: Please do not make her say nasty stuff like that
HH: I don't gget it

[Mibbs]

Spout off more Tim And Eric quotes

[OrangeAipom]

KARKAT WEAR A CAST YOU STUPID SOILED OBESE ADULT DIAPER

[siguard]

Karkat>celebrate miraculous regaining of your ability to stand without crutches

Equitus> Super attack: A Shot In The Dark