EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (SEX SEX SEX)

[Flairina]

Aradia: Prepare yourself, both mentally and physically.
Handmaid: Just fly down, this didn't stop being a thing you could do.
Snaffy: Attempt to arrest that flying hooligan.
Brown Thing: Render yourself in a more symbolic manner.

Another question occurs- since they know what "real life" looks like, and the art is being directly taken from it, then isn't Hussie's art actually getting BETTER? It's just so realistic now! XD

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Another question occurs- since they know what "real life" looks like, and the art is being directly taken from it, then isn't Hussie's art actually getting BETTER? It's just so realistic now! XD

Well Homestuck used to look BETTER than life, you know!

Look, he even used to make JOHN look sexy.

> Brown Thing: Render yourself in a more symbolic manner.



a MoRe SYMBoLiC ReNDeRiNG? Ha, SuRe, BuT You'Re NoT GeTTiNG aNY MoRe THaN THiS OUt Of Me FoR NoW! BeTTeR LuCK NeXT TiMe?

FoR YouR iNFoRMaTioN, ReaDeRS FRoM aNoTHeR TiMe aND PLaCe, THiS PaRTiCuLaR uPDaTe WoN'T Be iNCLuDeD oN THe HoMeSTuCK WeBSiTe. i CaN SaY THaT WiTH aBSoLuTe CeRTaiNTY BeCauSe i aM FRoM THe FuTuRe, uNLiKe aLL You oLD-TiMeY HoRSe-aND-BuGGY PaRLoR TRiCKS oN YouR TuRN-oF-THe-CeNTuRY MoDeMS! BY THe WaY, i aM a BoY, So SuCK oN THaT RoSe! Ha. Ha Ha!

> Aidara: Just fly down, this didn't stop being a thing you could do.



You'd rather finish your sammich first.

Your job is to do whatever jobs that Andrew guy tells you to and not make too much of a scene, i.e. using majycks. If you ever go against English's plans, it would result in a savage beating beyond human AND troll recognition.

So...

> Aidara: Bite sammich.



You decide to have a good old MEAT SANDWICH and wait for the police to do something stupid first.

What, sammiches are good!

> Aidara: Your sammich is in critical condition.





> Snaffy: Attempt to arrest that flying hooligan.

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SNAFFY: Alright ya wee policemen, somebody take care o the wee demon over thar. Arrest her, like.
POLICEMAN 2: I, I, I ain't doin' it. You do it Trace.
POLICEMAN 3: I sure as heck ain't dumb enough to chase that skoit. You do it Fin.
POLICEMAN 5: You thinkin' I'd go arrest THAT piece a' terrifyin' meat? Naw. Stitch, you do it.
POLICEMAN 9: Ain't touchin' 'er. You do it, Biscuits. 'Yer the dumb lug n' all.
POLICEMAN 13: Shshshe scares me, boss. Yyyou do it, okay.
SNAFFY: Nay! I can't be doin' all that, laddos.
POLICEMAN 9: Whyzat?
SNAFFY: She be a-scarin' me tae. Ach, I even had to deal with her ARLIER t'dae in the wee schoolhoose!
POLICEMAN 3: When're ya gonna drop that stupid Irish thing? We all know ya from Massachusetts.
SNAFFY: But, it makes me seem special--I mean shut yae wee mouth! C'mae, let's go down to th' wee house!
POLICEMAN 13: Bbbut it's a BIG house, boss.

> Rose: Browse the website.

It's mostly blocks of text self-prepared to go toward revealing Hussie's debauchery. Some of the content is based upon old rumors, such as that the movie INDEPENDENCE DAY was originally based on the big alien invasion of 1995, wherein Andrew Hussie reportedly slaughtered an evil extraterrestrial conqueror, but the actual film was replaced for secrecy or something. Virtually NO PROOF OF THIS EXISTS.

Wait, did you just get a PRIVATE MESSAGE? From an INTERNET STRANGER?

> Rose: View message.

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Hello Rose. Please don't be alarmed. I am an ally, predisposed at the moment, but I have some intel you need to read. My name is Byron Hussie, Andrew's brother. I know what he wants. He isn't just throwing you into his story because of ratings or trolling; he's specifically using you and your classmates. He's using his story in order to enforce a seriously short time loop on reality, resetting our lives and retaining his memories every time. I do too. In fact, I would say we have lived out the past two years hundreds of times.

Now things are starting to change. Previous constants are shifting and believe it or not, I believe there's at least two other people that've broken into this timeline from the outside. Believe what you will, but don't let Aradia out of your sight.

And don't turn your back on the front door.

> Rose: Look at the front door.



Okay, taken care of. Maybe it's about time to stock up on supplies to deter your future enemies. You're sure you have donuts in here somewhere, ha ha, and you can handle Aidara with your own unbridled fury. Maybe if your mom wasn't at the age where she goes to bed at 5PM on a late day she could ask them not to come in. Oh parental powers of adulthood. Oh well.

> Aradia: Prepare yourself, both mentally and physically. And be careful what you pack.

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ARADIA: rose why are there fireplaces
ROSE: Those are the Lalonde family's priceless Check-Off Guns, stolen from the family enemies, the Luunettes in pitched blood combat. You put them on the fireplace as a sign of blatant respect.
ARADIA: can i put them in my pockets
ARADIA: i already took some big scissors and fancy poirots
ROSE: But they wouldn't fit. It's a waste. Why would you ask?
ARADIA: andrews challenged me to a game and ive already lost
ARADIA: im in a lot of trouble now and i dont understand why
ARADIA: if i dont get prepared ill be lost from the beginning
ARADIA: as in dead
ARADIA: so id better just bring good crap and not get dead
ROSE: Aradia!

> Rose: Show her your true feelings.

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ROSE: SLAP
ARADIA: 0000000w
ROSE: Woah, sorry. That was too much. I have to control myself in situations like this...
ARADIA: my face huuuuuurts
ROSE: You can't spend all your time bracing for failure! I thought it was agreed upon that Terezi and I would protect you.
ROSE: I sure as hell aren't giving in yet.
ROSE: Fate can be changed.
ROSE: That's what some guy on the internet just told me I think.
ARADIA: n0
ARADIA: no no no no no

> Aradia: Show her true fear.

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ARADIA: you dont know what andrew is capable of
ARADIA: if he wants me tonight hes going to get me somehow
ARADIA: nobody else besides sollux can understand the darkness that lies in his heart
ROSE: Try me. He's only human.
ARADIA: no
ARADIA: hes worse than the devil himself
ARADIA: you wanna know why i had andrew attacks
ARADIA: huh
ARADIA: do ya punks
TEREZI H3ck y34h 1'v3 b33n 1n susp3nc3 4ll d4y! /:]

[OrangeAipom]

OH NO BYROBOT IS YUKI NAGATO

ENDLESS EIGHT ENDLESS EIGHT ENDLESS EIGHT ENDLESS EIGHT ENDLESS EIGHT ENDLESS EIGHT ENDLESS EIGHT ENDLESS EIGHT

8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

ERROR ERROR WHAT HAPENG

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SUPER SORRY EDIT!!!!!!

I messed up the last post!!



BEFORE THE PICTURE DIDN'T HAVE GUNS IN IT. NOW IT DOES. I'M SORRY EVERYBODY.

Also OA: I thank you every day for sending me the intel on Byron. Without you this plot twist wouldn't be possible. But it's not endless eight, my child. It's more of a...

ENDLESS 612

[wolftamer9]

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Pfft, Massachusetts. This update was awesome for so many reasons. I don't think I'd want to live in a world where we can't suggest such bizarre and crazy things for this adventure. Wait a minute, is that dead cat a reference too? Have I ever mentioned that this adventure is completely awesome? Because it is, and I enjoy reading it.

> Aradia: Snatch the cat from Terezi, explain in puppet show form.

> Rose: Keep one eye on the door.

[Flairina]

^ I agree with the above commands.

Terezi: Use dead cat like a stuffed animal. Make him know he is still loved.

(Wait a sec, so Hussie is, in addition to being a master plotter and magic cartoonist, at least a partial TIME LORD?! HOLY SHI- wait.)

Hussie: MAGIC CARTOONIST TIME LORD POWERS A GO GO!

XD

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Pfft, Massachusetts. This update was awesome for so many reasons. I don't think I'd want to live in a world where we can't suggest such bizarre and crazy things for this adventure. Wait a minute, is that dead cat a reference too? Have I ever mentioned that this adventure is completely awesome? Because it is, and I enjoy reading it.

Yes that cat is a reference, yet sp8der somehow wasn't, and we thank you so much for your continued readership and appreciation. It warms my heart to realize that people DO like stories written by an idiot and a sister. Thank you.

Hussie: MAGIC CARTOONIST TIME LORD POWERS A GO GO!



Oh my GOD can't I at LEAST draw with BOTH MY HANDS and TAKE A DAMN NAP without getting bothered just ONCE?!?!

> Terezi: Let dead cat understand that he is still loved.



FISSION MAILED.

> Aradia: Explain pain in puppet show form.

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ARADIA: so it all started two years ago on a day like any other
ARADIA: i had just come home from school all innocently
ROSE: Put that down Aradia, it's dead.
ARADIA: andrew was waiting for me and sollux was like i dunno at the outside or something bless his heart
ROSE: That's my Jaspers. You'll get sick.

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ARADIA: then we go in the kitchen
ARADIA: said hed make me some cool cookies or some junk
ARADIA: hey lil radia come over here he says for cookies or something
ROSE: Please stop, I can't take any more of this.
ARADIA: laid me down on the table real hard like ow my back cause he threw me
ARADIA: and then he slid
ARADIA: off
ARADIA: my shoes
TEREZI: No s3r1ously, you c4n stop wh3n you w4nt to.
ROSE: Whatever you're fixing to do with Jaspers--
ARADIA: no im strong
TEREZI: No sh3's got 4 po1nt. Th3 fuck 1s th1s doll. 1 l1k3 th3 c4t 4nd 1 w4nn4 know h3'll b3 ok4y.

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ARADIA: aaaahh andrew stop it i say
ARADIA: he goes dont worry this wont hurt a bit
ROSE: STOP STOP STOP STOP PLEASE WE'VE GONE TOO FAR! ISN'T THIS A COMEDY OR SOMETHING?!?!
ARADIA: then he takes off my socks

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ARADIA: then
ARADIA: he methodically
ARADIA: LICKED THE SPACES BETWEEN ALL OF MY TOES
TEREZI: 44444444444444444444HHHH!!!!
ROSE: Oh my god! That's terrible in a different way! Or kind of the same, really!!

> Others: Console

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ROSE: Aradia, we had no idea you went through this!
TEREZI: You should'v3 don3 som3th1ng l1k3 told th3 pol1c3!
ARADIA: hes scary
ROSE: Well that's no--
ARADIA: plus he has photoshop magic
ROSE: Oh. That's right.
ARADIA: plus hes above the law
TEREZI: 4h, gov3rnor. Forgot. Tch...
ROSE: That tears it more than ever. I'm glad you told us about this.
TEREZI: Just l3t 1t 4ll out, gurl.
ARADIA: waaaaaaaaaah thats not tears but im just screaming with frusTRATion
ROSE: I swear, I won't let you step one foot out of this house without beating all of our foes into a pulp! And then I'll punch Andrew and see what happens! Maybe then I can tear apart his story from the inside or something else fun!
ROSE: That damn footlicker wants you, he has to get past our kicks of fury first.
ARADIA: sniff
ARADIA: guys
TEREZI: For th3 r3cord 1 c4n k1ck v3ry well!

> Rose: Watch that door!







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ROSE: Whoops I thought that leaf was bad guys.
ROSE: Forget that, who wants to do research we can use to win the day?

[Flairina]

Terezi: Question Rose's apparent super hearing.

[OrangeAipom]

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ARADIA: then
ARADIA: he methodically
ARADIA: LICKED THE SPACES BETWEEN ALL OF MY TOES
TEREZI: 44444444444444444444HHHH!!!!
ROSE: Oh my god! That's terrible in a different way! Or kind of the same, really!!

weird panting at this part

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SPEESHAL NEWS FLASHINS: We will possibly not be posting anything (or at least not until late at night) for the next two days due to a car trip taking place. Once we are safely at our destination (or a hotel) we'll try to get some work in?

Also, from July 8 until mid-August, I'm going to be in an NYU screenwriting program so I can write TV good in the future, so I'll probably be pretty busy at that time, and not to mention in direct contact with Trish, so updates may be constrained a little bit for the month, but we'll obviously be talking every day so we can iron that crap out.

Also:

weird panting at this part

NEWFLASH: That's a whole 'NOTHER problem hon.

> Terezi: Read Fanadventurestuck.

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ZOE: Wow, I bet NOBODY'S gonna get this joke.
TRUEMAN: I hate myself.
KWENTIN: That's what she said!
ALEX: I'm going to kill Trueman for this later...

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TEREZI: Wow wh4t 4 lo4d of sh1t! 1 b3tt3r try out th4t Br34k-Wonk4-B3nt-Wonk4-Probl3m 4dv3ntur3!
ROSE: Terezi get off that thing. We've gotta go look for some information.
TEREZI: But 1 just got don3 r34d1ng M4d4g4stuck!
ROSE: Madagastuck? Sounds like crap.
TEREZI: W3ll you g3t 4ll th3 sup3r-h34r1ng! 1 should 4t th3 v3ry l34st g3t to r34d gr34t th1ngs!
TEREZI: 1t's th3 story of four zoo 4n1m4ls: 4 l1on n4m3d M4rty, 4 z3br4 n4m3d 4l3x, 4 h1ppo n4m3d Glor14, 4nd 4 g1r4ff3 n4m3d M3lm4n. 4l3x 1s th4 l1on who lov3s th3 b1g t1m3; M4rty 1s th3 z3br4 who dr34ms of 3sc4p1ng th3 zoo 4nd fl331ng 1nto th3 w1ld; Glor14 1s just 4 h1ppo; 4nd M3lm4n 1s th3 cow4rdly g1r4ff3 no on3 l1k3s. 4t th3 ons3t of th3 story, th3 foursom3 f4lls 4sl33p 4nd 3nt3rs 4 coll3ct1v3 tr4nc3. Dur1ng th1s tr4nc3, th3y pl4c3 th3ms3lv3s 1n sho3s v3ry s1m1l4r to thos3 of th3 prot4gon1sts of Hom3stuck, w1th 34ch ch4r4ct3r f1tt1ng squ4r3ly 1nto 4 hum4n's rol3. 4s th3y dr34m th3y 4r3 boot1ng up SBURB, 1n r34l1ty th3y 4r3 wr34k1ng h4voc 4cross N3w York. Th3y r34ch M4d4g4sc4r just 4s th3y dr34m th3y h4v3 3nt3r3d th31r l4nds. Th3 zoo 3sc4p33s cont1nu3 to h4v3 d3lus1ons 4nd, s1nc3 th3y 4r3 only 1m4g1n1ng th31r conv3rs4t1ons w1th fr13nds 4nd not 4ctu4lly t4lk1ng, go through th31r own s3p4r4t3 4nd tot4lly d1ff3r3nt ch4r4ct3r 4rcs. 4lso, th3y 1m4g1n3 th4t th3y 4r3 conv3rs1ng w1th four 3n1gm4t1c trolls. Wh3n th3y r34ch th3 b1g l3mur/1mp p4rty, th3 3ncount3r do3s not l4st long. N34rly 4ll of th3 l3murs 4r3 fought 4nd k1ll3d, th31r p3lts 4nd guts to b3 ho4rd3d 4nd dubb3d "gr1st". L4t3r th3 zoo 3sc4p33s "ut1l1z3" th3 "gr1st" to "4lch3m1z3" "1t3ms", wh1ch turn out to b3 s1mpl3 contr4pt1ons forg3d from m34g3r b34ch 4nd jungl3 goods. Th3 on3 l3mur who 1s sp4r3d, Mort, 1s k3pt by M3lm4n 4nd n1ckn4m3d "C4s3y" b3c4us3 h3 b3l13v3s 1t to b3 4 s4l4m4nd3r "consort". 4lso, th3 SBURB pl4y3rs s33 four of the foss4 4s th31r "d3n1z3ns", 4nd 4r3 d1s4ppo1nt3d wh3n sl4y1ng th3m 4ccompl1sh3s noth1ng. M4ny of th3m turn to th3 trolls for 4dv1c3 but, to th31r coll3ct1v3 d1sm4y, nobody's 1m4g1n4ry f1gm3nt trolls h4ve 4ny support to g1v3. Th3n hop3 4rr1v3s, 1n th3 form of th3 p3ngu1ns. 4ll of th3 m41n ch4r4ct3rs 4ssum3 th3m to b3 th31r r3sp3ct1v3 trolls. Though m4ny s33 th3m 4s th31r pot3nt14l s4v1ors, 4l3x d1strusts th3m, th1nk1ng th4t th3y only c4m3 to k1ll th3m 4nd m4n1pul4t3 th3 s3ss1on to th31r own 3nds. Th3 sh1p turns out to b3 non-funct1on4l, 4nd 3v3rybody's t4k3 on th3 p3ngu1n-trolls ch4ng3s 1n 4 v3ry profound 4nd 4t t1m3s h34rtw4rm1ng w4y. 4ft3rw4rd, th3 p3ngu1ns d3c1d3 to 1nj3ct 4ll of th3 m41n ch4r4ct3rs w1th 4 sp3c14l s3rum th4t c4us3s th3m to go to sl33p. Wh3n th3y w4k3 up, th3y 4r3 th3 or1g1n4l M4rty, M3lm4n, 4l3x 4nd Glor14, r3t41n1ng no m3mory of th31r journ3ys through SBURB. 4lso, th3y 4r3 4ll confus3d 4nd d1sor13nt3d, r3t41n1ng m4ss1v3 h34d4ch3s. Th3 p3ngu1ns w4st3 no 3ffort on try1ng to 3xpl41n th3 s1tu4t1on, 4nd 1nst34d l34v3 to conqu3r th3 for3st 4nd b3com3 1ts top pr3d4tors. Th3 n3xt t1m3 M4rty f4lls 4sl33p, h3 dr34ms th4t h3 1s 4g41n J4d3 H4rl3y, h1s hum4n p3rson4 4nd Hom3stuck count3rp4rt. S/h3 1s w4lk1ng through 4n 3ndl3ss gr33n tunn3l, 1n wh1ch th3r3 1s l1ttl3 l1ght. But th3n th3r3 1s 4 b1g l1ght. 4t f1rst 1t looks l1k3 th3 snowglob3 wh1ch M4rty r3c31v3d for h1s t3nth b1rthd4y 34rl13r 1n th3 story, but w1th r4bb1t 34rs, l1k3 wh4t3v3r pr3s3nt J4d3 g4v3 John/M3lm4n or som3th1ng. Som3 of th3 l1ght r3c3d3s, 4nd s/h3 c4n s33 th4t th3 r4bb1t-glob3 1s 4tt4ch3d to 4 body. 1t 1s Doc Scr4tch. Doc Scr4tch t3lls M4rtyj4d3 th4t s/h3 c4n 31th3r go b4ck to h1s/h3r l1f3 4s J4d3, or h1s/h3r l1f3 4s M4rty. M4rtyj4d3 d3c1d3s to fully b3com3 J4d3 H4rl3y. Sh3 dr1fts 1nto th3 h34rt of th3 tunn3l. Sh3 1s 4t p34c3. W3 do not know wh4t h4pp3n3d to th3 r3st of th3 c4st. TH3 3ND!
ROSE: Schlock.
TEREZI: 1 n3v3r s41d 1t w4s good!

> Rose and the Gang: Enter basement.

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TEREZI: Th1s pl4c3 1s musty yo! Who would w4nn4 1nv3st1g4t3 4nyth1ng 1n h3r3?
ROSE: Not me.
ROSE: But it's the only place where I can read the extensive archives of the Houston Stranger.
ROSE: My mother still works for this newspaper. When she's not working on her Agatha Proirot scripts, she's writing musings and editorials.
ARADIA: theres so many papers
ARADIA: its just like a pile of disorganized autumn leaves
TEREZI: Y34h! 4nd 4nyw4y, who's 3v3r h34rd of th3 Boston Str4ngl3r? >:[
ROSE: You don't know? It's only the biggest small-town newspaper in all of Houston. You probably get it every day!
TEREZI: 1 don't r34d th4t n3ws stuff!
ARADIA: what have you found so far in the strangler
ROSE: It's not the Strangler, it's the Stranger. And here's an article I'd been looking over today in class.

> Girl Gang: Examine clippings.

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GOVERNOR ANDREW HUSSIE HOSTS DINNER PARTY; Twelve People Invited

24 October, 2008 - A recent leak from Andrew Hussie's website mspaintadventures.com reveeals that the aforementioned governor is preparing to host a dinner party on October 25, 2008.

"I have invited a few guests," the highly-successful cartoonist-turned-governor went on to say. "The secret's out."

Shortly after the announcement, Hussie released a guest list. It seems that he has invited twelve guests to the dinner party. The guest list includes citizens such as Robert Blaker and Erik Scheele.

It is unknown exactly what sorts of festivities will be featured in this dinner party. When reached for comment, another guest by the name of Toby Fox stated, "There will probably be food and drinks."

"I am not telling what this dinner party will contain," said Andrew Hussie, "but it will be held at the governor's mansion so you know it's gonna be big." Then the governor winked. When asked to comment on the wink, the governor made no response.

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ARADIA: woah whats this
ARADIA: he seriously invited twelve members of his music team to a big fancy dinner?
ROSE: It seems so.
ROSE: But stranger still...is the article released two days later!

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GOVERNOR ANDREW HUSSIE HOSTS DINNER PARTY OF DEATH; All Twelve Guests Decimated

26 October 2008 - A recent leak from Andrew Hussie's website mspaintadventures.com reveals that all twelve guests to attend last night's dinner party at the aforementioned governor's mansion were mysteriously killed on October 25, 2008.

The guests' bodies were found dead in various rooms of the governor's mansion. Their bodies were stabbed, jabbed and otherwise mutilated. Every corpse was surrounded by a conspicuous pool of blood. Only the governor still survived.

"I honestly don't know how it happened," commented Andrew Hussie. "I went to the bathroom, came out, and then everyone was dead."

The investigation is still in its early stages. Currently the prime suspect is police chief Snaffy O'Manny. When reached for comment O'Manny stated, "I didn't have a wee thing to do with the murders, ya wee dumb newspaperin' laddie, so get out of my house before I sic the dogs out on ye!" This reporter believes that this murderous fiendhound harpywoman should be brought to justice and punished as soon as possible to an impossibly full extent of the law.

Last time the reporters of the Houston Stranger received comments from highly-successful cartoonist-turned-governor Andrew Hussie, the cartoonist-turned-governor stated that "...[the dinner party] will be held at the governor's mansion so you know it's gonna be big."

Earlier today we asked him, "Was this dinner party bigger than you expected it would be?"

"No," he said, following his response up with a wink.

"Okay," replied our ace reporter.

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TEREZI: Th3y'r3 4ll d34d!?
ARADIA: but their music is still coming out on the bandcamp website and
ARADIA: aaaaaaugh
ARADIA: he killed them and stole their music
ROSE: And on top of all that, nobody seems to know that this ever happened but the Houston Stranger.
TEREZI: So 1t s33ms to b3 us3ful for som3th1ng...but good luck deduc1ng wh4t w31ght th1s h4s on our s1tu4t1on, b3c4us3 th1ngs sur3 4r3n't 4dd1ng up so f3r!
ARADIA: andrew has crossed the line so many times over
ARADIA: that if i were strong enough to bust up his governors mansion or apartment hideout place id...uh.....well i would do just that
ROSE: Hopefully someday you'll do just that. Let's start searching for more intriguing clippings!
TEREZI: Found 4 Str4ngl3r!
ROSE: Already?

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BIG BATTLE ON CAPITOL HILL; Involved Aliens, Says Dean Devlin

13 April 1995 - Yesterday at 8:25 PM in New York City, near the nation's capital, the previous governor of Houston was killed. The killer has been identified, through a handful of eyewitness claims and a huge smattering of recorded video evidence, as highly-successful cartoonist-turned-governor Andrew Hussie.

It is uncertain precisely how the fight began, but the seventh stage of the battle is widely considered to have been waged atop Washington D.C.'s own Capitol Hill. Andrew reportedly fought "with furious karate chops" and "fast big karate kicks". The victim used what is described as "a solid gold pitchfork" and was assisted by what are described as "huge red drones carrying buckets of concrete with laser rifles and the Condesce's insignia on their faces".

After this stage, one of Andrew's flying death-fists released a shockwave so massive that it sent all competitors hurtling through time and space, eventually landing them on the eastern seaboard, and five minutes later, after which they pummeled each other all the way down Main Street.

The final move of the match-up was the victim's confused decision to jump from a gargoyle on the Empire State Building, after Hussie "told her 'you have to jump'," as stated by eyewitness Roland Emmerich. She fell to the street and was crushed into a bloody pulp.

The victim of the assault was Ann Richards. After leaving office in January, she "refuse[d] to end [her] term and will continue to serve [her] city", as Richards told reporters at the Strangler last month. She was also an alien.

However, Andrew Hussie, "knowing that [he] was the rightful governor and forseeing [his] nemesis' continued reign of terror", formally challenged Ann Richards to "a deathmatch on Capitol Hill", the latter of which was revealed in a recent leak from his hit humor website andrewhussie.com.

"He is a driving force for good in a corrupted cesspool of extraterrestrial influence and lost hope," brother-to-the-governor Byron Hussie stated when pressed for comment. "I believe that the Condesce and the rest of her creepy trolls need to get the heck out of our nation. Her blood modification experiments have simply gone too far."

"You should have seen the fight," said eyewitness Dean Devlin. "I bet that alien bitch died so hard she turned into two ghosts."

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ROSE: I forgot how cool he used to be.
ARADIA: i dont remember any of ths at all
TEREZI: 1 don't -- h3y, look, 4noth3r p4p3r!

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ROSE: Terezi stop spinning that last paper!
TEREZI: 1, 1'm not sp1nn1ng th1s on3!
ARADIA: oh my gosh its ghoooooooooooosts
ROSE: Don't worry! I'm prepared for this!

> Rose, Terezi and Aradia: Don't cross the beams.





STOP CROSSING THE BEAMS

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO



> Aradia: Recover.

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ARADIA: oh look
TEREZI: Wow! N3w outf1t!
ARADIA: i am strong now
ARADIA: thats why i got a clothes-up
ROSE: No, you just flew into my mom's basement closet. She has that.
TEREZI: H3y w41t 4 m1nut3! You 4r3n't strong y3t!

> Terezi: Tell it like it is.

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TEREZI: You n33d to 34t th1s f1rst!
ARADIA: ew
ARADIA: tastes like leaves

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ARADIA: leaves

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ARADIA: leaves

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[pavlove]

thats not what i look like

[Flairina]

And I JUST watched Madagascar + its sequel, the latter of which just last night! XD How much thought was put into that anyways? Seemed pretty structured, even if it is a "crack" adventure.

Wait, Andrew fought the Condesce in 1995, and she committed suicide after being told to jump. So aliens exist in this universe, and the Batterwitch somehow is in this universe before Andrew is, and... is the entire universe just a comic? I mean, IN-UNIVERSE is it a comic? Maybe this whole thing is just a comic the REAL Andrew is drawing! If not, then Homestuck wouldn't be NEARLY as popular, they've already got aliens, magic, and weird time shit!

Kanaya: Emerge from invisible washing machine.

[OrangeAipom]

the panting was to keep myself from laughing

[Trish]

Even though Weather Report is not present, I'll respond to everyone anyway!

Flairina: First of all, I came up with Madagastuck the night before the update. We had just finished discussing "Break-Wonka-Bent-Wonka-Problem" (or is it bent then break?) for about the second time, finalizing the various ship names and all, when, after glancing at the television, it hit me; four Madagascar characters, four humans. Henceforth, I was hyped.

Second, the world of Equiquest is weird and twisted, so your theory is plausible if we accept the fact that everyone within it is stupid, and that they'd accept Homestuck as new and different even in a world of time travel and magykks and actual trolls. Regardless, the big face-off between Andrew and Ann Richards seems to have been forgotten by the general public, or at least nobody in the fabulous year of 2010 recalls it. Lucky for Rose, the Stranger-gler has it recorded, and the paper is virtually the only surviving evidence of such an encounter. Why is that? Uh, we'll explain it later I guess. That and the Batterwitch even existing.

But be careful: I might have messed my explanation up. Await Weather Report's input to potentially ret-con what I just said.

OrangeAipom: I daresay you still have a problem

pavlove: YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN US A SPECIFIC SPRITE you know, I bet everybody's already figured out the joke, on account of the Equiquest Tumblr everybodygothereandfollowus being called http://truemantown.tumblr.com. Just give up the ghost, pavlove. You're the crazy one of the group.

[OrangeAipom]

when was pavlove in a panel

[Weather Report]

thats not what i look like

Make it your avatar. Also tell Karen Kwentin and Alex to make it their avatars. You can't tell Trish because she has an avatar.

Wait, Andrew fought the Condesce in 1995, and she committed suicide after being told to jump. So aliens exist in this universe, and the Batterwitch somehow is in this universe before Andrew is, and... is the entire universe just a comic? I mean, IN-UNIVERSE is it a comic? Maybe this whole thing is just a comic the REAL Andrew is drawing! If not, then Homestuck wouldn't be NEARLY as popular, they've already got aliens, magic, and weird time shit!

Yeah, Trish is right in saying that OUR world's Ann Richards was THEIR Batterwitch. However, I will not concede that this story is a story created through making the story! (but that's what fanfiction is right) I mean, yeah, this universe is a comic, since we're making it. But for the sake of narrative, this is still the REAL WORLD, also known as the ORIGINAL WORLD! There's still a bunch of stupid explanations to go on to explain what is even happening! But your guess is coming close to the truth!

ALL SHALL BE REVEALED! Like, maybe in the next in-story day. That's what I'm gunning for, and Trish can choose not to agree with that! YEHA!!

Also after watching both Madagascars with previous experience, I'd say that Trish's version is far, far worse, but that much more enjoyable.

when was pavlove in a panel

She was the weird Terezi because she's a weird Terezi.

[OrangeAipom]

She likes FUN. ? she's so cooooooool

[Weather Report]

She likes FUN. ? she's so cooooooool

See there, Terezoe? You've already got fans! COME JOIN THE GANG!!

EDIT: Sadly she says she wanted to be wearing a Fallout Boy shirt. She's not cool anymore. RIGHT GANG??

[OrangeAipom]

this is my favorite fun. song

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[Weather Report]

Okay now let's not troll my friend and her interests, alright?

OR ELSE NO LATE NIGHT UPDATE TONIGHT! YOU'LL RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE! THEN YOU'LL GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND ALL THE COOL KIDS WILL PICK ON YOU BECAUSE YOU DELAYED AN UNIMPORTANT STORY!!!!!

[OrangeAipom]

i'm not. i'm failing at jokes.

also i graduated so who cares.

[Weather Report]

Yeah, we'll see who's graduated when you're takin' your little futurebaby to Kindergarten. THEN we'll see.



I'm pretty sure there's a large population of futurebabies who like Equiquest already. In the future. Yes.

[pavlove]

She likes FUN. ? she's so cooooooool

i wish liking a shitty band was enough to make me cool
id be the coolest kid in school

[OrangeAipom]

i wish liking a shitty band was enough to make me cool
id be the coolest kid in school

fuck school. school is for stupid people because it's for LERNING

[Weather Report]

Let that sobering reminder count as tonight's update because we're in Tennessee which we usually aren't in.