EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!(say like kahn))

**Weather Report** · 01-06-2012, 05:12 PM

WE'VE GOT TROPES (feel free to add some!)

Welcome and apologies in advance for this monstrosity! My sister (the grand originator of this project) and I would both love to introduce our want of a tablet... and probably a photoshop class... but either way! Here! Is! An! Introductory segmeeeeent! We are ready for suggestions!!

(NOTE: Updates will probably be once a day, combining suggestions from the previous night)

EQUIQUEST: 2010 - NOT THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE BEST

(click the picture for a slightly different full-size version!)

Amazing note: there's already a mirror! Thank you very much OrangeAipom!
Said Mirror

Several character designs (Karkat, Rose, Feferi, Terezi and Kanaya) assisted with or outright created by friend pavlove

Some artwork done by OrangeAipom

Entire thing created by Trish and worked on by Trish and me sort of

I don't remember to update this

Actual, Non-Ironic Fan Art

CURRENT GATE/LAND PROGRESSION

You are EQUIUS ZAHHAK. You are currently attending a morning homeroom session at DOC HOLIDAY MIDDLE SCHOOL in HOUSTON, TEXAS. Your teacher MR. CAL is talking to your classmates FEFERI and JADE about the LATEST HOT TV DRAMA.

What will you do?

> Equius: Inspect attire.

You put in a conscious effort to look your best wherever you go. Tied to your neck is a freshly laundered BOWTIE purchased for you by your loving father, AURTHOUR ZAHHAK. It cost him quite a pretty penny, too. You also own and wear a fine set of FANCY TWEED COATS, such as the famous scientists do. Wearing one of these babies makes you feel like Einstein. God knows you're not! Ha ha ha UGH...

> Equius: Survey classroom.

This classroom, class 7-C to be exact, is a small cog in the wonderful machine that is one of the best private schools in the area. Class sizes usually round out at about SIXTEEN, and yours is no different. This allows all of the students to spend a lot of one-on-one time with Mr. Cal, who is, as everyone has to agree, the COOLEST TEACHER IN THE WORLD. Aside from his voluptuous jokes and witty quips, and the magic that flows freely about his glistening hundred-meter deep eyes, he practically gives out the answers to every test, giving your entire class a collective average of 100.

There simply is no one cooler. Especially not you. See, you're not one of the cool kids - in fact, you're one of the few nerds in this class. And that would be okay, if you were actually SMART.

But at least your friends JOHN EGBERT, in his prized Bill Cosby sweater, and TAVROS NITRAM don't see you as a COMPLETE FAILURE and a WASTE OF PRECIOUS TIME. (Well, John doesn't anyway. You can never tell what that demented cackling pyro Tavros is thinking.) You got to know them during your brief stint as a member of the ROBOTICS CLUB, during which time you hardly even learned how to make an operational motor!

Presently you spot them in the back of the classroom huddled over what appears to be an inexpensive PDA. And now John is waving you over urgently with a funny grin. What could they be looking at?

> Equius: Go look.

You cannot resist the urge to regroup and inspect. You mosey on over and greet the fellas. However, just as you approach them, you find that Tavros has backed away into the corner and is now bouncing a lighter wildly around in the air. He is kind of a creepy kid but you love him. Wait, no you don't.

...Oh, you know that grin. That's John's Homestuck grin. It's the grin that means he wants to share with you some HOMEstuck. UGH...

Just before Tavros manages to set a desk aflame, John splapps the lit lighter away! It rotates through the air and sticks itself directly in the worm-cultivating mulch, successfully quenching the flames. Tavros stares at John for a moment, aghast. Then they get into an argument about 'fire safety' and 'fuck fire safety'.

You facepalm. Damn pyro.

> Equius: Look at the PDA already.

Well, if you HAVE to...

As John and Tavros cry together in a RECONCILLIATION HUG, you furtively glance around, then snatch the PDA up off the desk. You read the update.

You...........

You...

You..........................

> Equius: Succumb to infathomable rage!

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGH

> Equius: That's enough, man.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGH

> Equius: I think the other kids can hear you

UGGGGGGGGGGGGG

> Equius: THAT'S ENOUGH

Everyone looks at you awkwardly. You probably shouldn't have said that.

> Equius: Be the Captor kid.

What? Who's 'the Captor kid'? Whoever that kid is, you are pretty sure that you do not know him, nor will ever know him.

> Equius: Be the Captor kid.

That is not a valid command. Try again.

> Equius: Be the Serket kid.

Now we're getting somewhere!

You are now VRISKA SERKET, and you have a BODACIOUS APPETITE FOR LIFE. You spend all of the allowance your mom can afford to lose on SKATEBOARDS, SKATEBOARD-APPLICABLE STICKERS and occasionally those little TECH DECK finger skateboard things. You especially like the little TECH DECK DUDES that they used to come out, probably because of the PROMINENCE OF THE WORD 'DUDE' IN THEIR NAMES.

One thing that you are very mad thankful for is the opportunity to attend such a great school, even in your current financial situation, and meet so many nice people and have so many good times with them and have so many new experiences. It's also nice that even though you're all STREET SMARTS and way too many SCHOOL DUMBS, Mr. Cal gives you an easy A every time. You must be totally blessed, dude!

You are currently sitting at your desk, absent-mindedly playing the good old air guitar.

> Vriska: Be the Captor kid.

What? There's no Captor kid. What have you been thinkin' dude? Who the blessed Bessie is freakin' CAPTOR?

> Vriska: Okay, fine, be the Zahhak kid.

You are now Equius.

You feel as though something very illogical has just transpired.

Also, John continues to blabber on about how great Homestuck is no matter what anyone says.

> Now be the Captor kid.

What Captor?

> Equius: Be Sollux.

You cannot be Sollux, because this is real life. You're supposed to know this.

> WHAT

Either way, one of the cooler kids in the class, named SOLLUX HUSSIE, approaches and cuts into the conversation. He’d been known for his NOTORIOUS LI2P, but he’s made great strides in taking care of it as of recent years. His STUPID LAME 3-D GLASSES shine vigorous morning sunlight directly into Tavros's eyes, and he shrieks and cowers. You think he's an alright guy...just a little careless. It's not his fault.

========>

You wish they would stop acting like they were the actual characters from the story. It really gets on your nerves sometimes.

> Equius: Glance!

At Tav's urging, you all glance toward the window. Holy crap! It appears to be ANDREW HUSSIE, resident creeper, tormentor of Sollux and Aradia, and all-around unholy terror! Seriously, look at him. Closer. His skin is an otherworldly shade of mac-and-cheese orange, his eyes white and soulless as eggs, and the vast, unexplored frontier which was his face - no mouth to be spoken of whatsoever.

He notes your gazes, snaps a quick picture, and disappears into the bushes.

> Everyone: Be afraid.

You and Sollux proceed to do a 2x Facepalm combo. You also feel sick to your stomach. You can still barely process your thoughts of all the pornographic images there will surely be of you in a few minutes.

Then again, Andrew is a wily one. Just look at what he did to Aradia, who sits in the corner most of the time - and unlike Tavros, she doesn't even have a lighter to bounce around. You're sure Sollux could attest, too. Some people just shouldn't be messed with.

Ding goes the bell. Class begins. You think about Homestuck much longer and harder than usually allowed.

> Heh.

No.

========> Skip the boring part.

What? School, boring? Why, that's preposterous! The land of scholastic knowledge! A world of books and learning! You take pride in even being able to ATTEND such a place of high learning! You also realize that you are kind of a HUGE NERD.

Nevertheless you decide to skip past the 'boring' part for the nice little imaginary people in your head, and are now homeward bound. After a post-school snack of granola and ham - both of which you love - you go to greet your dad, AURTHOUR, in his study. He seems to be ghost-writing another ogle-worthy article for the SADDLE LOVER'S CLUB EDITORIAL, a rather popular horse management magazine.

Then, you head up to your room, which you must assure yourself contains no manner of horse pornography whatsoever, I mean seriously, who would even have that.

You stand in front of the doorway and silently rage. Sweat builds on your brow. You simply cannot be-LIEVE what some fucking idiots will try for a laugh. John's right - you ARE tough! In fact, you might just confront that Hussmeister and give 'im a GOOD SOCK IN THE oh that's right you've never fought before in your life.

You were going to say nose.

> Equius: Enter your room, coward.

Who's a coward!?

No, the voices are right, as you soon decide. You push open the door, but feel a lot of pressure on the other side. You gasp, and break out into a cold sweat of fear.

IS HUSSIE PUSHING ME OUT FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR?!

So you give it your all, full-force against the door, and push away various tools and failed stupid robot limbs, which remind you of your failed dream of becoming a ROBOT ENGINEER FOR THE BIG BLOCKBUSTERS OR WHATEVER, EVEN THOUGH YOU SUCK AT BUILDING THINGS. You nod gravely at the scraps and think, yes, this is definitely your room - A ROOM FULL OF SHATTERED DREAMS.

Right after reminding yourself of this hard fact, you look at the walls. They are COMPLETELY PLASTERED IN MANIMAL HORSE PENIS. You are stunned into silence. Your heart, soul and waking dreams are gone now. All gone.

> Equius: SUCCUMB TO UNFATHOMABLE ADMIRATION

NO. WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK THAT. Instead, you decide to open certain diplomatic relations with big-in-the-britches Mister Hussie. WITH YOUR WORDS.

> Equius: Drop by the Huss House.

Hussie has no house.

He lives in many places.

Recently he's been known to scurry into the Super 8, which you kids have deemed a GRADE 16 HUSSIE ALERT ZONE. So you drop by and enter the seedy establishment.

=========>

His room in unmistakable. By the time you see the giant spirograph and the frekay black aura which shrouds the hall like some sort of mad curtain, the HUSSIE DANGER LEVEL escalates to a FULL 100. If there were a bar denoting this sort of level, it would be flashing wildly right now. You steel yourself for what unspeakable horrors could possibly lie beyond the door.

> Equius: Enter.

You ram into the door! However, you forget how strong you really aren't and nurse a bruised shoulder. Then you knock a few times and wait. You do that for several minutes, get sick of it, and try the doorknob. To your surprise, the door is unlocked! You scamper in without a second thought.

========>

The hotel room is covered from head to toe with pictures and pictures of Homestuck fan art, and you think it is all just hideous. The tables and desks are sheathed in a lustrous sheen of Homestuck-related shirts and dolls. In the back, seated in a chair and using the bathroom sink as a desk, sits Andrew, awkwardly scribbling on a tablet which is connected to his laptop.

You think you're just about ready to teach this guy a lesson.

Okay, now you're miffed. You reckon it's time to try out your punching hands.

> Equius: Sock his nose.

“LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE YOU CREEPY...GUY!” you wail, and then you lunge forward, ready to hit his face or whatever!

But, quick as a whip, Hussie unfurls his digital camera, takes a snapshot, plugs the camera into his tablet, and taps the screen with a stylus.

You are frozen in mid-air.

Andrew tip-toes toward you, light and carefree, laughing in an awful parody of 'normalcy'.

He begins whipping his fingers along the tablet's surface like wild! You feel your body mutating, filling out, becoming more cartoonish! Your vision goes darker and cracked as it hides beneath twin shades. Teeth file down and rip violently, yet bloodlessly, from your gums. Your head becomes...heavier? You can't even fathom what's happening to your clothing!

“Welcome to Alternia, stutid! ”

> Andrew: Enter (Key).

He presses a couple of buttons on the keyboard.

Within seconds, you find yourself in a dark, cave-like area. Broken robots litter the floor. Horse porn posters line the walls. More than startled, your hands fly to your eyes and pull away a scratched-up pair of shades. You see that your skin is sickly gray, like a zombie's! You are disgusted beyond belief.

You fall to your knees, raise your head to the heavens and shout, “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!”

In frustration, you punch part of a wall with all your might! You successfully smash your hand numb. Fudgesicles.

There's a laptop over there. It seems someone is pestering you.

Commence throwing words at us!

**Dantmotckc** · 01-06-2012, 06:18 PM

I have no idea what I just read.

>See who is pestering you

**Weather Report** · 01-06-2012, 06:21 PM

Thank you very much for reading, and some crappy MS Paint mouse pictures are being drawn as we speak from two fronts.

EDIT: I'm thinking that with the schedule of THE CREATORS that if this keeps going, we may have to consolidate updates to one a day, but we'll see.

**Naristar** · 01-07-2012, 12:54 AM

I had no Idea anything could be this amazing
Yay for this heaping pile of Oh my goodness what the hell!!
HAHAHHAHA

I say look around paranoidly and check the computer?

**Weather Report** · 01-07-2012, 04:35 PM

> Look around paranoidly.

This place is a real sty! Someone really should clean up all these robot parts and pieces, and there are all sorts of broken bows lying around, snapped in half like twigs. Who does that?

Oh. Right. Andrew Hussie's version of YOU. But you're just not having any of that.

You immediately get to work tearing the animal porn off the cave walls thooughly and efficiently, trying to believe you're somewhere else, somewhere that's not Homestuck.

Nearby, your father Aurthour is looking at you worriedly. Except he's centaur-like, which freaks you out a little, but in a way, it's good to see a friendly face, isn't it?

You turn your attention back to the computer.

The talk balloon appears to be warping space. You'd best see who's pestering you.

========>

> Equius: How do you feel?

You are utterly baffled, confounded, and ET CETERA. For moments afterward you study the screen of the active Trollian chat program, and afterward decide that you need to get more information about these games, teams, and strange new characters with whom you shall be interacting with shortly.

But - hm. Who should you talk to? All you see are usernames, but if you are where you THINK you are (no actually this is definitely Homestuck), and if you can ask the right questions, the trolls should clue you in on who's who, what's what, and maybe even how you can get out of it.

**OrangeAipom** · 01-07-2012, 04:47 PM

> Kill that frightening albino monster.

**Naristar** · 01-07-2012, 05:07 PM

try to remember everything Your friend John has ever told you about this shithole story!
you and sollux were talking about aradia and what happend to her right?

**Weather Report** · 01-07-2012, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by Naristar

you and sollux were talking about aradia and what happend to her right?

The Aradia bit was a reference to some past events we cannot see just yet! We'll tackle that later on.

**Weather Report** · 01-07-2012, 05:53 PM

> Equius: Kill that frightening albino monster.

What!? YOU WOULD NEVER.

I mean, LOOK at that horse-dad-guy. He's...he's.....

Okay, you'll spit it out. He SCARES you.

You would never. You're just hoping that he never, ever walks any closer to you than he already is.

> Equius: Try to remember everything Your friend John has ever told you about this shithole story!

You try. All you can recall is the fact that almost all your acquaintances were put into this story, and that they have funky names that have to do with their characters. Maybe you can stretch your mind a bit and remember somebody's name? Sollux could definitely help here...

Shit! These names are terrible! Cuttlefish Culler? Terminally Capricious? Centaur's Testicl--no, wait that's you. Your name is terrible. You'll have to take a wild guess to get any sort of help out here.

**OrangeAipom** · 01-07-2012, 07:40 PM

========> ectoBiologist. You aren't sure who this is but it sounds trustworthy.

**cyberHeroine** · 01-07-2012, 07:56 PM

> Wish you had paid more attention to the comic before. It's terrible, but at least then you might have some idea of what was going on.

> Contact adiosToreador

**Naristar** · 01-08-2012, 02:57 AM

Lets scare him by giving him to one of the meaner ones
I say we try for CarcinoGeneticist

**Weather Report** · 01-08-2012, 01:47 PM

> Equius: Wish you had paid more attention to the comic before.

Every second, honey. Let's think of something familiar-sounding...

> Equius: Contact ectoBiologist.

There's no Ecto Biologist on this list! There are only twelve names listed, and none of them are that.
You suppose that maybe instead of randomly guessing whatever sounds familiar, you could try hazarding an educated guess based upon context clues? That's just how Einstein would do it!

> Equius: Contact adiosToreador.

You decide upon Adios Toreador, on account of it sounds Spanish and Tavros is apparently your only Mexican classmate! Even if he isn't your Tav per se, he's still a Tavros, just the same and your good buddy.

You've found a universal constant: Tavros will always be a loser.

Okay, even though that was incredibly uncomfortable, you got yourself SOMEWHERE. You're on a team, you're going to play a game, and Karkat is one team's leader. Maybe this world's Karkat can tell you some more answers. He could even have information on Andrew Hussie, and then you could get your ass outta here!

But you're gotta be smooth. John was always laughing about what a hard-ass he is.

> Equius: Contact carcinoGeneticist.

M'kay, now you're getting somewhere, at least. Aradia puts you in the game with the client grub and you bring Vriska in with the server grub. Now what grubs is he talking about

Oh no those things are disgusting. Ah well, better... plug them in?

You stab some connectors off your computer in the client's body. It's terrible. You get a weird psychadelic 'SGRUB' loader on your computer; it's gonna take a while for it to load, so you decide to waste some time amusing yourself somehow.

**OrangeAipom** · 01-08-2012, 02:08 PM

Use the advanced editor to disable smilies.

======> Accidentally break the grubs.

**Weather Report** · 01-08-2012, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by OrangeAipom

Use the advanced editor to disable smilies.

Thanks yo.

**Naristar** · 01-08-2012, 04:36 PM

Conact Aradia
Have The lusus bring him some milk

**Weather Report** · 01-09-2012, 05:47 PM

Figure out these darned Game Grubs.

You're trying! The UGLY GREEN GRUB is just TOO CONFUSING. You see the jacks running along its body, yeah, and those cables over there, but you can only guess at what goes in where. Isn't there some sort of GAME GRUB GUIDE to be found in this pornographic hellhole? UGH, you were NEVER good with video game system setup. Now you remember how your REAL father used to help you plug in the video game systems for you back at home. Good times.

> Equius: Have the lusus bring you some milk.

Good, maybe some nice, curdled MILK will calm you down. You don't know where the kitchen would be in this place anyway, so you begrudgingly holler across the room to Aurthour, UGLY GREEN GRUB tightly clutched in one hand. Unfortunately his milk-bringing brings him closer to you and-

OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS PROTRUDING FROM THAT SICK MOCKERY OF A FATHER'S JIGGLING UNDERBELLY.

They're udders. Your troll-dad-lusus-thing has udders. So if anything this Aurthour is your mom.

HOW MUCH DOES ANDREW KNOW.

oh god what is it doing now

IT is offering you its home-grown MILK on a nice PLATE.

> Equius: Graciously accept milk.

YOU CAN NO LONGER ACCEPT THIS MILK! TO ACCEPT THE MILK IS TO GIVE UP! TO GIVE UP IS TO SURRENDER YOURSELF. TO SURRENDER YOURSELF IS TO RELINQUISH YOUR IMMORTAL BEING TO THE MASTERFUL MANIPULATIVE HANDS OF ANDREW HUSSIE HIMSELF! AND THEN OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GO ON LIVING WITH YOURSELF

Break the grub.

BUT YOU WOULD NEVER DO THA

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! ! ! You have become DISTRACTED BY THE UDDERS, thus causing what could be a FATAL MISTAKE BEYOND WHAT YOU EVER COULD HAVE ANTICIPATED. And now you definitely need a towel.

> Equius: No big deal. Get towel.

Yup. You look around the room for a - aw, shit, the towels are all covered in green grub slime, or to abrreviate, grlime. Disgusting! How are you gonna clean this whole mess up!?

You stare Aurthour in the eye. Aurthour slowly places the GRLIME-COVERED MILK PLATE onto the floor. He clip-clops slowly over to the half-plugged-in REPULSIVE RED GRUB. It is lying on the floor, wriggling slowly. He lifts one foor. He lowers it. He smashes the Game Grub.

You've lost your grubs. You got no more grubs. Got no more Game Grubs. No grubs, no game. No game, no chance to escape.

And then, to make this all more crushing, Aurthour raises his head and smiles directly at you, as if to say, "I did what you would have asked of me... I broke the other game Grub. Doesn't that make you...FEEL better...son?"

Poor Aurthour. He was only trying to help.

Welp, that doesn't change the fact that your room is now a gigantic red-green MESS. UGHHH.

> Equius: Contact Aradia in a fit of horror!

Okay, this may not be as bad as you think it is. You gather up all the green stuff and put it in the green grub. It leaks out of every orifice. You need some tape. And something to wipe up all these bodily fluids.

You run further inside the hive on your search for some gauze or something, not really knowing where you'll end up.

**Naristar** · 01-10-2012, 01:01 AM

Fall down the stairs into the fighting cage full of broken robots!

**Weather Report** · 01-10-2012, 05:56 PM

Look for stairs.

You find a staircase leasing to what you believe to be a CELLAR or perhaps a fine BASEMENT. People always keep the useful goods in the basement! There's GOTTA be some tape down there.

> Equius: Fall down the stairs into the fighting cage full of broken robots.

You slowly make your way down the steps -- but then you slip on a random robot leg, like some stupid court jester stepping on a banana peel. You fly, rather, than fall down the stairs. Makes you feel like such an UGHHH.

The floor on which you land is not luxurious or soft in the slightest, so you bump your chest hard, groan, rise, and curse robots forever.

But maybe you shouldn't have done that, because now you are in a ROBOT ROOM! Gradually your eyes are able to behold the majesty laid out before you, even in this low light, and you feel an intense wave of deep-seated admiration. What mortal man might be sophisticated enough to craft so many robots with his bare hands? Oh yeah, creepy you. You think you'd better wash those bare hands.

BUT WAIT!! There's a particularly different-looking 'bot in the back. It looks like...Aradia? That must be what she was talking to you about - the soulbot or something. Hopefully she wasn't talking about a stupid robot that sings soulful ballads. You're gonna take your chances here.

You take the robot in your hands and OOGH IS SHE HEAVY. But you'll handle it somehow.

> Equius: Captchalogue soulbot.

You do not know what "captchalogue-ing" is. Invalid command, buster.

> Equius: Request Aurthour's assistance.

Sure why not. Maybe in the dim light you won't notice his cowteats, and will be able to see him for what he really is...INSIDE

Accidentally of course, you drop the Soulbot and in the process b0np another robot, which also seems to move a little knob on that other robot's back and turn it on. The robot stands up, moves toward its robot brethren, and switches on all of the knobs. As two turn to four and four to eight, you holler for Aurthour's assistance.

> Equius: React in a humorous fashion.

Oh! Maybe the wonderful Alternian Equius designed these robots to put on a little song and dance for you! How quaint. Truly he was a genius.

Oh no never mind they're ganging up on you and punching the shit out of your faaace.

Ouch! You fall back onto the Soulbot, into her cold and dead embrace. The room spins, and you spit navy blood all over your nice shirt!

If only you knew that all of the robots have only two modes: 'OFF' and 'KILL MODE'. But now you do.

Even though you know you're about to be ripped apart by robots programmed solely to kill, all you can do is hug your last good creation - well, "your" last good creation anyway - and scream.

Aurthour charges in and leaps between you and the robot menace. Suddenly you feel a lot safer.

**Naristar** · 01-10-2012, 08:50 PM

cognative dissconnect!
begin to see the man/horse Father thing as different from your REAL father
I mean could/would he be able to beat the hell out of all those rampageing robots?
Try to help?

**Weather Report** · 01-11-2012, 06:14 PM

> Equius: Cognative Disconnect! Begin to see the man/horse father thing as different from your REAL father.

BUT YOU CANNOT! He is simply too fatherly. You see now that Aurthour looks out for you, and are simply unable to forget these deep-seated feelings of comraderie. His awe-inspiring, finely-handled moustache now doubles over and dregs the depths of your soul, as if calling forth those innumerable memories of pride and love.

This creature - nay this...centaur - fights bravely for you...as your father.

This is your father.

> Equius: Oookay then. Try to help?

Mustering up courage, you pick up that robotic part you slipped on earlier and slap the robots around a little with it. The damage is minimal but your heart is steadfast. At your back is Aurthour, defending you from the other side.

With the two of you back-to-back the LUSUS FAMILY PRIDE METER hits max! This is very good! Aurthour then starts REALLY kicking iron ass!!

> Both: Succeed.

Within minutes the iron platoon has become scrap metal, and the room is wrecked five levels beyond casual roughhousing.

You and Aurthour exchange a simply BEAUTIFUL hi-five.

The force of the bro-slap loosens the floorboards beneath Aurthour, dropping him down a crevasse.

OH GOD. What the fuck did you just do? Better go down there and save hi

NOOOOOOOOO AURTHOUR NOOOOOOOO!!

You receive innumerable EXPERIENCE POINTS for your most recent killing and climb yur ECHELADDER to the esteemed rank of ROUGH BRUISER! You're a murdering dick! Congrats.

Now you...just want to curl up in the corner and die, and you mean it. You've just about had it with this place. What you saw just now was the nail in the coffin. You have just failed to succeed.

What is this place, anyway? Hussie's mad world. You don't think you could stand living in a world of some stalker's creation, nor do you wish to. Not if it's a world of fighting and death, and a world where things like this happen.

So you have a good few minute cry about it all. The new universe. The loss of self. Loss of friends - and family. And the patricide. It grows heavy on your back, and you have to hunch over, curled up in a weak little fetal position.

Then you wipe your nose on your arm and, quite abruptly, spot a CLEAN TOWEL to your right. Nice work, Shitforbrains Holmes! After a short clean-up, you decide to get to business, or maybe just distract yourself from this headache you've given yourself. You lug the Soulbot up the stairs into the computer room. Beneath the computer are the two disgusting Game Grubs, wrapped up to perfection, and the computer is ready to play SGRUB. Now you feel awful, knowing who did this for you.

So what should you do now? Should you contact one of your friends from the computer? ...Oh, that's right. These people - whoops, you meant trolls - are just imitations of your actual friends, shadows of their true selves. Nothing could ever replace them, as you say to yourself. The headache's coming back now...

Somebody makes a decision for you. John is pestering you.

**OrangeAipom** · 01-11-2012, 09:26 PM

> Might as well answer him before you kill yourself.

**Edrobot** · 01-11-2012, 10:28 PM

> Future self: arrive in a time machine.

**Naristar** · 01-12-2012, 04:32 AM

Go beat up the spider lusus to get back your Centfather(?)s body back!!!
(how else are you gona prototype him)

**Weather Report** · 01-12-2012, 05:37 PM

> Future Self: Arrive in a time machine

Well, maybe you don't appear IN a time machine, but you arrive nevertheless! Better make sure he isn't too torn up about his gamedad's death.

> Future Self: Get beat up the spider lusus to get back your Centfather(?)s body back!!!

Nope, you can't do that either. Don't want to screw up the timeline or anything!

Well darn your socks. You have no idea what or why this just happened.

> Equius: Might as well answer him before you kill yourself.

Answer? But how? He's in a different universe, and besides, how is he, whoever he is, going to get in contact with OH HOLY SCHEMOLY THE STARTAC TAKES TEXTS?! Your phone is BIG and LARGE and OLD! And it's John; you'd recognize that Cosby anywhere!

When you were brought in here, you probably got to keep everything that was in your pockets! You shouldn't mention that to anyone, in case Hussie is watching (he probably is).

Welp, nothing left to lose. We can all work together and get you out of here soon enough. It's best to play along.

In the future...

Nepeta bounds across the forested countryside in a concentrated effort not to freak out.

This isn't the Alternian Nepeta.

What now?

Thread: EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!(say like kahn))

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EQUIQUEST: 2010: CON YA DIGGIT? (COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!(say like kahn))

Re: EQUIQUEST: 2010 - NOT THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE BEST (A Text Adventure)

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Re: EQUIQUEST: 2010 - NOT THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE BEST (A (Mostly) Text Adventure)

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Re: EQUIQUEST: 2010 - NOT THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE BEST (A (Mostly) Text Adventure)

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Re: EQUIQUEST: 2010 - NOT THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE BEST (A (Mostly) Text Adventure)

Re: EQUIQUEST: 2010 - NOT THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE BEST (A (Mostly) Text Adventure)

Re: EQUIQUEST: 2010 - NOT THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE BEST (A (Mostly) Text Adventure)

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