Okay, the premise here is simple. You take any two characters that don't have any form of actual canon shipping, and make a little story or a chatlog out of it! I started doing these and it's stupid/fun! You should try too, or else this will be a dumping ground for all my disturbing stories.
Terezi Tirgo:
"Oh, Terezi, your blindness is so sexy and hot," said Tirgo, sitting on her COUCH and allowing her to probably do blind things. She giggled and said, "WOW T1RGO YOU 4R3 SO COOL L1K3 HOW DO YOU 3V3N B3 THIS COOL?" Tirgo smiled and said, "It is because I am Tirgo. No more, no less." He got up and walked over to her and she smelled him and was all like, "WOW T1RGO YOU 3V3N SC3NT HOT........" This came to no surprise to Tirgo because he was SO COOL.
THEN THEY FUCKED
Davesprite Crocodile:
DAVESPRITE: yo
CROCODILE: NAKNAKNAK
DAVESPRITE: yeah
CROCODILE: NAKNAKNAK
DAVESPRITE: ok
CROCODILE: NAKNAKNAK
DAVESPRITE: cool
AND THEN THEY FUCKED
Casey Eridan:
CASEY: glub
ERIDAN: i really think this wwas meant to be
CASEY: glub glub
ERIDAN: no more wwords
ERIDAN: lets consummate our lovve
CASEY: glub
AND THEN THEY CHILD ABUSE
Tirgo Dave:
DAVE: yo
TIRGO: sup
DAVE: not much bro
TIRGO: yeah same
AND THEN THEY FUCKED
Eridan Dave: (unrequited)
DAVE: yo
ERIDAN: hey youre one of the human kids arent you
DAVE: oh god not one of you trolls
ERIDAN: no chill im cool seriously
DAVE: really
ERIDAN: yeah im the coolest dude this side of alternia
ERIDAN: youre like the me of your group ok
ERIDAN: twwo cool dudes bein cool
AND THEN DAVE BLOCKED ERIDAN
Tirgo Vriska: (unrequited)
TIRGO: god damn vriska you are so hot
TIRGO: and you have the issues and stuff its cool
TIRGO: and you have cool design lol
TIRGO: i love you forever
VRISKAPUPPET: wow ti
TIRGO: no wait
VRISKAPUPPET: Wow, Tirgo! You are totally awesome!!!!!!!!
TIRGO: yeah but
TIRGO: you know
TIRGO: who is
TIRGO: even awesomerer?
VRISKAPUPPET: Who?
TIRGO: YOU
VRISKAPUPPET: 3333333!!!!!!!!
-Tirgo and Vriskapuppet have sloppy makeouts!-
Alternate Future Dave Calsprite: (don't read this)
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
DAVE: i dont know cal this seems kind of odd
LIL CAL: DON'T WORRY DAVE
LIL CAL: THIS'LL BE FUN
LIL CAL: YOU'LL SEE
DAVE: i dont think this is something people normally do
LIL CAL: HAA HAA HAA
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
LIL CAL: I'LL DO IT BUT ONLY IF YOU BEG
DAVE: what
LIL CAL: BEG FOR IT TO HAPPEN DAVE
LIL CAL: HOO HOO HOO
DAVE: no i dont want to do it
LIL CAL: YEAH YOU DO DAVE
LIL CAL: BEG
LIL CAL: I KNOW YOU DESIRE THE PUPPET DONG
DAVE: no no no i dont no way
LIL CAL: BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE INCIDENTS
LIL CAL: WITH OUR LIPS
LIL CAL: HOO HOO HOO
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
DAVE: that is different
LIL CAL: TELL THE TRUTH DAVE
LIL CAL: YOU WANT IT
LIL CAL: YOU WANT CAL IN YOU
LIL CAL: BEG FOR IT DAVE
LIL CAL: BEG FOR IT
DAVE: fuck
DAVE: ok please
LIL CAL: WHAT DID YOU SAY
DAVE: please
DAVE: is that what you want me to say
LIL CAL: PLEASE WHAT
LIL CAL: WHAT DO YOU WANT DAVE
DAVE: i
LIL CAL: YES
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
LIL CAL: WHAT IS IT
DAVE: i want your puppet dong lil cal happy now
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
LIL CAL: HOO HOO HOO
LIL CAL: HAA HAA HAA
Dave dead!Vriska:
VRISKA:
DAVE: so are you vriska
DAVE: have to be
VRISKA:
DAVE: so wanna make out
VRISKA:
DAVE: oh youre dead
DAVE: welp
-Dave unzips pants-
DAVE: lets see if you are spidery on the inside
Yeah, so, throw down some chatlogs and stuff! please i find it funny
Kidror;Wow this update is sooooo amazing I mean look at all the call backs and the hints left in there by Hussie
MSPA Comic Discussion:I totally agree I mean did you notice the thing in the background
Kidror;No I didn't thank you!!!
Later
Kidror:No update yet ;A;
MSPAon't worry we feel the same way.*posts something incredibly odd*
Kidror:What the..? *posts something worse*
MSPA:Lets start another thread for this.
AC: Hey Dave check out THESE kittens!
(AC opens up her trenchcoat)
TG: i
TG: uh
TG: wuh
AC: aren't they great?
AC: don't you just want to hold them?
TG: they
TG: they're kinda big
TG: how do they even fit in there?
AC: Tell me about it! They give me back problems!
TG: okay but you know its probably not a good idea to keep cats strapped to the inside of your coat like that...
AC: Hey Dave check out THESE kittens!
(AC opens up her trenchcoat)
TG: i
TG: uh
TG: wuh
AC: aren't they great?
AC: don't you just want to hold them?
TG: they
TG: they're kinda big
TG: how do they even fit in there?
AC: Tell me about it! They give me back problems!
TG: okay but you know its probably not a good idea to keep cats strapped to the inside of your coat like that...
I gave it my best shot, especially since this is my crack OTP we're talking about here.
Eridan Roxy
ROXY: sup fishy guy
ERIDAN: wwhat do you wwant you silly drunken human
ROXY: lets have a drink just the 2 of us :3
ERIDAN: wwhy
ROXY: you look liek you couldu se one and im just tryin to be hospital and shit
ROXY: *hospitble
ROXY: fuck it you know what i mean!!!!
ERIDAN: i suppose i dont havve anythin better to do at this point so wwhy not
AND THEN THEY COMMISERATED. IT WAS SURPRISINGLY HEARTWRENCHING.
You require my assistance?
CALMASIS: Who is this? And who deigned give you this information?
You may call me Mr. Vanilla Milkshake. I give my name on a need-to-know basis.
CALMASIS: Charming, sire. Did you know that the window I am currently communicating with you on is a charcoal shade of black?
I did indeed. The color I type in is, regardless of the hue of the client's window, a deathly pale white. In terms of having a brightly colored font I am simply the best there is. Anyone who would have expected otherwise is someone I like to call a sucker.
CALMASIS: Respectfully and without absinthian tone, I will mimic your first statement and say that you may be of assistance to me. I think we'd be able to achieve more if we worked together. I have naught a clue of who you are, but surely if you would contact me of your own accord then it'd be in your best interest to tear down the Complacency, no?
Indeed. Say, about my name... You may call me Doc Scratch. What do you say we work as a team to tear down the suckers in the Complacency? After all, your offer is intriguing and compelling, even though I knew what you'd say already. I'll provide you with the means to trick them with your cards face-up - you see, wizard chess is magic-based, and I have just the spell that should rouse them from their ignoble slumber. What do you say, Calmasis?
CALMASIS: I think we'll get along well, Doc. I'll deliver them their justly-deserved punishment, those bumbling, wayward, insipid fools.
Ha ha hee hee hoo hoo.
CLICK SPOILER FOR SIG:
Awesome initials signature made by the slighty-more-awesome-but-still-not-much-because-this-is-so-good user ThereWillBePayne:
i'd make a new one to celebrate but i dont feel like it gimme a while
edit: dave john's corpse
how about hell no
also in retrospect i sincerely apologize for creating the cal/dave and dave/dead!vriska ones
edit: equius dave
EQUIUS: D --> Hello
DAVE: sup
DAVE: which troll are you
EQUIUS: D --> Equius Zakhak
EQUIUS: D --> Pleased to make your acquaintance
DAVE: ok
DAVE: so are you
DAVE: strong or something
EQUIUS: D --> Yes
EQUIUS: D --> I am indeed e%tremely STRONG
DAVE: is that your entire thing
DAVE: just being really strong
DAVE: seriously
EQUIUS: D --> I am very STRONG yes
DAVE: thats pretty
DAVE: cool
DAVE: i guess
DAVE: not really
EQUIUS: D --> I do not think you should be making fun of me human
EQUIUS: D --> You have mutant blood
DAVE: what are you talking about
EQUIUS: D --> It is red
DAVE: so
EQUIUS: D --> Red isn't even on the spectrum
DAVE: what spectrum
EQUIUS: D --> Your lack of knowledge on the subject disgusts me
EQUIUS: D --> You'll stop
DAVE: stop what
DAVE: not knowing about your retarded troll stuff or
EQUIUS: D --> Yes
EQUIUS: D --> I will instruct you on how the spectrum works
DAVE: how about no
EQUIUS: D --> What
DAVE: i dont even care about your stupid troll shit
EQUIUS: D --> Don't speak to me like that
DAVE: ill speak to you however i want bro
EQUIUS: D --> I think I need a towel
I gave it my best shot, especially since this is my crack OTP we're talking about here.
Eridan Roxy
ROXY: sup fishy guy
ERIDAN: wwhat do you wwant you silly drunken human
ROXY: lets have a drink just the 2 of us :3
ERIDAN: wwhy
ROXY: you look liek you couldu se one and im just tryin to be hospital and shit
ROXY: *hospitble
ROXY: fuck it you know what i mean!!!!
ERIDAN: i suppose i dont havve anythin better to do at this point so wwhy not
AND THEN THEY COMMISERATED. IT WAS SURPRISINGLY HEARTWRENCHING.
Not a baseless ship. Roxy lieks wixards, Eridan has a wwhite science wwand.
Alternate Future Dave Calsprite: (don't read this)
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
DAVE: i dont know cal this seems kind of odd
LIL CAL: DON'T WORRY DAVE
LIL CAL: THIS'LL BE FUN
LIL CAL: YOU'LL SEE
DAVE: i dont think this is something people normally do
LIL CAL: HAA HAA HAA
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
LIL CAL: I'LL DO IT BUT ONLY IF YOU BEG
DAVE: what
LIL CAL: BEG FOR IT TO HAPPEN DAVE
LIL CAL: HOO HOO HOO
DAVE: no i dont want to do it
LIL CAL: YEAH YOU DO DAVE
LIL CAL: BEG
LIL CAL: I KNOW YOU DESIRE THE PUPPET DONG
DAVE: no no no i dont no way
LIL CAL: BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE INCIDENTS
LIL CAL: WITH OUR LIPS
LIL CAL: HOO HOO HOO
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
DAVE: that is different
LIL CAL: TELL THE TRUTH DAVE
LIL CAL: YOU WANT IT
LIL CAL: YOU WANT CAL IN YOU
LIL CAL: BEG FOR IT DAVE
LIL CAL: BEG FOR IT
DAVE: fuck
DAVE: ok please
LIL CAL: WHAT DID YOU SAY
DAVE: please
DAVE: is that what you want me to say
LIL CAL: PLEASE WHAT
LIL CAL: WHAT DO YOU WANT DAVE
DAVE: i
LIL CAL: YES
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
LIL CAL: WHAT IS IT
DAVE: i want your puppet dong lil cal happy now
LIL CAL: HEE HEE HEE
LIL CAL: HOO HOO HOO
LIL CAL: HAA HAA HAA
that was the scariest fucking thing i have ever read in my entire life ever
that was the scariest fucking thing i have ever read in my entire life ever
Is that a CHALLENGE?
...
I literally just typed up a huge Tavros Jadesprite crack ship pesterlog that was creepier than I ever hoped for, but then I deleted it because of too much creepiness in one place. Sorry, everyone!
CLICK SPOILER FOR SIG:
Awesome initials signature made by the slighty-more-awesome-but-still-not-much-because-this-is-so-good user ThereWillBePayne:
Is that a CHALLENGE?
...
I literally just typed up a huge Tavros Jadesprite crack ship pesterlog that was creepier than I ever hoped for, but then I deleted it because of too much creepiness in one place. Sorry, everyone!
No, I mean, I was going to post something even creepier, but it was too creepy and thus I just deleted it all instead of posting it.
Seriously, though, there's some crackship potential with those two. One's a ghost space furry with nigh-omnipotence and the other's a personified Taurus zodiac troll with mind-control abilities... It has, uh, potential? is probably not the word I'm looking for, but is innocent enough for the context.
CLICK SPOILER FOR SIG:
Awesome initials signature made by the slighty-more-awesome-but-still-not-much-because-this-is-so-good user ThereWillBePayne:
Eridan wants to be loved by many and decides to go out for a role in human movies.
Dirk offers him a role in one of his... erm... films, and directs it in a very... hands-on manner.
Rose Nepeta:
Rose is fascinated by Nepeta's extreme association with cats and decides to observe her in her natural feline-esque habitat. Then something along the lines of Tarzan/Jane happens as Rose gets immersed into Nepeta's feline ways.
I'm not sure. It's dark and moist and something is chewing on my foot
Pronouns
he/him/his
Posts
3,183
Re: Crack Ship Little Stories
dont say i didnt warn you
rosekanaya
GA: Good Evening Rose.
TT: Kanaya
GA: Would You Happen To Capable Of Informing Me At This Time Just Who Will Be Responsible For Cooking Dinner Tonight?
TT: I have the understanding that said duty belongs to Dave tonight.
GA: I Was Afraid Of That. I Do Not Wish To Insult Your Human Culture But Human Cuisine Disgusts Me.
GA: Your Coffee Is Greasy Your Sauces Lack Grubs And I Do Not Much Care For Your Human Potatoes.
GA: The Only Redeeming Instance Of Your Food Is Your Cotton Candy And Even That Is Unpleasant To Swallow
TT: I was unaware we were in possession of cotton candy.
GA: I Find That Difficult To Believe Considering I Found It In Our Shared Restrooms. Is This More Of Your Human Sarcasm?
TT: Why would I horde cotton candy in our bathrooms like some unhygienic treacle wyrm?
GA: Perhaps The Same Reason Your Cotton Candy Comes On A Piece Of String?
TT: Kanaya, would you care to tell me what you found?
GA: It Was Simply A Ball Of Vivid Red Flavorful Filament Attached To A Piece Of String And Wrapped In A Tissue. I Assumed You Were Saving It For Later. It Had A Delicious Taste That I Could Not Put My Finger On.
TT: The flavor you are speaking of is that of the human uterus.
karkatnepeta
Br4c3 yours3lv3s p3opl3, w3 4r3 4bout to 3nt3r 4 dr34m bubbl3!
WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE NOW? IT LOOKS LIKE WE UNCOVERED WILLY WONKA'S SECRET STASH.
:33 < Karkitty!
CRAP ITS HER
:33<*Nepeta trots over to Karkitty with a mice cup of pepurrmint tea*
*KARKAT WONDERS IF SUGAR CUBES ARE DENSE ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BLUDGEON HISELF TO DEATH WITH WHILE DAINTILY SIPPING HIS TEA*
ACTUALLY THIS SHIT IS REALLY STRONG. THIS IS SUGAR RIGHT? NOT JUST LITTLE CUBES OF WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE ON 24/7?
:33< Ummm... yes, but purrhaps I should get you some sugar from over there? The sugar over there is just that much more purrfect.
I DONT GIVE A SHIT, SUGAR IS SUGAR
:33< Trust me, that sugar is better
IM NOT WALKING FIVE FEET AWAY FOR SUGAR WHEN THERE SOME RIGHT UNDER MY FUCKING FEET
BLUH! THIS IS THE WORST SUGAR I HAVE EVER TASTED! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH IT?
:33< Pawmise you won't get mad.
NEPETA WHAT DID YOU DO TO THIS SUGAR?
:33< Well, um, keep in mind that it is about five miles to my hive, and no one was around. It's not like I was expecting anyone to just show up right on that little pile of sugar cubes. I really just had to.
JUST HAD TO DO WHAT?
:33< Like I said, it's nobody's fault. Everyone leaves something at home sooner or later.
WHAT DID YOU FORGET AT HOME?
:33< Pawmise you won't get mad?
JEGUS WHAT DID YOU FORGET THAT COULD POSSIBLE RUIN PERFECTLY GOOD SUCROSE?
:33< my litter box.
Vriskajohn
For the most part, life in the dream bubbles was identical to life outside them. Vriska still breathed, she still ate, and so on. There were only two differences, the ever shifting dreamscape, and John. "Okay john, it's movie night! what are we going to watch?" "Tonight, I think we should watch a horror movie!" "Really? What's it called?" "Scary Movie 3."
The two curled up together and watched. Over the next hour, Vriska learned three things she had never suspected. First, John could not tell the difference between a horror movie and a comedy. Second the human concoction known a lemonade was delicious beyond the scope of anything trolls had brewed. Her first sip was tentative, yet her second involved downing the entire glass in a single greedy swallow. Five more glasses soon followed. Third, she learned how quickly Lemonade can go trough a young troll.
She crossed her legs. Vriska knew that she had never been known for her endurance, but this movie was far too enticing, and her position on the couch was far too comfortable. She resolved to finish the movie first. Perhaps this was unwise, as her bladder soon ached with pressure, and each hearty laugh caused it to sting. "John, I think you should pause this movie." John looked her up and down. He may have been an idiot in life, but eve he knew what a girl about to burst looked like. "Come on vriska! It's only a few more minutes." "Okay" she groaned. By now she was at her limit, and her underpants adhered to her skin with warm moisture.
What happened next could only be predicted by anyone with my taste in sordid literature, not because it was not obvious, but because everyone else got too grossed out to continue by the last paragraph. John could see her struggling, as she had been since the 30-minute mark. He knew that this movie had only one scary moment, that part when the little girl from the ring started waving the chainsaw above her head while the lights flashed and she screamed. That scene was rapidly approaching. He embraced Vriska, and pressed his body gently against her. She was tense with anguish, and rapidly shuffling her thighs. It all happened at once, The creepy girl screamed and waved her chainsaw, John bellowed at the top of his lungs into vriska's ear, and vriska felt her bladder empty itself into her jeans. She gasped and stood up half way, streams of bright cerulean urine pouring down her thighs and forming a puddle below. She shoved her face into her hands and wondered if johns respect for her was over. "Don't worry about it," he said, "These things happen, It's a horror movie." "It was a comedy" she sobbed. "Well then I guess you could call this a case of comic relief!"
i wrote this nepeta/eridan thing last night but it isnt particularily shipping based
arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
AC: :33 < *ac walks into ca's hive and curls up on his lap*
CA: i hope you realize that could nevver happen
AC: :33 < aww, why not?
CA: for one my hivve is on an island and you are an autistic cat girl unable to travverse on wwater
CA: secondly i wwould nevver evver accept the entry of a being such as yourself into my hivve
CA: thirdly you are by no means goin to evver be able to touch my lap or curl up in it or wwhatevver
AC: :33 < i hope you realize why i ignore you a lot now
CA: wwhat does that mean
AC: :33 < youre kind of a jerk, eridan
AC: :33 < h33 h33
CA: shockingly your opinion means nothin to me
AC: :33 < i think all this black solicitation is quite uncalled for!
CA: wwhat
CA: no wway
CA: youvve got to be kiddin me theres no wway i wwould evven
CA: wwhat is wwrong wwith you oh cod
CA: nevver
AC: :33 < h33 h33 i was just messing with you
CA: right ok
CA: thats fine
AC: :33 < jeez, what are you all worked up about??
CA: nothin
AC: :33 < i know that youre flipping out about something
CA: howw wwould that evven be apparent
AC: :33 < because you are aaaaalways flipping out about something!
CA: no wway
CA: leavve me alone
AC: :33 < well sorry! : ((
CA: okay wwell if you insist
CA: me and fef had a fight the other day
AC: :33 < aww, thats too bad
CA: yeah i wwas like but fef wwe need to kill all land dwwellers
AC: : (( < um
CA: and then she wwas all like noooo eridan you cant do that 38( and then wwe started yellin at each other
CA: it wwas kinda stupid
AC: :33 < yeah
CA: howw she didnt see my side i mean come on its obvvious
AC: : (( < ummmmmmmmm
CA: land dwwellers are a fuckin vvirus on this wworld
AC: :33 < hey!
AC: :33 < youre talking about killing me here!
CA: i wwouldnt kill anyone i am in regular contact wwith
AC: :33 < oh wow
AC: :33 < thats so kiiind of you eridan!
AC: :33 < i can be one of the only nonfish left on the planet
AC: :33 < and then ill get my cat instincts back into action and get all the fish and eat them
AC: :33 < *ac starts growling and puts up her tail at ca!!*
CA: you wwont evven be able to try
CA: considerin that you cant go into wwater
AC: :33 < i can go into wwater fine silly wwittle ewwidan
CA: dont you evver say things like that again
AC: :33 < ill go in the water and then take all the fishies out and eat them!!
AC: :33 < so you better watch it!
CA: shut up no you wwill not
CA: i wwill kill you myself in person rather than usin the doomsday devvice
CA: crushin your stupid resistance and enablin the highblood rule to reign ovver alternia forevver
AC: :33 < youd better stop saying things like that, or ill get really mad!
CA: your blood wwill run through my fingers
CA: ill keep your hat as a keepsake in my fireplace
CA: and probably take your hivve and destroy it along wwith your lusus
AC: :33 < grrr! h3h3h3
CA: wwhy are you laughin
CA: im bein serious
AC: :33 < because youre funny, trying to be all cool and stuff
AC: :33 < so silly
CA: ill showw you silly
CA: ill showw you some serious silliness
CA: ill be so fuckin silly wwhile shootin you right in the motherfuckin face
CA: poww
CA: laser rifles
CA: wwhat noww bitch
AC: :33 < now that doesnt sound silly at all
CA: it wwill be the height of wwhimsy
CA: it wwill be so fuckin glorious wwhen i take you and force you into your gravve
AC: :33 < h3h3h3
AC: :33 < eridan, youre never going to finish one of those dumb machines and kill everyone!
CA: oh yeah
AC: :33 < yep!
CA: oh
CA: yeah
CA: OH YEAH
CA: OH YEAH
CA: WWELL I KNOWW FOR A FACT THAT I WWILL FUCKIN KILL YOU AND MY MACHINES WWILL WWORK AND MY MACHINES WWILL KILL EVVERYONE
CA: ILL LEAVVE YOU ALIVVE SPECIAL SO THAT I CAN HUNT YOU DOWWN AND KILL YOU MYSELF YOU FUCKIN CAT BITCH
AC: :33 < ill have you know, i am quite skilled at hunting!
CA: so
CA: do you wwanna
CA: yknoww
CA: try that out
AC: :33: try what out?
CA: you knoww
CA: ummm
CA: somethin a little
CA: black
AC: :33 < h3h3h3h3
AC: :33 < you are so ridiculous ca!
AC: :33 < right after you make a big deal about not wanting to hatedate me now you do all of a sudden?
CA: oh come on nep
CA: wwe kneww this wwas gonna go dowwn from the beginning ok
CA: there is some serious rivvalry going on here
AC: :33 < maybe for you
AC: :33 < i dont think i could ever really hate someone like that!
CA: wwhat
AC: :33 < so ill have to say no
AC: :33 < sorry!
CA: oh
CA: ok
CA: um
CA: alright
CA: i see
CA: but in actuality um
CA: i also feel a little
CA: flushed for you
AC: :33 < argh! i knew this was a bad idea!
CA: wwait wwhat
AC: :33 < sorry ca i just cant handle your emotional rollercoaster!
AC: :33 < youll have to handle it yourself
AC: :33 < oh, wait! you have feferi to help you out too!
AC: :33 < your moirail will always be there to help you, like mine!
CA: no please
AC: :33 < okay bye!
CA: NO PLEASE WWAIT
CA: DONT GO
CA: THIS IS SPECIAL