fantroll crit thread: thread now full, please post in the new one

[Sandvich King]

The thing is, I don't really want her looks marred much. I want the injury to be clean, faded, or covered up for what I'm doing with her. The scarred version is actually supposed to be a bit more faded.

So I'm still not entirely sure what I should do.

EDIT: I'm going to leave her eye alone. I'll think of something else.

[Monkeysky]

The over the eye scar is sort of a cliche honestly. If you want to make a unique character, have her face really heavily scarred in one area in such a way that mars her looks.

Hah, my last character had such a scar, but it did pretty much destroy his eye, and split open his face, not to mention that the wound came from his eye.

So I guess I get a pass on that.

[Raynoson]

If anyone would mind answering a simple and most likely moronic question, does this Crit thread cater to others asides from fan-trolls? I have yet to find a clear answer and no longer wish to spend time searching for it.

[Orlist]

FANTROLL/HUMAN/ALIEN/BLOODSWAP CRITIQUE THREAD 2: being trollguca is suffering

FANTROLL/HUMAN/ALIEN/BLOODSWAP

[Sandvich King]

I feel like I can never get hair right. What do you think of this?

[Weeaboo]

The edges look a little jaggey in some areas but otherwise it's fine.

Kanaya sprite though...

[Sandvich King]

I just can't make an original AB...

I can usually change the sprite to the point where it looks original, but it's been harder for her since she has similar facial features and I almost picture her as looking somewhat like Kanaya. Sleeves and all...

[Weeaboo]

Well here's some tips.

2/6 of my trolls are barely edited of Kanaya sprites, right? Well the others take the faces of pre-done sprites but I edit them to how I like. Still not COMPLETELY original, but I made them as unique as I can with what I've got. I'd suggest that for you. Get what I mean?

[Sandvich King]

I guess the next step would be to lengthen her sleeves and change the shape of her eyes and mouth a bit. That should make her more HER and less KANAYA.

...But that'll be after I sleep. It's 3 AM now.

[Raynoson]

FANTROLL/HUMAN/ALIEN/BLOODSWAP CRITIQUE THREAD 2: being trollguca is suffering

FANTROLL/HUMAN/ALIEN/BLOODSWAP

True but all I see is troll after troll, after troll most of the time, but thanks for the clarification, without further ado, the block in which to chop things to small pieces. I most likely forgot a few things...
->Be a Different Format
Can Do
->Feel free to give some critical thought if you wish if I missed anything, also organized and rather long.

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Name-Evan Roarke
Age-13
Appearance:

Gender-Male-Duh
Race/Ethnicity-Human/"Pacific Islander" American
Hair color/style-Black-Sides and back are slightly longer then the front which is parted or cut short enough to not get in the way of the eyes.
Eye Color-http://www.color-chart.org/color-charts/human-eye-color-chart.jpg-Brown
Facial Structure/Notable Features-None
Clothing/Typical Fashion/Outfit of Choice-Cargo Pants and a Sweater work just fine
Accessories-Book/Duffel Bag (no it is not a purse!) Black

Personality-Shy and not exactly outgoing, he doesn't do well with the whole face to face interactions, on the internet or otherwise he really opens up and speaks pretty much as normals as you can get. He likes nearly any and every form of literature and while he doesn't hate movies he rarely sees them and can sometimes miss out on them.
Has a great deal of love towards the medieval period and Shakespeare among other infamous folks of old. Rarely curses outright and likes to keep things rather tight when it comes to attempts to fight. Is fond of snacking often whether it be fruit, chips, Chips, or generally anything edible in one hand with some ease.
With a great love towards puzzles among other things, you can be a bit OCD and stopped playing Video Games shortly after tossing out your console in a fit of frustration during online play.
Holds love towards nature and natural life but his green thumb is quite lacking.
Dislikes guns, a lot.

His Tag is EvitableRhyming and speaks in black but Bold or Italic, with with constant rhyming the might get on your nerves.

If in a rush or distracted tends to slip or make mistakes easily, absolutely hates rap and the way people could compare his style to it, honestly it doesn't make him smile, in fact he wish he could just take a dial, and tone down those who would take the art and defile.

Strengths/Skills-Equppied with the strife decks of Book, PaperxPen, and Mace/Flail kind, he is a decent horrible when it comes to throwing anything.
An avid reader and an apt knight errant, he is honorable and is less tricky. He likes his friends for good or bad and tends to have few of them he gets to meet irl.
Can fold paper like a pro, and is good with books.
Can move uncommonly fast sometimes intentional and usually unintentional (see history for why).
Is actually a decent cook surprisingly but rarely does anything fancy, among those variants of talents are baking.

Weakness/lacking-Is physically not that bad but sadly is short sighted in his vision and refuses all corrective eye wear, though he does carry a pair of glasses with him but it is oddly enough in his strife...
Is Claustrophobic.
He also both loves and despises crosswords and newspapers, loves bikes but sucks at riding any two or less wheeled vehicles.

Equipment-Books, Snacks, Pen and writing utensils...
Uses the Jumble Mod, it rearranges and takes the letters of the objected fetched in to some words/anagram that needs to be rearranged and spelled correctly, the larger the object, the bigger the word/name/description. While able to take nearly everything and anything in to it no matter the size, it can certainly lead to some frustration.

Delicious Snacks Could just as easily be turned in to... Can Less Kids Ciou

History-

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"Born" in Hawaii he later moved to Canada in B.B.C (Beautiful British Columbia) in to a library with a renovated attic apartment. It overall looks of marble pillars, stone lions, and of vast tower books stands. Raised amongst tomes of wisdom and literature you've spent most your time home schooled so far or self taught.

Your father is the sole caretaker, and you rarely see him. Though that doesn't mean he doesn't interact with you. Most of your younger years where a blur and you can't remember them that well.

The library to many is a place of reading, learning, to you on the other hand, it is a place of both adventure and danger.

Lo and behold upon the time you could start walking and reading (very young), was when the first incidents would occur, books would fall and hit your head, disappearing as soon as you turned your back to find them in their exact place again. you learned to avoid a great deal of them those days, until entire avalanches would fall. Trapped beneath piles of books you barely survived those times and it merely reinforced the fact that you could not let it happen ever.

You could never catch him in the act usually when the books fell, or maybe one of the hollow armors axes suddenly fell down to chop you in two, neither could you when book cases nearly fell on you and you were pushed out of the way.

As you grew older you felt your father was constantly imposing on you to become an image of his own kind, you both shared a love for books, but your other interests often collided to the point where you avoided him in the vast walls of literature just to get away from him.

He liked guns and other weapons of deadly implements, you preferred the medieval weapon of a mace! Though no Guardian would ever let a kid handle that, it'd be like giving them a sword! So instead you tend to resort to the book when you face him.

He wears large circular glasses that make him look like an owl and he tried to give you the same after finding out you had eye issues, you outright refused. Even his appearance appalled you, a red robe and fez? Who dresses so ridiculously!

Even worst was when he gave you the "Dewey Decimal" Modus as your first, you could never get a hang of it, but you swear he has entire collections of things in his.
Often enough or not, you'd retreat to the apartment upstairs and barricade the three rooms you needed Bathroom, Bedroom, and Kitchen.

With the door blocked by mounds of books. Your father on the other hand would just as easily leave a meal out for you to eat, and then just disappear closing the library for some time as he went off to whoever knows where. Food came by delivery so that was rarely an issue.

You couldn't very well leave the place unattended in those times and were quite often stuck inside.

Other-The library is quite large and includes both... Computer labs, A circular shelving organization in to a massive formation that from up above one could almost make out some kind of image. Numerous display cases containing Knight Armors, Model Ships, A full set of Sherlock Holmes costume (with pipe/hat), and many other paraphernalia of literature and art, usually with some card of history in a placard in front of it.

As for the Apartment itself, while it isn't as large it actually contains 2 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms, 2 closets, 2 balcony's, 2 kitchens, and 1 hall way split in the middle by piles of books and a table full of book repair and other things.

If you did play a game perhaps you'd be the Page of Rage in a Land of Snow and Stone.

[twinDoppleganger]

I guess the next step would be to lengthen her sleeves and change the shape of her eyes and mouth a bit. That should make her more HER and less KANAYA.

...But that'll be after I sleep. It's 3 AM now.

Perhaps if, on the same side as the broken horn, you added some light scarring on the cheek and removed a fang? That would take away from the Kanaya-ness, while also reinforcing the idea of her having been injured by a Subjuggulator, sort of implying that the blow that broke her horn continued into her face, perhaps softened only by her head turning with the force of the blow?

[Monkeysky]

Maybe try warping the shape of the head a bit.

[Sandvich King]

I guess the next step would be to lengthen her sleeves and change the shape of her eyes and mouth a bit. That should make her more HER and less KANAYA.

...But that'll be after I sleep. It's 3 AM now.

Perhaps if, on the same side as the broken horn, you added some light scarring on the cheek and removed a fang? That would take away from the Kanaya-ness, while also reinforcing the idea of her having been injured by a Subjuggulator, sort of implying that the blow that broke her horn continued into her face, perhaps softened only by her head turning with the force of the blow?

According to Equius's introduction, troll teeth grow back, and I'm having the injury be over a sweep ago (to make her completely terrified of subjugglators), so she'd have all of them back by now.

I've also tried scarring, but if I put several on her face then it looks weird. I might put a single one under the horn like you said.

How much should the scar have faded over the sweep between her unfortunate encounter and now?

[Majora787]

I'm uhh... Really bad at this, but I'd like some criticism so I can improve this. Thanks.

Your name is ROYVIK NARGAS. And you guess you're okay with that.

Even though you don't particularly like it very much, you accept your name. Just like you accept EVERYTHING ELSE. You consider your self pretty social! ... Maybe a little too social. You're probably roughly 8 sweeps old by now... You don't really know for sure, as you haven't slept for as long as you can remember. It's really messed with your MEMORY. Your blood is teal (you think), not that you care for the hemospectrum. It's become really low on your priority list as of late.

In order to deal with your INSOMNIA(potentially resulting from some silly computer game you began playing as the Rogue of Strife with a couple of friends recently), You began to RESEARCH everything you could online. It KEEPS YOUR BRAIN BUSY, which keeps the BAD THOUGHTS from coming through. You consider your CONSTANT INTAKE OF INFORMATION vital to maintaining your own SANITY...not that you worry about it either way. You've taken a partial interest in BIOLOGICAL SUBJECTS IN MEDICAL CONTEXT, and have even taken up PERFORMING SURGERY ON ANIMALS. You don't RECALL EVER LIKING THIS IDEA, but it's probably just those BAD THOUGHTS.

All of your friends consider your research to be SILLY INFORMATION HOARDING BULLSHIT(or some variant of the same thing). They constantly claim that staring at the computer for so grotesquely long has ALTERED YOUR EYES. You don't really believe them. You can see fine, other than your CRAPPY SHADES, so you don't really care. The only reason you wear them is it HURTS TO TAKE THEM OFF IN LIT ROOMS nowadays; even faint light seems almost blinding! You find this SLIGHTLY STRANGE. Thankfully, your lights in your hive are broken. The problem, however, is that your MONITOR GIVES OFF TOO MUCH LIGHT. You have to wear the STUPID SUNGLASSES for half of your daily activities, and you CAN'T GET A HOLD OF YOUR FRIENDS to ask about the technicalities of fixing it. You tend to enjoy talking to complete strangers on TROLLIAN. You bother total strangers regularly as a way of taking in INFORMATION, which is really important to you. Plus, you just really LIKE TALKING TO STRANGERS.

You don't like doing this, however. So to circumvent this slightly obnoxious(you think) habit, you built ROBOTS. They're silly things that barely work, but are more for the sake of HELPING YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT ALONE. Of course, it often fails... The robots do nothing but creep you out with their lifeless eyes, and the CYCLE REPEATS ITSELF: Research, Trollian, Research, Robots, Reasearch, Trollian, REPEAT.

You vent your unhappiness in CONFUSING TIME-BENDING SCIENCE FICTION STORIES that you write regularly. Your personal favorite is TIME LOOPING, because it mirrors the futility of your own lifestyle. It's your love for cyclical time loops that cause your CONSISTANT CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR FUTURE AND PAST SELVES IN MEMOS. A lot of people find it weird, but you think they count as trolls too.

Your trolltag is mechanicalSurgeon, and you []--[ type 1/\/ a/\/ art1culate, /\/\echa/\/1cal, yet 0pt1/\/\1st1c t0/\/e. :]

Your Strife Specibus is Ropekind, and your Hindsight Fetch Modus allows you to retrieve any item you want... if you can remember a time in the past where it would have made your life easier.




Sorry if it makes your eyes bleed or anything, but I do wanna make this better. :P

[Monkeysky]

Sprite looks good, except for the glasses being hidden in a corner.

Why are his glasses broken? Why is he an Anonblood? Why does he have surgeon as a part of his trolltag? Is this game mentioned SGRUB?

Besides that, nothing seems glaringly wrong.

[Sandvich King]

I added bags under her eyes and modified some stuff. How do you think she looks now? Different enough from Kanaya?

[Monkeysky]

I think you might want to keep the hair from ending at a straight line at the bottom, but yeah, it looks good.

[Sandvich King]

So, should the bits of hair go down a pixel lower as they get closer to the center, like this?

[Monkeysky]

Well, I would just sharpen the ends a bit, so it doesn't abruptly end.

Real hair doesn't really end like that.

[Majora787]

I fixed it up some.

His blood is teal, and the glasses are broken because they're "old and crappy". He wears them because it hurts for him to take them off in the light.

Surgeon is part of his tag because of those BAD THOUGHTS that make him butcher animals.

And yes, I just tried to be subtle, but it is SGRUB, a session in which he is known as the "Rogue of Strife", as is now stated in the profile. It's still called a silly game though.

[ashdenej]

His blood is teal, and the glasses are broken because they're "old and crappy". He wears them because it hurts for him to take them off in the light.

Why would he need to go out in the light? Trolls are nocturnal, and his lights are presumably good enough to be adjustable, if he's a tealie.

[Majora787]

It was mostly meant to be indoor light. And I don't know. I didn't consider adjustable lighting. :P

I tweaked a little. It's sort of oddly specific, but...

His lighting is broken and doesn't get fixed because of the sensitive eye deal. But his monitor is too bright for him, and he isn't unable to get ahold of a friend who knows how to fix it. Sort of just a BLUH thing. But you know.

[Phantom Gamer]

Someone needs to come up with a Fantroll Mary Sue litmus test. "Doesn't care about the hemospectrum" would be a major offender.

[scintillatingMoniker]

There have been many.

None of them are very good.

[Phantom Gamer]

Oh.
Fair enough.