fantroll crit thread: thread now full, please post in the new one

[Strider]

No idea what Antialised is supposed to mean, but I drew those glasses on his face myself. Maybe that is part of the problem?

Also, yeah, now that you point it out the symbol IS a bit high. I'd like for it ti be somewhere around his Sternum if at all possible though.

[CrazedWormHole]

Tried fixing the appointed problems. Not sure what to do about the shading tough.

[Quincunx]

Antialiasing is the fuzziness that comes from resizing images drawn with the hard line tool.

@Nostalgia Ripoff:

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[ His sprite is clearly done with the fantroll maker. While that’s an okay place to start if you’re not used to spriting, fantroll-maker trolls look lazy and detract from the character. I’d at least change his horns and hair a little from the default just so he doesn’t look like every other fantroll someone made with a flash game in five minutes. ]

Your name is VANEAS HERTATCH. You are far too busy translating some ANCIENT TEXTS to introduce yourself, so some cosmic being will have to do it for you.

You live in the ruins of an OLD HIVE, most likely belonging to your ancestor, with your CHIMERA LUSUS. Not that you know what a chimera is, you think MYTHOLOGY is stupid and you only focus on FACT. You are normally a pretty cheerful guy, especially when you make a new DISCOVERY about your surroundings, because it is PRETTY MYSTERIOUS. Due to the fact that no one really lives near your RUINS, you have a LONER STREAK and have a hard time discussing PERSONAL MATTERS with others.

[ Why wouldn’t he know what his lusus is? If he doesn’t think of it as a chimera, don’t call it a chimera. If he’s so factual have him call it a three-headed beast or something.

If he’s so lonely, does he talk to others online? Do the ruins provide for everything he needs or does he ever have to leave them for supplies? Tell us more about these ruins. Are they of a temple? A city? Something else? How does he stand living in a decaying building? What does he plan to do with the information he discovers about this place? ]

Due to an accident involving LATENT PSYCHIC POWERS that you can’t access anymore for some reason and a LADDER, you have a scar and a crippling fear of heights, to the point of SEIZING UP at the thought of living in a hivestem like your online friend does. He is also YOUR ONLY FRIEND for whom you would DO ANYTHING FOR. But he is DEFINITELY NOT YOUR MOIRAIL. Definitely.

[Ok this definitely needs more elaboration. What psychic powers? What happened with the ladder? Also, why would he deny that someone was a moirail? That’s an important quadrant to have. Then again moirails are more than just super good friends. A moirail is someone to balance and protect you, to keep you safe or from going off the deep end. They definitely vary a lot in their duties but they’re more than friends. In any case, either say they’re morails, or say they’re good friends. ]

Your only other FEAR would be DEATH. For some reason you just can’t seem to come to grips with it! It’s gotten to the point that you’ve started looking for ways to become IMMORTAL! It’s silly, but you’ll be damned if you let that stop you!

[ This is an awfully important detail to just throw in there. If he’s trying to become immortal, especially being a short-lived redblood, that’s something that needs more thought put into it! What has he tried? Maybe he could be looking for the answer in his ruins? ]

You have a knack for HISTORY which is why you decided to live in RUINS instead of having the DRONES build you a nice new home. The fact that there is a POSSIBILITY that your ANCESTOR LIVED THERE is just an added bonus.

Your trolltag is reluctantNostalgic and you type with proper grammar because quirks give you a headache.

[ You really should give him a quirk, even a simple one. Trolls are meant to have a quirk. ]

Odds are slim that you would ever play a multi-player game, but if your friend insisted you would be the SEER OF TRUTH in THE LAND OF MOUNTAINS AND LORE.

[Strider]

Ah, okay then.

That sprite definitely is better. Only problem is that it kind of has the shades, so I would have to try and redraw the eyes from that. Shouldn't be to hard though. Unless you want to do the shadeless version with a less pointed chin CW? :/ Completely up to you though.

Anyway, I guess I am just going to ASSume that there is nothing glaringly wrong with my character other than what I have already changed and just post him up in the profile thread so that I can start using him in the cafe. I'll still listen to anything anyone has to say on him though, if there is even anything to say on the matter in the first place.

[Leilana_Lunchtop]

(and I know I placed the symbol too far down)

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Your name is PSELIA CHIABA. You live in a MEDIUM HIVE just outside of the CITY with your THREE-HEADED CAT LUSUS. It has a head at both ends and one in the middle of its back. No one likes it but your best ONLINE FRIEND. You are calm, but not very SOCIAL. If something really SETS YOU OFF, then you will YELL.

You have a BORDERLINE OBSESSION with COMPUTERS, and your FRIEND says COMPUTERS might be what make you YELL. You can always find one of your many COMPUTERS. You prefer the term LAPTOP, which your friend told you, to HUSKTOP. You like anything with THREE PARTS, and have a COLLECTION of such things. You like to play PUZZLE VIDEO GAMES. You have STRONG PSYCHIC POWERS, but prefer your SPEED. You WRITE well. You do ART but are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a pile of NEOBEASTS (troll Neopets) PLUSHES. You still keep them even though you LOST INTEREST IN THEM.

Your TROLLTAG is laptopLegend and you show your @ffinity for comput3rs @nd tripl3s.

If you ever played SGRUB, your title would be the ROGUE OF MIND and you would be in the LAND OF PLASTIC AND RAINBOWS.

Your FETCH MODUS is CUP SWAP, which puts the ITEM that you want to retrieve into one of three CUPS and SHUFFLES it while you watch. If you guess right, you retrieve the ITEM. Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is SAIKIND, which you prefer to TRIDENTKIND because of also sounding like your SYMBOL.

[Monkeysky]

Those horns could definitely stand to be smoothed out, and the bio seems a bit flat.

Also, looking back at that ancestor picture, I was really freaking tired when I made that. You probably don't need to tell me what I messed up on with that one.

[Quincunx]

Yes, the horns definitely need to be redone... The hair is just scribbled on too. Start with canon assets and edit them if you don't feel you can draw them yourself.

Ok so she yells? Why would she use the term laptop if husktop is what trolls call them? And why is that detail important? Does she often rename things?

It's not a good idea to just list random character traits with no coherence or connection to the core of her character. Speaking of which, what are her core traits and interests? Find those first and work off of them. She's easily set-off and likes computers? What does she like about computers? Does she like working on them or just using them or programming or what? What sort of art does she do?

She's a loner? Why does she only have one friend and an online one at that? Why doesn't anybody else like her lusus, and why does it matter anyway? Is it her short fuse that affects her ability to make friends?

Also you can't just mention that a troll has a psychic power and then say nothing else about it. Tell us what the power is and why she prefers not to use it.

What is a sai? Does she like fighting? Also I feel like tridentkind might be restricted to seadwellers since it's a weapon of the Empress and a troll doesn't really have a need to be carrying around a specibus they don't use.

Overall this needs a lot more detail and a heavy sprite redo.

[Leilana_Lunchtop]

I will never do anything creative again. I will just be boring.

[Pandemonius]

What is a sai?

I mean really, everyone should know this.

Don't feel too discouraged, LL. If I drew hair and horns freehand on a computer, they'd probably look like that too. Just take base sprite parts from the sheet on the first post, and edit them as you see fit with the curve/line/free select/whatever tool.

[Majora787]

Just some spritework I did for no real reason. :P

I'm sure there's SOMETHING up with the AB sprite, I just can't tell what it is exactly.

Actually, I may or may not edit the cape off of the left sprite. I dunno yet.

[Captain Whosit]

I'm not very good at sprite crit, but the facial features seem a bit small/not proportionate, and the horns should have a black outline on the AB.

Is the character female? Using Eridan as the base makes the AB look like a guy. I think you'll have to do some heavier editing if the character is female.

[Nostalgia Ripoff]

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Your name is VANEAS HERTATCH. You are far too busy translating some ANCIENT TEXTS to introduce yourself, so some cosmic being will have to do it for you.

You live in the ruins of an OLD HIVE, most likely belonging to your ancestor, with your THREE-HEADED-HYBRID-SPECIES-BEAST LUSUS. You seriously need to come up with a better name for him. Anyway, as for the LIVING IN RUINS SITUATION, you love it! Due to your factual nature, you consider yourself a HISTORIAN and therefore love exploring your HIVE, despite the fact that it's just a hive the DRONES forgot to demolish. You are normally a pretty cheerful guy, especially when you make a new DISCOVERY about your surroundings, because it is PRETTY MYSTERIOUS. Due to the fact that no one really lives near your RUINS, you have a LONER STREAK and have a hard time discussing PERSONAL MATTERS with others. Doesn't mean you won't abuse the RANDOM ENCOUNTER button on Trollian, though!

Due to an accident five sweeps ago, you discovered you have LATENT TELEKINETIC POWERS. It also left you with a CRIPPLING FEAR OF HEIGHTS. You think the whole incident was embarrassing in how damaged it left you, even though it was just a rather silly mistake. See, all that happened was you discovered a HIDDEN LIBRARY in your basement. You got very excited and started trying to read ALL THE BOOKS, even the ones on the highest shelves! And that's when it happened; you got over excited and your powers kicked in. You accidentally moved the ladder without realizing, and BAM! You fell several feet, head first. Into concrete. Which is why you don't like talking about it. It's so embarrassingly simple. SCARS SHOULD HAVE COOL BACKSTORIES, DAMMIT. Which is why you never told your friend this story. She is also YOUR ONLY FRIEND for whom you would DO ANYTHING FOR. But she is DEFINITELY NOT YOUR MOIRAIL. Definitely. That would imply that you need pacifying, or she does, AND NEITHER OF YOU NEED THAT.

Your only other FEAR would be DEATH, which also stems from the EMBARRASSING ACCIDENT. For some reason you just can’t seem to come to grips with it! It doesn't help that redbloods aren't known to live particularly long. It’s gotten to the point that you’ve started looking for ways to become IMMORTAL! Granted, it's not one of your top priorities. You're still 7 sweeps old, you've got plenty of time to worry about that! All you've done is a little research on the subject in the library. Nothing spectacular. Although, you have heard of this one game...

You have a knack for HISTORY which is why you decided to live in RUINS instead of having the DRONES build you a nice new home. The fact that there is a POSSIBILITY that your ANCESTOR LIVED THERE is just an added bonus.

Your trolltag is reluctantNostalgic and you often forget to end your sentences properly

Odds are slim that you would ever play a multi-player game, but if your friend insisted you would be the SEER OF TRUTH in THE LAND OF MOUNTAINS AND LORE.

I opted not to change the sprite, only because I've been using it for a while now and I've already made other forms for him (E.G. God Tier and Dream form.) But I know what you mean, and I'm getting better at making sprites, so any future fan trolls will be made using that instead. Also, the new quirk I gave him is the simplest I could think of without completely messing up his speech pattern. Thanks for your help!

[Quincunx]

Oh so that's what a sai is I feel like I should've known that.

Also Nostalgia, maybe his fear of death came from his fall? That would connect the interests and not make his death fear seem so tossed in.

Majora, the eyes on the AB sprite seem a bit small and far up, and it looks like the horns have been resized on both of them. They should be smoothed out, and the horns on the AB should be outlined in black.

[Majora787]

Yeh, it looks like stuff is too far to the side and/or too small to a point. :\ Probs gonna mess with that a little.

[Nostalgia Ripoff]

That's a good idea! I'll edit the bio to add that now.

[Quincunx]

Especially as a short-lived redblood...

[Nostalgia Ripoff]

Especially as a short-lived redblood...

Oh, derp. How did I forget that? Added it in.

[scintillatingMoniker]

I will never do anything creative again. I will just be boring.

This is silly. Making a great and interesting character doesn't just happen immediately! You need to keep at it, listen to what people suggest and change it for the better! Then you'll learn from your mistakes and your creative endeavours will get better.

If you didn't want someone to correct your character you shouldn't have posted here :P

[Strider]

Something I have been told all to often when I overreact. You may not always agree with what these guys say LL, but they ARE trying to help. They're not meaning to put you down or anything. Even though I know that's how it comes across as sometimes.

[Captain Whosit]

Decided it was about time I wrote a proper profile for this one. It is a bit long.


(Original version of sprite created by Thunder Reign)


(AB with some nice edits by passiveNotation)

>Be the troll girl with far too much hair

You are now ELANDA MALOJO.

You are approximately EIGHT SWEEPS OLD and hatched with blood of an unfortunate YELLOW HUE. You were once gifted with a REMARKABLY USEFUL power, but you’ll get to that later.

Nothing is more important to you than keeping up with the latest trends and fashions—Great Mother forbid you become a social outcast. To this end, you always dabble in the latest games, hobbies, fads, and fashions (fortunately, black is always in). Keeping up with all this can get expensive, true, but you have a FAIRLY RELIABLE source of income.

You are also a fan of GHOST STORIES and HORROR FILMS, especially BAD ZOMBIE FLICKS. You refuse to watch SLASHER films, though. They freak you out for REASONS. The other big hobby of yours, besides being trendy, is HYPNOTISM. You’ve become pretty good at it and can usually put those with suggestible minds under, regardless of their caste—you just have to get them to sit still long enough, which is often a challenge.

Speaking of hypnotism, you once had a SPECIAL RIGHT EYE that you could use to implant hypnotic suggestions in the minds of those susceptible to such powers by making eye contact with them. You abused this ability to its fullest extent, making friends and earning favors. Those you couldn’t manipulate you charmed the old-fashioned way. Your lusus, a doting mbunga, warned you against over-using your power like that. Your moirail also expressed his concerns, but you didn’t listen. You had it under control!

Of course, then came the night when you stole away someone’s matesprit with your power—turns out the guy didn’t take the loss of his flushed quadrant well. He ambushed you at your hive, put out your RIGHT EYE with a pair of SCISSORS, and killed your lusus when she tried to protect you. Fortunately for you, your lusus injured him badly enough that he had to retreat before he could finish the job. You survived, but were left powerless, lususless, and with a DEBILITATING FEAR OF SHARP OBJECTS. You fled your old lawnring and have been squatting in an abandoned hive ever since.

As mentioned, the Incident left you with a fear of sharp objects. You converted your old spearkind strife specibus to staffkind and have even refused to cut your hair. That was nearly TWO SWEEPS AGO. Your hair has grown and grown since then and while you used to be able to keep it under control, it has since become NEARLY UNMANAGEABLE. You often try to comb it, but your hair is so thick and tangled that the flimsy things KEEP BREAKING. Breaking combs on your hair has become a habit BORDERING ON THE FETISHISTIC. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.

While you still get out of the hive when you can, you have been cultivating an online presence as a trendy blogger. You are ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that you are internet famous. Anyone who hasn’t heard of you simply must be out of touch.

Your trolltag is hypnoticSocialite and you g@ve people the ev@l eye when you speak.

What will you do?

In addition to content, I'm also looking for was to condense or streamline the information. I'm also not sure if this is the best order to present the information in. I think this is pretty long for a profile, though if she was in a session or something I'd leave out the stuff about her past and just have it be revealed over the course of the story.

[Quincunx]

Really, Strider.

I have never seen a post on here that was putting anybody down. That last sentence was completely unnecessary.

[Monkeysky]

Well, if I may interject here, how does this sprite look?


And Whosit, that troll looks great.

[Captain Whosit]

Sollux overlay, hooray!

Hair doesn't have enough volume, which makes the features look squashed, since they otherwise seem to line up okay. Hairline might be a bit low, too. Even Aradia's is a bit higher.

Horns could be a bit smoother, especially in the transition from one color to the next. I'm guessing that's a pencil? I like it.

[Strider]

Sorry Quin. Just my own personal take on things. To be honest, that IS how it comes across sometimes, even if that is not how it is meant.

Anyway, posted my profile for Quarto Keager in the profile thread and am currently rping with him, since I am taking the lack of notice for him to mean that there is nothing glaringly wrong aside from anything that has already been brought up.

[Monkeysky]

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Sollux overlay, hooray!

Hair doesn't have enough volume, which makes the features look squashed, since they otherwise seem to line up okay. Hairline might be a bit low, too. Even Aradia's is a bit higher.

Horns could be a bit smoother, especially in the transition from one color to the next. I'm guessing that's a pencil? I like it.

Yeah, you're right on the hair height thing. I'll fix that. I guess the hairline is just a weird stylistic thing. I don't think it's physically incorrect, but it would just be a weird way to have your hair. I don't know whether or not to fix it.
The horns could be either a pencil or arrow, since she is an archer and journalist.