fantroll crit thread: thread now full, please post in the new one

[Thunder Reign]

Not to sound like a broken record, but as the thread runner I'm going to have to back up what Quin and Demon have said. You have consistently refuted any attempts to give crit, and that is not the purpose of this thread. If you don't want to accept our critique, just post your profile in trollslum and be done with it. Don't waste our time when we could be using it to help people who will be more receptive.

[aspiringHelpfulness]

@OrangeAipom: The hat looks kind of weird when I put it on her sprites.

@Quincunx: Does it really seem like that to you? Should I change the way I described it? I was just thinking that since troll society tends to be unhappy and vicious, it would be reflected in the majority of their writings. Also, I didn't actually state in her profile that everyone in her fanfics gets along; I just said that there is less focus on the hemospectrum and/or quadrants. It's still there, it's still important, and it still makes a part of the main conflict, but it's less focused on (For example: it's not "I hate you because you're a lowblood," but more like "I hate you because you're like this and my distaste for lowbloods is making it worse"). Sorry if that wasn't clear. (Also, I dyed her hair.)

@volcanicRage: About the gloves, I think that he should at least be able to get, in one way or another, some better gloves that would help him hunt. Alternia seems like the kind of place where it would be easy to find something like that.

About his relationships, I wasn't asking for what his relationships with other trolls would be. I was asking for IF AND HOW his paranoia would affect said relationships. If he's as paranoid as you say, he'd probably have a hard time finding any healthy relationship, quadrant or otherwise. (I made an obviously similar mistake)

Oh yeah, I forgot to say thank you to everyone who criticized my troll!

[canidaeVulpecula]

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Spoilered cause its kinda big.

I was put to the task of designing a lusus for a friend. After a long discussion, we finally decided it should be something alluring but also terrifying and a danger to everyone around it - kind of like the troll its for. My first thoughts were: Angler fish, and Sirens. With that in mind, I did this.

I know lusii are supposed to be animal based, so I made it as not-human looking as I could while keeping the design I wanted. Do you think this'd be alright as a lusus? It's for an indigo, and since they live by the sea (not sure if thats all indigos) I figured a Siren would be perfect to base it off of.

Really not sure how Im going to get it into typical white/light gray lusus style, hahah. this is sort of the rough draft.

[Thunder Reign]

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Spoilered cause its kinda big.

I was put to the task of designing a lusus for a friend. After a long discussion, we finally decided it should be something alluring but also terrifying and a danger to everyone around it - kind of like the troll its for. My first thoughts were: Angler fish, and Sirens. With that in mind, I did this.

I know lusii are supposed to be animal based, so I made it as not-human looking as I could while keeping the design I wanted. Do you think this'd be alright as a lusus? It's for an indigo, and since they live by the sea (not sure if thats all indigos) I figured a Siren would be perfect to base it off of.

Really not sure how Im going to get it into typical white/light gray lusus style, hahah. this is sort of the rough draft.

I reckon an anglersiren would be fine? I mean, look at Equius's lusus. Your drawing is hella cute, reminds me of this babby's lusus here. I don't see a problem!

[BewareOfNerd]

Well, Aurthour is pretty humanoid, so I think you get a pass. Perhaps you could make the lower half more 'big ugly fish monster' and less 'traditional mermaid,' though, since Aurthour isn't exactly a proper centaur.

[canidaeVulpecula]

@TR, Oh wow shes lovely 8D All the freakier when I noticed the tiny terrifying face in the bottom. And thanks I have no idea why I keep forgetting every detail about Equius but I forgot all about Arthur :P

@ BewareOfNerd, I can try! :P I added the little.. oh man what would you call it. Those little. Fishy. ....Whatever the things at her hips - I added those because you dont usually see that on the typical mermaids. Or at least Disney ones for sure lol

[Quincunx]

@Quincunx: Does it really seem like that to you? Should I change the way I described it? I was just thinking that since troll society tends to be unhappy and vicious, it would be reflected in the majority of their writings. Also, I didn't actually state in her profile that everyone in her fanfics gets along; I just said that there is less focus on the hemospectrum and/or quadrants. It's still there, it's still important, and it still makes a part of the main conflict, but it's less focused on (For example: it's not "I hate you because you're a lowblood," but more like "I hate you because you're like this and my distaste for lowbloods is making it worse"). Sorry if that wasn't clear. (Also, I dyed her hair.)

I guess... maybe I feel you need to go a different route than fanfiction? Because what she's writing about sounds like original fiction. Just because troll society is generally vicious doesn't mean their literary work doesn't run the gamut of emotions, which I'm sure it does, considering they have romance films. It may also be that I can't imagine all their work focuses on quadrants either, and that you'll need a better reason for her writings to be unusual.

[FlyingFrogSlash]

Welp...put some more work into the god tier attempt. I wasn't really satisfied with the colors, so, Palette swaps all over the place. Suggestions for a good color? The God tier is for the Hero of Gates.

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Also, new wing design and coloring. This one would be for Hero of Insanity(?)
I know, the Title is not Monosyllabic yet, trying to find good synonym.

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So, thoughts? Suggestions? Maybe even assistance? Anything would be appreciated.

Also, I rather liked the anglersirenmermaid lusus. She is quite pretty, and the "I'm going to eat your face" expression just adds to her charm.

[Quincunx]

The first two are too close to Mind and Void I think... so I guess the lavender one is alright although it may be too close to Rage for some. Those wings also don't look all that... usable. I don't think you'll find an insect on earth with wings like that. Maybe try for a more natural design.

I myself have tried for a while to come up with a good synonym for insanity but I've found that it just doesn't work well as an aspect on principal. You'd be better off just going with Mind or Rage since Insanity is so difficult to do well and it's not really general enough to work as an aspect.

[Monkeysky]

Well, I think Eridan and Feferi give us a pass on crazy wings.
For Insanity, I'd agree that Rage would probably be the best choice, and black and white are already taken by Space.
Also, keep in mind that the wings keep some sort of symbol connected to the trolls. Like Vriska's eye, Aradia's 0, or Gamzee's )

[Thunder Reign]

I suppose the closest fit for "insanity" would be Rage, but if your session already has a rage player you could try Hero of Craze?

[Strider]

Be the Land dwelling Low blood.

Re6une6ancies, tisk tisk. Perhaps you coul6 try a6ain?

Be the Genius Low Blood.

Your name is Capens Ryurax. You are five and a half feet tall with horns reminiscent of a ram. You are but a lowly brown blood, but your ambition knows no limits, and your genius surpasses that of all others. At least, that is what you think of yourself. What you actually have is not true genius, but A MUTATION IN THE BRAIN that affords you such genius.

You absolutely love TINKERING WITH MACHINERY, especially the kind that TESTS THE LIMITS OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE. unfortunately your supply of things to tinker with and build is rather limited. Or at least, they would be if you weren't always SCAVENGING FOR THE BEST PARTS. Not only that, but you constantly KEEP AN EYE ON MACHINE STORES for whatever you need. You buy what you can, and steal what you can't via tunneling drones that you built yourself.

You never STICK WITH ONE PARTICULAR FIELD of building and tinkering. You just want to test the limits of your knowledge on such things and expand it as far as you possibly can. Still, a troll has got to make a living, so you often take on jobs fixing and building things. Of course, for anything that you are building you insist that you are given the materials that are needed for the job, or at least the Ceagers needed to get the parts in addition to your commission.

Your view on the Hemospectrum is one of disdain, but you are smart enough to keep your mouth shut on that matter, as well as a great many other things, in order to stay out of trouble. Personally, you don't care about where you were landed, and you don't care to try and fake your blood color, a cullable offense. Instead, you use everything that you have in order to leverage your way on up into the favor of high bloods.

Your Lusus is A SWARM OF DRAGONFLIES with one being LARGE ENOUGH TO RIDE and the rest being NORMAL SIZED. Your Sylladex Modus is the Mechanic Modus, which helps you to keep sharp with what your chosen field of work. Your Strife Specibus is the 2x six shot kind. your troll tag is mechanicalGenius and you ten6 to 6e a little twitchy with the tri66er fin6er when you feel threatene6.

Second attempt on this one. Any thoughts?

[BewareOfNerd]

1. A troll only gets one animal for a lusus.
2. Why would you say his supply of things to tinker with is limited and then immediately say it isn't?
3. Need a lot more info on his personality.
4. The 6 in his quirk looks more like a b than a d.
5. Does he have other interests besides mechanics?
6. Why does he have a mutation instead of just being naturally talented?

[BenevolentDemon]

1. his genius doesn't really need to be a mutation??
2. it should probably be either one giant dragonfly or just a swarm of 'em minus the giant one, not both.
3. does he have any personality at all???

if i recall correctly, these are the same complaints everyone had last time. it really doesn't look like you've revised the profile at all?

[Strider]

Made some small edits, but wasn't really sure how to expand or anything. And then I had a church meeting to go to and so wasn't able to devote a whole lot of thought to it at the time due to that. Currently thinking of how I can make it better.

The thing about the mutation was I wanted to have a troll that would be a numnutz without his mutation but is a genius due to that or something, idk. It was an idea I wanted to see if I could run with and make into something.

Updated profile with added info and some other edits.

Be the Land dwelling Low blood.

Re6une6ancies, tisk tisk. Perhaps you coul6 try a6ain?

Be the Genius Low Blood.

Your name is Capens Ryurax. You are five and a half feet tall with horns reminiscent of a ram. You are but a lowly brown blood, but your ambition knows no limits, and your genius surpasses that of all others. At least, that is what you think of yourself, and you are likely to continue thinking as such until you find someone who is better than you.

You absolutely love TINKERING WITH MACHINERY, especially the kind that TESTS THE LIMITS OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE. You are always SCAVENGING FOR THE BEST PARTS. Not only that, but you constantly KEEP AN EYE ON MACHINE STORES for whatever you need. You buy what you can, and steal what you can't via tunneling drones that you built yourself.

You never STICK WITH ONE PARTICULAR FIELD of building and tinkering. You just want to TEST THE LIMITS OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE on such things and expand it as far as you possibly can. Still, a troll has got to make a living, so you often take on jobs fixing and building things. Of course, for anything that you are building you insist that you are given the materials that are needed for the job, or at least the Ceagers needed to get the parts in addition to your commission.

Your tendency to tinker with all sorts of machines is not all you do though. You have a penchant for READING, particularly things that INVOLVE YOUR INTERESTS. You also are an avid collector of GUNS OF ALL KINDS, and when you are not busy with TINKERING AND INVENTING, you maintain your weapons collection. You never know when you might need them, after all. You also FLARP, and have a tendency to go on SOLO MISSIONS, usually against other teams of three or four so that you can lure them into a WELL PLACED TRAP and then loot them for everything they have. Sure, it's kind of cheap, but this is Alternia. The strong survive and the weak get culled. That's life, and as you are fond of saying, "Life sucks. An6 then you 6ie."

Your view on the Hemospectrum is one of disdain, but you are smart enough to keep your mouth shut on that matter, as well as a great many other things, in order to stay out of trouble. Personally, you don't care about where you were landed, and you don't care to try and fake your blood color, a cullable offense. Instead, you use everything that you have in order to leverage your way on up into the favor of high bloods.

Your Lusii are A SWARM OF DRAGONFLIES. Your Sylladex Modus is the Mechanic Modus, which helps you to keep sharp with what your chosen field of work. Your Strife Specibus is the 2x six shot kind. your troll tag is mechanicalGenius and you ten6 to 6e a little twitchy with the tri66er fin6er when you feel threatene6.

[SunshineNoka]

I haven't made an entire profile for her just yet, I just wanna get the design down first before I start getting her background done.
Contemplating her symbol on her clothes to be a lily pad.
Also is her lusus being a frog okay? If not, then it might be an alligator.

[BewareOfNerd]

1. I would make his lusus the one big dragonfly. If you want the swarm, though, call them 'lusii'.
2. What do others think of him? What does he think of most people? Does he have/want friends?

[SunshineNoka]

1. I would make his lusus the one big dragonfly. If you want the swarm, though, call them 'lusii'.
2. What do others think of him? What does he think of most people? Does he have/want friends?

1. Oooh, a dragonfly is also a great idea! Thanks for the idea. Keeping that one.
2. Others think her as someone more easier to get along with than others but some might not appreciate her playful teasing. She is very tolerant towards other people and doesn't mind anything. She doesn't appreciate very much when people speak ill of where she grew up though. She wouldn't mind a couple of friends, but she feels like she might lose track if she gets too many.

[Sandvich King]

1. Oooh, a dragonfly is also a great idea! Thanks for the idea. Keeping that one.
2. Others think her as someone more easier to get along with than others but some might not appreciate her playful teasing. She is very tolerant towards other people and doesn't mind anything. She doesn't appreciate very much when people speak ill of where she grew up though. She wouldn't mind a couple of friends, but she feels like she might lose track if she gets too many.

I'm pretty sure BewareOfNerd was talking about the troll above yours.

An alligator lusus sounds fine. If she's going into a SGRUB session I'd advise against a frog because frogs are game elements.

[elegyEccentric]

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I like her hair ribbons and horn design! However, the sprite's proportions look off. When I lined her up with Aradia's sprite, her head looks incredibly massive, which in-turn makes her eyes and mouth line up poorly. Wish I could make a .gif to demonstrate this...Either way, shouldn't be too difficult to fix! :)

Her horns also look a bit pasted on, so I would try fluffing some hair around the base of them.

[SunshineNoka]

I'm pretty sure BewareOfNerd was talking about the troll above yours.

An alligator lusus sounds fine. If she's going into a SGRUB session I'd advise against a frog because frogs are game elements.

Oh derp I'm dumb, lol.
But yeah an alligator lusus seems the better way to go.

I like her hair ribbons and horn design! However, the sprite's proportions look off. When I lined her up with Aradia's sprite, her head looks incredibly massive, which in-turn makes her eyes and mouth line up poorly. Wish I could make a .gif to demonstrate this...Either way, shouldn't be too difficult to fix!

Her horns also look a bit pasted on, so I would try fluffing some hair around the base of them.

Yeah, it's my first time messing around with this for a character.. I'll probably improve next time I try which won't be too long from now.

[canidaeVulpecula]

@SunshineNoka, Most of what I wouldve said has been mentioned, the only other thing I can think of is even if its only brown and olivey-green, she still looks a little colourful for a troll. Is there any way you could maybe maybe the brown bits black, with the pinstripes/outline gray? I also gotta say I really like her hair.

[SunshineNoka]

@SunshineNoka, Most of what I wouldve said has been mentioned, the only other thing I can think of is even if its only brown and olivey-green, she still looks a little colourful for a troll. Is there any way you could maybe maybe the brown bits black, with the pinstripes/outline gray? I also gotta say I really like her hair.

Okay! Darkening the brown to black wouldn't be a problem! Sounds like a better idea too.



How's this?
The face might be a little misaligned still..

[Sandvich King]

Actually, I think you sort of did the opposite of what would fix it. The eyes are definitely WAY too high now, and probably a bit to the left of where they should be. As for the hair, I'd try shifting it back down a few pixels (but not as far as you move the eyes). Her hair might be a bit too large vertically. Any way you can shrink it without interfering with the horns or the green coloring too much?

[BurningMage]

I really want to make my own troll now, is orange technically on the Hemospectrum, I checked the wiki, but didnt see it. Would it be considered closer to brown, yellow, or neither? Cant wait to make my troll.