The Altblood Challenge

[magnetoHydroDynamics]

Okay so I have this little dealie of a bloodswap called Disasterbound, which might serve as an exploration into my SBURB Enamel universe from a more canon viewpoint, and into troll society.

Anyway, basically, here's six sweeps olds Flarping and a horribly failed attempt at romance:

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-- akrasicTelepath [AT] began speaking to arachnesGestalt [AG] --

AT: so... vriska
AT: your companions have been defeated...
AT: my leader and his... liege too
AT: we are all that is left
AG: Oh Tavros you don't say, what an 8stute observation.
AT: i know...
AT: i know
AT: but you lose now
AT: ms serket
AT: i have invaded your base... and we both know you are no...
AT: match
AT: for me... in single combat...
AG: That is true, mr. Nitr8m. But I don't intend to fight you.
AT: you... surrender?
AG: Listen Tav, we both know how mu--ch b8tter we are than the others.
AG: Sure, Eridan might have all the gadgets.
AG: And Equius might have all the muscles.
AG: And Nepeta, all the knives.
AG: And Feferi... I don't know what her deal is, she's not b8d.
AG: But Tav... You and me. We are all in a -class of our own!!!!!!!!
AT: what are you implying...
AG: Oh Tav. It gets so lonely s8metimes on the top.
AG: I have been w8ing around for........ A prin-ce.
AT: um... i cant read you mind but i can kind of...
AT: smell...
AT: your emotions
AT: vriska... are you flushing for me?
AG: That dep8nds mr. Nitram. Are you for me?
AT: i am sorry but... im not interested

-- arachnesGestalt [AG] has run away --

AG: Stupid nookst8in... *sniffle*

EDIT: Have another one.

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-- cathrasisAnarchist [CA] began trolling techieGambit [TG] --

CA: HELLO
TG: who the fuck are you
CA: THAT IS SUCH A LONG VUCKING STORY I DONT EVEN KNOW VVHERE TO START
TG: informaitve

-- techieGambit [TG] blocked carthasisAnarchist [CA] --

CA: OH NO YOU DONT, I AM SO DONE WITH BEING BLOCKED BY PEOPLE I GENUINELY HAVE BUSINESS VVITH
TG: mother fucker
TG: youre using that security hole in the persterchum protocol
CA: ACTUALLY NO
TG: thisll teach you
CA: OH VVHAT AN OLD TRICK
TG: more than meets the eye
CA: VUCK THAT WAS SNEAKY
TG: yeah i
TG: what the fuck
TG: you son of a douchenozzle
CA: HA, I GOT YOU NOVV YOU
CA: SHITFUCK HOVV
TG: mad skillz
CA: I AM NOT BEATEN

They then proceeded to have the fastest and most elaborate Hack Battle in the history of paradox space.

-- techieGambit's [TG] computer exploded --

CA: HA I GOT YOU
CA: VVAIT, SHIT

-- catharsisAnarchist's [CA] computer exploded --

[reignonyourparade]

Is that eridan also a rainbow drinker or is he just incidentally romanian

[magnetoHydroDynamics]

Is that eridan also a rainbow drinker or is he just incidentally romanian

He just has Karkat-sized buckteeth.

[Vanymstorm]

He just has Karkat-sized buckteeth.

Hm, hang on a sec...



!

[magnetoHydroDynamics]

Hm, hang on a sec...



!

That is totally awesome.

[Pvt. Prinny]

Here's a memo

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crustaceanGunstar [CG] 170:14 HOURS AGO re-opened private transcontinental bulletin board COURT OF FOOLS AND MIRACLES.

crustaceanGunstar [CG] 170:02 HOURS AGO opened memo on board COURT OF FOOLS AND MIRACLES.

CG: OK GUYS
CG: HERE'S A NICE PRIVATE BOARD WHERE WE CAN ALL HAVE A CONVERSATION
CG: A NICE, HAPPY CONVESATION THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE IMPROMPTU CULLING ATTEMPTS
CG: YOU CAN COME OUT OF HIDING NOW SERIOUSLY

tartarianAnomaly [TA] and abaddonCatalyst [AC] 169:22 HOURS AGO were invited to memo.

AC: :KK *the ferocious lioness looks around the square for her fr33nd the crab*
TA: you let her IIn here?
TA: 2erIIou2ly kk?
AC: :KK *the lioness snubs her nose at the little squ33kb33st*
CG: I DON'T SEE HOW SHES ANY WORSE THAN YOUR BIPOLAR EXCRETIONHOLERY
TA: that II2nt even a word
AC: :KK youre just being a stick kitten the mud
TA: puns too? Why cant you talk lIIke normal trolls
CG: REALLY IT ISNT WORTH IT
AC: :KK *the lioness reminds the stupid sq33kb33st that most trolls do talk with puns*
AC: :KK you would know that if you ever talked to one
TA: oh 2hIIt
TA: IIm going to need 2ome II2e for that 2IICK BURN
CG: OK NOW SHUT UP
CG: HATE TO BREAK UP THIS YOUNG HATE THING YOU BOTH SEEM TO BE TRYING FOR
CG: BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP
CG: TAKE IT TO PERSONAL MESSAGING I DONT CARE
CG: BUT DONT FUCK UP THE FIRST POST ON THIS BOARD
AC: :KK first?
AC: :KK but I saw a few memos already up
TA: yeah tho2e are ju2t the publIIc one2 II dont even know how many are hIIdden or deleted
CG: NO SHIT?
CG: REALLY?
CG: YOU THINK A TWELVE-SWEEP OLD BOARD WOULD BE COMPLETELY CLEAN
TA: where the fuck did you find this 2hIItheap board anyway
CG: IN A TRASH FILE RECOVERED FROM A CRASHED SHIP
TA: holy 2hIIt you found a 2pa2e2hIIp
TA: why the hell dIIdnt you tell me?

goeticAmnesty [GA] 166:59 HOURS AGO responded to memo.

GA: BeCause of the imPorTance of PreServing SeCuRiTy.
AC: hi kanaya!
GA: HeLlo Dear, How is ToDay going?
AC: purretty good so far!
AC: *the purroud and furrce lioness tails her meowrail all about her new furr-wh33led transpurrtation device*
GA: That Sounds WoNDerFul
CG: WHOA WHOA HOLD YOUR HOOFBEASTS
CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
CG: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE
GA: It Wasn't DiffiCult
TA: yeah IIm not 2urprII2ed eIIther
CG: YOU HACKED IN?
GA: No.
CG: THEN WHAT DID YOU DO????
GA: I Have My Ways.
GA: I AlSo Have oTHer Things to aTTend To
GA: GoodBye.

goeticAmnesty [GA] 165:59 HOURS AGO stopped responding to memo.

CG: WAIT WHAT
CG: THAT MESSAGE SHOULDNT EXIST
CG: YOU CANT DO THAT
TA: IIm not 2ure about that
TA: you dIIdnt put thII2 board together
TA: you dont know what IIt can and cant do
CG: OH JUST SHUT THE UNGODLY FUCK UP CAPTOR
CG: OR HELP ME FIGURE OUT HOW SHE DID THAT
CA: bullshit science magic
CG: WHAT THE?
CG: AND THAT MEANS?
CG: AND THAT MEANS???????
AC: eridan?
CG: COME ON ALREADY ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CG: HOW IN THE FUCKING!?!?!?!?!?!
CG: AAAARRRGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TA: whatever IIm fuckIIng done with thII2
TA: you want to play a game later NP?
AC: *the mighty lioness politely d33clines saying that she intends to go on the hunt for an old enemy*
CG: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TA: 2ome tIIme next week then?
AC: well this could take awhile
TA: can II help?
AC: sure! m33t me at my hive
AC: come well armed, alright?
CG: OH FUCK YOU ALL
CG: WITH A RAZORBLADE
CG: OR TWELVE

CG banned TA from responding to memo.
CG banned AC from responding to memo.

CG closed memo.

Credit goes to Thunder Reign, for making abaddonCatalyst.

[mythmonster2]

Wow, been a while since I made one of these. Guess the lack of advanced editor scared me off. Regardless, I made a small brown Feferi / indigo Sollux chat in which Feferi is assigned to get Sollux into the Medium.

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terriblyArbitrary[TA] began trolling cattleCultivator [CC]
CC: )(AY, SOLLUX!
TA: hey ff.
TA: DON’T FUCKIING ADDRE22 ME LIIKE THAT 2HIITBLOOD.
CC: Oops, sorry, sir!
CC: W)(at did you want to contact me about?
TA: tz’s finally 2orted out the game bu2iine22 and how we’re going two enter.
TA: FOR SOME FUCKIING REA2ON, THAT BIITCH THOUGHT IIT’D BE REAL FUCKIING FUNNY TWO MAKE YOU OUR 2ERVER PLAYER.
CC: O)(, t)(at sounds like fun!
TA: ii’m 2ure iit wiill be.
CC: And I’ll be sure to follow your every order, sir!
TA: YOU BETTER.
CC: O)(, )(old on one moment!
TA: what’2 the matter?
TA: OH COME ON, 2TOP CARING ABOUT THII2 2TUPIID 2HIITBLOOD 2O MUCH.
TA: hey, fuck you two.
CC: O)( no! 3: (
TA: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?
CC: I did not)(ing, sir, but it was t)(at doing not)(ing t)(at )(as caused a problem.
TA: what happened, ff?
CC: I don’t even know cow t)(at oinkbeast got in )(ere...
TA: WHAT HAVE II 2AIID ABOUT THO2E MOTHERFUCKIING PUN2?
TA: you 2top iit for one 2econd. what happened, ff?
CC: An oinkbeast got in )(ere some)(ow and... )(e kind of broke my game grub.
TA: OH, BY THE MIIRTHFUL ME22IAH2.
CC: Don’t worry, sir. I’ll find some way to fix it.
TA: not two put two much of a ru2h on you but i can kind of already 2ee the meteors
TA: FUCKIING GET U2 IIN IIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTE2 OR EL2E.
CC: But, sir, if I try to use t)(e broken grub, w)(o knows w)(at could )(appen?
TA: ii think iit’s either that or we diie.
CC: Um, okay! I’ll try! )(are goes not)(ing...
TA: THE FUCKIING PUN2, WHAT DIID II 2AY ABOUT THE FUCKIING PUN2?
CC: Sorry, sir!
terriblyArbitrary[TA] ceased trolling cattleCultivator [CC]

Yeah, don't really feel like it's one of my better ones. Oh well.

[caveDraconem]

So, I realise that no one has posted on this thread for quite a long time. However, I recently read the entire thread and was inspired to do one of my own swaps.
So here is my Purple Rose and Tyrian Tavros:

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-- tentativeTemptress began Trolling aggrandisedTyrant --

TT: I resPeCtfully offer my salutatIons, EmPeror.
AT: hOW DID YOU GET THIS HANDLE,
AT: iT WAS MEANT TO BE PRIVATE,
AT: nO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO JUST, uH,
AT: tALK TO ME,,,
TT: Indeed, I must say that my dIsCoverIng It was very fortuItous. It sImPly droPPed Into my braIn durIng a moment of tranquIlIty, as If some benevolent forCe knew exaCtly what I was desIring. Paradox sPaCe Is full of suCh unforeseeable Phenomena.
AT: uMMM,,,
TT: It was a mIraCle, my lIege.
AT: oH,
AT: uM,
AT: i DEMAND AS YOUR RULER THAT YOU INFORM ME OF YOUR NAME RANK AND REASON FOR MAKING CONTACT,
AT: tHIS IS A THING THAT YOU WILL DO IMMEDIATELY AND, uH, nOT DELAY IN THE DOING,
TT: Of Course, Lord. My name Is RosalI Alonda, my rank Is Subjugglator asPirant, and my motIve for establIshIng ContaCt Is the fate of our CIvIlIsatIon. I Pray that you regard my humble PetItIon, oh reverenCed one.
AT: i, uMM, tHINK THAT I SHOULD ASK vRISKA ABOUT THIS BEFORE i,
AT: tALK TO YOU ANY MORE AND SAY SOMETHING WRONG.
TT: I vehemently beg that you don’t, Highness! That would be extremely dangerous for both me and your elevated self. I wIsh to have dIsCourse on matters of whICh she would surely dIssaProve your disCovery.
TT: SensItIve matters.
AT: wHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING,
AT: bECAUSE YOU’RE SUGGESTING SOMETHING AND i DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS,
TT: If you’ll forgIve me for the ImPliCatIon, SIr, I have reason to belIeve that your advIsor may not be all she aPPears.
AT: hOW WOULD YOU KNOW,
AT: yOU DON’T KNOW vRISKA,
AT: sHE’S NEVER MENTIONED YOU TO ME AND SHE’S MENTIONED EVERYONE,
AT: sHE TALKS A LOT ACTUALLY,
AT: hOW WOULD YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER,,,
TT: If you don’t mInd me sayIng, Aloof One, I cannot hear any solId denIal In your statements; as suCh I susPeCt that she has not Pulled the woolbeast fur ComPletely over your eyes. Would you be surprIsed to hear that MIss Serket and I have enjoyed a Close relatIonshIP for several sweePs now?
AT: wAIT,,,
AT: yOU MEAN THAT,,,
TT: Any ConClusIons you draw are your own, your CondesCIon. The faCt remains that your PurPorted ‘AdvIzIer’ has In FaCt told you very lIttle about events on the surfaCe.
TT: By means of examPle, have you heard that reCently a Mutantblooded was disCovered masqueradIng as a Blueblood? SuCh audaCIty has aCted lIke a flame Put to an abundanCe of drIed drIftwood – sParks of many Colours are arrogantly leaPIng out of the blaze. EspeCIally those Colours sImIlar to that of oxIdIsed Iron, If you understand me.
AT: uMM,, nOT EXACTLY,,,
AT: wHAT’S A FIRE,
TT: ...
TT: Don’t worry about It, Aloofness.
TT: The message I Intend to Convey here Is that those of the most InferIor hemoChromes are growIng restless. RebellIon Is In the aIr, and the lower Classes are drInkIng deeply of Its sweet lIquor. They long to throw off the burdensome yoke of their so-Called oPPressors, and be free to do as they Please, wIth no thought for exPedIenCy.
TT: It Is most worryIng, CondesCe.
AT: iSN’T THAT YOUR, I MEAN THE SUBJUGGLATORS’ JOB,
AT: tO SUBDUE AND, uH, dEFEND THE HEMOSPECTRUM,,,
AT: tHIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM AND i ANGRILY AND SUPERIORLY DEMAND THAT YOU CEASE TO BOTHER ME WITH IT,
AT: bE GONE AT ONCE OR I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU REGRET YOUR NOT DOING THE THING i SAID,
TT: Of Course, noble one, of Course. I sImPly ask you to ConsIder the PossIbIlIty that the CorruPtIon among the PoPulaCe reaChes somewhat... hIgher than one mIght exPeCt.
TT: But I’m CertaIn that you don’t need to ConCern yourself with treaChery among those of my blood Colour. It’s not as If anyone with ComPlete Control over the subCOnCIous minds of the PoPulaCe Could ever be a threat to you, with your most Powerful blood type.
TT: I shall therefore take my leave, oh graCIous ruler.

-- tentativeTemptress ceased Trolling aggrandisedTyrant --

AT: nO,
AT: wAIT,
AT: dON’T GO,
AT: yOU NEED TO TELL ME MORE,
AT: rETURN TO THE CONVERSATION THIS INSTANT,
AT: cOME BACK,,,

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Like most purple bloods, Rosali is a devout follower of the Mirthful Messiahs. Unlike most purple bloods, Rosali is completely clean of sopor. She uses this to her advantage, rising quickly through the ranks of training Subjugglators with a mixture of sobriety and manipulation. She hankers for power, and although everything she has told Tavros is true, she has motives other than perpetuation of the Hemospectrum. The main problem with the Hemospectrum, she believes, is that she is just a bit too far away from the top (but not too far; the position of Advizier would be perfect).
Tavros has spent his entire life being told that he would one day be emperor, and concurrently being informed that he was not good enough and never would be. Although he managed to take the throne and the Lusus, the empire has made no strides, great or otherwise, under his leadership. He has a Trollian handle for no other purpose than to allow Vriska to talk at him at any time she chooses.

[Vanymstorm]

Like most purple bloods, Rosali is a devout follower of the Mirthful Messiahs.

RATHER OBSCURE CULT

That's a pretty small issue, though. As for the actual log, I've found bold text helps a lot with color recognition, which was a bit of an issue for me. Nice stuff though, and it's good to see this thread hasn't been completely forgotten.

[caveDraconem]

Whoops, it was in bold in word but I forgot to put the formatting back in. I figured that since both Gamzee and Kurloz were members of the cult, we can probably assume that most other purplebloods would be too.

[The Poet]

Ooh, this sounds fun.
*hesitantly proposes an alliance with the bloodswap thread*

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--carefulGentry [CG] pegan pestering ariadnesGrasp [AG]--
CG: I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
CG: EVEN THOUGH IT WAS TECHNICALLY YOUR FAULT.
CG: ACTUALLY, NO, I CAN'T EVEN PRETEND THAT.
CG: I JUST - DIDN'T THINK HE WOULD GO THAT FAR.
AG: I'm fine, Karkat. No need to worry over me.
AG: It's Terezi who you should 8e saying sorry to.
AG: 8esides, it's not your fault.
AG: It's his.
CG: YEAH... BUT STILL, I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED SOMETHING WAS UP WHEN HE ASKED TO CLOUD HER.
AG: He does weird things all the time, you couldn't have seen this coming.
AG: That's my department, remem8er what I told you?
CG: ACTUALLY, SPEAKING OF WHICH...
CG: IS THERE ANY WAY THAT GAME THAT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT COULD HELP FIX HER?
AG: There is a possi8ility.
AG: 8ut... pro8a8ly not.
AG: She can fix herself if she tries.
CG: AND WHAT'S SHE GOING TO DO, RECOVER FROM PERMANENTLY DAMAGING SMOKE INHALATION? SOMEHOW MIRACULOUSLY HEAL HER VOCAL CHORDS?
AG: Don't 8e ridiculous.
AG: She'll learn to mindspeak.
CG: ...
CG: THAT IS THE MOST IDIOTIC IDEA I HAVE EVER HEARD. SERIOUSLY, IF IDEAS WERE ALL OF THE FIDUSPAWN CARDS IN THE WORLD, AND THE IDIOTIC IDEAS WERE OUR GLORIOUS FUCKING EMPEROR APPARENT'S COLLECTION, AND THE WORST FUCKING IDEAS IN THE INTIRE UNIVERSE WERE HIS ABSOLUTE FAVORITE, HE WOULD TREASURE THIS ONE FAR, FAR BEYOND ALL OTHERS.
CG: YOU CAN'T SIMPLY DEVELOP A PSYCHIC POWER. IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN.
AG: You're an idiot sometimes, and don't 8e mean to my moirail.
AG: Especially since he's the emperor-to-8e.
AG: Terezi's a maroon, remem8er?
AG: It's a l8tant power. She'll figure it out soon enough.
CG: ... WELL... OKAY. GOOD. I MEAN, AT LEAST SHE WON'T BE COMPLETELY MUTE.
CG: BUT... YOU DIDN'T ESCAPE COMPLETELY UNSCATHED, DID YOU?
CG: I MEAN, SOLLUX CAME AFTER YOU, TOO.
AG: I'm... fine.
AG: Compl8tely f8ne.
CG: WHAT. DID. HE. DO.
AG: ........ I lost one eye.
CG: TELL ME IT WASN'T -
AG: good8ye, vision 8fold.
CG: FUCKING DAMN IT.
AG: I'm fine. I'll heal.
AG: Eventually.
CG: I JUST... FEEL USELESS. I MEAN, SOLLUX AND ME, WE'RE TEAM SCOURGE. THE BEST FLARPING TEAM TO EVER ADVENTURE ALTERNIA.
CG: AND I COULDN'T STOP HIM FROM ALMOST KILLING TEREZI AND YOU.
CG: SOME HELP I TURNED OUT TO BE.
AG: Calm down, it's n8t your f8ult!
AG: We never should have accepted this campaign in the first place.
CG: IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
CG: YOU COULDN'T SAY NO TO A TEAM OF A BLUEBLOOD AND A CERULEAN.
CG: I SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN CONSIDERED IT WHEN HE ASKED.
CG: I KNOW HOW FAR HE CAN GO.
AG: How a8out it was neither of our faults?
AG: He's to 8lame.
CG: YEAH, OKAY.
CG: THANKS FOR HELPING.
CG: I'M GONNA GO HAVE A TALK WITH HIM.
CG: AND BY TALK, I PROBABLY MEAN STRIFE.
AG: Good luck.
--carefulGentry ceased trolling ariadnesGrasp--

[orangenelly]

I come bearing a question!
Okay, so I really want to write a Brownepeta and Tyrian John pesterlog, but I don't think I could pull off John, or the pesterchum format/text colors. (<== Major noob.)
So, if anyone would like to help me/write for John, maybe you could PM me and we could start writing?
If this is the wrong place to put this, I'm sorry.

[Vanymstorm]

I come bearing a question!
Okay, so I really want to write a Brownepeta and Tyrian John pesterlog, but I don't think I could pull off John, or the pesterchum format/text colors. (<== Major noob.)
So, if anyone would like to help me/write for John, maybe you could PM me and we could start writing?
If this is the wrong place to put this, I'm sorry.

Proper color codes are in the Original Post "Major", if that is your real rank. Top of the first page. Just highlight in the post editor, add any color tag, drop the right code into place, and repeat like three dozen times.

And my best advice if you're having trouble writing for a character is to just sit down with a bunch of dialogue samples--ideally with similar emotional tone to what you want to write--and just binge-read. If you read enough stuff in a given "voice", that voice can get stuck in your head for a while. (Ever find yourself thinking in Britishisms after reading a book by a British author? Same deal.) Additionally, you could take advantage of Homestuck's callback-heavy nature: type tweaked versions of two or three canon segments, and use those as "anchors" to orient yourself to the character. That would usually work better for swaps that have canon-version interactions to mirror though. Maybe hold off on this one, and start by exploring the character in conversations that would be easier to "cheat" that way on? Where's Karkat in this AU?

Brown trolls are an interesting choice, since we don't know much about the caste's role in Alternian society beyond "cannon fodder", so it's hard to gauge what sort of aspirations to apply to a character. It offers some freedom, but also a lot of temptation to take the "easy" way out and just slap Tavros-specific traits on there, although exploring what a character might be like if they were less confident or more humble can be interesting too. And of course with the trolls there's all these seemingly-minor details to fiddle with. Do you just keep the same lusus for each caste, in line with the usual kidswap methodology? What about ancestor lore? Whose zodiac motif do you lean on? How should you handle troll last names?

Come to think, Nepeta is an interesting choice too because of how heavily the outward impression she gives is influenced by her lusus. This goes back to the question of zodiac motifs; would she still be a catgirl with no cat to imprint on?

[caveDraconem]

The story continues, now with Highblood Rose and Seadweller Vriska.

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-- achillesGenitrix began trolling tentativeTemptress –-

AG: Hooooow daaaaare yooooouuuuu!!!!!
AG: How dare you interfere with MY po5ition, how dare you plant 5eed5 in the head of my charge, how dare you how dare you hooooow daaaaare yooooouuuuu!!!!!
TT: I do belIeve that makes sIx. Careful, VrIska, or everyone wIll forget that your Lusus Is a legless hoofbeast.
AG: You over5tep your bound5, landdweller. You have no right to go ONE 5TH a5 far a5 you went, and now Tavro5 doe5n’t tru5t me. He doe5n’t tru5t me, and now everything i5 ruined thank5 to your UNAUTHORI5ED MEDDLING.
TT: You’re absolutely rIght.
AG: And if you EVER think that
AG: Wait. What?
TT: You are correct. I dId Cross a lIne In our relatIonshiP, In a way that I’m sure Is ComPletely unPreCedented and entIrely unforgIvable.
AG: Exactly.
TT: In faCt, I belIeve that I Can go so far as to make a PromIse, on humbly bended knee, that I wIll never agaIn ‘meddle’, as you so acutely Put It, In any of your affaIrs.
AG: That’5 all I ever a5ked.
TT: So great Is my ContrItness at havIng so offended so mIghty a seadweller, that I wIll Personally vow to Cease hInderIng and, Indeed, even aId you In all of your followIng endeavours, however rePulsIve I may fInd them to be. ThIs Is the extent to whICh I resPeCt your oPInIon, oh great leader of the trolls.
AG: Yeeeee55555.
AG: Thi5 i5 perfect.
TT: It shall CertaInly Please me greatly to be MatesPrIt to you, VrIska.
AG: .....
AG: I hate you 5o much.
TT: What was that you saId, oh dawn of my lIfe, flower of my blood-Pusher, light of my oraCular vents? I dIdn’t quIte Catch your revered utteranCe.
AG: IIIII HAAAAATE YOOOOOUUUUU 55555OOOOO MUUUUUCH!!!!!
AG: Out of all the troll5 in all of paradox 5pace, WHY ON ALTERNIA did I choo5e 5imply the mo5t INFURIATING there i5 a5 a ki5me5i5????? What po55e55ed me to get into a relation5hip with the GOG-DAMNED 5OBER PURPLEBLOOD?????
AG: WHYYYYY!!!!!
TT: It’s most lIkely beCause you’re basICally enmIred In the dePths of the flushed quadrant, and the objeCt of your desIre has ComPletely faIled to resPond to your hugely obvIous advanCes.
TT: In suCh a sorry Case, what other ChoICe Could you have other than to beCome that troll’s kImesIs, no matter how muCh you may seCretely admIre them.
TT: I am In awe of your orIginalIty. Most trolls would attemPt to CultIvate an unlIkely MatesPrItshIP from the PosItIon of MoIraIl; but suCh a Ploy Is muCh too ConventIonal for VrIska Serket.
AG: YOOOOOUUUUU.....
TT: Yes, my dear?
AG: The 5EA IT5ELF will BOIL OVER and the very HEMO5PECTRUM will FALL TO DU5T before I EVER feel anything le55 than THE PUREST BLACK toward5 you, Ro5ali Alonda.
TT: That Could be arranged.

--tentativeTemptress ceased trolling achillesGenitrix --

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I'm really growing to like Highblood Rose. Is she the best kismesis ever, or what?

[reignonyourparade]

alright SO i have figured out exactly where raikonos stopped charting. At some point where i am not up three hours too late on a night i have work i will see about getting that up to speed.

[moltenHumanoid]

Okay, this seems fun.

Canon!Dave/John Strider

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turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grotesqueTriad [GT]

TG: sup
GT: hey dude.
TG: not gonna fly off the handle
TG: just cause some fucker has the same text color as you
TG: cause
TG: let me tell ya
TG: the handle
TG: is sick of everyone flying off it
TG: the handle just wants to settle down
TG: live a normal life
TG: get married
TG: settle down
TG: have some shitty little handle kids
GT: now that I think about it.
GT: it is pretty weird.
GT: I've been on pesterchum for ages.
GT: like.
GT: the dinosaurs were running around being all big and shit.
GT: and I was just sitting here in this shitty little chair.
GT: talking to shitty people on this shitty little chat application.
TG: aww dont diss pesterchum man
TG: pesterchums the best
GT: as I was saying.
GT: I've never once met anyone with the same text color as me.
GT: now that I think about it, it's sort of strange.
TG: let me make this quick man
TG: do you promise not to fly off the handle
GT: the handle and I shall never part ways.
GT: we are glued together.
GT: with krazy glue or some shit.
TG: alright
TG: im from a different universe
TG: messaging you with an interdemensional pesterchum addon
TG: that one of my troll bros made
GT: wait.
GT: you're friends with the trolls.
TG: sure am
TG: even got a troll girlfriend
GT: so are they really aliens.
GT: like they say.
GT: and if so.
GT: how does that work out.
GT: with your troll girlfriend.
TG: first question
TG: yes they sure are aliens
TG: got horns
TG: and weird rainbow blood which apparently denotates their whole shitty caste system
TG: and grey skin
GT: wait.
GT: why isn't their skin the same color as their blood.
TG: fuck me if i know
TG: unless terezi has been pulling something on me
TG: which is quite possible actually
TG: my chumhandle is not
TG: trollbiologist
TG: and
TG: in response to your second question
TG: that is the business of a select few people
TG: namely terezi and myself
TG: do you see your name on that list
TG: i sure fucking hope not
TG: whats your name anyway
GT: sheesh.
GT: I was just curious.
GT: no need to be such an asshole about it.
GT: anyway.
GT: my name's John.
TG: so i assume you like shitty movies then
GT: no.
GT: I make a point of how much I hate shitty movies.
GT: by making reviews of them.
GT: and posting them to the internet.
TG: badass dude
TG: by the way
TG: my names dave
TG: you can call me
TG: dave
TG: you have sweet bro and hella jeff in your universe
GT: sure man.
GT: Dave makes them.
GT: they are filled with hilarious obscure references.
GT: and they have really good art.
TG: sounds like your dave is a lalonde then
GT: how did you know that.
TG: it seems like the personality traits
TG: of all the alternate versions of us
TG: are mixed up
TG: and we get all sorts of weird ass combinations
TG: in our universe
TG: lalonde is the snide sarcastic bookish type
GT: oh that sounds like Rose.
GT: except she's not snide and sarcastic.
GT: she's all bubbly and excited about everything.
TG: sounds like shes a harley then
GT: yep.
GT: well this has been a totally badass conversation.
GT: but there seem to be imps knocking on the door to my bedroom.
GT: I'd better let them in.
TG: by the way whats your title
GT: knight of breath, according to brosprite.
TG: brosprite
TG: aww man you lucked out
TG: anyway
TG: im the knight of time
TG: peace out dude
GT: you too.

grotesqueTriad [GT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

Okay, there it is.

[Raikonos]

alright SO i have figured out exactly where raikonos stopped charting. At some point where i am not up three hours too late on a night i have work i will see about getting that up to speed.

The fact that I checked this thread on a whim and saw this post caused my guilt nodules to become painfully engorged. Tonight I will begin the arduous (but worthwhile) task of draining the fluid from them.

By which I mean once I get home tonight I'll get back to work on this and update the chart. Also: draft an apology note.

[reignonyourparade]

In THAT case I will work backwards from here in order to help you out a little

[Raikonos]

Ok, a quick look tells me that everything after this post is what needs to be charted. Mostly just writing this down for my own reference, I'll get to it once I'm at home.

[caveDraconem]

We're so mean to you, letting you believe that your work here its done and then coming back to make more work for you. It's very inconsiderate of us.
Of course, this doesn't mean we're going to stop.

[Raikonos]

Okay! After a shameful hiatus too long for me to want to figure out the exact length of, this shizzle is bizzle. Back. It's back, is what I'm saying.

Anyway! Chart's updated! It took a bit longer than I was expecting, but I'm going camping for the weekend and I'm not gonna have reliable internet and I was not gonna put this off any longer, so I pulled an all-nighter to get it done.

I think over the weekend I'm gonna write up a Teal Karkat / Jade Vriska thing that popped into my head as I was filling the chart, and when I get back I'll probably clean up the OP a little. Other than that, I'm pretty sure everything's back on track!

i really need to find a non-manual method of filling the chart, that shit takes forever in paint

[caveDraconem]

Here's Tyrian Tavros and, umm, Jade Jade

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- gentleGratifier began Trolling aggrandisedTyrant --

GG: hi there!
AT: wHAT,
AT: hOW DO YOU HAVE MY tROLLIAN HANDLE,
AT: hOW DOES everyone HAVE MY tROLLIAN HANDLE,,,
GG: my friend rosali tells me you have some self esteem issues!
GG: so she asked me to help you feel better about yourself!
AT: oH NO, nOT HER AGAIN,
AT: lAST TIME i GOT INTO SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH vRISKA,,,
AT: bUT, uM, yOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW THAT,
AT: i COMMAND YOU TO FORGET THAT THING i JUST SAID jADEBLOOD,
GG: that’s not a problem at all, dear. would you like to tell me a bit about yourself? talking about your problems is the first step to solving them (:=
AT: uMM,,,
AT: wHY WOULD i JUST, uH,
AT: tELL YOU ABOUT MY PROBLEMS,,,
GG: because you need to talk to someone about it! if you dont, itll just kind of bottle up inside until you explode! ive seen it happen before, its very sad ):=
GG: and im the perfect person to tell, because vriska is crazy and rosali is a bit intimidating at times, and i promise not to tell anyone! jadebloods keep their word!
AT: oH,,,
AT: ok, i SUPPOSE i’LL TELL YOU SOME STUFF,,,
GG: take your time (:=
AT: wELL, uMM, yOU KNOW HOW YOU SAID THAT vRISKA IS CRAZY,,,
AT: i DON’T THINK THAT SHE IS BUT SOMETIMES SHE’S A BIT,,,
GG: ?:=
AT: oVERBEARING,
GG: come on, i can tell that youre just being polite! you need to really let it all out if you want to fix these problems!
AT: ok ok,,,
AT: wELL, sHE, uMM,
AT: iS SOMETIMES REALLY MEAN TO ME,
GG: thats terrible! how so?
AT: sHE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT i NEED TO BE BETTER, uH, iF i EVER WANT TO BE eMPEROR,
AT: aND i TELL HER THAT i AM THE eMPEROR, i KILLED MY ANCESTOR AND EVERYTHING BUT,,,
GG: but?!
AT: bUT SHE SAYS THAT iT DIDNT REALLY COUNT AND, uMM, iF i WERE ACTUALLY THE eMPEROR i WOULD HAVE KILLED THE LAST ONE PROPERLY,
AT: aND NOT IN A STUPID COWARD WAY,
GG: what was wrong with how you killed the last emperor? i heard about the battle, and you sounded very brave!
AT: uMM, i DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU HEARD BUT,
AT: iT WASN’T REALLY BRAVE AT ALL,
AT: iT WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF SAD AND PATHETIC,,,
GG: i can recognise vriskas words when i hear them, silly! why dont you tell me all about the battle in your own words (:=
AT: i,
AT: i,
AT: dON’T THINK THAT i WANT TO,
AT: rIGHT AT THIS MOMENT,
GG: thats quite alright, my dear! its not your fault that vriskas got you feeling all scared!
GG: but you should troll me again some other time! because im always here and ready to listen to anything you have to say!
GG: even if its just silly things about your day, and i can tell you silly things about mine in return (:=
AT: ,,,
AT: }:)
GG: nice smile! catch you later!

-- gentleGratifier ceased Trolling aggrandisedTyrant --

[OrangeAipom]

gentleGratifier is typed in tyrian.

[caveDraconem]

Whoops, fixed

[Raikonos]

I'm legitimately surprised that the Jade Jade row/column remained completely empty for so long.