CUL-DE-STUCK (Text) - Kanker Intermission

[Kraft]

> Check that all players are connected.
> Run through your checklist.

[LordHyper]

Get on PeachChat to inform Eddy that it's about to start.

You start up PEACHCHAT...

~youngEinstein started chatting with professorScam - 10:55 PM~

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YE: Eddy, we will start playing at 11:00.
YE: Start downloading it immediately.
PS: on it $ockhead
PS: what'$ the $ituation on the other idiot$?
YE: Ed finally settled somewhere, not sure where exactly.
YE: Sarah's already set up and Johnny's heading home as we speak.
PS: right.
PS: talk to you again when the game $tart$.
~youngEinstein stopped chatting with professorScam~

You are now EDDY. You heard sockhead. Let's get out those GAME DISCS from the inventory so that you can download this stupid thing.

-->

[Shailsnic]

>Download the stupid thing

[Kraft]

> Grab something from the fridge while it loads, there's no telling how long the stupid thing will take.

[LordHyper]

>Download the stupid thing

You take out the... DISCS? Wait a minute, you just pulled out something else! It's a LARGE METAL BOX... that promptly falls on your feet, giving you horrible but comedic pain. When the hell did you get this? Did your MOM sneak it into your inventory while you were eating? You flip the box off of your foot and examine it. There doesn't seem to be any way to open it. However, it must contain something. Unless it was a prank to break your feet. If it was a prank, you have to admit, it's a pretty damn good one. Since you pulled it out first though, it's clearly more valuable than the game...

Speaking of, you pull out the actual discs next and insert them into your laptop. Hmm. It'll take a minute or two to install.

> Grab something from the fridge while it loads, there's no telling how long the stupid thing will take.

You already ate breakfast, but sure, why not? You head into the kitchen and search the FRIDGE. ...No, that sucks. That also sucks. ...You'll made do with this JELLO. Your mind briefly wanders to the failed plan to make a jello pool as you take out the treat.

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[Shailsnic]

>Try to break box with the bowling ball I KNOW you have.

[LordHyper]

>Try to break box with the bowling ball I KNOW you have.

Yessss. Can't have a FUNKY SWAG ROOM without SWEET BOWLING BALLS. What the hell swag even means, you don't know.

You head into your closet and take out ONE SWEET BOWLING BALL. You proceed to drop it on the box, hoping to break it open and release it's unknown payload. But then, unexpectedly, the bowling ball just... bounces... off. You examine the metal. Not a dent. Hell, not even a scratch. What is that this made of? The skins of Superman, Chuck Norris, and Flandre Scarlett!?

Oh hey, your laptop's making a dinging noise. That's probably a good thing.

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Sorry for ditching you people again, but I've been watching Doctor Who lately. I've managed to have sped through Season 3 so far. The Master is awesome. That's all there is to be said on the matter.

Also the new album is pretty kick-ass. Definitely better than the last one. I thought the last album was a generic sounding.

[Shailsnic]

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It's fine, don't worry about it =)

>Check your laptop.

[Kraft]

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It's hard to deny Doctor Who

> Check Laptop

[rayeon]

> Don't check the laptop, do something utterly stupid.

[LordHyper]

> Don't check the laptop, do something utterly stupid.

For a brief moment, you pretend that you own all the jawbreakers in the world and burst into evil laughter. More dinging from your computer is the only thing that stops you.

> Check Laptop

You look at your laptop and you see the logo, which is CUL-DE-STUCK in front of a backdrop of spinning circle things. You have no idea what they are. Probably a dumb long complicated word Sockhead would tell you about. Well, let's get started...

--

You are JONNY, and you and your best friend Plank has just gotten home! The GAME has been downloading upstairs while you were out, so it should be ready by now!

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[fireicedog]

> Well, what are you waiting for? Locate nearest fruit basket and become Captain Melonhead!!!

[LordHyper]

> Well, what are you waiting for? Locate nearest fruit basket and become Captain Melonhead!!!

Captain Melonhead? Who's that? Your ALTER-EGO? You certainly don't have a heroic alter-ego.

Instead, your alter-ego is the great, villainous, THE GOURD, the scrounge of the Cul-De-Sac that definitely deserves a large and bold name! To go along with this, Plank becomes, TIMBER THE DARK SHARD, THE GOURD'S evil sidekick! Together, YOU FIGHT CRI- CAUSE CRIME! You meant cause crime!

However, you have no reason to assume the form of THE GOURD or your former, heroic alter-ego, Captain Melonhead (who's name by the way doesn't become big and dramatic since you don't use him as much anymore). What Plank? No, you can't be TIMBER THE DARK SHARD. You an't be him without THE GOURD! It's flat out unreasonable!

You forgot what you were doing.

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[Ouroboros]

> Jonny: Ask Plank what you were supposed to be doing. He's the smart one, after all.

[LordHyper]

> Jonny: Ask Plank what you were supposed to be doing. He's the smart one, after all.

Oh right! You have Plank with you! Okay Plank, tell us what to do!

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You are now PLANK.

Jonny, we were going to play the game, remember?

And you. I can see you. Highlighting this text.

I like peanut butter.

---

You are back to JONNY, and oh my gosh, Plank's right! You have a game to be playing!

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[Kraft]

> Play the Game!!!

[Shailsnic]

Scurry towards your computer, trip on the way there.

[LordHyper]

AUTHOR'S NOTE

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Yeah! I'm finally done watching all those Doctor Who episodes and I finished my fanfic! Hooray! Now, what to do now? Oh yeah, my Cul-De-Stuck fan-adventure that I haven't updated... for... more than a month. ....Welp.

So, once again, I apologize for not doing shit. However, since it's summer and there's no more school, then I'll finally have the time to update, plus I got all my other crap out of the way!

And btw, this is the last post of Act 1. Anyway, allonsy!

>Play

There is now a flashy logo of a changing spirograph on the screen, with the words, CUL-DE-STUCK embezzled on in a boring font. Oh Double D, wouldn't it have hurt to make the title look more interesting? Sure, the animation is cool, but game titles should be stylized! Isn't that right Plank? ...Yep.

You enter the game and you see Sarah on the screen with an interface that seriously reminds you of... something. You can't quite put your finger on it. And wow, Sarah must have a nice webcam. You can see her so clearly from overhead... hold the phone...

How can the camera be overhead? Shouldn't the webcam be in front of Sarah's computer? Or is Sarah secretly a monkey and put her computer and junk overhead so she can use it when swinging around!?

Wait a minute....

...

...You forgot to check HOMESTUCK for updates this morning! You head over to MS PAINT ADVENTURES and check. Sadly, the site seems to be taking a break after the whole Cascade thing. You know Hussie and the art and music teams worked hard on it, but you can't stop yourself from being impatient. Meanwhile, you can only wonder what Act 6 has in store. Is Betty Crocker really a villain? Will they introduce a new species like they did with Act 5? Can...

Johnny.

What was that Plank?

Doesn't the game interface look familiar to you!?

...Yes, the game interface does look familia... ....oh sweet waffle cakes. You recognize the game now. The spirograph. The overhead view.

You run downstairs and turn on the tv. You sincerely hope that this is a coincidence and that Sarah really is a monkey with an overhead webcam...

---

"Reports of sudden heatwaves are coming from all around the world. Small objects have also been falling out of the sky in some parts of the world..."

You are now ROLF, and you are listening to the AIRWAVE TALKATIVE OBJECT that Rolf told Nazz to bring to the hideout, since Rolf obviously does not believe in such sorcery. Rolf's ancestors have been correct... things are going down exactly as they have predicted.

...Rolf only hopes they were correct about the survival of Rolf and friends...

---

You are KEVIN, and you are looking at your screen, confused. Somehow, you see Johnny scrambling around his house like a complete spazz. Guy needs some serious medication. Meanwhile, all this buttons and stuff is seriously reminding you of those dumb THE SIMS games. It most certainly doesn't remind you of Homestuck. In fact, you're pretty sure you're the only one in this neighborhood who hasn't read that crap. And you'll most likely never will, even if your life depends on it.

---

You are EDD, and you are staring at your computer screen in complete shock. You recognize it. You recognize all of it. You check your bookmarked sites and you see reports of heat waves and objects falling out of the sky. You're not sure how it's possible. Heck, you may just be hallucinating right now. But you know one thing for certain, and that one thing is now easily your worst failure yet.

You've developed a new version of SBURB. You don't know who sent the original files to you, but you do know that you've just doomed the entire world.

END OF ACT 1.

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KANKER INTERMISSION 1

You are LEE KANKER, and you're seriously wondering why it's so damn hot today. The temperature has been warm until right now. ...Eh, maybe it's just that global warming bullshit you've heard from those people on the news.

You are waiting for your sisters, MARIE and MAY to come out of your trailer home. They're gathering supplies for a little adventure you're all having, but they're taking pretty damn long. What adventure is that? That adventure is called LOVE, you stupid children. You plan on giving a birthday surprise to your lover boy, Eddy. You're sure he'll appreciate the sentiment. He'll also appreciate you when pin him to the floor and start smooching him. At least you'll think he'll like that. Marie and May have agreed to come along, since chance are, they'll be running into Edd and Ed as well. Urgh, you don't see what they see in them. Eddy is clearly the cutest. He's just so short and angry. It reminds you of a little pitbull puppy.

...What's taking them so long!?

==>

[llamamiah]

>Marie and May: Be watching the news.

[LordHyper]

>Marie and May: Be watching the news.

You are now both MARIE and MAY, and you are both watching the news... well, actually, it's just Marie. May is currently trying to steal the remote from her hands, which is making the tv rapidly flick through channels.

MAY: I want to see my animes!
MARIE: Don't be an idiot May! Your choice of anime is as dumb as you! Now give it May! I need to see the news!
MAY: Take that back! Bleach is clearly the best, especially those filling episodes!
MARIE: It's called filler idiot, and give me that remote!

Marie socks May in the face, giving her full control of the remote.

MARIE: Besides, haven't you heard of the crazy crap going on?

She turns on the tv, showing a random news broadcaster.

"The meteor storm ha begun to worsen, with meteors falling at alarming rates. Bigger ones have even hit small towns, completely decimating them. NASA has also reported that a meteor the size of Texas is falling toward a town called Peach Cre-"

LEE: Will you girls hurry up already!

Marie turns off the tv. Normally, she wouldn't be interested in the news, but she admits that all this meteor stuff is interesting. She didn't quite catch the last part though. Meanwhile, May has gotten the supplies: a FAKE BIRTHDAY CAKE that they're going to hide in and jump out to surprise the Eds, LIPSTICK, and THREE PAIRS OF HANDCUFFS. Hmm? What's that for? You don't need to know.

Huh? The Eds aren't having a party? They're spending the entire day playing an online video game? That's just silly. In fact, you have no idea how those thoughts could have occurred to you.

==>

[Shailsnic]

>If they're playing a game online they're probably at their houses! You could probably take them down one by one.