CUL-DE-STUCK (Text) - Kanker Intermission

[EnigmaticD]

>Jimmy: Give tree climbing the old middle school try.

[Lazro]

>Chew on bark.

[Ouroboros]

> Johnny: Ask plank to negotiate with the tree on your behalf

[LordHyper]

>Jimmy: Give tree climbing the old middle school try.

You have no idea what that is, but you decide to try your best to help Johnny. You wrap yourself around the tree and start HOISTING yourself upward. This doesn't seem so- OH GOD YOU GOT A SPLINTER. THE HUMANITY. OH EVEN MORE GOD YOU'RE SLIPPING.

>Chew on bark.

You hook your teeth onto the bark, hoping to hang on. This fails significantly and you end up falling. Owie.

> Johnny: Ask plank to negotiate with the tree on your behalf

AT: for crying ouT loud!
AT: okay, your Turn plank!
AT: Talk To The Tree and help me ouT!
AT: ...
AT: whaT do you mean i have To pay you for your services?
AT: alright sheesh
AT: fine, i'll pay! jusT geT me down!

After a few seconds, you hear a snapping noise; the branches that your head got stuck in broke. You fall out of the tree and end up landing on Jimmy. Alright! ...Wait, is that bad? Well, it's bad for Jimmy at least.

You are now JOHNNY. Or JONNY. You honestly have no idea how to spell your own name. You are always HAPPY AS A CLAM and you love talking with your BEST BRO, PLANK. You love to spread your HAPPINESS around, but you end up PISSING PEOPLE OFF most of the time. Maybe it's because you're WEIRD. ...Nah, that can't be it.

You love NATURE and have a really great IMAGINATION. It's so great that you constantly think that PLANK can talk. ...Wait, how dare you say such a thing? Plank can always talk, it's not in your imagination!

Or maybe you're just CRAZY. ...Nah, that's not it.

Online, you are known as acorn=Tree and you capitalize all of your T's, because they tend to look like trees. Well, to you anyway.

...Hmm... maybe you should get off Jimmy now.

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[EnigmaticD]

>Stand up, help Jimmy up.

[hero122]

Look around for Sarah. if you see her, get off Jimmy.
If not, eat a burrito!

[Lazro]

>Help Jimmy up with Plank (formerly known as 2/4)

[LordHyper]

>Help Jimmy up with Plank (formerly known as 2/4)

You offer PLANK to Jimmy, so that PLANK can pull him up. Jimmy however does the other way around and uses Plank to pull HIMSELF up. Ah well, at least Jimmy's okay.

AT: sorry abouT landing on you!
AT: no hard feelings, righT?

Jimmy scowls at you.

BY: don't you have something else to do!
AT: oh you're righT!
AT: i have To geT This game To ed!

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[hero122]

>Trip on a ladybug. Every time.

[Bamoehn]

>Jimmy: See a bunny

>Johnny: Make like a mailman and deliver that chicken game!

[LordHyper]

>Trip on a ladybug. Every time.

You begin your trek when you suddenly see a ladybug. You go, "Hi Ms. Ladybug!" when you trip on her. And then you saw stars. You got back up and started walking again when, "Oh hey again Ms. Ladybug!" then you somehow trip on her again. My how those stars look pretty.

---

You are back to being EDDY.

What's taking so damn long? You want to play already!

"Eddy! Breakfast!"

Oh, it appears that your MOM is calling you for breakfast.

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[llamamiah]

>Strife wit' ya' brothah! He's stolen ya' scrambled eggs!

[hero122]

>Strife wit' ya' brothah! He's stolen ya' scrambled eggs!

His brother lives like 100 miles away at a carnival!

[llamamiah]

...I know. But still, Eddy isn't gonna strife with his Mom, right?

[EnigmaticD]

>Strife with your low self esteem.

[LordHyper]

>Strife wit' ya' brothah! He's stolen ya' scrambled eggs!

His brother lives like 100 miles away at a carnival!

You wish you could STRIFE with your DOUCHEBAG BROTHER, but he's a 100 MILES AWAY. Besides, if you did that, he'll CURBSTOMP your ass.

>Strife with your low self esteem.

You can't STRIFE with something rhetorical! That's just silly. Let's just go get your damn breakfast.

Your MOM is pulling out a VACUUM from the CLOSET. Your mom has BLONDISH HAIR and seems a bit FRAIL, but don't let that fool you. Behind the WEAK EXTERIOR lies the MIND OF A CUNNING MASTERMIND. If you're grounded and try to escape, she is always one step ahead of you.

MOM: Happy birthday Eddy!
MOM: Enjoy your breakfast while I go vacuum your room.

Oh hell yes: you got BACON, an OMELETTE, and BUTTERED TOAST and a GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE. You can tell that this day is going to be awesome...

...

...

...

OH CRAP, SHE'S VACUUMING YOUR ROOM. You must not let her find your MAGAZINES (which smells slightly like sewer; long story)!

...

...

It's not the kind of MAGAZINES you think, but it's still equally EMBARRASSING. You must not let her see it!

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[Ouroboros]

> Finish breakfast quickly, then offer to help with the cleaning. Surreptitiously (Like you can do things in any other way) hide the magazines the first chance you get.

[Lazro]

>Unplug VACUUM CLEANER, thus making her come downstairs.

If not:

>Strife with VACUUM CLEANER.

[Fuade]

>Destroy the pipes to the sink. Complain to mom that the house is flooding to get her out of your room.

[LordHyper]

> Finish breakfast quickly

If you do that, you'll choke and DIE. You're not ED, who can just UNHINGE HIS FRIGGIN' JAW AND EAT HIS BED WHOLE.

>Unplug VACUUM CLEANER, thus making her come downstairs.

If not:

>Strife with VACUUM CLEANER.

It's some sort of VACUUM that does not need to be PLUGGED IN. MOM bought it after you pulled this con several times. And you can't STRIFE with the VACUUM when that tyrant is holding it.

>Destroy the pipes to the sink. Complain to mom that the house is flooding to get her out of your room.

Oh, you never did this before. She'll never know. Heh heh...

PS: hey mom
MOM: Yeah honey?
PS: the $ink is leaking...
MOM: Oh goodness!
MOM: It looks like someone beat it with a wrench!
PS: yeah! you have to go get a plumber right away!

Your MOM stops vacuuming and runs for the PHONE. Ha. Hook, line, and sinker.

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[Kraft]

Genius!

> Quickly stash the magazines onto the top shelf of the closet. Maybe put some dirty clothes in there too, so if she notices the smell later she'll assume it's them.

[LordHyper]

Genius!

> Quickly stash the magazines onto the top shelf of the closet. Maybe put some dirty clothes in there too, so if she notices the smell later she'll assume it's them.

While she isn't looking, you run back to your room, grab your BOX OF MAGAZINES, and put it on the top shelf of the closet. Before you could put some CLOTHES on top of it to make it unnoticeable, something falls out from it....

10/24
World ended.

12/21
World reset.

10/24
World to end again.

Ha ha what a weird note. Why the hell do you have it anyway? You crumple it up and throw it away. Now that your MAGAZINES are secure, let's get back to eating breakfast, shall we?

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[Lazro]

>EAT NAO.

[LordHyper]

>EAT NAO.

It is time...
TO EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATTT-

You are suddenly Ed.

You just fell down a SHAFT and into an UNDERGROUND PASSAGE. As expected, you only got MINIMAL INJURIES from the fall, because THAT'S HOW YOU ROLL.

It's sort of DARK in here. The only light is coming from up the SHAFT. What will you do?

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[Lazro]

>Yell up SHAFT about sudden passion for CLUCKING, EDIBLE FOWL.