CUL-DE-STUCK (Text) - Kanker Intermission

[Ouroboros]

> Shuffle your feet on the carpet until you can see by the static electricity glow

[Lazro]

>Make like an EARTHWORM, eat the DIRT to get out.

[LordHyper]

>Yell up SHAFT about sudden passion for CLUCKING, EDIBLE FOWL.

BF: chickens!
BF: are you up there chickens?
BF: i want to hug you!
AT: ed? whaT are you doing down There?

You see Johnny's huge head poke into view.

BF: oh hi johnny! are there any chickens up there?
AT: uh...
AT: i don'T Think so...
AT: here ed! This is your copy of The game!
AT: see you laTer!

He throws a PACKAGE down the shaft. You have obtained: GAME DISCS.

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This post was sponsored by Betty Crocker and the Troll Empress. Hail the cake.

[Lazro]

>Wonder if there are any CHICKENS in the game.

[LordHyper]

>Wonder if there are any CHICKENS in the game.

Ooh yes! That would be awesome!

>Fast forward.

You are in the LAND OF GHOSTS AND FANTASY, and there's a complete lack of chickens. Insert sad face here.

>Back to the present

So, let's get back to going down the passage like your FUTURE SELF told you.
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[Lazro]

>Ed: Advance.

[LordHyper]

>Ed: Advance.

You walk down the dark corridor, singing about ZOMBIES and SCARY SHIT, somehow unnerving and easing you at the same time. You finish your song (which is rife full of BADNESS, NOT RHYMING, and HORROR) as you enter a VAST CAVE AREA. You can see the shadows of several structures, but it's currently TOO DARK to see anything.

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[Brickman]

Walk into something, causing you to fall down. Stand up and walk into it again.

[Ouroboros]

Luckily you brought you trusty... WEREVAMPIRE HUNTER HUNTER HUNTER KIT.

> Retrieve flashlight from WVHHHK

[Lazro]

>xyzzy

[LordHyper]

Luckily you brought you trusty... WEREVAMPIRE HUNTER HUNTER HUNTER KIT.

> Retrieve flashlight from WVHHHK

You get out your trusty WVHHHK, which is categorized in your SCI-HORROR-FANTASY KIND STRIFE SPECIBUS. This allows you to equip any weapon that would be expected from a SCI-FI, HORROR, or FANTASY movie. Most normal weapons don't fall under this category, so it's useless at times.

You pull out a FLASHLIGHT from the kit and equip a CROWBAR. Hey, you never know.

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[Lazro]

>Smash FLASHLIGHT with CROWBAR.

[Jinjoman]

> Turn on the flashlight and gaze in awe at the marvelous structures that inhabit this spacious cavern.

[LordHyper]

> Turn on the flashlight and gaze in awe at the marvelous structures that inhabit this spacious cavern.

>[S] Ed: Look

You point your flashlight toward the large structures and gasp. It's some sort of giant temple, like the one from NIGHT OF THE BUTTERED BREAKFAST MUMMY. However, there's no mummies depicted on this temple, oh no. Instead, a GIANT FROG STATUE sits atop it, overlooking everything. ...This sort of reminds you of something, but you can't quite put your finger on it.

Way behind the temple, you can see a HILL leading up to a HUT. That's probably where you'll be playing the game.

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[Lazro]

>Ed: Advance, again.

[LordHyper]

>Ed: Advance, again.

You advance up the hill and enter the HUT. It's a simple shelter, with a BED and KITCHEN. Small, but very cozy. Alright, let's get playing!

You are now back to being EDD. You predict that ED must have gotten his copy of the GAME BY NOW. The pieces are falling into place. All you have to do now is personally deliver KEVIN'S copy of the game so you could all play. For some reason, ROLF (not surprising), JIMMY, and NAZZ won't be involved in your endeavors, but you suppose it's their loss.

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[Lazro]

>Edd: Deliver. (One-word commands. Awesome.)

[Bamoehn]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

No Rolf, Jimmy, or Nazz? ;-;
and then plank is DFSGSADFJLDSGHFJLDSAFGADSFJUG

>Edd: Make sure that when you deliver it you don't get closer than 50 feet, because, y'know, it's kevin.

[LordHyper]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

No Rolf, Jimmy, or Nazz? ;-;
and then plank is DFSGSADFJLDSGHFJLDSAFGADSFJUG

>Edd: Make sure that when you deliver it you don't get closer than 50 feet, because, y'know, it's kevin.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

They'll still have a role in the story. Don't worry.
And Plank is a VKINRKLWUBFKOOHGODHELPMEHUVHBKWNUUWHT
Better now. What was I saying? I forget.

You have just the thing for the job! You take out your ELEVATOR BOOTS, which is located in your FAILURE-KIND STRIFE SPECIBUS. This STRIFE SPECIBUS allows you to use your previous failed inventions as weapons. Most of them are totaled, but the inventions that are still working makes for good weapons.

You tape a PACKAGE to the end of one of the ELEVATOR BOOTS and it instantly extends... right through your wall... and KEVIN'S DOOR. You hear his surprised yelling from across the street, so you quickly retract the boot and PRETEND YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

QUEST COMPLETE! DELIVER KEVIN'S PACKAGE!
500 EXP POINTS GAINED!
YOU HAVE LEVELED UP!

Oh, how surprising! It seems that you've gained a LEVEL!

PLAYER: EDDWARD MARION ???, ENGINEER OF CHANGE, is now LEVEL 26.
GENRE SAVVYNESS has increased by 2.
INTELLIGENCE has increased by 3.
STRENGTH has somehow lowered by 1.
OBSERVATION SKILLS has increased by 2.

...Wait, since when was that leveling up system there?

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[Bamoehn]

What level up system?

>PLAY THE GAME ALREADY I MEAN JEESH

[Jinjoman]

> Kevin: Examine the suspicious package that just bonked you on the head.

[Ouroboros]

It's always been there, but you needed the extra two points of observation to percieve it.

> Install the game already.

[Lazro]

>Edd/Kevin/Everybody else who wants to play/can play: Install the game, (after eating breakfast, of course.)

[LordHyper]

>Install the game

Yes, the wait is finally over. Together, you will all play CUL-DE-STUCK. This will surely be a birthday Eddy will remember!

Screw that shit, let's be ROLF.

You are now Rolf. You are currently holed up in a room with your ANIMALS. Your WEAPON, VICTOR, sits by your side. What will you do?

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[aattss]

>Find computer