Cul-De-Stuck - "Smarter than a bus driver."
ACT 1 - Ballad of the No-Neck Chump
You are now a short fellow, and it just so happens that today is your FOURTEENTH BIRTHDAY. Though you were given birth fourteen years ago, it is only today that he shall - oh screw this bullshit. You have a name, and your name is EDDY. Last name? Hah! Last names are stupid. Don't be stupid.
So, yeah. Today is your BIRTHDAY. Oh, and you're also EDDY. Yeah, we established that. You have a fondness for MONEY and LARGE JAWBREAKERS, but, as of events of a few months ago, you're trying hard to let go of the money thing. You are good at making SCA- ahem, SCHE-, no wait, PLANS. Yeah, that doesn't sound sinister. You were a former CON-ARTIST, but you've been trying to turn yourself around for the sake of everyone around you. You're a bit of a JERK, but this is mainly because of your NARCISSISTIC nature, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, and having THE WORST BROTHER EVER.
You are currently in your room. You have only just gotten up to discover a PRESENT on your bed. It's probably a LAPTOP so you could play that game SOCK-HEAD found. You and most of the kids in the CUL-DE-SAC are going to play it together later.
Well, until then, what will you do?