Invincible: One Week

[Whimbrel]

Antlers man! What are you up to!

[UnsubRedun]

A man sits upon a throne. A noble. An Orc, though they don't really like being called that, these days. Negative connotations and all. Their kind was once not looked upon with respect, seen as a barbaric and tribal folk. Those days are long past!

But that's neither here nor there. What is there, is something interesting happening nearby.

Our armored friend is having a little encounter with another noble, an older man. He is with his son.

"For too long we've dealt with your terrible rule! You serve only yourself, while your people suffer!", the bearded man yells out, more for the crowd's sake than that of his hosts'.

The crowd is silent.

"This will be over quickly", he tells his son.

"I know, father. We will free these people", his son replies.

"You lack experience. You lack honor. I will put you and your pawn down quickly, a mercy neither of you deserve."

The knight readies.

"Get out of my chair", says the knight.

"I was just keeping it warm for you, sister..." the bearded man replies.

YOU ARE NOW THE ORCINE DUTCHESS

You quickly remove your armor, now that the day's "killing of insurrectionist noble" is finished.

"You are getting frighteningly good at murdering valuable members of your community", you brother snipes.

You choose to ignore him.

"Anyone else want the throne? Anyone? It's really comfortable! How about you, kid?"

"No? Well, alright then! You're missing out, this thing is really nice."

"So, that concludes our first order of business. What's next on the list?"

Your brother/adviser sighs heavily.

"Some peasant are having some problems with roving bands of Giant Spiders. They sent their mayor up to request aid", he begins.

"Our guards caught some thieves raiding your potato fields, and another attempting to scale the walls of our winery" he adds.

"Sounds like we're getting some new miners soon!", you reply.

Without a response, he continues.

"The portraits you requested have arrived. Why you sought the... expertise... of Gonner Unh is beyond my und-"

"Gonner rules, you shut up!", you interrupt.

"... Moving on, another batch of suitors have arrived, and finally the King has sent one of his aides to collect this month's taxes", he concludes.

"All of those things sound terrible" you reply.

"Yes, well, what has to be done, has to be done. Which business would you like to conclude first?"

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Sorry for the wait!

Next round of updates should be shorter, since I don't have to make as many assets.

[Whimbrel]

Let's go chop up some spiders, that takes us nicely away from all the other troubles!

[Yamtaggler]

>Go punch some suitors in the solar plexus.

[winglessDrake]

Oh heck yes. I picked the perfect week to start reading this adventure.

>Duchess: Suitors first! Set them all impossible challenges and spend the rest of the week mocking them from afar. Endless entertainment!

[Solaris]

Alright let's show these lovebrids why you are amazing and let's see what bullshit ways they come up with to try to impress you.

[Cresent]

Oh heck yes. I picked the perfect week to start reading this adventure.

>Duchess: Suitors first! Set them all impossible challenges and spend the rest of the week mocking them from afar. Endless entertainment!

This, but try to make sure that they will end up fighting each other for your amusement.

[Pick Yer Poison]

Spiders!

[Ellume]

Taxes. Just get it over with. You're smart enough to not mess with the king. Then check out the portraits to lift your mood.

[BucketOfHappen]

Go ahead and tame those spiders. Use them as your enforcers, if at all possible.

[UnsubRedun]

Let's go chop up some spiders, that takes us nicely away from all the other troubles!

Spiders!

Go ahead and tame those spiders. Use them as your enforcers, if at all possible.

Sadly, your brother, nor your home guard, will ever let you go out to battle the evil denizens of the night, ever since that one encounter you had with a dune scorpion a few months back. Oh, it was wonderful, you were bleeding out of your eyes, your skin turned black and you nearly lost an arm to the rot! Fun times, fun times...

"Alright," you begin.

"First, let us deal with these spiders! Mr. Mayor guy, step forth!", you yell with a feigned enthusiasm.

"Thank you, my lady. We-" the farmer begins, before you interrupt.

"Hold on, homeboy. Brother, fetch me the... orbs of judgement!", you demand, adding in a short pause for dramatic effect.

Your brother sighs deeply.

"... Anyway, we humble farmers are having a bit of a problem with giant spiders, as you probably guessed already. There aren't many of them at the moment, but without any guards with experience in battling these foul creatures, they ravage our fields completely unopposed."

"Also one of them laid a clutch of eggs in one of our cows and it's gross and we're all afraid to go near it."

"Request granted!", you yell as you cast your first orb of judgement.

The farmer gives a solid "thumb's up", the universal sign of approval and gratitude, before departing.

"So..."

"Annie escaped again, didn't she?", you brother snarks.

"Yep. I hope she's okay..." you reply.

"Alright well... let us get this whole suitor thing out of the way. Then we can move on to fun things, like people stealing food, wine, and money from me."

>Go punch some suitors in the solar plexus.

>Duchess: Suitors first! Set them all impossible challenges and spend the rest of the week mocking them from afar. Endless entertainment!

Alright let's show these lovebrids why you are amazing and let's see what bullshit ways they come up with to try to impress you.

This, but try to make sure that they will end up fighting each other for your amusement.

"This is Duke Wagnurum, lord of a large bit of land out east. He owns almost every diamond mine on the continent, and he is very rich. Very rich." your brother attempts to pitch to you.

"Hm... impressive! But I am also very rich, so he's going to have to try a little harder to impress me."

You attempt to quickly think of something really dumb and difficult for him to do so you can move on to the next idiot to shame ridicule shame.

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HOOO BOY.

Welcome, all you new readers! I appreciate the reads and the replies! There are far too many of you though, and now I'm nervous and I'm going to fuck this all up ohhhh maaaannn.

Seriously though, I hope you enjoy my dumb little story! Speaking of which, I seriously have to rethink how I'm going to do these updates. Before, when it was just a few of you (you know who you are!) I could crank out a decent update containing everyone's suggestions once every couple of days. That's no longer possible. So I'm going to try and do shorter, quicker updates from here on out! I already have some panels done from when this update was a bit longer, so that's why it took me so long to reply with a comparatively shorter update than I usually do.

I will still be listening to your suggestions, though, I just may not get around to them immediately! I basically prioritized the order we're going to get the Dutchess-ly duties out of the way from the posts, by quantity and by order they were suggested. Hopefully the shorter posts will allow more wacky things to happen and generally make the story more entertaining, too. I ONLY AIM TO PLEASE.

[Doktorsandvich]

force him to make a meal from diamonds. Diamond stew, the most fanciest of stews.

[Cresent]

Demand him to make an unbreakable sword from diamonds, and then test it on him when he presents it to you. If he does not manage to make such a blade or it is dull, useless or easily broken enough enough not to cause mortal injuries, he fails. If he is mortally wounded, he is successful, and you will hold tacky memorial service for him (but keep the sword, of course).

[Ellume]

Demand him to make an unbreakable sword from diamonds, and then test it on him when he presents it to you. If he does not manage to make such a blade or it is dull, useless or easily broken enough enough not to cause mortal injuries, he fails. If he is mortally wounded, he is successful, and you will hold tacky memorial service for him (but keep the sword, of course).

^
And of course you claim all his land and diamond mines after.

[Whimbrel]

Build an arena/aquarium with diamond walls (it needs to be built in the middle of the ocean so the view's nice) to have this diamond sword put to the test. And later you can use it to have gladiators wrestle lions in or something.

[UnsubRedun]

Demand him to make an unbreakable sword from diamonds, and then test it on him when he presents it to you. If he does not manage to make such a blade or it is dull, useless or easily broken enough enough not to cause mortal injuries, he fails. If he is mortally wounded, he is successful, and you will hold tacky memorial service for him (but keep the sword, of course).

Build an arena/aquarium with diamond walls (it needs to be built in the middle of the ocean so the view's nice) to have this diamond sword put to the test. And later you can use it to have gladiators wrestle lions in or something.

You'd love to sit around and wait for months, possibly years, while he crafts these lavish novelties, but you kind of want to get rid of this idiot right now.

^
And of course you claim all his land and diamond mines after.

You plan on doing this eventually, anyway, hopefully in a way that will not make you have to talk to him anymore. You'll probably kill him later or something.

force him to make a meal from diamonds. Diamond stew, the most fanciest of stews.

This... is a little closer to something you can use.

"Here, eat this", you demand.

"This... is a diamond" the Duke remarks.

"Yep", you reply.

"Harumph."

"Next!" you yell.

The duke makes his exit quickly, his jimmies ruffled to a great degree. He forgets his hat, or possibly does not wish to suffer the indignity of picking it up off the floor or something.

"You are a child" your brother snarks. Before you can reply, he continues.

"This is Sir Furkneiss, a Knight Lord. He has recently returned from leading a grand campaign, slaying many enemies in the name of our king. He is a very honorable man."

So, how should you take care of this idiot?

[Ellume]

Do you have a dangerous situation that needs resolving? Send him to do it. If he fails, great. If he succeeds, well you no longer have that problem, and you can send him off on some other errand then. It gets him out of your hair either way.
OR
Throw a bunch of balls at him until one hits him, which means he fails.

[Yamtaggler]

> Fight him. If he kills you, he gets to marry your corpse.

[Cresent]

> Who knows, this guy could be actually useful. Send him to take care of your spider problem. If he manages to take care of it, great, you can just come up with something more challenging and unfair: it is not like your heart can be won easily, after all. If he fails and suffers poisonous death, great, you managed to rid yourself of another suitor. It is win-win!

[Ellume]

Send him to take care of your spider problem.

Isn't the spider your escaped pet? I don't think you want anyone hurting it.

[UnsubRedun]

> Fight him. If he kills you, he gets to marry your corpse.

You wish! This guy's apparently some big deal though. You hate to piss the king off by killing one of his champions. Almost as much as you hate sitting here accosted by idiots lookin' for a date.

Do you have a dangerous situation that needs resolving? Send him to do it. If he fails, great. If he succeeds, well you no longer have that problem, and you can send him off on some other errand then. It gets him out of your hair either way.

> Who knows, this guy could be actually useful. Send him to take care of your spider problem. If he manages to take care of it, great, you can just come up with something more challenging and unfair: it is not like your heart can be won easily, after all. If he fails and suffers poisonous death, great, you managed to rid yourself of another suitor. It is win-win!

"Look...", you begin.

"You kill things. People. I can respect that. Tell you what, you go find a giant spider, wearing a big pink bow for... reasons. Bring it to me...

Isn't the spider your escaped pet? I don't think you want anyone hurting it.

... alive. Do this, and I might let you make me dinner. Probably."

"I swear to do this task with utmost hast, my lady!"

"Mark my words! I shall return before tomorrow's sunrise!"

"Yep", you reply.

He runs out of the room before you can hit him with anything. Man, you hope Annie is okay...

"Well, he seemed... eager", your brother remarks.

"Anyway, last, but certainly not least, is Prince Kammuk. I believe you two have already me-"

"I told you no the first three times, creep! Get the hell out of my house!"

The prince departs. Quickly.

"I hate him so much" you explain to your brother. He nods sagely.

"Well, you just hit the prince in the face. This will obviously have no repercussions" you brother snipes, following it up with a deep sigh and a shake of his head.

"Wait, who's this guy?" you say, not really paying attention to your adviser (because he's a jerk).

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Hey!

Sorry it took me so long to update. I've been ill for the past few days, and it's just taken the drive right out of me, but I'm feelin' a little better now. This update was supposed to be a little shorter, but I extended it for two reasons:

1) you guys have been good, waiting for me like this.
2) this little section is getting pretty old, fast. Gotta' move it along!

Anyway, here's to a wonderful future of me actually updating at a decent pace someday hopefully maybe probably not.

[Ellume]

Ummm... Hmmm....

> Wait till your brother tells you what is going on so you can react accordingly
OR
> Don't wait and ask the guy yourself what he is about
OR
> Assume he is a suitor and tell him straight you don't do other species, nice and rude like. (In fact it seems you don't even do much with your own species!)

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It's all good. This is your story, you make it in your own time.

[Whimbrel]

>Red ball

[K25fF]

>Ask him what's up.

[goggleman64]

Then ask him if he wants to get down.