Myrtle Head

[mythLeader]

You are in MYRTLE HEAD, a picturesque town perched at the top of a scenic wooded headland. It's a pretty little town, but not terribly exciting. Nothing out of the ordinary ever happens here. Ever.

You are quite certain that this statement will never be ironically contradicted.



Not that you've seen much of the town anyway; you're here for business, and got here and went straight to the LAKEVIEW HOTEL where the important CONFERENCE that you came to Myrtle Head for is taking place.

(You are uncertain exactly how it got its name, given that there don't actually seem to be any lakes viewable from the hotel...)



You've finally made it to the front of the line to pick up your badge and other conference materials. Now you just have to tell the guy manning the check-in table your NAME...

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Not that I intend for it to affect the plot, but for what it's worth, the protagonist here is supposed to be Hispanic, if you want to take that into account when suggesting names.

This adventure is going to be humorous, but not completely off-the-wall absurd, so for it to best progress I'd like a mix of silly and serious suggestions. This includes for names; feel free to toss out ridiculous names as long as there are some more reasonable ones suggested as well.

My intent is to update this adventure at least once a day, except when I may have to take more time to get a big Flash update ready. I will probably fail to keep to this schedule, probably very early on. But I'll do my best never to let too much time pass without an update.

Fanart and such:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

By Shadow Phoenix, from the His Scene Her Style thread:


By Crono30067:

[Airedar]

Jacob Finley

[GorblesnatchVonHumperdink]

>Robert

[mythLeader]

Just a note, since people don't seem to be reading the spoiler text:

Not that I intend for it to affect the plot, but for what it's worth, the protagonist here is supposed to be Hispanic, if you want to take that into account when suggesting names.

This adventure is going to be humorous, but not completely off-the-wall absurd, so for it to best progress I'd like a mix of silly and serious suggestions. This includes for names; feel free to toss out ridiculous names as long as there are some more reasonable ones suggested as well.

[wlzrobert]

What? My dad is Hispanic AND named Robert!!!!!

[mythLeader]

What? My dad is Hispanic AND named Robert!!!!!

Didn't mean to upset anyone; I was more referring to the surname, actually. Obviously someone of Hispanic origin born in the U.S. could be given an English first name like Robert [EDIT:...or even someone not born in the U.S. could go by "Robert" as short for "Roberto", for instance], but a Hispanic person with a last name of Finley, for example, is somewhat unlikely.

Anyway, since I have big plans for this adventure and really don't want to see it stillborn, I guess I'll be really explicit about what I need for my next update: Ideally, for what I have planned, I'd really like to get at least one serious suggestion (which makes sense for a Hispanic character; if I have to, I'll come up with a Spanish surname similar to Finley [EDIT:...or possibly an explanation of why a Hispanic man has such a clearly non-Hispanic name], but I'd really not have to resort to that), and at least one silly/insulting name suggestion. If I don't get that by late tonight, I guess I'll... pick the names myself, for the sake of keeping the adventure going. But I'd really rather use reader suggestions.

(In future updates, I won't be looking for such particular requirements for commands, of course; things will get much more open-ended. But we really do need to get this guy a name before we can get going further...)

[skellytinhood]

... How about Robert Salazar?

His family could call him Roberto if you'd like. My Hispanic stepdad's father pronounces his name Haime instead of Jaime. So...

[SNeakyRobot]

> Hugo Chávez

[BigBurkhart]

Edwardo Vasquez.

[mythLeader]

Huzzah! Thank you! I now have a number of different serious suggestions to choose from... although for the next update to go the way I'd hoped, I was really hoping for at least one silly/insulting name suggestion. (I honestly didn't think I'd have to ask for that... it seems in most adventures when there's a chance to input the name of a character, at least one person suggests something ridiculous.)

[The One Guy]

> Derp Eggplanthead

[mythLeader]

> Derp Eggplanthead

You tell the check-in guy your name is "DERP EGGPLANTHEAD". He looks around for your badge, but seems to be having trouble finding it.

==>


Unfortunately, you have trouble keeping a straight face.

The guy quickly catches on to your clever subterfuge.

==>



For some reason, the check-in guy seems to find your joke much less amusing than you did.

All right, you guess you'd better tell him your real name.

>Robert Salazar

You are, of course, ROBERT SALAZAR.

You don't need to tell the check-in guy what you do, because everyone at this convention is here for the same business. That business being...

==>



Uh... wait... what business are you in, again?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Don't worry; that's the last of the character creation questions. After this next update, it'll be time to suggest actions for the character.

Don't feel bad if your suggested name didn't get chosen (I just took the first one that fit); there will be at least four more characters to be named later.

Sorry if this seems to start a bit slow; things should really pick up when the second main character is introduced. But there's a reason we're sticking with this guy for a while first...

[wlzrobert]

Importing of fruit

[Chwoka]

Fraud, rampant fraud.

[SNeakyRobot]

> Narcotics.

[mythLeader]

Fraud, rampant fraud.

What? No! You pride yourself on being an HONEST BUSINESSMAN. If you resorted to RAMPANT FRAUD, you would be no better than your NEFARIOUS NEMESIS.

Well, okay, you don't have any actual ironclad PROOF that he's engaged in any fraud, but you know he's up to some kind of no good. Seriously, that guy is such a jerk, you don't even know.

(Besides, you're pretty sure they don't have national conferences explicitly devoted to the RAMPANT FRAUD industry anyway.)

Importing of fruit

Oh, right, of course! You knew that! Damn jet lag.

Yes, you're in Myrtle Head for FRUCTICON, a national conference devoted to the FRUIT IMPORT INDUSTRY. You work in the business of IMPORTING FRUIT from all over the world.

> Narcotics.

Well, yes, recently you've negotiated an exclusive deal to import the rare PERUVIAN FALSE FIG, a strange turquoise fruit with narcotic properties that could possibly have some medicinal applications. You have a few samples with you, in fact, to show prospective clients.

==>



The check-in guy gives you your FRUCTICON BADGE and your GOODIE BAG of conference materials. You wear the BADGE and put the GOODIE BAG into your inventory. Because the top row of your INVENTORY GRID is full, it goes into the first square of the second row. (You don't happen to be carrying anything at the moment large enough to take up more than one square of the grid.)

==>



Okay, now you're all checked in and ready to check out the conference! The main exhibit hall is to your left, though you don't have to go there right now if there's something else you'd rather do first.

[Chwoka]

Spread love, da, da-dah.

[SNeakyRobot]

> You must excrete fiercely. Find the Men's excretion room.

[skellytinhood]

Fraud, rampant fraud.

He's a businessman, I thought that would go without saying.

> Yes, the men's restroom is THE place to make legitimate deals over narcotic fruit with strangers you will never see again. Go there.

[Legendary]

> Start fights with anyone selling items typically considered vegetables but are in fact fruit. Tomatoes, gourds, peas, corn, etc. Fruits should be more exclusive!!!!

[mythLeader]

> Start fights with anyone selling items typically considered vegetables but are in fact fruit. Tomatoes, gourds, peas, corn, etc. Fruits should be more exclusive!!!!

Uh, dude, you know vegetables and fruit aren't mutually exclusive categories, right? I mean, a vegetable is just an edible plant part, so technically, all fruits are vegetables.

Still, yeah, people normally don't use the word "vegetable" to refer to sweet fruit like apples and bananas, sure, and it's those kinds of fruit that Fructicon is really devoted to. Tomatoes, corn-on-the-cob, snap peas, bell peppers, cucumbers, and a lot of other vegetables are also fruit, but those aren't the kind of fruit Fructicon is really about. And certainly you'd never sully your hands peddling string beans or summer squash. But if other people want to try to come to Fructicon with those kind of fruit... well, you're not going to tell them they can't. You don't want to be the Fruit Police. You don't want to be That Guy.

On the other hand, if someone shows up at Fructicon with a CARROT or a RUTABAGA or some BROCCOLI or some other vegetable that clearly isn't a fruit at all--well, they will feel your wrath.

Spread love, da, da-dah.

If by "love" you mean LUCRATIVE FRUIT IMPORT DEALS, then that's exactly what you're going to do!

(That is what you mean by "love", right?)

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I'm not ignoring the commands to go to the restroom -- I just haven't gotten to them yet. That's coming next. I was going to try to fit it all into one update, but I've been very busy and didn't have a chance to get much done, and I figured I'd post up what I had so far and post the rest later. There should be another update coming tonight.

[mythLeader]

> You must excrete fiercely. Find the Men's excretion room.

You really want to hit that exhibit hall. There are always plenty of interesting displays to see there, and it's a great place to make connections and set up deals.

However... first things first. You were in that line a very long time, and you definitely need to make a pit stop. Fortunately, you remember passing on your way to the check-in desk a restroom -- or, as of course you say in the fruit import business, an excretion room.

==>



Ahhh... much better. Now you'll be ready to go and hit the exhibit hall and--

Hold on. Who's that at the next urinal? Is that--

==>



Aaagh! It is! Your NEFARIOUS NEMESIS! The biggest jerk in the fruit import industry!

You were hoping he wouldn't be at this conference, but realistically there wasn't much chance of that. OF COURSE he'd be at this conference. EVERYONE in the industry is at this conference. If you were really lucky, maybe you could have made it through the conference without running into him -- but clearly you were not that lucky.

Well... you don't like thinking of this guy, and you've managed to avoid thinking about him to the extent that you've even forgotten his name. But apparently you're going to have to talk to him, so you should probably remember it. So...

==>



Who's this douchebag?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I hadn't necessarily planned on introducing this guy quite this early, but, what the hey, it seemed appropriate to throw in an awkward restroom encounter...

[Xander]

Dick Rhombushead.

[SNeakyRobot]

> First thing's first. Never ever talk to someone while you or they are peeing. Thats the rule. Everyone follows that rule. Everyone except this one guy I know named Geoff who once finished peeing before I did and then said "Looks like I won" I can't frikken stand that guy... But I digress, you must also avoid looking at him. (why oh why is there a mirror?) Once you are both washing your hands, the rival banter can begin, and no sooner.

> His name is Rutherford Hayes.

[skellytinhood]

> First thing's first. Never ever talk to someone while you or they are peeing. Thats the rule. Everyone follows that rule. Everyone except this one guy I know named Geoff who once finished peeing before I did and then said "Looks like I won" I can't frikken stand that guy... But I digress, you must also avoid looking at him. (why oh why is there a mirror?) Once you are both washing your hands, the rival banter can begin, and no sooner.

Corollary: "Don't touch me while I'm touching me."

> A last name ending with an 's' would make him seem more rival-y I think. Something like Stevens.
Or Hayes.