Lord English is only killable through glitches and exploits in space-time. However, it also seems that, at some point in the story, he will be killed. So, how can it be done? Feel free to post your own elaborate plans on how to kill Lord English. I’m hoping they’re simpler than mine, though. Maybe our collective brainstorming will provide some ideas for Andrew Hussie.
So, here is my plan to kill Lord English. It critically relies on two assumptions, though. One is that we don’t have to worry about other Lord English’s from alternate timelines. This assumption seems reasonable because Terezi had previously stated that Paradox Space finds ways to annihilate timelines that don’t contribute to its propagation, and that it is quite vicious about punishing those that inhabit them and those that cause them. Doc Scratch also said that the danger Lord English poses is sanctioned by Paradox Space and that his presence in a universe means that it will be torn apart. This seems to imply that Lord English is Paradox Space’s way of destroying alternate timelines, and, that we won’t have to worry about alternate timeline versions of Lord English, because, honestly, that doesn’t make sense. The other assumption is that Lord English can skip to any point on any timeline, which is the worst-case assumption for his time travel abilities, because it would allow a past version of Lord English to arrive in a timeline even after you kill him. It is a pessimistic assumption, and therefore, not a very objectionable one. I am also assuming that LE will not be depowered upon the destruction of the Green Sun, also to give him the best chances possible. So here we go.
There are two possibilities for Lord English’s timeline, the closed case and the open case. The closed case means that LE eventually goes back in time to become himself, that he doesn’t have an origin or an ending, and that killing him will sprout off into an alternate timeline where he never existed, or be impossible. The open case means that LE has an origin and an end, and also that his subjective time from birth till death is finite. This paragraph will discuss the closed time loop version. To begin with, let’s assume that we have a machine capable of trapping and killing LE. Ideas for such an object will be given later. What you do is you trap Lord English in the machine, and then sprout off another timeline afterwards, using the 0 1 method outlined later. In the alternate timeline, make a ~ath code that, if LE has never interfered with the offshoot timeline, frees him from the trap, and if he does interfere with the timeline at all, will kill him in the trap. Due to having to preserve the temporal loop, LE will not interfere with the new offshoot timeline, and you will have a LE free timeline. If he does interfere with the new timeline after escaping, then he either caused a paradox, making him cease to exist, or he just broke out of the temporal loop, enabling the open time path technique mentioned later to be used.
Now, let’s say we have to deal with the open case. Preventing Lord English’s formation in the first place wouldn’t work, because then you would split off into an alternate timeline, and Lord English from the timeline where you failed to prevent his formation would try to destroy you as well. These strategies are so complicated because you can’t just deal with Lord English once, you have to permanently prevent him from interfering, since Lord English in the past can time travel to a point in time after when he dies. So, in this, what you do, is you use the LE killer trap. Then, afterward, you make a ~ath code that bifurcates the timeline, splits it, every time Lord English enters the timeline. Since the subjective time from birth to death is finite, or, in the terminated loop case, the time from any given point in the loop to the time he dies is finite, Lord English cannot possibly visit and mess up all the constantly forming timelines due to their constant splitting whenever he arrives since he only has a finite amount of subjective time to work with. This ensures that at least one timeline will remain Lord English free.
Now, we move to a way of splitting timelines. Let’s say that Dave has a piece of paper with a number, 1 or 0 on it. He travels back in time, and tells past Dave to, if the paper has a 1 on it, erase it and replace it with a 0, or, if it has a 0 on it, erase it and replace it with a 1. The paper will alternate, 1, 0, 1, 0… forever, so the result is still self-consistent, no paradoxes have been made, but Dave’s timeline will split into two, one where Dave got a 1, and one where Dave got a 0. This is crucial to the following blueprint for a Lord English killing machine.
To make the machine in question, the necessary items must be found or alchemised. Crowbar’s crowbar is needed, along with an alchemisation combo of the 4th wall, Jade’s particle accelerator, and Dave’s turntop/timetables, to make the TIME PORTAL ACCELERATOR. Crowbar’s crowbar may also be added to give the portals the ability to nullify the abilities of time-related artifacts that pass through them, in case the time shenanigans about to be committed aren’t enough to tear Lord English’s coat to shreds. 4 TIME PORTALS are needed. Jade/Jadesprite’s space powers are also needed. The resulting set of 4 portals will have the properties of being able to send whatever enters one portal out of another portal (4th wall), increasing the velocity of whatever passes through them (particle accelerator), and being able to send things back in time, as well as being able to be programmed (timetables). First, let’s set up the 01 trick. If something enters the 1 portal, and exits the 2 portal headed towards the 3 portal, then it will send a message back into the past to link the 1 portal to the 3 portal instead, and shoot the object out of the 3 portal toward the 2 portal, splitting the timeline just like the 01 trick. If it enters the 1 portal, then the timeline will be split between the object going from 2 to 3 and 3 to 2. Apply the same thing to 3 of the portals total (enters 1, split between 2 to 3 and 3 to 2, enters 2, split between 1 to 3 and 3 to 1, and enters 3, split between 1 to 2 and 2 to 1), so, when anything goes into one of the portals, it will split the timeline. And then split it again and again and again and again…. You have now made a TIMELINE FRACTAL GENERATOR. There is also probably some way of exploiting the time powers of the portals to make the timelines interfere with each other to make it even more complicated, but I don’t want to find out what it is. The 4th portal will connect to one of the three, but only one-way. Once something goes in, it doesn’t go out. Isolate the first 3 portals in a black hole, so the endlessly branching timelines don’t interfere with and doom your own universe.
Toss Lord English in the portal, into the set of 3 portals in the black hole, and stand back. The gravitational field of the black hole will cause the portals to all move closer to each other, until the TIME PORTALS intersect Problem Sleuth-style. The increase in velocity that the portals impart is for the portals to do their job in the time before they intersect. And, last of all, the set of portals will end up creating a fractal timeline inside the black hole. Then, just give the 4th portal, the initial entry portal, a good solid whack with the CROWBAR, negating its effect on the timeline. The feedback loops from the intersecting TIME PORTALS, the gravitational field of the black hole, and the sheer amount of temporal energy released from the destruction of the infinite number of fractal timeline branches will all conspire to rip Lord English right out of existence in an EXPLODING MULTI-DIMENSIONAL TIME FRACTAL BLACK HOLE. And that is how you kill Lord English.