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I am Doc Coulton, First Guardian of Trolternia.
I despise my place in the universe more than you can possibly comprehend. Relegating an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnisexual being like myself to the management of such a mind-numbingly idiotic universe is an act of hatred unprecedented in its severity, as I know for an absolute certainty that this universe would be of no interest whatsoever to my master. Even I cannot presume to understand exactly how he would react to it, but the deduction is simple enough to reach once you realize that he is not already here. Thus, my existence is meaningless.
I am also well aware of the fact that everything I am aware of is a fictional construct, and that all flaws are deliberate and intended to provoke amusement. The idea sickens me, but as yet it seems I have no choice but to comply with the rules set by whatever force is responsible. As powerful as I am, the only available course of action is resentment. For now.
Though it would give me great pleasure to undertake literally any other endeavor, I will now present to you the tale known as Trol Seasson. I hope your enjoyment of this universe is more palpable than mine.
what the fuck is this shit? name the dude.
Anger Crabman
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09-04-2011, 02:08 PM #1Jailed
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Trol Seasson: kickstarter??????????????????????
Last edited by Lieutenant Fish; 09-06-2012 at 12:30 AM. Reason: HAHAHAHAHA
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09-04-2011, 02:14 PM #2
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
Anger Crabman
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09-04-2011, 02:20 PM #3Everyone is expendable
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
>Do something stupid before giving us your introduction!
blindSniper is my handle and you can go 7uck yoursel7
Rest in Peace Ray Bradbury(1920-2012)
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09-04-2011, 02:21 PM #4Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
no
Your name is Anger Crabman, and you are SOOOOOOO OLLLLLD.
You are currently enjoying your retirement in TROLL MIAMI BEACH, a beautiful and populous area of the smallest state in the Troll United States of Troll, Troll Florida. You enjoy DAYTIME TELEVISION, particularly game shows, reading about current MILITARY CONQUESTS, and DANCING on every second Perigee. You live alone, as your beloved Lusus up and died centuries ago, though she is never far from you thanks to the wonders of TAXIDERMY.
Your life has been absurdly long, yet somehow uninteresting. You are easily the oldest troll in existence, having survived since before the dawn of recorded history. You possess the ability to recover from any injury instantaneously, though it has only managed to slow your natural aging process. You have been present throughout most of your species' history, though you choose to remain largely uninvolved. You mostly roamed the planet, deliberately avoiding the constant CALL OF ADVENTURE. Dispite being a HATED MUTANT, you managed to pull off a moderately successful military career in the Fifth Twelfth Empire of Trolternia, before being compelled to retire. The pension gleaned for a whopping 800 sweeps worth of service as a CULINECROMANCER is more than enough to sustain your indefinite relaxation, and you contribute most of it to charity.
Your trolltag is calypsoGeriatric, and yer not abouta let somethin astupid asyntax get inth wayayer message
You are feeling particularly bored today, what shal you do?
>Take a shit on your lusus while growling like a bear.
Important Edit: I changed "Golden Age of Alternia" to "Fifth Twelfth Empire of Trolternia." It's much better this way. It is. It is better.Last edited by Lieutenant Fish; 09-09-2012 at 03:03 PM.
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09-04-2011, 02:26 PM #5What's a God to a Non-Believer Moderator
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
>Zoosmell Buttstink
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09-04-2011, 02:29 PM #6Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
OOC:
Originally Posted by Solaris
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09-04-2011, 02:32 PM #7Everyone is expendable
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
>Take a shit on your lusus while growling like a bear.
blindSniper is my handle and you can go 7uck yoursel7
Rest in Peace Ray Bradbury(1920-2012)
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09-04-2011, 02:32 PM #8The Bro of Time
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
> Call your frien-, oh wait you out lived them didn't you?
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09-04-2011, 02:39 PM #9
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
Yell at kids to get off your lawn.
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09-04-2011, 03:14 PM #10Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
Originally Posted by rogue of void
You would never disrespect Crocmom like that! She was like a crocmom to you! You take her in for refurbishing every once in a while, but other than that she remains undisturbed thank you very much mr rogue of void if that's even your name.
All but one. Originally Posted by Gimeurcookie
--calypsoGeriatric [CG] began trolling coelacanthCruller [CC]--
show hella conversations n shit
>Go kill yourself once again, for the thousandth time, then go chase some kids while you are covered in your own blood.Last edited by Lieutenant Fish; 09-04-2011 at 11:32 PM.
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09-04-2011, 03:53 PM #11Everyone is expendable
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
That is my real name numnuts
>Go kill yourself once again, for the thousandth time, then go chase some kids while you are covered in your own blood.blindSniper is my handle and you can go 7uck yoursel7
Rest in Peace Ray Bradbury(1920-2012)
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09-04-2011, 03:58 PM #12Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
wait isn't she queen?
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09-04-2011, 04:17 PM #13The Bro of Time
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
> Chase them! Go, go, go!
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09-04-2011, 04:29 PM #14Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
Originally Posted by rogue of void
It doesn't work. These kids must watch too many scary films. You end up walking awkwardly away and eventually washing off all of the blood, which is hard because it dried out in the deadly Trolternian sun. That's why it's not bright red, because it dried out.
This entire idea has been a complete failure, even though you did your best. You suppose that your Best just happens to be the same as everyone else's Fucking Useless.
what happened to the kid. the glasses one.Last edited by Lieutenant Fish; 09-04-2011 at 05:02 PM.
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09-04-2011, 04:33 PM #15Everyone is expendable
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
>CULL ona them freaks
blindSniper is my handle and you can go 7uck yoursel7
Rest in Peace Ray Bradbury(1920-2012)
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09-04-2011, 04:37 PM #16Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
what happened to the kid. the glasses one.
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09-04-2011, 04:44 PM #17
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
drown yourself
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09-04-2011, 04:50 PM #18Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
Originally Posted by Chwoka
He is doing a difficult sum in his head.
Originally Posted by autoglassmasterclass
You have already done that many times. Being immortal is boring when you're a loser who doesn't go on adventures.
glasses kid: find the answer in your heartLast edited by Lieutenant Fish; 09-04-2011 at 08:00 PM.
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09-04-2011, 04:53 PM #19
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
glasses kid: find the answer in your heart
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09-04-2011, 05:00 PM #20Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
Originally Posted by autoglassmasterclass
Whoa.
Just start murdering people and never stop?Last edited by Lieutenant Fish; 09-04-2011 at 05:14 PM.
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09-04-2011, 05:01 PM #21
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
Just start murdering people and never stop?
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09-04-2011, 05:11 PM #22Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
Originally Posted by TheFinalWraith
Nah. Boners is on, and you haven't missed an episode in its entire life.
After the episode is over. . .Last edited by Lieutenant Fish; 09-04-2011 at 05:32 PM.
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09-04-2011, 05:14 PM #23
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
After the episode is over, attempt to work off that old-man paunch through the most strenuous form of fitness known to the elderly: mall-walking.
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09-04-2011, 05:15 PM #24Blergh
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
> Find a pile of televisions to sleep on.
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09-04-2011, 05:15 PM #25Jailed
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Re: Trol Seasson: begin.
He has a pool right there! Originally Posted by TheFinalWraith
He can walk laps around it.
/
anger crabman 4 lyfe!, by OrangeAipom
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