The War for the Rose: Book One Complete

[Askia]

1. i feel like a lot of detail is missing since you switched and Hiding Spire is talking a LOT more then she used to, maybe im completely wrong about that and its just my impression but i did prefer the first style

2. Hiding Spire changed a lot over the adventure which is fine but later in the story i feel like we (those who made commands) were less the "Crazy voice in her head" to her being more of a doll that exactly followed our commands. I feel like we should have less control on that part else its like she never learns something during the adventure.

3. OK... the squad based combat was kind off impossible without way more information this part was easily the worst i feel and the biggest problem with point 2. A experienced leader orders people to climb the buildings and scout in a storm, thats just retarded.

The stealth part should have been longer and more off (but this probably was because we didnt choose to do more stealth) this is what Hiding Spire does and was the best part of the story

Full scale military conflict and political conflicts. Im to dumb to answer in these scenes so im not gonna comment on it

extended fights: Hiding Spire should be more in control of these


4?. This all depends on which scenes you actually want pictures for. For example point 3 would be a excellent time to have pictures

Good story (its actually the only one i bother checking every day for updates :P) and good luck on the next book

[Koffie In Blik]

On the text format, I prefer the traditional style; it has a lot more room for non-verbal communication and the like. Dialogue felt richer that way. Specifically recall Mahdi, the mute Knife.

I found it a bit odd that a lot of the time, all of the experienced grown men would ask a thirteen year-old how to proceed. I figure this was to give us more control over what was going on, and there's probably a million possible in-story justifications for it, but it's still strange.

On the more gamey elements, I thoroughly enjoyed the large scale military shenanigans, but I did notice only a few people actually posted during the battle for Southflight. I'd much like for this kind of thing to continue being a thing, but it's probably for the best if it didn't happen too often.
The extended single combat is awesome in every way and I'd like to see more of it.
I wasn't around to contribute to any of the other games, but they were interesting to read.

As for images and artists, I personally like the kind of visual blank slate a text adventure creates. It lets people decide for themselves what things look like. Text-only has worked really well so far, I think.

In any case, thanks for writing this adventure, because it's great. I'll be waiting for book two.

[Cadorean]

I personally prefer the dialogue in the classical quotations method, but wouldn't be offended if you stayed on the chat thing.

I found it somewhat aggravating when the focus would stay on someone other than Hiding Spire for too long, and Hiding had just gotten in to some deep shit. I realize the perspective switch is a dramatic device to build suspense, but don't have it go on too long. Three, four updates at the most.

I personally thought that the squad arrangement was exciting. A terrible defeat, yes, but still exciting. The macro battle event was also fun, but a bit too short. There needed to be more user input beyond "ram the wall," because realistically that's the only decision that was made.

For micro battle events, there were a few little details that were rather upsetting, such as the fact that Hiding, a knife wielder, doesn't know how to throw a knife. Part of 11th through 14th century covert operations knife fighting training was how to throw any knife you could lay your hands on, because assassinations are mush easier if nobody knows exactly where you are. And given that Hiding had been training for ten years (and an early ten years at that), she should've been at grand master level skill with a knife. It takes ten thousand hours to become a master at something. I'm going to assume that she had light training days, with only ten hours per day. I'm also going to assume that there are two days of rest per week, Sunday and Saturday. In that case, it would've taken under four years for Hiding to master the art of knife fighting. She trained for ten. And to boot, throwing a knife is a fairly simple skill to learn to combat competence; go outside for an hour, grab a steak knife (or combat knife if you have one) and throw the knife at a tree until you can get it to stick at head height ten consecutive times. If you have no knife experience, this takes about five hours to learn. She had ten years experience. We also know she can feint, so she'd be actually goodat knife throwing. So why is it that she hasn't the slightest clue how to throw a knife? Make her ability more realistic for the amount of practice she's had by book 2. </rant>

The stealth stuff was really fun. Do more of it.

The political stuff was confusing at times, mostly because of the grown men not knowing how to do jack shit even when their jobs are political. And then some thirteen year old girl just walks in and starts grabbing everything by the balls and takes the political scene by storm? How does that make sense? Don't get me wrong, I thought it was a crack shooting good time, but it was a little unrealistic. experienced grown men should know how to do their jobs well enough that a little girl shouldn't have to guide them through it. </rant>

I enjoy the story being text-centric, but there are times when illustrations would be helpful. Things like combat (micro or macro) and war councils and such would benefit from the readers knowing the layout of the room, the relative size of a weapon and person, the handedness of an attacker, the arrangement of lords at a table, ect.

All of this to say that I love the story and wish you would instead take at most a week Hiatus rather than a month. It is my biggest mind crack right now, even more so than my own adventure ( which I was inspired to do because of this).

[McGammar]

Read this whole story from the beginning to this stopping point. I usually don't read text only adventures but this one really gripped me for some reason. I am loathe to suggest anything due to my poor tactical prowess in such adventures due to their typically high penalties on poor decisions, and don't want to end up killing this girl or any of these beautiful characters. Now, to your requested feedback...

1) I prefer the NAME: Text style over the "Speaking" style. Makes it feel more like a game and less like a book, which I like. It's a personal preference thing though - if you want it to feel more like a book, go with "Speaking".

2) The whole of this story is amazing. While our main character was interesting, I felt greater enjoyment reading the sections of fleshed out characters such as Crushing Force, Frowning Sage, and Setting Sun, who already had their own templates and mindsets developed, were more enjoyable. Like others said, this may be because those characters are more resistant to our control, and act on their own accord with subtle suggestions from us instead of a puppet. Perhaps when we see her next she'll have more of a mind of her own, eh?

3) Typed up a whole wall of text here. Deleted it. In order of most fun to read to least fun: Stealth, Step-By-Step Combat, Politics, War Council, Squad. That's not to say Squad isn't interesting, and is a great gameplay element, but the one squad section we got was just less amazing than the other sections we saw. if anything, see this list as things that could use improvement as opposed to what needs less implemented. They're all strong elements and have their place in a storygame such as this.

4) This adventure is fine without an artist; that said art can't hurt if I love the text already. It would, however, be nice to get makeshift maps of sort to observe tactical sections to see how things are moving along, whether you find someone else to do this for you or not.

Whatever you choose to do, I'm sure other lurkers like me will continue to lurk. Amazing stuff.

Addendum: I also loved your use of repeated joke suggestions through improvisational side-stories. Stuff like that just makes me smile for days - even thinking back on this makes me smirk like an idiot. Truly memorable moments.

[stagnantAntler]

Yeah... this has been great, not sure what to say really...

First: I must admit I liked the dialogue better at the start of the adventure. The "traditional" dialogue is just alot more descriptive and interesting.

Second: I get what you're saying about the pictures, I'm guessing it draws in a bigger crowd. I just don't think you'll be finding an illustrator out there to do this justice. Besides, we've all gotten used to the text, so I'm guessing it won't matter to most of us. I do agree with mcGammar that a visual aid in the form of maps would be useful at times. Making pretty maps is hard (trust me I've tried), but I'm guessing it's something we all agree a good fantasy story needs.

Here's something interesting I stumbled over that might help with that http://www.giantitp.com/articles/xO3...JPlKxmVoG.html

[Pvt. Prinny]

Firstly, this story is amazing. I don't quite know how to describe it, but it has depth, characterization, plot, and heaps of meaningful player interaction. Well done!
I believe the dialogue was better at the beginning. I have nothing against the pesterlog style you tried, but the descriptive elements are just a bit more immersive than the strings of dialogue.
The political stuff was nice, as were the sneaking stuff. I think the political decisions would grow convoluted and tiring if you used them too much though, while the sneaking can be used in just about anything without getting old. The extended fight-scene segments were awesome, and I think those should be used more just because they're so detailed and brutal. The squad-based tactical combat was sorely underused; it's not as intuitive as stealth or fighting, so if it's only used once every now and then, how's anyone supposed to get a feel for it?
And an artist? I don't think it's necessary. It could work out for the better, but I think your text descriptions work fine as it is.

[alexthewhite]

I hope you all like words.

Because the 3500 word first post of War for the Rose Book Two has just been posted! Hooray!

I'm sorry it took so long to post. Power outages, other projects, and procrastination all reared their heads, and I had to slay them one at a a time.

It's good to be back. I hope you'll all enjoy Book Two, which can be read here.