What are Your Favorite MSPA Quotes? (HONK)

[Tolma]

Have you ever wanted to quote MSPA but have no one to tell your quote to because everybody you know refusing to read Homestuck, or just wanted to remember the best parts of your favorite MSPA adventure? Well here you can share your favorite MSPA line or quote with everybody else. This will not only serve as a place to share your favorite quote, but also as a place to come and find and discuss other great HS, PS, BQ, and JB quotes. Repeating quotes is fine and in fact encouraged if it's one of your favorites, and there is no limit for the amount of quotes you can put. Actually, my only rule is that your quote must come from MSPA, not the forums.
So, I'm curious, what's your favorite?
Also we will have a best of area right here. If a quote is fourthed (4)* then it will most likely end up here in the BEST OF WALL:

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This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual wield flintlock pistols!

Earth is literally under siege by planet fucking Jupiter.

"Here, stick this in your pipe and bleed to death slowly."

"Everyone out of the god damn way. You got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty."

"There, there, you blubbering goddamn pansy"

TG: i dont know man they seem to flock to me
TG: ive been laying waste to chumps nonstop
TG: its like they heard somebody over here was handing out asses and theyve known nothing but years of bitter ass famine

CG: WHAT IN THE SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK DO YOU WANT?

"You cannot hide properly inside the chest because you cannot close it while you are inside.

Instead you momentarily pretend it is a really cool automobile that commands the fear and respect of larcenous adversaries everywhere.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

All aboard the idiot wagon!"

"Pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT REAL!"

"Removing the lid signals the moment your life becomes a great whirling batshit pandemonium, somewhat resembling the chaos of an especially ethnic wedding. Somewhere, a soused uncle deliberately shatters china on the floor. Muddy livestock is decorated, and then lost track of. The question "Whose mule is this?" at times can be heard over the din. This is now your reality."

"I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO!!!!
I TOLD YOU DOG!"

TG: we all start out somewhere
TG: remember how i was scrambling up that tower to get that egg like an idiot
TG: what the hell was i doing
TG: i was like goddamn pooh bear in a tree reaching up his fat fuckin pooh paw for some mother fuckin honey
GG: heehee
TG: so even though im awesome now at one point i was plausibly likened to an autistic stuffed animal
TG: and you even knew what to do
TG: you told me how it worked all christopher robinning my ignorant ass about that egg
TG: but i was all like IM A LITTLE BLACK RAIN CLOUD BITCH WATCH ME CLIMB
TG: so maybe youre startin out with more sense than me

I CONJURE THIS INTREPID FANTASYSCAPE WITH TEARS BLED FROM THE WISDOM-WEARY EYES OF FIFTY THOUSAND IMAGINARY MAGICIANS. I PULL HEAVY DRAGS FROM THE BRUMES OF INSPIRATION WITH ENCHANTED BELLOWS MARAUDED FROM A GUILD OF CHURLISH MYTHICAL DWARVES. VAST BULBOUS RIDDLESPIDERS PUSH THE SILKEN STRANDS OF PURE WHIMSY THROUGH HIDEOUS ABDOMINAL SPINNERETS AND IT IS THAT WITH WHICH I WEAVE THIS AUDACIOUS COCOON OF EXQUISITE LIES. AND WHEN IT HATCHES A GREAT MOTH OF TITILLATION WILL AWAKEN AND ROAR AND BEAT ITS WINGS, AND THE POWDER SETTLING DOWN WILL ARREST THE HUMORS OF AN ENORMOUS TERRIBLE OLD BEGGAR, RELAXING THE VULTUROUS LEATHERY VICEGRIP HE'S FIXED AROUND YOUR CAPTIVE MIND.

"How can shaving cream be so flammable?"

"But he will not be drinking delicious juice, oh no. He will be choking down a world of hot piss and it will serve him right for liking all those dumbass movies unironically."

"Shit is basically flying off the hook. It's like shit wants nothing to do with that hook. The hook filed for divorce from that shit and is now seeking custody of the hook and the shit's two kids."

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --

GC: JOHN 1TS M3 4G41N
EB: who?
EB: oh, that's right...
EB: the leetspeaking blind one.
EB: go away!
GC: JOHN DONT M4K3 FUN OF MY H4ND1C4P
EB: which one, the blindness or the leetspeak.
GC: 1 4M S3NS1T1VE 4BOUT BOTH

CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN.
CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.
CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.
CG: I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD.
CG: I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME.
CG: WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.
CG: PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE CLOWN GODS YOU HAVE SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BLOCK.
CG: BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPED BY A PRIMITIVE "PARADISE" PLANET.
CG: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.
CG: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.
CG: ONLY MY HATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG.
CG: SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST TRUCULENT GOD THE FURTHEST RING CAN MUSTER.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT MADE YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU.
CG: MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF YOUR UNIVERSE.
CG: IT IS MY GIFT TO YOU.
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.
CG: YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.
EB: hi karkat!

Spades Slick cannot return to being Hearts Boxcars because obviously Diamonds Droog is too busy being Clubs Deuce.

EB: well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific.
EB: it was because shut up.
EB: shut up is why.

GA: I Feel Like I Am Trudging Waist Deep Through A Slither Basin Full Of Your Human Surprise Noodles

CCG: EVERYBODY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?? SUPERFUTURE VRISKA HAS AN IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON FOR US ALL.
CCG: WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT OUR PRESENT RESPONSIBILIES AND OBLIGATIONS!
CCG: BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT, IN THE FUTURE ALL THAT STUFF ALREADY HAPPENED. WE'RE OFF THE FUCKING HOOK!
CCG: TIME TO RELAX. LET'S ALL CRAWL INTO OUR COCOONS AND GET BUSY STIMULATING OUR AUTOEROGENOUS SHAME GLOBES.
CCG: FIRST ONE TO START A WANK FIRE GETS A SHINY BOONDOLLAR.
CCG: THIS IS AN ORDER FROM YOUR LEADER.

He feels pretty bad about flying off the handle like that, as if shit wanted nothing to do with the handle. Shit would like to reconcile with the handle, and perhaps seek marital counseling.

WELCOME TO THE PARTY MOTHERFUCKERS.

CG: YOU ARE SUCH AN IGNORAMUS I COULD SHIT MILES OF RAGE SNAKE TO CHOKE YOU TO DEATH

You are consumed by murderous thoughts and you prepare to embark on a killing spree to end all oh for fuck's sake you start thinking about dog things again.

WHY DO BONES HAVE TO BE SO DELICIOUS AND ENTICING.

TG: not cool
TG: luring me into your cyber boobytrap with shitty clip art who told you my weakness
CG: IT'LL WORK, WON'T IT?
TG: obviously

AG: Cahoooooooots!!!!!!!!
AG: Cahoots I say.
GA: You Sure Do Seem To Be Saying Cahoots

TA: wait, what, y0u're wearing a g0dh00d?
TA: why didn't y0u tell me that, what gives? 0r that y0u came back t0 life??
AA: im wearing a hood and have butterfly wings what else would you like to know
TA: man, being blind is dumb, can i like gr0pe y0u 0r s0mething t0 get up t0 date 0n y0ur appearance, w0uld that be weird?
AA: yes sollux that would probably be pretty weird

TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen

Very well. I will stop smothering you with surprise noodles.
TT: Huh?
But only because I find you to be adorable.
TT: So creepy.
So cute.
TT: Yuck.

EQUIUS: D --> Is this where we embrace jocularly, as if we are "bros"
EQUIUS: D --> I will be as gentle as possible
KARKAT: DON'T TOUCH ME.

Coin? What coin?

Surely you jest, Mr. Senator. The prosecution sees no coin.

SHE'S BLIND, REMEMBER?

TG: if i see one more soft bulbous bottom being like
TG: kind of jutting out and impudent or whatever
TG: im gonna fly off the handle
TG: im gonna do some sort of acrobatic fucking PIROUETTE off the handle and win like a medal or some shit

TG: just once id like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says theres a vampire in his closet
TG: "OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN"
TG: be fuckin dad of the year right there

You eat a weird bug and don't even care.

In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.
You are neither of these things.

TG: im not a hero
TG: my bro was
TG: john is
TG: im not

CCG: GOD DAMN IT, I AM CHEWING YOU OUT FOR WAND MURDER, AND YOU ARE FLIRTING WITH ME
CCG: MY FUCKING GOD MAN.

DAVESPRITE: caw caw motherfuckers

*Subject to change due to change in size and popularity of thread.
QUOTE AWAY!

[Descriptor]

This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual wield flintlock pistols!

That's really all there is to say on the matter...

[Tolma]

I totally forgot about that one!

[Kratospie]

BOY, YOU THERE. BOY.

And

"You really wish your side of the wall had an off switch. Which is to say, I really wish my side of the wall had an off switch."

[icu2jimy]

I'm all for this.

Off the top of my head, all I can think of is, "All of the levels. All of them."
I use that one a lot.

[Tolma]

Personally, my friend and I use "flip it turnways" which reminds me, SBaHJ quotes are ok here too. One of my own favorites is: "Gey key. You pick up the gun. The grip is cold against your palm. This is your only friend in the world right now. It's gonna be a long night."

[Descriptor]

From PS with the punchcard computer:
"The aging machine noisily performs tens if not hundreds of mind boggling computations per second."
Something about that line just cracks me up, and I have no idea why! XD

[Pal1994]

"You answer the phone in a hard boiled manner. You explain to the woman gruffly that you'd love to help her out, sweetheart, but you're up to your neck in all this weird puzzle shit. You hang up."

You're looking pretty chill with your new freakshow entourage.

The underlings all look kind of put off by it though. You're kind of weirding them out.


AD : Drop your own skull through skylight.

One More: You acquaint the SURLY THUGS with your brand of diplomacy.

[Tolma]

"Being a kid and growing up.

It's hard and nobody understands."

[Årmå]

i just used 'like a double moebius reacharound' when describing the complexity of my plan to a loans agent and they nodded in blank understanding

also:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAH

[Tolma]

What pumpkin?
I laughed so hard the first time I saw it!

[BlastYoBoots]

i just used 'like a double moebius reacharound' when describing the complexity of my plan to a loans agent and they nodded in blank understanding

Nice! Not terrific for your approval chances, though...

Here's the full quote, by the way:

GC: BY NOW YOU SHOULD R34L1Z3 TH1S WHOL3 M3SS W4S 4 B1G S3LF FULLF1LL1NG CLUST3RFUCK
GC: A HUG3 ORG14ST1C MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND

[KawaiiMelon]

anything relating to orange creamsicles

[Geekthras]

TG: im going to infer that your species reproduces by having sex with a grub in a bucket or something
TG: am i close
GC: D4V3
GC: TH4T 1S 4BSOLUT3LY TH3 F1LTH13ST TH1NG 1 H4V3 3V3R H34RD 4NYON3 S4Y >:\

YOU KISS THAT GIRL THIS INSTANT
=====>======>======>


DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff
DRAGONSPRITE: hey terezi!
DRAGONSPRITE: heeeeeeeyyyyyyy!
DRAGONSPRITE: hiiiiii terezi!
DRAGONSPRITE: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff sniff
DRAGONSPRITE: heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!

[Pokolo]

This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual wield flintlock pistols!

That and
You suddenly understand jack shit.

[catharticCarnifex]

This is complete bullshit.


Am I doing it right?

[Aradiacated]

Earth is literally under siege by planet fucking Jupiter.

[Tolma]

You can't doing it wrong!

You stop not being Hearts Boxcars

[Aradiacated]

You stop not being Hearts Boxcars

This reminds me, the intermission was just full of wonderful quotes.

"Spades Slick cannot return to being Hearts Boxcars because obviously Diamonds Droog is too busy being Clubs Deuce."

"Everyone out of the god damn way. You got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty."

"Punch clocks in face to establish chronology."

"YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL"

[hr.morgaes]

"MY GOD HE'S THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING.
Clearly dealing with a criminal mastermind here."

"Earth is literally under siege by planet fucking Jupiter."

Get me every time

[catharticCarnifex]

Not really a MSPA quote... but...

"How the fuck did you figure all of this out?"

^My fellow teacher after I gave her a very quick run-down of the background behind the very latest [S] animation. I had initially declined, on the ground of the story being way too complicated.

Second is also related to this:

"This is a comic for the kind of people like you Christian; too much free time and OCD."

A friend who still isn't reading MSPA.

“If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his own . . . how much kinder, how much gentler he would be.”

-Andrew Hussie

It is a little-known fact that Andrew Hussie is a universal constant.

[Aradiacated]

Speaking of Andrew, here's an actual quote from him.

"Elves will fuck any hole as long as its owner is asleep."

This is evidently where earwax comes from.

[Kadaashi]

Too many to think of, can't really remember right now

This one comes to mind though

TA: iit wa2 liike the handle wa2 a bald guy goiing really fa2t, and ii wa2 hii2 twoupee.
(I..don't know why I found it so funny :V )

and this entire page

[lakobie]

Jack Noir's 1 liner : "Why dont you stick this in your pipe and bleed to death"

Also: "Everybody Out! You are dead serious!"

[Fusion the Cat]

This is incredibly delirious biznasty.