SNATCHER (SS Let's Play)

[Catbread]

Doggy

Poor doggy, we barely knew you before you were gutted and thrown through the window for no reason by SNATCHERS.

I assume the next update will be Gillian chasing after the dudes what threw a dog through the window five seconds ago.

Also hooray for this thread! Rest assured, your suffering amuses me! That's comforting, right?

[Superfrequency]

I assume the next update will be Gillian chasing after the dudes what threw a dog through the window five seconds ago.

There is no place for logic in this game.

The obvious thing to do is run after Katrina even though you have no idea where she is.

I already played through the next update's worth and didn't save.

It's uh

you'll see

you'll see me complain

and anyone who has played the game knows what scene is coming up

[littleHatter]

Oh no.
This part.
If it is what I think it is.

Kind of sums up the game quite well, though.
Illogical, pointlessly gratuitous and appealing directly and solely to Kojima himself.

[-Benedict]

Wooooooo the letsplayings return! Aaaaaand pointlessly mutilated dog. Fun?!

...that SNEEZE

[Catbread]

http://www.joystiq.com/2012/03/16/hi...ted-disk-what/

"So maybe when you put it in your disk drive and you're playing for about fifteen minutes, the heat from the disk drive interacts with that chemical and creates a certain smell. It smells like blood or something like that. And when you pull it out you see like a dying message on the disk. That was actually an idea I had for the original Snatcher but unfortunately I got yelled at for it and they didn't let me do it.

Ah, what could have been!

[Superfrequency]

You guys. Blade Runner is totally next in my Netflix queue. Now I will know what all the fuss is about.

Also I guess

I gotta play this game

[Superfrequency]

:T That there Ridley Scott

I dunno

I felt the movie suffered from pacing issues. Doesn't really matter what version you watch. Snatcher is deffo Blade Runner The Game, though. More than the actual game was.

THE TERMINATOR IS STREAMING ON NETFLIX SO I GUESS I GOTTA WATCH THAT SHIT TOO

[weirdguy]

man unless arnold just jumps through that window in the next minute or so i don't think this really has anything to do with terminator other than being indirectly related somehow

and yes blade runner is bad at things but it is trying to be pretty, for you

[Superfrequency]

i don't think this really has anything to do with terminator

Sure it doesn't.

[Superfrequency]

Ok wow that was awful

it was enjoyable up until the movie tried to convince me Sarah Connor would have unprotected sex with an unwashed man who claimed to be from the future she had known for less than a day

uh

no

no

frankly it's insulting that she's supposed to be a Strong Female Character

[T]he beauty of movies is that they don't have to be logical. They just have to have plausibility. If there's a visceral, cinematic thing happening that the audience likes, they don't care if it goes against what's likely.

Boy, that's a convenient way to pretend your movies don't have to make sense.

Fuck you, dude.

Idiot.

I have a boatload of nitpicks, but that's the moment when I stopped being invested in the film.

I'd honestly rather play Snatcher. At least I can actually make fun of it.

[Syxx]

Sure it doesn't.

I find that last panel sorta disturbing.... more disturbing then it should

[Superfrequency]

Lordy. Let's play Snatcher.

The logical course of action would be to pursue whatever mauled poor Alice and is surely still within running/shooting distance.

Gillian is not a logical man.

Let's go find Katrina. If she's not kidnapped, she'd go somewhere safe, right? Let's check



Oh wait no sorry I outwitted the game. We can't go there yet. First we need to waste time exhausting possibilities somewhere stupider.



I totally thought this would work, too. Damn.

Done? Done underestimating my intelligence? Can we move on, Snatcher?



Thank you.



Oh nooo the lights are on who would have thought

Scan it



Why did you make me ask you to then



Ok



What



Are

you

fucking

for

real





If you think this game is good, you're wrong. You're wrong, and I hate you.

I defy you to justify this. I defy you.

You tell me why Metal Gear cannot scan the room we can physically see into for movement (despite scanning through the window at Gibson's house and detecting movement in the garden moments prior), but he can access the door from the street via "the security system", and how anyone could justify installing remote access to every electronic door in the building. Give me a reason beyond "it is plot convenient".

If you think this is good you're an idiot.



Well, I can hear the shower running. Let's just



rrrrrRRRRRRRRGH



Ha, yeah! Except for the room is pixel-for-pixel identical to how it looked the last time we were in here.

No, it's cool, I know you had to use the available memory on more important stuff. Like trying to fuck everything with a set of tits.





Can't even maintain consistency for the description of a single, non-visual clue.

Everything about this game's writing just screams quality.



The white noise on loop in this area hadn't clued me in. Thanks.



The shower stall is part of the rooommrggghhhh



Seriously game.

Seriously.

Couldn't just be fogged up huh it has to be some crazy techno shit that would never exist







This can only end with dignity

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Go on!

Defend this game again. I dare you.

You tell me how good it is.

You can explain to me in detail how awesome it is that the reason Metal Gear could not scan the apartment was so Hideo Kojima could show a 31 year old man peeping on a 14 year old girl.



Excuse me, Mr. Kojima, can I talk to you for a minute? I'm from the Confidential Committee on Moral Abuses.



Before you can get to the goods of the conversation, you need to sexually harass a 14 year old girl and refuse to tell her her dog is dead. A 14 year old girl Gillian is quick to compare his estranged wife to unfavorably. Let's skip ahead a bit shall we.



Remember that? That house the game would not allow us to search, even though I really wanted to?

Well I hope you like deus ex motherfucking machina.







THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.



Ladies and gentleman, I present the first and possibly only real/non-broken puzzle in the game!

pchoo pchoo explosions fireworks

You need to use your awesome powers of deduction to guess the name of the hospital in Little John's memory.







This is the one big hint they give you, although it is not difficult. I was able to figure it out very easily without cheating.

I'll let you guess at it now if you'd like to solve it yourself.

...

Done? Ok.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Yes, that stupid black queen we've been lugging around the whole game was the key. We haven't been exposed to anything else that it could have possibly been, so the solution is immediately obvious.





Except for the fact that neon signs need to be made up of continuous, unbroken tubes, and it would be physically impossible for only half of a U or a Q to be lit.

But I've suffered more aggravating plot holes than this. In this game. I'll take my puzzles where I can get them.



Couldn't just send a copy of this to HQ huh.

Post it up everywhere.

Nope.

Gillian is quick to accuse the Hospital's director of being a Snatcher simply because he is Chinese (seriously), and Katrina breaking into Gillian's apartment undetected is handwaved with "she's the daughter of a JUNKER, she can of course "pick locks"" (seriously).

Next up: Danger?

[littleHatter]

Hideo Kojima:
Making you uncomfortable to play games since whenever the hell someone decided he should make a game.

[-Benedict]

Superfrequency does have a mouth, and so she screams as loud as is humanly possible. Which is... pretty much reasonable when you're dealing with carpet depressions that are faint, sharp and deep all at the same time, completely unnecessary identity-protection technoshowers, and robots that are incapable of looking through an open window. How much more of this game even is there?

[Not The Author]

My guess? Too much.

[Dentrala]

Good lord that update was painful.

[Superfrequency]

I should mention also that guessing "Queen" does not work, even though it should if you're just searching a text document. You gotta have the s in there.

I'm only about a third of the way through the game.

[Nopad]

Why does Gillian own skin-tight bath towels? Why does Gillian own skin-tight bath towels modeled to underage girls he hasn't met?

[Superfrequency]

I think a better question is

are her breasts made of titanium

[Dentrala]

Everyone knows breasts harden under hot water. It's like plaster of paris.

[BRPXQZME]

I find that last panel sorta disturbing.... more disturbing then it should

(and that’s the censored version of it)

[Superfrequency]

Also I forgot to mention both Gillian and Metal Gear groan erotically when Katrina lets down her hair and are unable to actually form words. I remind you he is the protagonist of the game.

Katrina's distress call is only in the game so Hideo Kojima could insert loli into his sci-fi hollywood ripoff game, and he stuck a plot-critical clue in there he refused to let me find earlier when I knew where it was to attempt to justify it.

Imagine Snatcher without Katrina. Imagine it. What narrative purpose does she serve? I would have found the hospital list right off the bat and I could have skipped all of this ridiculous nonsense. She wouldn't have had to insultingly find it for me when I knew where it was but was not allowed to find it yet. She is in this game for one purpose and one purpose only. All of the admittedly good graphics and music in the world cannot salvage Snatcher. At least Metal Gear Solid is fun.

[Syxx]

(and that’s the censored version of it)

that is?...... how bad is the non-censored version?

[BRPXQZME]

robut is “anatomically correct”

[Superfrequency]

We have no other leads, so let's go over to





Who's paying to keep the lights on, jackass?



Do you have a BA in 20th century architecture or what



Uhuh

uh

It flickers constantly on this screen, so I don't know why Gibson didn't take a photo when it just said QUEEN. It's not like the Snatchers don't know you know where they are hiding out, so why bother leaving some cryptic trail of clues?



KOOOJIIIIIMAAAAAAAAAAAAA



And they left their lights on

The fiends

Parking must really be at a premium if people can't find anything closer than double parking like 18 blocks away from inhabited areas.

I don't understand how that could possibly be the case when 80% of Japan is supposed to have died.



Aside from the Tyrell building down the street.



Not how physics works Snatcher



I find that implausible. But you must be right since you seem to know so much about buildings and shit without even going around to the other side to check YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO MOVE TO KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE DOOR BUT YOU CAN'T LOOK IN MY FUCKING WINDOW I SDJS DFHGSDFHGSDJF



You do that

Won't bother to question why the sign and ten of the windows are lit but the door isn't powered



This may be the only time in the game you are given an honest and thorough description of a room.

The entire place is coated in dust.



Noted.

I will not forget you said this.



I hope I don't get zonked.







What, do they play Trauma Center during operations??



Is that even possible if the room has been sealed?



The general theme being hammered into your brain here is that the room has not been used for anything recently, and there is nothing to gain here. Let's move on.





It could only be nanomachines



Genital what?

I don't even want to know.



It's a similar story. There is nothing to do here.



That might mean something to me if I had more info on this hospital.

Moving on.



Nnnnn



My Jump Scare Sense is tingling



To Snatcher's credit, this is the most fun it has been so far game-wise. Like, actually being able to control things? Detectiving? Sorry for expecting things like those in an adventure game where you're ostensibly some kind of police officer.





Predictably, the desk is immovable.



A thing! A thing for my inventory in an adventure game. Fancy that.





The game says Snatchers take the place of their victims, but they just murdered Gibson. Surely it would have been in their interest to impersonate him in order to slow or halt the investigation.

But they just sorta left his body and robot there for us to find and analyze.

Aren't you guys smarter than this? C'mon.

Not buyin' it.



This drawer.

This drawer.

This drawer.



This slip of paper was falling down between the other nonexistent drawers, and based on this MkII surmises that the drawer was cleaned out in a hurry. Despite the fact that he read no movement and the entire hospital is coated in undisturbed dust.

It couldn't possibly be that there is an entrance under the sliding desk that was hinted at so subtly.

In any case, he cannot translate it because it contains characters he is unfamiliar with. Hoho, no, it's not a puzzle, we just have to call Napoleon again!



HOW

WHY



Oh go guess people's weight at a carnival or something you know-it-all ass

The photo was taken around the same time as The Catastrophe.



What's with decor in a doctor's office?? Highly suspicious!



RIGHT

I'M NOT GOING TO FORGET THIS

If you handwave why you can't do this a second time I swear I'm going to break something



I sort of

I sort of got that this was connected to Snatchers what with this hospital being the entire focus of the game up to this point and the matches

but ok

The game is explicitly linking Snatchers to The Catastrophe. Except it was already inferrable considering that Gillian says "SNATCHER" is the only thing he remembers prior to being found in Siberia. So we really haven't learned much.

This photo is saved in Mk II's memory.

There's nothing more we can do here. Let's go talk to Harry just for the hell of it, and because he is the only person at HQ I trust.







Everything in the game comes back to Russia. Remember this.



Well, too bad you didn't participate in a manned space mission until four years after this came out.

The space race was over, Japan.



YOU

ALREADY

HAVE



You're just such a pathetic shot, Gillian.



Rdjhdgfjsdghfsdgvbfgsdvfjhsbjhfb,vhb,fdvbhzjh,vdgc zvhdihoerytyibuefvyukrf

Reviewing the intro cutscene for context since it's taking me so long to stand playing this game, I have discovered that nobody is actually credited as the writer (Kojima is credited as the "creator"), but the translator is credited as Scott T. Hards, which I swear is a porn name. Snatcher is the only video game to his name; nowadays he runs HobbyLink Japan, a figurine and kit import website.

The man who is actually to blame for the writing is Jeremy Blaustein. There is a list of the titles he has graced with his talents over on Wikipedia.

Yes motherfuckers

Symphony of the Night

why am I not surprised

At least the acting in that is so bad that it's awesome, and it's actually an enjoyable game. But then I don't know how convincingly it's possible to deliver lines like "Die monster. You don't belong in this world."

Not only did he translate and localize Metal Gear Solid, he assistant-directed the voiceover sessions. Now I know who is to blame for Metal Gear?!.

E: I issue a retraction for a small portion of my ridicule. After attempting to find an image of a neon sign with a partially burnt-out letter ... I did! It is even a U that almost looks like an L sorta not really and you can still see the unlit parts so it's sort of moot regardless. If your sign is hopelessly overcomplicated and there is more than a single tube per letter, it is possible for that to happen.

The Queens sign doesn't look complicated, but. I upgrade this plot device from "completely stupid" to "almost believable". Something with just a missing letter would have been a lot more plausible, but there you are.

EE:

Oh my god have I really been playing this for more than two years

I'm finishing this this month