SNATCHER (SS Let's Play)

[mr. please-please]

okay well i don't actually know what's going on because I didn't look at the words, but these pictures are FANTASTIC

where did you get them

[Wistaria]

Oh boy oh boy a Snatcher LP!

I've never actually played this game, but it's SO GOOD. Lookin' forward to future updates
Kojima needs to make another Snatcher game or something, too...

[Superfrequency]

You really really really should! Like tonight probably!

Ok, ok. Ok. I will see Blade Runner. But probably not tonight because I am going to update tonight.

Oh boy oh boy a Snatcher LP!

I've never actually played this game, but it's SO GOOD. Lookin' forward to future updates
Kojima needs to make another Snatcher game or something, too...

A NEXT SNATCHER IS ...

[WordsHere]

A NEXT SNATCHER IS ...

I GET IT!

[Superfrequency]

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I'm feeling really anxious tonight so I don't know if I will be able to be super funny for you guys. Let's try, anyway.

But it turned out they didn't die. We begin investigating Jean's murder. Meanwhile, uptown, the DJ appears:




Gillian ... I heard about Jean T^T


How? I just got here and there is no way to contact anyone from the scene of the crime.


UH- I mean, something happened to Jean?

...

I'm not a Snatcher, you know! And neither is Cunningham!


BECOME A JUNKER, she said. SEE THE WORLD, SHE SAID!

For fuck's sake. How did Gibson even live this long?




Thanks, Watson, that really narrows it down. I mean, how many restaurants could there possibly be in a major metropolitan city?



He was investigating you! You can't fool me. I bet you planted that slip of paper on him, too, and there is an ambush waiting for me at his apartment. FUCK THAT.

Let's check his desk and shit.



Let's not just actually open the desk let's make me use like three commands. Open the dang drawer.



I beg to differ!




It's ulcer meds.


I can has?


No.



I know, right?! What's up with that?!

Crack open yonder locker.



A coat? Nobody uses those things anymore!



It is stereotypical adventure murder mystery inventory city up in here.

YOU GOT:
FLOPPY
BLACK QUEEN

We have exhausted this room. Let's go give Harry the memory chip we got from Little John.




This scene establishes I have a drinking problem. I will take your chip and not give it back or analyze it for you, and not because it would reveal that your boss and secretary are Snatchers.


That was not even really a joke.


CHRISTMAS PARTY

Well, I said I'd try.



Let's see that photo of him as a boy for posterity. Harry was once a human child. WHERE IS YOUR CHILDHOOD PHOTOGRAPH, MIKA?

Let's lift poor Harry's spirits. And by that I mean let's steal his liquor.




I know a phone number when I see one! They're those things with six numbers, right?

Rang rang




I- d- telepathy.

I did not skip an important piece of information, as soon as Napoleon picks up Metal asks you how you knew. I didn't. Apparently he was Jean's informant. I think the game expects me to be dumber and not suspect my co-workers, and I've done this in the wrong order. Just roll with it.

He wants to know the password. "The revolution is ..."



Stop the music and go home




I see what you did there.


Just go ask Jordan about him.

Yet unseen in this thread, Jordan is the Snatcher HQ computer. You can ask him about stuff. So let's.



I found it! No thanks to gators with headphones.



Pull up Napoleon's I.D. file. Let's get some dirt on this guy.



Son of a bitch



Oh.

There are three passwords in Napoleon's bio, and shady Chinese Napoleon will pick one at random.

*69
For non-fat american readers



Watchu knowwwwww ah
to be reeeaaalll

I'm not about to get ambushed at Gibson's apartment like a noob. Let's go meet this shady guy. But not before attempting to console poor "innocent" Mika on the way out.



Yeah, I mean, the guy only got decapitated FOUR FUCKING MINUTES AGO. Water under the bridge.



I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT FINDING ANYTHING.

I'M ON TO YOU.

I bet this god damn chess piece is full of nanomachines.




And under no circumstances may anyone TOUCH MY DESK!

A few numbers will appear on the animated billboard. We will record these for posterity

PLATO'S CAVERN
69-1170

KONAMI
34-5678

A hint line?! We will find out next time. Surprisingly, the number does not include "573".

You also get a number from a hooker.

55-6666



Everyone knows Loveline's number is 1-800-LOVE-191.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY COME OF THIS? FIND OUT LATER.

Alright where is that butt already




I sense a soul in search of answers


Har har. Tell me everything you know.


About?


You know, it's funny, you'd think that before setting up a meeting with a shady informant I would have some kind of idea about what it is that you informed Gibson of, or what I wanted to know.


I could tell you the only place in the city to get buffalo meat.


Great! W-


For a price.


I really don't think this is what my per diem is for.



You got your FOXHOUND in my JUNKER!



It's not called Joy Division, don't sue!

Why is it so easy to make Big O jokes for this, anyhow?

NEXT TIME: We phone some people up and try to get into the pwawty cloughb

[weirdguy]

To be fair, the entire city's design is almost ripped straight from Blade Runner, including the ziggurat, and both things we are talking about are also reference Metropolis....

It all comes back to freaky humanoid robots.

[Superfrequency]

My favorite part is when Napoleon elaborates that it is difficult to find buffalo meat on account of "the prohibition on shooting them".

In Japan.

[weirdguy]

I believe they also have prohibitions against shooting ostriches, condors, and babies.

Nothing wrong with shooting robots though. Nope.

[Superfrequency]

You gotta watch out for those Japanese ostriches.

Presumably they mean launching ICBMs at North America.

[LegoTechnic]

What about robot buffalo? How does that fit with the law? What if it was a Snatcher-Buffalo?

Or hell, cyborg buffalo--half real robot, half real buffalo. Could you like shoot half of one, or is it wholy protected or ignored?

Can I shoot a buffalo in self defense, like if it's charging at me? A charging buffalo is pretty scary, ya?

If I own a buffalo with four broken legs, a broken jaw, and massive cancerous tumors in its brain, lungs, pancreas, skin, face, gums, feet, and intestines, would it be legal to put it out of its misery, or must I let it suffer? Also, how much would the meat be worth afterwards due to the cancer?

These are the questions civilizations are built on!

[weirdguy]

Synthetic animals are okay, because that's all they have left in the city of amnes-damn it you got me doing it too.

Anyway, in Blade Runner, instead of using some dead guy's hastily performed autopsy to find buffalo meat from a place that apparently has figured out how to kill buffalo without shooting them, they use a snake scale found on the ground to genetically trace it to some guy who makes synthetic animals.

EDIT: Why does this particular robot have a database containing a listing for buffalo DNA?

[Superfrequency]

OK OK I WILL SEE BLADE RUNNER

I do want to say, just for people who haven't played the game, the two snatchers that run by the doorway in the abandoned factory are dressed in pink and brown, respectively.

[LegoTechnic]

Just in case anyone was actually interested, in the original Japanese version it's whale meat in his stomach if that lets it make more sense to you. Why it was changed to buffalo in the English version is a question I suggest you not think too hard on.

[Superfrequency]

Just in case anyone was actually interested, in the original Japanese version it's whale meat in his stomach if that lets it make more sense to you. Why it was changed to buffalo in the English version is a question I suggest you not think too hard on.

Not trying to be a dick but I did already point this out (and make fun of it). I'm pointing out all of the localization changes.

I can only imagine it was changed to buffalo in the localization because

- Japan is one of the last countries in the world that still thinks whaling is ok, and as such

- Nobody eats whale in the States. Buffalo was an analogous 'exotic' meat, and being able to pinpoint his location based on what he ate is an important plot point. Even though that's retarded because Snatcher still takes place in Japan.

UNLESS IN 37 YEARS BISON ARE AN INTRODUCED SPECIES ON HONSHU

[LegoTechnic]

Not trying to be a dick but I did already point this out (and make fun of it). I'm pointing out all of the localization changes.

My apologies. I actually ran a search of the pages for "whale" to see if it had been mentioned, but it was hidden in the spoilered section so I didn't see it.

Your deviously cunning trap is a success!

[Superfrequency]

When you return from the factory you have the option to "do something" at the front desk. One of these things is to smell Mika. Through the glass, I guess? That's way more creepy than staring at her tits.

For the most part it's been competently localized but there are a few grammatical errors and typos here and there. Nothing funny enough to show yet, though.

[Superfrequency]

This update the images are at double size because I had a friend over while I was playing. I don't think I like it better, as it doesn't look as crisp because Kega adds shading/anti-aliasing. What do you guys think?

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Let's make some calls. First, Plato's Cavern.



It's like ... a phone.

Give us your best sales pitch, then.




You don't seem to grasp the "black" part of "black market", business that advertises on the jumbotron.

Well, we have their address. Before we go, let's check out that Konami number! I bet it's some cute easter egg.



Hideo Kojima's one purpose in life is to congratulate himself. Also, "fan" is a truncation of the word fanatic.

Fuck it, let's go.





Uh. Sure, why not.



Good to know.



Get it? Because they are a black market. Aaaaaahhhhh



What, that's it? This is just a comic book store.



Oh, I get it. They sell those kinds of comics.



But if you're not an infant or geriatric, you're SOL.



No, it won't! Stop insisting that it's huge, secretive and well-stocked, because it isn't. It just isn't.

Check out those masks.



IT'S A FUCKING COSTUME WAREHOUSE

GET OVER IT



"I run an clean operation here! Apart from all of the contraband."




Great. Do you got a Nixon one? I've got cash.




You Jawa son of a bitch



But if I sell enough masks, I will become happy myself, right?

Well, since you won't sell me one for no discernable reason, why don't you look at the random shit in my inventory.



Now we play 3D chess. It's much more in tune with modern society's desire to make everything overcomplicated and idiotic.



A PC68? Nobody uses those things anymore!

I bet you've got one to sell to me. What with you being an enormous black market with a limitless selection of wares.



And you've been so helpful up until now!

I guess let's go harass the doorman at Outer Heaven, then.



At least Gillian doesn't have to contend with respawning guard dogs.




I know dude we were just there

honestly



Yeah, if you weren't careful, you might end up admitting to crimes in front of a cop

Check out this key yo



I know!!



I would literally have to be lifting you above my head for that to be possible you dumb toaster



It's so hard for me to imagine this guy's wife not liking him anymore after they lost their memories.

If it wasn't painfully obvious, I have no idea what I'm doing.

NEXT TIME: We investigate Gillian's apartment and make actual progress. And the images become small again.

[Superfrequency]

Let's continue playing SNATCHER. When we last left off, Gillian was dicking around downtown with nothing to do. Let's check out his apartment




I don't know what I'd do without you little buddy.










Not much what?

Uh, I guess it's ok. If blue is your thing. It looks like a giant filing cabinet with windows.



Nothing but the best for government employees.



They're up all night talking about "snitching" and enslaving humanity or something, it's driving me crazy!



Ghettos are traditionally densely populated but ok.



Ah. Must not be an ethnic ghetto, then. He has to go all the way to Japantown to get sushi!

I guess we'd better go inside before we get mugged by all of the people who don't live here.



Douche





Stupid toaster.

Check it out, it's that photo the game really wanted me to look at.





DUDE. Dude. Call her. Right now, dude. Come on. Make her take you back.



I hate you so much



This phone call is very boring, unless you like dating sims. It plays out exactly like you would expect. Except maybe for this:



Gillian Seed
Estimated age: 31



Let's cut right to the chase. Come on babe, take me back. Let Gil show you a good time. W-




Seriously?

Ok then. Let's make this like a real Let's Play. YOU decide where Gillian takes Jamie out. Will you impress her with your skills at Dragon's Lair, or take her to bet on the ponies? Post your date selection!

[Miraculous]

Exactly what sort of date do you have at a hotel, I mean-
...


> Amusement Park. Because nothing bad ever happens at those.

[Superfrequency]

... How the fuck can he remember her cooking?



You're not even trying, Kojima!

[Miraculous]

There has never been a more appropriate use of that emoticon, SF. Plot holes are so much fun.

[LegoTechnic]

There comes a time in the life of every Snatcher player over the age of 13 when they realize that the game is not actually well written. I tried replaying this game not too long ago but honestly, what were awesome moments when I was young and stupid are just downright bullshit now. Case in point, pretty much 75% of what comes out of Metal Gear. God, I hate that little thing so much...

[Iridium]

..Hehehe. Take her to a musical. It will show that you are classy.

Only classy fellas can appreciate musical theatre.

[Superfrequency]

There comes a time in the life of every Snatcher player over the age of 13 when they realize that the game is not actually well written. I tried replaying this game not too long ago but honestly, what were awesome moments when I was young and stupid are just downright bullshit now. Case in point, pretty much 75% of what comes out of Metal Gear. God, I hate that little thing so much...

It's not even well translated. Most of the time it sounds natural but like every 20th line sounds weird and awkward.

[BitVyper]

... How the fuck can he remember her cooking?



You're not even trying, Kojima!

Killjoy answer: They tried making a go of it as a couple for awhile before deciding they couldn't make it work. It's said in the game pretty early on.