Omegle

[kholhaus]

'Awwwwwwww men' is going to become my new expletive.

Thank you so so much.

[chezrush]

And last one for the night
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You and the stranger both like Homestuck.
Stranger: DirkxJake 4 ever
You: NO.
Stranger: BUT Y?
You: JAKE X JANE 5 EVAR.
Stranger: PFFFFFFTTTT
Stranger: JANE X RXY
Stranger: THAT SHIP WILL SAIL
You: SHIT YES
You: I AGREE
Stranger: 33 I FEEL GRAY FOR YOU SIR/MADAM
You: I FEEL ASHEN
. You: <\3
Stranger:
You: MUUHOOHAHAHA
Stranger: Is it bad that I seriously am only missing the ashen quardent Irl?
Stranger: ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;
You: I am only missing the caliginous quadrant.
Stranger: fkya~
You: Oh wait I filled it
Stranger: :O
You: WITH ME.
Stranger: AAAAHHHHHHH
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Destruction Dragon 360]

I LIKED THE PART WITH THE COTTONCANDY

[thunderheadSeeker]

So, me and my GF were taking turns shitting around on Omegle. One of my turns, this happens:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You and the stranger both like Homestuck.
Stranger: hi
You: sUp mOtHeRfUcKeR? :0)
Stranger: are you the insane clown that just killed the sollux i was talking too....?
You: .....
You: WhO ArE yOu?
Stranger: im jade nice to meet you
You: ....NiCe To MeEt YoU tOo ChIcA :0)
Stranger: hehe whats up?
You: Oh NoT tHaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg MuCh. I wAs On ThE mEtEoR aNd I pAsSeD tHe FuCk OuT
Stranger: ohh too many slime pies and faygo?
You: nExT tHiNg I kNoW iM iN a WhOlE nOtHeR wOrlD. I tHiNk Im In ThE nEw SeSsIoN.
You: i AlReAdY rAn InTo TwO oF tHe OtHeR hUmAnS
Stranger: well i ran into karkat and sollux so were even
You: Oh
You: ThAtS a FuCkInG mIrAcLe RiGhT tHeRe SiS
You: HoW iS eVeRyOnE?
Stranger: um they seemed fine karkat is as mean and stressed as ever and sollux just doesnt like
talking to humans very much does he?
You: ...I gUeSs MoThErFuCkInG NoT
You: wAiT dId YoU AcTuAlLy SeE ThEm?
Stranger: oh no! sorry i meant i talked to them on pesterchum, they were trying to troll me
You: Oh. GuEsS iM aLl Up AnD GeTtInG mY cHaT oN wItH pAsT yOu :0)
Stranger: i guess so since this is my first time talking to you
You: ReAlLy? DaMn...EvErYtHiNgS jUsT fUlL oF MiRaClEs ToDaY :0)
You: i JuSt MeT tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR. cAlLeD hImSeLf DiRk.
Stranger: sounds like you have had a really good day ) haha the name dirk kinda sounds like the
name of my friend dave XD but not really, just the d's in the name
You: ThAtS fUnNy YoU mEnTiOn ThAt. ThIs FuCkEr WaS kInDa LiKe DaVe BuT OlDeR aNd LeSs....
You: AnNoYiNg
You: He EvEn BoUgHt SoMe Of My MiRaClE eLiXeR :0)
Stranger: ahhh that sounds cool, daves kinda like an acquired taste i guess, he can be a little rude, but
he means well! but thats cool! what if this dirk guy was like, daves older brother, but i dont know if dave
has an older brother...id have to ask
You: i ReAlLy DoNt FuCkInG kNoW sIs, BuT i GeT tHe FeElInG yAlL wILl Be GeTtInG YoUrE mOtHeRfUcKiNg
InTrOdUcTiOn On LaTeR
You: mUcH lAtEr :0)
You: ThErE wAs ThIs OtHeR cHiCa jAnE. i TrIeD tOo HeLp HeR wItH hEr SpRiTe BuT i ThInK i ScArEd HeR
oR sOmEtHiNg :0(
Stranger: really? that would be cool and jane? sounds like my name! kinda....jane jade jane jade
hahaha only one letter off! now im just making useless connections XD but i doubt you scared her off,
youre being nice!
You: YeAh I gUeSs ShEs JuSt NeRvOuS. ShElL uNdErStAnD aLl My mIrAcLeS lAtEr :0)
You: I hAd ThIs BaDaSs RaP bAtTlE wItH dIrK tHoUgH
Stranger: really? that sounds really cool! and this dirk guys starting to sound like dave too! dave likes to
rap a lot too....but you probably already know him XD
You: YeAh AnD hE fUcKiNg TaUgHt Me ThIs BiTcHtItS nEw RhYmE :0)
Stranger: that was so nice of him! may i hear it
You: HeLl YeS cHiCa
You: RaCk CiTy BiTcH rAcK RaCk CiTy BiTcH
You: tEn TeN tEn TwEnTiEs On YoUr TiTtIeS bItCh
You: HuNdReD dEeP ViP nO gUeSt LiSt
You: GoT mY oThEr ChIcK fUcKiNg WiTh My OtHeR cHiCk
You: I gOt YoUr GrAnDmA oN My DiCk
You: RaCk CiTy BiTcH rAcK RaCk CiTy BiTcH
You: tEn TeN tEn TwEnTiEs AnD tHeM fIfTiEs BiTcH
You: :0)
Stranger: that sounds cool! that is a very nice rhyme! youre a good rapper
You: aWw... ThAtS fUcKiNg SwEeT oF yOu ChIcA. yOuRe AlRiGhT :0)
Stranger: so are you! you and a troll i met named tavros are the only trolls that have been
nice to me! yaaaayyy
You: ....
You: yEaH hEs A lIvInG fUcKiNg MiRaClE aLrIgHt....
You: :0)
You: MaYbE I'lL sEe YoU sOoN?
Stranger: i hope so, til then, i'll see you later ok?
You: aLrIgHt SiS. cAtCh YoU mOtHeRfUcKiNg LaTeR
You: :0)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[chezrush]

HOOHOO
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You and the stranger both like Homestuck.
You: SHIP
Stranger: HEY FUCKASS
You: SHIP SHIP
Stranger: OH SHOT
Stranger: SHIT
Stranger: SHIT
You: SHIP SHIP SHIP
You: NEPETA X KARKAT
Stranger: OH HELL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING NO!
You: KARKAT X SOLLUX
You: KARKAT X JOHN
You: KARKAT X TEREZI
Stranger: AND THE MAJORITY OF THE SHIPPINGS BETTER INCLUDE ME
You: TEREZI X EVERYONE BUT KARNAT
Stranger: UGH DOUCHEMUFFIN
You: *KARKST
You: *FUCK
Stranger: LEARN HOW TO SPELL FUCKFACE
You: SOLLUX X ERIDAN
Stranger: THERE'S THE DOOR GET THE FUCK OUT
You: FEFERI X ARADIA
Stranger: STOP BULLYING MY GOGDAMN SOUL!
You: DOOR X KARMAT
You: *KARKAT
Stranger: YOU FUCKFACE OF A DOUCHMUFFIN
You: FUCKFACE X DOUCHMUFFIN
Stranger: IF YOU'RE GOING TO SHIP ME WITH THEM DOUCHMUFFINS AT LEAST SPELL MY NAME RIGHT
You: KARKAT X KARKAT X KARKAR
You: *KARKAT
Stranger: OH SHIT I'LL PUND YOU ON THE FAVE
Stranger: FACE*
Stranger: WITH MY FIST
Stranger: POUND*
You: HA X WHOS NOT SPELLING RIGHT NOW
You: ST LOUIS RAMS X KARKAT
Technical error: Server was unreachable for too long and your connection was lost. Sorry. Omegle understands if you hate it now, but Omegle still loves you.

[indigoFirebird]

I tried going on Omegle for the first time today.
So I typed in Homestuck on the "what do you like" thing?
And I found someone else who liked Homestuck apparently.
But then I didn't know what to say so I decided to be Jade and said "hi!! "
And then the stranger disconnected.

[liquidMountain]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Greetings. You are now under surveillance by the SCP Foundation. If you were already aware of this, please tell us. Do not be alarmed.
Stranger: 15 m Canada
Stranger: What is that
You: Do you display any physical anomalous properties?
Stranger: No
You: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/about-the-scp-foundation for more info
You: Any mental anomalous features?
Stranger: No
You: Do you know of anybody who could be described as anomalous?
Stranger: ON
You: Backwards typing detected. Further investigation into your residence begun
You: please ignore sirens or odd individuals
You: If somebody offers you amnesiacs, please accept
You: --AUTO-INVESTIGATION CONCLUDED--
You have disconnected.

Heh heh. SCP.

EDIT:
Slightly NSFW

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
TALK LIKE IT'S 4CHAN.
Stranger 1: nigger
Stranger 2: faggots
Stranger 2: slut
Stranger 1: Let me sing to you the song of my people OP
Stranger 1: OP IS A FAGGOT
Stranger 2: When does the narwal bacon?
Stranger 1: thats reddit, dude
Stranger 1: OP get the fuck off the internet
Stranger 2: I'm not a dude, bro
Stranger 1: go to 4chan for 4chan
Stranger 1: im not your bro, slut
Stranger 2: I'm not your slut, nigger
Stranger 1: ...
Stranger 1: that hurt my feelings
Stranger 2: poor pinkus. poor little pinkus
Stranger 1:
Stranger 1: :'(
Stranger 2: *rapes you with a broken bottle*
Stranger 1: ;_;
Stranger 2: *cums aids riddled jizz into your gaping, bloody rape wound*
Stranger 1: /:O
Stranger 2: deal with it
Stranger 1: help me OP
Stranger 2: you're on your own now
Stranger 2: fortunately for you, I already came
Stranger 2: so sleep is mere seconds away
Stranger 1: *sobs*
Stranger 1: you know sometimes... (im a guy)
Stranger 1: i go into the shower and pretend like i've been raped
Stranger 1: i open the shower sobbing
Stranger 1: and let the water fall in my mouth and gag and silently cry as i wash the pretend cum out
Stranger 2: I like you again now
Stranger 1: i spit until my mouth is clean
Stranger 1: and then i lean against the wall and cry some more
Stranger 2: Do you ever claw at yourself in anguish?
Stranger 1: then with complete and utter resignation i sigh and bend over with my ass facing the shower
Stranger 1: and wash the cum out of my (pretend) vagina
Stranger 1: after doing all that i sit in the corner
Stranger 1: and yes, stranger
Stranger 1: yes i do
Stranger 2: I also have a pretend vagina
Stranger 1: every guy show go through that atleast once
Stranger 2: I call it my "hand"
Stranger 1: also, OP
Stranger 2: i grow weary of your bullshit
Stranger 1: here, a tribute video made for one of the most original and touching OC ever made by 4chan
Stranger 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi3_np4ADj0
Stranger 1: Katawa Shoujo
Stranger 2 has disconnected

[ಠ_ಠ]

Stranger: hi - M here
You: I'm a guy too! Let's talk to each other!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

yup

[Wacom Guy]

There was this really progressive concept that was going around the other day.

ASLO

O for Orientation

[ThereWillBePayne]

So, uh, something happened. This was my second conversation on Omegle, and as per usual, I decided to take something weird someone said, and take it up a notch. So uh, no I'm not crazy. Although the Lord Giraffe says otherwise. :P

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Stranger: hi

You: Hello.

Stranger: why does everyone like homestuck
Stranger: I typed in anal penetration and no-body had the same interest as me

You: Really, that's a shame now.

Stranger:

You: Yeah, I feel you buddy.
You: Apparently there's not a big Omegle community for freaky giraffe porn either.

Stranger: that sucks!

You: If only people could share my lust, my insatible infatuation...
You: Their necks... so slender...

Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Stranger: you got me

You: Did I now?
You: Who's joking.

Stranger: no i mean

You: Don't mock my tastes.

Stranger: by 'if only people could share my lust'
Stranger: 'you got me'
Stranger: was my response
Stranger: I too, am enamoured with giraffes

You: Oh, where have you been all my life.
You: I like to cosplay as them sometimes.

Stranger: I'm sure it's hard to find great giraffe cosplay

You: Yeah, apparently people find it "offensive" and consider it "tresspassing" when you break into their property and start eating their trees.
You: Like hell it's illegal, I'm a free animal.

Stranger: uh no, it's taking full advantage of the nature around us
Stranger: nothing wrong with that

You: Yeah!

Stranger: the trees would just sit there. being under appreciated

You: Truly, the service Giraffes provide to the world is unmatched.
You: It's a shame though, I can never get anyone to be the back half of the Giraffe.

Stranger: wait trees can't sit

You: I asked my friend Ricky once.
You: But the bastard told me he "didn't want to get into my weird shit, and there's no way he's going to pretend to be a horse's ass"
You: We're not friends anymore.

Stranger: how dare he.

You: He was a jerk too.

Stranger: to even compare such a majestic creature to a horse

You: He called me a creep and told me to "go shove my orange horse collection up my ass"
You: ...I killed his cat you know.

Stranger: no remorse, I hope.

You: I showed him.

Stranger: he deserved it, clearly!

You: YES!
You: Finally someone that understands.
You: I'm going to show them all one day.
You: How truly majestic Giraffes can be.
You: They all laugh, but when I come in with the giraffe costume on, guns blazing, they'll stop all laughing.
You: They'll see.

Stranger: "Giraffes are stupid" they said "What are you doing with that gun" they said

You: They just don't get it.

Stranger: They'll never understand

You: It's hard to love giraffes. It's hard and no one understands.
You: Sometimes I draw giraffes on my pillow and hump them.
You: I keep crying at them though, because they're not real. Not like in my dreams.

Stranger: Complete normality, we've all done it.

You: Yes.
You: Do you see him too?
You: The lord of giraffes, king of the plains?

Stranger: occasionally!

You: He's here right now. I can see him. Sometimes we talk about his home.
You: What did he tell you.

Stranger: He told me that I was going to meet someone on omegle
Stranger: someone.........with similar taste in giraffe fetish

You: A prophecy.
You: He tells me all sorts of prophecies.
You: Like that the world is going to end soon.
Stranger: He has foretold the future

You: I've been counting.
You: Only a few more weeks.
You: Then I do it.
You: I have to.
You: He said I did.

Stranger: if lord giraffe speaks it, it must be true
Stranger: he just told me to disconnect, see you in another life my friend, I WILL MISS YOU

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Okay, so that first one was pretty fucking weird, but this one was a little better:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hello

You: Hello.
You: So, any topics you'd prefer to address?

Stranger: i likecheese

You: Sometimes I dream about cheese.

Stranger: i envy you

You: Don't, it's been a while since I've got my hands on some real cheese. Every since these alien overlords took over, it's been a living hell... without my cheese fix.

Stranger: aw

You: I know, and worse than that, they say I'm going to be relocated to a moon orbiting Jupiter as a miner.
You: In retrospect, our president was really stupid to welcome these new alien overlords.
You: But, you gotta do what you gotta do right?

Stranger: iguess what are you mining on jupiters moon?

You: Helium 3 deposits in the crust.
You: Very high risk stuff, there's a 47% casuality rate and if you survive your first month you get relocated deeper for "finishing training"
You: Apparently they need this crap to fuel their engines so they can break lightspeed and hit some "warp anomaly peak" or some crap. I don't know much about it, you'd need to ask a scientist if you wanted real details, not that there's many of those guys left.

Stranger: thats sad

You: Yeah, it is in a way.
You: But man... without cheese, I don't know how much longer I can make it.
You: ...Do you have any cheese?

Stranger: yeah!

You: How did you get it past the detectors?
You: Do you know where I can get a fix?

Stranger: we dont have overlords down here

You: I'm desperate, there's a lot of survivors hiding out that need rations.
You: ...W-wwhere?

Stranger: australia!

You: What.
You: But... it was worldwide right?

You: How did you survive/

Stranger: i dont think the aliens like the kangaroos and koalas and platapuses and emus!
Stranger: so ive never seen one

You: Quick, you need to launch a resistance then!
You: It's up to you to save the world!

Stranger: but...i dont know how!

You: It's only a matter of time before they find away around you defenses!
You: Oh shit
You: There was a bang
You: They're coming
You: Find a way!

You have disconnected.

Oh and this one was pretty amusing, although it's long as hell itself ;P

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Stranger: you are now diablo lord of terror
Stranger: what do you do

You: Okay, first things first, some slam poetry.
You: Hello.
Dude you don’t even know,
How god damned subtle I am, bro.
On my mind’s river floats a hidden trow,
No wave’s big enough to knock this to and throe,
I could be the devil, it’d never show.
Like an onion man, I’ve got layers below.
I could have transformed, a long time ago,
Waiting, behind my eyes; ire aglow,
I wait to end the world, to reap as I mow,
This globe, into the pyre I shall throw.
Start again, in the radioactive snow,
Raise my pitchfork, transformed into hoe,
With ashen farming implement, I will begin to sow.
An army of the dead I will raise, row after row,
I make ‘em real cheap, just a corpse and a fresh toe,
Banshee’s, ghouls and sprites, I know what to grow,
With them I’ll take what you owe,
All yer sweet, precious dough,
Then a grotesque transformation I’ll undergo,
To become mankind’s greatest foe,
And to herald my arrival, here comes a single crow,
How’s that for poetry, eh Poe?
My madness, on you I bestow,
If you kept up that is, I know you’re a bit slow,
But hey, I’m kidding, no need for woe,
Plus you’re too busy, what with all the guys you blow,
Don’t get mad at me because your mum’s a ho!
No, that was a bit low,
I don’t usually go for the low blow,
But for you, my sweet prey, I called “Tally-Ho!”
And upon fresh mind, I dropped this sweet flow,
Oh, you poor sweet doe,
Suffering at the hand of a pro,
Subtlety’s my game, one I never forgo,
So, on your sweet I bestow,
The best miracle I ever did give, quid pro quo,
Your innocence I took, what I did give though,
Is enough for any fool to sit back and say “whoa”,
These sick rhymes, quick as arrows from a bow,
So in your head, these words you should stow.
I warned you about these sick fires, yo.
You: 'Tis right
You: Wall of text,
You: Keep it, that's some rad demonic shit right there.

Stranger: those are some sick fires bro
Stranger: diablo would be proud

You: Dude, you don't even know how many sick fire's I've got.
You: My fires are so sick they've got cancer.
You: Little sally flame is sitting at daddy fire's bed, but he's flatlining.
You: Doctor Pyre is right there, trying to give him CPR, but he won't wake up.
You: His sone Billy Ire is in the corner whimpering for his mother.
You: That's how sick these fires are bro.
You: Of course, being Diablo I'm all about sick fires.
You: That's like my job or some shit... actually I don't know, being the lord of hell an' all, no one gave me a manual.
You: So I just sit around coming up with these sick fires.

Stranger: your job is also to end heaven and sanctuary

You: Okay, sure can do.

Stranger: all and all cause chaos

You: Alright, seems like a laugh.
You: So, I think the first thing I'd do is get Will Smith on my side.
You: Then maybe Obama, can't go wrong with those dudes.
You: So, first things first, I might get a cult group or some shit to do a basement summoning of Yog-Sothoth, Keeper of the veil and key to the void.

Stranger: also your brothers Baal and Mephisto

You: That's cool.
You: Mephisto sounds like a stage magicians name though.

You: But that's cool, he's my bro, gotta keep together right? Even if he has a pansy name.
You: So uh, is there like a chosen one or something, who might thwart me?
You: Because I should probably fuck his shit up before I do anything else.

Stranger: no just a whole bunch of dick waving mercs, a demon hunter, and some angels from the high heavens

You: That's cool, that's cool.
You: No biggie, I'm sure Will can handle those guys.

Stranger: oh hell yes he can
Stranger: he handled aliens im sure he can handle all of those

You: And uh, maybe Yog-Sothoth and Obama can tag team the angels.
You: That doesn't sound too unreasonable.
You: But uh, maybe I could mess with the demon hunter, you know, fuck with his morale for a bit.
You: And maybe kill any love interests he takes up, you know, the whole "cursed" m.o.

Stranger: demons already killed his family so why not add insult to injury by doign some sick fires
Stranger: along with some sick fires

You: But I'll make sure to be all "ominous" while I do it of course.
You: Gotta be ominous as diablo.
You: Sweet, "Fresh meat, How sweet, have a treat, it's your fathers head, oh look he's dead"
You: Ha ha, man, I'm gonna burn that fucker good.
You: What's he got against me anyways?
You: Just because my minions killed his family and shit, doesn't seem very reasonable.

Stranger: just simply the fact he wants to end all demons

You: Wow what a dick.
You: Seriously, some people are so inconsiderate.

Stranger: well they did kill his family in front of his face
Stranger: but who gives 2 fucks what a dick

You: Yeah but, that's like they're job and shit.
You: Yeah!
You: Alright, well I'm on it already.
You: Clinton wants to sign up as well... so I guess he can do the paperwork or something.

Stranger: he can have an affair with a demon

You: Sweet, maybe they can have some sick-ass demon half children who follow an ancient prophesy or some shit.
You: Speaking of which, I have to come up with a few more of those.

Stranger: maybe rise all the evil people of the world from the dead too
Stranger: Nero, Hitler, Bin-Laden

You: Sounds sweet, man Zombie hitler...
You: Mother fuckers better watch their shit around him, he was my #1 man back in the day.
You: What about you though, what's your job?

Stranger: i dont know
Stranger: i think i might be the narrator or some shit
Stranger: worlds shittiest narrator

You: Is this something I should be doing as well, finding a job for you? You seem to know what's going on, maybe you could be my accomplis or something.
You: Nah man, you could be like, working in secret with me.
You: You know, like, a deal with diablo.

Stranger: who are you then

You: That way when the demon hunter makes his way up here, despite all odds, and faces me down, it turns out you've been on my side all along.

Stranger: because if i made some deal with you i must know who you are

You: Dude, I'm Diablo, Lord of Terror.

Stranger: yes
Stranger: yes you are

You: Alright, so it's a deal?

Stranger: yes

You: So what about my other sick bro's, what are their deals?
You: Baal sounds like a real BAMF

Stranger: they are just sorta chilling in soul stones right now

You: Oh shit, I guess I better help them escape or something then.
You: Well uh, maybe I could get Bush on them or some shit. Maybe Nero could sic some lions on them or some shit.

Stranger: maybe we can cause ww3 or some shit and spread evil gas over london before a direct invasion

You: Do you think Kim Jong Il could handle that shit?
You: I'm not really into that sort of stuff, too 80's action movie for my tastes.
You: Oh shit, maybe I could get some more Hollywood actors on my side.
You: Those dudes are always looking for a chance to get on my good side.

Stranger: Tom Green
Stranger: he cuts shit up

You: Hell yes. Hell fucking yes.

Stranger: and then we can get a pornstar to start a world aids epidemic

You: Fuck yes.

You: Ol' Tom used to have some sick fires back in the day.
You: What about plagues.

Stranger: Boubonic Plague

You: Like, locusts and shit too.
You: Have we got a guy for that?
You: We should probably have a guy for that.
You: Dude, do you think we could some nukes and stuff?

Stranger: new york nukes
Stranger: also we could corrupt chuck norris duke nukem and nicolas cage to form the best crew of bad ass fighters ever

You: Fuck man, Nick Cage has been on my side the whole time.
You: That was the plan.

Stranger: cant forget the world wide boner plan
Stranger: everyone gets a free boner

You: Holy shit you know about that plan?
You: DUDE, I was so HIGH when I came up with that plan.
You: Me and fuckin Nick we're chillin out in the rest room at star bucks, smoking a blunt or something, and then he's like "Dude I've got the biggest boner right now man."
You: So I was like "Nah man, I don't want to know about your dick"
You: But then he was like, "Noooo no no no, I've got the biggest PLAN for a boner right now, cause I meant to say boner but...
You: Man, good times.
You: But yeah, Chuck Norris and Duke Nukem are comin' right up, ready for destruction on a silver platter.

Stranger: we should make world wide boner plan day so shocking that daft punk have to perform maskless from that point onward

You: Duke can probably handle the nukes and, uh, Chuck can take out the presidant.
You: Oh shit man, hell yes.
You: Dude those guys are so surviving the apocalypse.

Stranger: and finally
Stranger: we should get aliens
Stranger: the stereotypical reptilian bs conspiracy shit
Stranger: only it isnt bs because the devil really did send them from space
Stranger: the ironic part is that wasnt originally the plan
Stranger: then they hyped it so fuck it lets send lizard people
Stranger: actually
Stranger: fuck that
Stranger: thats stupid
Stranger: instead lets just send a giant fucking comet filled with awkward hugging pornography
Stranger: im losing you arent i
Stranger: diablo
Stranger: we need the illuminati in on this shit
Stranger: i must go tell everyone about plan boner
Stranger: we shall meet again diablo

[Graknorke]

You guys are so lucky to have people willing to be a little bit silly over whatever. I normally get a disconnect after it's obvious I'm not cybering.
And whenever I don't I feel too lucky to have met one of the few worthy humans left to risk losing them because of trying to have a silly conversation.

[Ahmmy]

Here's one. It's from when Hussie went to that convention a few weeks ago and left us to Jack getting beaten up by gaurds. (also I call that part Jackbreak)

You are now talking to a random stranger on Omegle!
You and the stranger both like Homestuck.

Stranger: hey there sexy
You: next time on Jackbreak:
You: we see what mangled state the gaurds have left his body in
Stranger: what
Stranger:no

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[ThereWillBePayne]

Chapter one: Introductions of the Obnoxious Variety

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You and the stranger both like Homestuck.

You: Hi!

Stranger: Hey.

You: Do you want to talk about Homestuck?

Stranger: NO, WE'RE GONNA PLAY POLE POSITION!

You: AWESOME
You: I START IN THE VERTICLE POSITION
You: +1 TO VERTICALITY STAT

Stranger: OMG FUK U NOOB SCRUB
Stranger: FUKN HAKER FGT

You: NO, WAIT
You: I'm SORRY
You: FORGIVE ME
You: OH GOD WHY WON'T THEY STOP
You: WHY WON'T THEY STOP SCREAMING

Stranger: BECAUSE
Stranger: YOU KILLED THEM

You: I TOLD THEM NOT TO SELL GRIMOIRE
You: I WARNED ABOUT THE GRIMOIRE
You: BUT I HAD TO KILL THEM
You: OH GOD I'M SO SORRY
You: THEY WERE GOING TO CHANGE

Stranger: YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL YOU KILLED THEM ALL

You: NO NONONONONONONONONON

Stranger: WHY

You: WHY WOULD YOU LET THEM EAT IT

Stranger: I CAN'T SEE THROU G H T H E B L O O D

You: WHY DIDN'T I LET THEM FINISH THEIR CLASS
You: SO MUCH BLOOOD
You: IT'S ON THE WALLS

Stranger: MY EYEs

You: IT's ON MY ELBOW
You: OH GOD HOW DID IT GET ON MY ELBOW
You: WHEN WILL IT END
You: WHY WON'T HE STOP IT

Chapter Two: Establishing Context

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Stranger: fearmepleasefearme.tumblr.com

You: Okay.
You: I fear you.
You: I am so afraid.
You: Right now.
You: I am feeling fear.
You: And it is terrifying.
You: Any second now I expect to transform into a young female and abscond to my bed sheets in a feeble effort to transcend this horrifying situation.

Stranger: ithurtsithurtsithurts
Stranger: IT HUR T S

You: It hurts as well. So much, does it hurt that I no longer feel pain but something I can only describe as "agapaconvulsioment”.

Stranger: W H YYYYYYYYY

You: I don't know why actually, apparently some sort of book, and they sold it, but because they left class too early and ate something, I had to stab them, so I guess that's why.

Stranger: oh
Stranger: okay

You: They being a group of what I can only assume to be mid-teens with a sense of adventure that explored some sort of manor on a stormy night.
You: Well uh, I guess that's one mystery solved.
You: And uh, I am still a vertical pole, whatever that means.

Stranger: dik but

You: My upright mast stat is rising steadily.
You: I guess that means I'm winning.
You: Your turn.

Stranger: Uhh
Stranger: Can I insert you rectally?

You: I don't think that's how you play Pole Position.

Stranger: Too bad

You: Okay, uh well you still can't do that.
You: So you'll have to think of something else, since it's still your turn.

Stranger: *inserts you rectally*

You: Okay, +1 point to the maypole team.
You: Which, neither of us are on.
You: So good job.
You: Now I'm going to roll the D40 and try raise the drawbridge.
You: A 32, instead I kicking it's supporting beams out and it topples off the ledge.

Stranger: NO CHINPACHIKURA IT IS TOO RISKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You: It's your turn again.

Stranger: I ACTIVATE MY HELM OF HELLSTORM AND VAPORIZE A FOREST TROLL

You: And Chinpachikura is currently occupied with a small badger and a scrawling brush.
You: Okay, good job. That forest troll is thoroughly vaporized. Your Trawl statistic raised by +3.

Stranger: I ORALLY STIMULATE YOUR GENITALS.

You: Unfortunately it's my term, so you'll have to wait to blow me.
You: In the meantime, I practice my armadillo craft, carving a beautiful saccharine jade statue.
You: +4 to Armadillo Craft.
You: The badger has now defeated Chinpachikura with the scrawling brush and is devouring the body.
You: It is your turn.

Stranger: I ORALLY STIMULATE YOUR GENITALS.
You: Okay, my genitals are now stimulated. +1 stimulated to my genitals, +4 blowjob maneuvering stat to you.

Stranger: AWESOME.

Chapter Three: Convolution of the Best Variety

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You: It's my turn again, and I'm going to take a skull and feed it into a machine made out of ivory and stretched mouse dropping fibers. I roll the D49 and get a 12, the skull is processed successfully, crafting the
You: BLADE OF DEVOURM
You: The badger has now fully consumed Chinpachikura's corpse and has gathered its belongings to prepare for its venture to the Tigress kingdom.
You: It is now your turn.

Stranger: I STEAL THE BLADE OF DEVOURM

You: You roll a 16, successfully snatching the Blade of Devourm.
You: You need to roll a saving throw however to ensure you don't catch the curse of Devourmsaur.
You: You roll a 32, unfortunately transforming the blade into a small novelty typewriter.
You: It is now my go.
You: I, in response to your infuriating attempt to steal my "Sweet loots", pull out a cheap cigar and light it, receiving a +15 bonus to by suave stat.
You: The badger, now prepared, says its tearful goodbye to it's family and sets out through the JUNGLE OF DOOM.
You: It is now your turn.

Stranger: Attempt to sell badger hallucinogens.

You: The badger rolls a -2 on the D1921 and unsuccessfully avoids your drug trafficking attempts, buying all of your drugs. ALL OF THEM. Now a great deal less rich, and heavily burdened with drugs and their related paraphernalia, ventures on.
You: It is now my go.
You: Having finished my cigar, I decide I am going to shoot you with this carefully hidden Glock 17c I had in my pocket throughout this entire venture, applying my +2 upright mast skill to the shot. I roll the D12 and get a 5 + the boost from the Upright mast skill makes that an even 14. Two bullets are now hurtling at you at ribcage shattering velocity.

Stranger: Attempt to dodge bullets.

You: You roll the D61 and get a perfect 19.5, successfully dodging my gunshots.
You: However, you fail to take into account the transdimensional attributes of the BLADE OF DEVOURM and it remains stationary, catching both bullets in its minor gravity well. The now damaged and colorful typewriter will explode in the next four - six turns.
You: Elsewhere, the Badger is facing down the infamous BENGAL TIGER, which is lecturing it on the sociological impact of post-modernism.

Stranger: Toss typewriter away.

You: You are successful in your attempt to remove the BLADE OF DEVOURM from your person, as it remained hanging in the air after you leapt away from the motion path of my gunshots. It is still my turn and the battlefield remains unchanged, except for the simmering typewriter.
You: I, in response to your hasty retreat, cast a spell of fireball. +12 nerdyness attribute, and a pyromantic ball of flaming magic is on course towards you.

Stranger: Charge through fireball and punch aggressor.

You: You roll the D84 and get a 35, bursting through the oncoming orb of mystic napalm, minorly scorching your hand (-1 palm frosting), and attempt an attack. However, the punch fails to connect as you reroll the D72, getting an unfortunate 69 and merely glancing the blow off the previously crafted Armadillo carving.
You: Elsewhere, the Badger is attempting to solve second foes RIDDLE OF SANGUINE DESTRIBUTION, and is failing abysmally. His only hope is to attract the TINDER TIGER FAIRIES and ask them for assistance in his mental challenge.
You: It is now my turn.
You: I attempt to channel my nerdyness stat into an eldritch reading of my TOME OF MACABRE ENVISIONMENTS, however my stat is insufficient and I instead bring forth only a minor evil, which quickly disappears into the brush.
You: It is now your turn.

Stranger: Attempt to steal gun.

You: You reach for the firearm, attempting the hallowed SNATCH OF DISARMAMENT, rolling the D96. You get a 3 and quickly disengage the weapon from my grip.

Stranger: Fire at aggressor.

You: Elsewhere, the badger, having successfully elicited the help of the TINDER TIGER FARIES, is approaching his third trial.
You: Unfortunately you cannot yet fire, for it is now my turn.
You: I, now weaponless and incapable of combat, move for a TACTILE RETREAT, however, failing to have brought the necessary equipment to fulfill my escape attempts, stand awkwardly in silence.
You: It is now your turn.
You: However-
You: The typewriter, previously left to explode, has reached it's critical state, the two bullet holes having punctured its casing and the small novelty fusion drive core hidden inside.
You: With a rumbling blast, the brightest imaginable light illuminates the quad-dimensional device from the inside, shattering it and the surrounding 18 km(squared) into glass, opening a dimensional gateway, into which you, I and the badger of the chosen variety, have been thrust.
You: It is now your turn, as we tumble through this abyss of light and squeaking rodents.

Stranger: Fire at aggressor regardless of dimensional rift.

You: You roll the two D6's, getting a perfect ERROR 407: DIE HIPSTER DIE combo, emptying the chamber pot of your now transformed wardrobe towards my approximate location.
You: The badger now confused and alone, begins evasive maneuvers in an attempt to slow his descent speed.
You: It is now my turn, and ready to dodge the rapidly approaching excrement, are hit in the back of the head with a loose chunk of REBAR, losing a quarter of my ELUCID GEOMETRY statistic. The fecal matter hits me full on, riddling my chest with bullet holes.
You: It is now your turn.

Stranger: Go super saiyan.

You: You attempt the infamous SUPER SAIYAN TRANSFORMATION maneuver, rolling the D1924. It lands a terrifying B2012.12149*324<10, rapidly transforming you into what could only be described as "A grotesque mass of muscles and energized blonde hair.” It is now the badgers turn.
You: The badger, realizing the full extent of its situation, reveals its hidden playing card, a small naked picture of Vanessa hudgens, which transforms into the millennia fabled ZIGGURAT OF ETERNITY. The badger is now gone, leaving only a small cloud of clearing smoke in its wake. Really, you don't get why that was necessary.
You: It is now my turn.
You: With your now disproportionately increasing muscle sizes and the flailing haircut of lightning extending from your scalp, I have decided I do not like this place much, and leave for the exit. I am now in the glass creator where we started our adventure.
You: It is now your turn.

Stranger: Self destruct, destroy universe.

You: You are successful.
You: The universe has been destroyed.

Epilogue: The Frolicking

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Stranger: Frolic

You: Your reward, a small Armadillo statue.
You: You and it now frolic in the eternal abyss.
You: Congratulations, you have won Pole Positioning.
You: Play again Y/N?

Stranger: Take off top and get killed by Greg Kinnear.

You: Error. Disassembling session. Have a good day.

[guillotineGuardian]

For I be a PIRATE KING!

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: wanna see my dick?
You: Do you have a microscope I could borrow?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: AVAST, YA SCURVYS!
Stranger: WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU
You: I SAID, AVAST! BEGONE!
You: DO YA FOLLOW THE PIRATE CODE?
Stranger: PIRATE CODE?
You: AYE, THE PIRATE CODE!
Stranger: ALL RIGHTEY MATEY
You: ARGH!
You: ARGH!
Stranger: RAARGH!!
You: LET'S BE GOING AND DOING PIRATEY THINGS!
You: AYE!
Stranger: YOU GOT IT PIRATE PARTNEREY
Stranger: WHAT SHOULD WE BE DOING?
You: AERGH! LET'S BE SINKING A FEW SHIPS, NOW MATEY! ARGH!
You: LET US BE TO THE PIRATE BAY!
Stranger: AYE TO THE SEA ME PARTNERAY, BUT FIRST WE NEED A BOATEY!
You: ALAS! OUR BOATEY, WE HAVE LOST IT! ARGH! IT BE THOSE GOODY-TWO-SHOES ANTI-PIRACY PEOPLES!
You: NO GOOD MAY COME OF THIS!
You: ARGH!
Stranger: ARGH!
You: WE SEEK REVENGE!
Stranger: WE WILL BE MAKE THEM HORRIBLE THINGS
Stranger: PIRATEY THINGS
You: ARGH! LET US SEARCH FOR OUR BOAT! IF WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN, WE SHALL TELL THE OTHER OF ITS FINDING, AND TELL OF WHAT WE HAVE DONE TO THE LAZY SCUM WHO HAVE STOLE OUR BOATEY!
You: ARGH!
Stranger: RIGHT! YA GOT IT PARTNERAY! ARGH
You: FAREWELL, THEN! TILL WE MEET AGAIN!
Stranger: FAREWELL!
You: ARGH!
You have disconnected.

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello
You: ARGH!
You: HELLO!
Stranger: whats up? lol
You: HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOATEY?
Stranger: yes
You: I MUST HAVE IT, TO BE DOING MY PIRATEY THINGS!
You: GIVE IT BACK, THEN, OR TO DAVEY JONES LOCKER WITH YOU!
You: ALTHOUGH YOU MIGHT WIND UP IN DAVEY JONES'S LOCKER ANYWAY.
Stranger: isnt it Booty...
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hey
You: ARGH!
Stranger: ?
You: HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOATEY?
Stranger: yea
Go to google and search: Boat-is
You: AYE, BUT I NEED *MY* BOAT. HAVE YOU SEEN IT?
Stranger: Yea ,in the sea
You: AYE. WHERE IN THE SEA, MATEY?
Stranger: On top of the water
You: AVAST, YA SCURVY SCUM! YOU ARE OF NO USE TO ME.
You have disconnected.

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: m
You: AYE!
You: HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOATEY?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: HALLO, MATEY!
You: HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOATEY?
Stranger: wkwkwkwkwkwkw
You: AH . . . YES. BUT MY BOATEY. HAVE YA SEEN HER?
Stranger: who is boatey
You: SHE'S MY SHIP!
Stranger: oh no
You: NOW HAVE YA SEEN THE LIKES OF HER?
Stranger: no
You: ARGH!
You: THEN FAREWELL!
You have disconnected.

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl
You: CAPTAIN LEWIS STALWART, 43, TERROR OF THE HIGH SEAS!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Funny, no one's seen her.

And, just because:

[TheWhiteTextGuy]

Slightly nsfw

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Not nsfw

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