Pulp Archaeologist Adventure!

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

Welcome, everyone, to Captain Lhurgoyf's first adventure and among his first posts. I've been a fan of MS Paint Adventures for a while. Then I found the forum. Then I found this forum, and I realised I just had to do an adventure myself. So, come on, and let's have fun and hopefully not go horribly wrong!

Pulp Archaeologist Adventure!

You are a DESTRUCTIVE TOMB ROBBER BOLD PULP ARCHAEOLOGIST in a time that resembles THE 1930s BUT CONTAINS MANY HUMOUROUS ANACHRONISMS. You are about to BOARD a PLANE going to THE ANCIENT RUINS OF THE ANCIENT MAYINCAZTOLMECS, which is located SOMEWHERE UNDETERMINED BETWEEN SOUTH AND CENTRAL AMERICA, to LOOT DISCOVER their ANCIENT TREASURES AND WEALTH.



You are at an AIRPORT and have your PASSPORT ready to take you out of the UNITED STATES. All you have to do is SIGN your NAME on your PASSPORT.

[thriggle]

>Franz Lévi-Strauss

[Xelkelvos]

Houston Wallace

[Blue-Clone-Ninja]

Harvey Smith.

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

>Franz Lévi-Strauss
>Houston Wallace
>Harvey Smith







You take the PLANE to an UNDETERMINED SPOT IN CENTRAL OR SOUTH AMERICA, landing in the middle of the MAYINCAZTOLMEC JUNGLE. The RUINS should be around here, and with them, countless RICHES. And also, probably MACGUFFINS. Unfortunately, given the GENRE, you have a feeling you'll have to face BOOBY TRAPS. Heh heh, BOOBY. Also, probably NAZIS.



(Also: I've decided I will most likely be updating this thing four times a day, should my schedule allow me)

[thriggle]

>Watch out for snakes.

[Xelkelvos]

Turn around

[TrickySoldier]

> Go to the temple. Also, watch out for seemingly-friendly gold loving fat white sidekicks in the area.

[Red Herring]

> Go to the temple. Also, watch out for seemingly-friendly gold loving fat white sidekicks in the area.

> Hey, you liked Monty . . .

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

> Watch out for snakes.

Nope. No SNAKES here.

> Turn around



You TURN AROUND. The BUTTONS on your SHIRT mysteriously FLIP. Nope, nothing there ei...



...WHATINTHE?!?!?!



You draw your WHIP and prepare for BATTLE.

[Red Herring]

> UTLIZE BEARDTECH LVL. 9 > DAVY JONES' SOCKER.

[ExperimentX]

Here's some good music for this battle

[Bradley]

Just shoot it and get that joke out of the way.

[Xelkelvos]

Attack

[Lem_Nx]

> Why would you attack a defenseless snake? THAT IS CRUEL! Use RUN to avoid any unnecessary ANIMAL RIGHT'S ACTIVISTS.

Snakes are the puppies of the jungle, after all.

[Crowstone]

>Retrieve sex from nearby bushes and ferns

[CabbageHat]

Aha, 'Team British' has gained another member, I see! Glad to have you amongst us, I think we had better think of some kind of initiation ceremony for new members soon before we become inundated with applicants!

> Break the slithery beast with your bare hands. It's a good thing you're not afraid of snakes or anything.

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

> Just shoot it and get that joke out of the way.

You have no GUN! They wouldn't allow it through CUSTOMS, but they did let you keep your WHIP. Huh.

> Attack



You ATTACK the GIANT SNAKE with your WHIP. It hits! The SNAKE retaliates.



The GIANT SNAKE uses SNAKETECH LVL. 3 > LUNGING BITE. Fortunately, it's not a POISONOUS SNAKE.

> UTLIZE BEARDTECH LVL. 9 > DAVY JONES' SOCKER.







You SUMMON all the MOISTURE in your BEARD together. Due to the SHORT LENGTH of your BEARD, there isn't much MOISTURE, but you manage. You form an ENORMOUS MUSCULAR ARM MADE OF WATER and sock the SNAKE with it. The SNAKE is now BADLY DAMAGED and STUNNED for a TURN.

> Use RUN to avoid any unnecessary ANIMAL RIGHT'S ACTIVISTS.



Good idea. While the SNAKE is STUNNED, you RUN AWAY from the BATTLE, locking you out of any EXPERIENCE, but that doesn't matter to a goody-two-shoes like you.

>Retrieve sex from nearby bushes and ferns



You already have a SEX, moron! (and, just to get it out of the way: You already have ARMS, moron!)

> Go to the temple. Also, watch out for seemingly-friendly gold loving fat white sidekicks in the area.

You head for the TEMPLE RUINS. And no SIDEKICKS in sight. Wait...



Oh crap. NAZIS.


(Whoo! Big update. Had to get the suggestions I wanted in while still advancing the plot)

[Crowstone]

Those are arms? Wow, I thought that he was holding his whip and stuff during the battle scene with a pair of tumors.

>See how high you can jump

[Red Herring]

> Tell those filthy PRUSSIANS what they can do with their HITLER.

[Lem_Nx]

> Tell those filthy PRUSSIANS what they can do with their HITLER.

Seconded!

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

> See how high you can jump



You JUMP into the AIR and perform a quick TRICK. The NAZIS do not seem amused. Perhaps you should try again when your JUMPING SKILL is higher. Right now, you cannot EVADE them this way.

> Tell those filthy PRUSSIANS what they can do with their HITLER.



You belt out a quick string of INSULTS. The NAZIS seem REALLY PISSED OFF.
"Schwer zugänglich, Sie unverschämter Dummkopf!"*
You cannot UNDERSTAND the NAZIS! Your GERMAN-SPEAKING SKILL is currently at LVL. 2: ENOUGH TO KNOW SIMPLE PHRASES FROM BROCHURES BUT NOT MUCH ELSE.



You must FIGHT!

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* I don't actually know much German myself. That's courtesy of Babelfish, so please excuse the inevitable Engrish.

[Crowstone]

>Spin your whip in front of you

[Red Herring]

> MOUSTACHIOED NAZI: MOUSTACHETECH LVL. 7 > HAIR-BALL.

[Plagorath]

> Use your whip on the gun, trapping it and getting the gun, while also damaging the nazi's hand.